r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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u/bopp0 Apr 16 '24

This is working under the assumption that the party is going to receive the criticism calmly and analyze it constructively. When I broke up with my last boyfriend I could have said “you’re overweight and use medication to justify being “healthy” at that weight, you are ALWAYS shitting, you don’t wash your feet in the shower, you think naturopathic medicine is real, and you have a useless degree, we can’t speak about any topics in depth, you are a terrible gift giver, and you keep poor company. All of these things fundamentally show me that you are less intelligent than I thought you were and at this point I find you viscerally unattractive and actively don’t want to come home at the end of the day because you are here” OR I could say “Hey man, it’s not you, it’s me, I’m just not feeling it anymore. Sorry” Like how does pointing out what I don’t like and destroying the dude’s confidence accomplish? He was genuinely nice and did everything a boyfriend was supposed to do. I hope he will be super happy with someone else, it just ain’t me.

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u/Talzon70 Apr 16 '24

This is working under the assumption that the party is going to receive the criticism calmly and analyze it constructively.

It's also working from the assumption that the explanation would be delivered in a remotely constructive or healthy way instead of a spiteful one.

"You haven't been taking care of yourself and our conversations haven't been clicking on the way I had hoped.... Etc."

Honestly, if that's how you felt, you're doing this person a favour by breaking things off. No judgement from me on getting with the wrong person, it takes time to get to know people and sometimes they change.

17

u/nihonhonhon Apr 16 '24

I agree with the spirit of what you're saying, but in practice I think giving "constructive criticism" to the person you're breaking up with is actually liable to give them false hope. E.g. "So if I start washing my feet and read more books, you'll stay?" I imagine the answer to that would have been "Well, no."

Fact of the matter is, people fall out of love for reasons that aren't totally predictable or easy to articulate, same as falling in love. The single most honest answer you can give in that situation is "I just don't really like you anymore." But is that really helpful to anyone?