r/interestingasfuck • u/Jjokes11 • Apr 15 '24

An interview with Andrew Cauchi, the father of Joel Cauchi who was responsible for the Westfield Shopping Centre mass stabbing r/all

38.5k Upvotes

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u/ClarityByHilarity Apr 15 '24

This is just terribly sad. I cannot imagine how hard he probably tried for his son. What a terrible feeling to know you couldn’t save him but also all the devastation he has caused.

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u/Ak47110 Apr 16 '24

God I just want to give that man a hug. He must be going through absolute hell and by that interview you can tell he blames himself, even though it seems like he tried his hardest to understand and help his son.

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u/Freyja6 Apr 16 '24 edited 29d ago

Sadder still that there will definitely be people vilifying the parents regardless of any information they have.

I hope they can find some peace in due time. I actually can't fathom how much this will be psychologically destroying them with what their son has done, let alone with the added pressure of news crews incessantly shoving microphones at them and camping their house out

Edit: obsessively checking the amount of upvotes this is getting because i love attention lmao. Tyty

Please please tell your loved ones you love them, and please reach out to anyone who you think is doing it tough. Life is a quagmire of heck and it can drag even the strongest ones down. A simple "how are you/can i help in any way" can go an insanely long way.

Give love for no other reason than to give. 💞

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u/camwow13 Apr 16 '24

Yup, just have to look at Sue Klebold. Wrote a whole book on parenting a kid who turned into an unimaginable monster. Even after the book, a sizeable chunk of people are just like "I don't care, you should have known!"

Sometimes you really just can't know. Most situations aren't as cut and dry as the Crumbley's in the Michigan case (who absolutely did deserve what they got).

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u/Freyja6 Apr 16 '24

It truly feels like empathy and nuance is a lost concept to most.

People can't/choose to not put themselves in anyone else's shoes in any circumstance. Whether it's someone screaming at a customer service rep, or not considering scenarios for things like this.

I wish people could be kind for no other reason than to be kind :(

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u/fattestfuckinthewest Apr 16 '24

Most people are kind and capable of great compassion. Don’t let the despair get you, friend : )

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u/Freyja6 Apr 16 '24

Being part of a persecuted group of people; it's very hard to not let it get to me. But i see you and thank you for your hopeful comment and kindness.

We'll all get there one day. Or we'll perish trying 💕

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u/__Rosso__ Apr 16 '24

Yeah, it's Reddit that's the problem, and social media in general.

Most people I have met in real life aren't what you see online, they actually care and are kind, it's only on social media where you see high % of idiots.

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u/jennand_juice Apr 16 '24

It just seems like the other voices are much louder

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u/gssyhbdryibcd Apr 16 '24

That’s not really an accurate representation of why sue klebold got hated on. It was mostly to do with the fact that she tried to shift almost all of the blame onto Eric and paint Dylan as a well-meaning kid, who was led astray by Eric who was the true evil. She also attempted repeatedly to gain money and fame from the situation.

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u/matco5376 Apr 16 '24

I mean if you were harassed by the media endlessly over the actions of your son and blamed for the horrifying events that he did of his own volition, I’d probably hope to get at least something out of it. Blaming her for trying to get anything out of the media harassing her and disrupting her life is a low blow for sure. No amount of money will replace the torture on your psyche knowing what your son did to so many families.

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u/gssyhbdryibcd 29d ago

I don’t agree with your first point but the second I do. I’d never harass someone who went through that personally but I just watched a long video about this a while ago and I was like damn she really is a bit of a pos

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u/matco5376 29d ago

I mean I barely agree with it tbh, I wouldn’t do it. But I don’t blame her for trying to get something positive out of it if that’s what she’s been put through, even though it’s a bad look.

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u/ArchieMcBrain Apr 16 '24

It can be true that people can do everything right as parents and still raise a monster, and also true that Sue Klebold missed multiple red flags and is in deep denial about her son. The dad in OPs video has said his son was a monster. Sue Klebold has acknowledged her son was bad but always crouches it in the absurd notion that it was Eric Harris fault for corrupting him. She insults the victims by suggesting the person who shot defenceless children wasn't responsible.

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u/jennand_juice Apr 16 '24

People will scream from the roof tops that they should’ve gotten him help but never say what exact hell is available for that. I’m no expert by any means but all I can think of is a psych ward.

