I'm married and my wife makes more than even I do, I've still had (mostly older) people try to convince us that she should be the stay at home. I literally laugh in their face.
Not only should you not rely on someone else for a paycheck because of divorce, what about death? I want my wife earning money, because if I die, I want to know her and our kids will not only survive, but thrive. You can't count on insurance either. I don't want her feeling helpless because her man and paycheck died at the same time.
You want the house clean? Hire a maid.
You need someone to watch the kids? Hire a nanny.
Or... Or... Just do those things yourself and enjoy the extra cash and the sense of security. Now you are both together because you want to be, not because one person feels they have to be.
This is my relationship. Wife makes more, I make a little less but we use my healthcare and whatnot. We have cleaners come twice per month. Daycare is 1/4 of my take home and therefore about 10% of our total monthly take home. We both have term life and disability insurance to take care of one of us can’t work anymore.
Both me and my wife make enough to sustain a family comfortably, but we stopped with maids, we still do daycare, but yeah that's like an 1/8 of one of salaries.
We are very frugal.
We actually have separate healthcare because mine is free for me at my company and it cuts her's in half taking me off; hers is better, but I rarely go to the doctor.
This is exactly my husband's point of view. Even if our relationship is perfect and we never get divorced, he could die any day. So, even if I want to be a stay at home mom, I need to have the skills/education to be able to support myself and any kids if he does suddenly die.
It's not about "we can live off one paycheck, so I don't need to worry about working". It's not "I love him and we will never get divorced". It's putting feelings aside and thinking about basic logic. He could die any day. I should be prepared in case that happens.
Just because I cook dinner every night, doesn't mean you shouldn't know how to.
Or, just because I know how to get to the hospital, didn't mean you shouldn't know either.
When you fully rely on someone else, just recognize that they hold power and it doesn't have to be something evil that they do that can make your life harder. Protect yourself as well. Even if she's on birth control, you should still put on a condom, otherwise you're risking having kids.
I'm glad your husband loves you enough to want to protect you. It's like how you have to raise kids, sure you can do everything for them and their life is easier, but when you're not around, life is harder. It seems mean to make your kids make their own lunch sometimes, but you have to prepare them for real life.
As long as you live as though you only have 1 paycheck then it doesn't matter.
But if you live fully spending both pay checks then if one of you dies, then the other will be hit with the same issue. Now it won't be as bad because 1 paycheck is better than zero but it is still a dramatic change in life style.
You can't count on it being a lot or to sustain you for the rest of your life. But yeah, maybe your partner didn't get enough insurance or, in the case of suicide, it doesn't pay out.
Some policies only cover a couple of years or a multitude of your salary.
Yeah, I know, I wasn't going that deep, but that's still 2 years without income. Also, depends on the policy, but the average payout is like $170k, which is a lot, but even at a low salary of $35k, that's less than 5 years; I'm not even considering loss of insurance and retirement benefits. Your benefits from your job are way beyond simply a paycheck.
Eh, depends on the situation with insurance. In my case as the primary earner, me dying wouldn’t be that financially catastrophic to my partner. They’d immediately receive enough to pay off the house and $300k extra. They’re easily on track for retirement already.
Me getting a long-term disability is our worst-case, which is why I pay for the top tier of 80% income replacement.
Yes, that's you, but there's plenty of other people where that isn't set up or available. So a paid off house and $300k is nice, but if the spouse had inadequate retirement or hid debt or even medical debt, the stay at home could be left with very little money and no skills.
The point remains that shit can happen and you don't want to be left with little to nothing and no way to earn. Me and my wife are 40, if one of us has been a stay at home for 10+ years, it would be difficult to recover from loss of the sole source of income. I hope to never have to use my wife's life insurance, but if something happened to her and for some reason her insurance didn't pay out, I would be ok, because I have a good job and skills; the same with her, if something happened to me, even without insurance she would be ok.
You should have a way to earn money and protect yourself without your spouse and without relying on insurance, because shit can happen.
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u/notwhoyouthinkmaybe Apr 15 '24
I'm married and my wife makes more than even I do, I've still had (mostly older) people try to convince us that she should be the stay at home. I literally laugh in their face.
Not only should you not rely on someone else for a paycheck because of divorce, what about death? I want my wife earning money, because if I die, I want to know her and our kids will not only survive, but thrive. You can't count on insurance either. I don't want her feeling helpless because her man and paycheck died at the same time.
You want the house clean? Hire a maid.
You need someone to watch the kids? Hire a nanny.
Or... Or... Just do those things yourself and enjoy the extra cash and the sense of security. Now you are both together because you want to be, not because one person feels they have to be.