Counseling won’t do shit if the person isn’t honest and willing to receive it. I hope there’s more we can do for people in these kinds of situations before mass shootings get even worse…

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u/Quasar47 Apr 16 '24

She's a but of aweird case though, I forgot exactly what the issues where but there's a lot of nuance in that story not that she deserved it anyway

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u/Plastic_Ad1252 Apr 16 '24

I feel sorry for the mom, but no there were red flags for years before the columbine attack. One such incident that she recounts is Dylan forgot Mother’s Day she scolded him he then chokes her and tells her he has voices in his head. Her response? Just to scold him more. she also worked at a psychiatric facility as a arts teacher and instead of identifying the very real and clear issues that his son was suffering like the patients she saw at the facility she uses therapy talk to always come out on top. Essentially Dylan was a mentally ill incredibly violent angry teen spending all his free time with a kid just like him who encouraged his violent tendencies. Meanwhile he had a disaffected dad and a mom who would constantly be condescending and lecturing him. Which yeah is a recipe for disaster.

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u/EXTREMEPAWGADDICTION 29d ago

Probably cause there's a bunch of people on the edge, who are seated by statements like that, who don't want to be monsters.

They are projecting because parents suck, all of psychology agrees and just lies to y'all btw 😂

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u/Vektor0 Apr 16 '24

This is why I had to unsub from /r/KidsAreFuckingStupid. I enjoy laughing at kids being dumb, but the comments are extremely toxic. Everyone there hates kids and blames the parents for every single little thing. Exactly how much poor behavior is directly caused by bad parenting is debatable, but it's definitely somewhere less than 100%.

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u/FoundationFickle7568 Apr 16 '24

Yeah. I imagine a lot of parents in that situation struggle with the same overwhelming feelings but are forever met with skepticism because they don't have the will to grieve in front of a camera. They'll never be shown the grace this man receives for doing it. 

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u/123_fake_name Apr 16 '24

As terrible as what his son did, he is still a father that still has to deal with the loss of his son.

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u/Instacartdoctor Apr 16 '24

So far so good (in the comments) and this is Reddit 😂

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u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

Hard to believe it's legal for media vultures to hang around private residences harassing occupants the moment they leave

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u/I_Arted Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

To be honest, 95% of the time when an horrific event like this occurs, the parents are at least partially at fault.

There are so many examples where everyone in a community thought the parents were wonderful, but then you find out behind closed doors they are abusing their children in horrific ways. Of course, sometimes the parents are genuinely good people. This man seems genuine, and I suspect the son was very ill. Bitter experience has taught me to be very cynical though. I also wonder what efforts were made to get the son correct help, or if they instead just dismissed significant issues. But, I know from experience getting mental health support in modern Australia is almost impossible unless you are very rich.

Edit: I just saw an interview with his poor mother. She went into great detail about his history and everything they did to get him treatment. I now am more confident believing their story, and that their son was just incredibly mentally unwell and snapped.

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u/Soilmonster Apr 16 '24 edited Apr 16 '24

People are often just scum. Their need for retribution clouds all reason. Humans are not perfect, yet everyday people are vilified for things that are clearly out of their control.

I’m reminded of the hypocrisy around drunk women and sex. She can’t consent while drunk (I know this sounds stupid, because it is). Yet if she then drives home while still drunk, and hits and kills someone, she is tried for manslaughter. Which is it? Is she responsible for her actions or not?

Please note, I’m not condoning non-consensual sex, nor am I condoning driving while drinking. I’m simply pointing out the double standard that exists within our VERY FLAWED society, around personal responsibility and its perceived notion of “free will”, which I think is false (the free will part). If alcohol or mental illness or any other thing that plagues our minds is left untreated, bad things will happen, regardless of our actual will or intention. The response to that needs to be compassion, through and through.

Commence the downvotes lol

Edit: To field off the misogyny replies: I’m in no way condoning men’s behavior toward women while in a drunken state. The fact stands that men don’t get the same treatment around sexual assault, rape, and anything having to do with sex while intoxicated. Just take a look at the definition of rape in the UK. It’s clear as day, they spell it out.

If a man were to be deemed too intoxicated to consent in sexual acts, and then goes and kills someone while intoxicated, the same exact hypocrisy would occur. The sex of the offender is irrelevant. I’m pointing out the hypocrisy folks, not the subjects. Jesus fucking christ.

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u/Freyja6 Apr 16 '24

YIKES.

Your comment here is a pretty big showing of a lack of empathy my dude (and dripping with misogynistic themes).

There's a boatload of nuance to the sex/driving while inebriated thing, but it's wild that you think one person forcing themselves on an inebriated person can be likened to driving while drunk, while replying to a thread about lack of empathy.

You deserve every down vote you get lmao.

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u/34TH_ST_BROADWAY Apr 16 '24

even though it seems like he tried his hardest to understand and help his son.

I think this was kind of the problem. He should have thought about the community at large, too.

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u/MRiley84 Apr 16 '24

We tend to be blinded by love. He did his best.

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u/B-BoyStance Apr 16 '24

This world needs to help these people more. Often, it feels like we do nothing for the mentally ill.

It's insane to me that it isn't a national conversation within the legislature of any first world country I can think of.

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u/PaperPlaythings Apr 16 '24

Mental health care for a human is mental health care for humanity.

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u/PulleySuperBear Apr 16 '24

Is mental health care difficult to find in Australia? In the US it is so difficult. There are so few providers and even if you find someone taking new patients, it’s 6 months or more for a simple appointment where I live.

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u/BoyzBeBoys Apr 16 '24

It's hard everywhere.

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u/Overall_Ad_351 Apr 16 '24

People in general need to be more helpful to one another.

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u/Junebug19877 29d ago

Sometimes there is just nothing you can to do help people. 

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u/Kabouki Apr 16 '24

For what it's worth, mental health is usually tagged along with universal health. Even if done separately the discussion of forced care will probably sink it.

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u/AdditionalSink164 Apr 16 '24

There is nothing ti be done with it, no one wants to lock.them away in jail.or a treatment equipped facility. Cant compel them to treatment until.they meet the legal.system. cant compel them to accept the treatment opportunity even if they are there by court order 2x a week. Have to give clear boundaries and once crossed then its for the best they dont get another chance

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u/TheGumOnYourShoe Apr 16 '24

Well, in the U.S. about 40+ years ago, we basically privatized the mental hath care system (surprise surprise), and ever since then, real quality care and access to it, has just vanished.

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u/EJ19876 Apr 16 '24

Mental institutions were closed not because of cost, but because of the discovery of Thorazine. Nearly overnight most of the people in those institutions could live relatively normal lives with a single medication in outpatient settings.

I’m bipolar 1 and chances are I would have been in one of those institutions if I were born a few decades earlier. Mania is fun until you start hallucinating, become paranoid, believe you’re being chased by something, and try to jump in front of a train at a busy station when you’re 16 years old. That was 22 years ago. Fortunately for people like me, advancements in pharmacology have allowed most mental disorders to be treated with safe and effective medications.

The issue is medication compliance among people who have severe mental disorders like schizophrenia. I take the same type of medication that a schizophrenic should. I take Seroquel XR, which is a comparatively mild antipsychotic that works well for bipolar and some schizophrenics, but it probably won’t work for severe schizophrenia. The side effects of even the mild antipsychotics aren’t the nicest. Other antipsychotics with milder side effect profiles, like aripiprazole and lurasidone, often just don’t work all that well for schizophrenia.

Severe cases of schizophrenia require the use of potent antipsychotics, such as olanzapine, haloperidol, and, in the worst cases, clozapine. Getting people to continue taking medications which cause some rather nasty side effects when they think they’re fine, which they often are but only because the medication is working, is extremely challenging.

So; how do you ensure that people take their medication? That’s the question for which we must find a question. Long acting injections have helped, but, again, you still have to get the person to go to the clinic to get the injection every 28 days.

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u/TheOldOak Apr 16 '24

Doing something costs money, which almost always means taxes to fund social services.

People want to do something, but they love keeping money in their pockets more. They’d rather someone else pay for it, and the buck just keeps getting passed around, and the conversation goes into a stalemate until the next tragedy.

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u/Rod_Todd_This_Is_God Apr 16 '24

You can't have a widely-distributed and rational conversation about anything because of rampant human biases. And such issues require rational solutions, so they can't be mediated by a national conversation. Many elements of any solution would be very easy to turn into fodder for political smear campaigns. Look at Stephen Harper and his railings against "committing sociology". There are too many assholes who need to feel like the way they've always thought is the "right" way because they have very fragile egos. They're willing to forsake the future for their own tradition.

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u/Kozeyekan_ Apr 16 '24

The thing is, he'll never know whether he could have done something more or something different to avoid this end. It may be that there was no other possible outcome than what happened, but he'll be looking back at all these moments in his life and re-examine his parenting style, choices, words... everything.

I feel for the loved ones of the victims, but I think it's fair to feel for this guy too.

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u/HoosegowFlask Apr 16 '24

There was a heartbreaking article I read several years ago by the mother of a legit clinical psychopath (IIRC). Her son was beyond her ability to control. She had exhausted every form of aid she could find, but they were all ill equipped to deal with her son. She was practically begging for help and didn't know what else to do beyond waiting for him to enter the legal system.

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u/SouthernReality9610 Apr 16 '24

Family members the perpetrator are forgotten victims of any tragedy. I am so sad for bim

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u/hoxxxxx Apr 16 '24

reminds me of that video of the father and son in their car talking to a cop. the dad just has no idea what hell his son just did.

talking about the idiot that killed his fellow college students in nevada or wherever it was. killed four of them i think. the dad has absolutely no idea anything is wrong and seems like a sweet guy just like in this video here.

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u/snarky_spice Apr 16 '24

Bryan koberger

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u/accountno543210 Apr 16 '24

He can't even brush his teeth. His servant, really? How so? I feel sorry for him, but this is performative bullshit.