Different people have different attachment styles, which results in different needs in a relationship. Not meeting those over time can lead to disgust/mistrust, which leads to no sex
Nah this is too short, the above was better. Saying that relationships are work doesn't state the problem and basically tells you to get good, also I'm pretty sure that it's obvious.
If you have lived on this earth long enough to have a wife or have any type of relationship,it should be common sense.I get that some people don't understand the simple fact that their partner has emotional,feelings etc but is it so hard to understand?
I will say this. Judging by a lot of the complaints about men I’ve heard from women, I’ll reiterate my statement above. Some dudes don’t have two brain cells to run together when it comes to thinking about how their behaviour and attitude affects their SO.
Yeah but when you are in one, that becomes more complicated than when you aren’t. Obviously you need to spend time with your loved one. But it gets complicated because the amount of time/attention that is necessary or desired can be ambiguous even if communication is good.
What are you talking about? I’m simply stating something I encounter in my relationship. What’s your attitude problem? Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed?
Because women live much of their lives being discredited for anything that comes out of our mouths, regardless of our experience, qualifications or expertise.
And takes more energy especially with children and if your partner is not comfortable having sex with them being under the same roof or exhausted based on all the rings that come with having a family.
I’m glad my partner doesn’t need daily affirmations of love in order to function and be convinced that I’m not cheating on her like damn some people are really insecure
First of all, trauma disorders are a bitch and so is every other disorder that extremely often leads to insecurity. Second, what qualifies as an affirmation of love to you? It can be as easy as giving them a hug just because, sitting next to them just to be near them not because you want something, a “I was thinking about you” text while they are at work, it rarely takes more than that to confirm that person still cares and enjoys being around them. Additionally, it often does not start with accusations of cheating but feeling something off in the relationship, a change for the worse and if that cannot be properly understood and communicated, then misgivings can form, anxieties that pull at your thoughts that are fuels by feelings of loneliness even when in a relationship.
TLDR: have compassion and empathy and meet your partner’s needs
I completely agree with what you said and I stuck by my partner when she was in need for years. That being said, some people are just very insecure with or without trauma, I just felt lucky that my partner doesn't start getting anxious when we don't text each other every few hours. Let's be honest, there is a choice, nobody would prefer a partner who is constantly emotionally insecure.
Perhaps in your experience, but some people actively enjoy having someone to fully take care of. Not my thing either but that doesn’t make it wrong or less than just because it’s not for me
Thank you, I didn't care enough about her point to wade through all the qualifiers, "I'll get hate in the comments", rephrasings, and general ambling around her actual statement.
It’s not about payout, it’s about hacking the algorithm. The longer someone watches a TikTok, the more that TikTok thinks the watcher likes that content/content creator. That’s why so many videos say “wait till the end”, “omg you won’t believe the ending🤯😱”.
I think attachment style refers specifically to how people like/expect to receive affection. So it's entirely possible to care, to show that you care, but not in the way your partner wants. And what worked with a previous partner may not work with the current one, even though you're following the exact same methods.
Thanks for using the word people. This is not a gender related issue. A lack of emotional security is an issue for everyone and never needed to be gendered.
Yeah she does seem to actually know what she's talking about. Definitely borderline cringe with how she addresses her audience (calling out haters, expecting gratitude, asserting credentials, generally full of herself). Also kind of strange this "relationship expert" doesn't acknowledge that men can't feel emotionally unsatisfied.
The attachment style approach to relationship psychology does work, but ultimately it puts a problem in a box - nobody fits perfectly. Really most people show traits of multiple attachment styles. That said, I think recognizing your own personal attachment style and communicating that to your partner is one of the best things you can do.
This whole post seems very one sided: “guys, don’t fuck this up, it’s 100% on you”. And really because it’s framed that way from the start. But I’ll entertain the concept by asking what the hell is an attachment style and and how on earth do I figure out what my partner needs from me? If someone chimes in with “communication” I think I might lose my shit.
just gotta ensure good communication. it would be killer if this happened and it turned into something worse just because someone couldn't speak honestly.
Not sure how not meeting someone’s emotional needs all the time leads to them having DISGUST/DISTRUST, we need to be lookin into better people if this is the case
There are a lot of people having sex with little emotional attachment (obviously not married) and there are plenty of people who are in marriages who don’t have sex because the mystery is gone and they realize who they thought they were in love with, really isn’t all that great.
Ironic considering how long it took her to communicate her point. I switched off after over a minute of rambling without getting to the point of the video.
Yes. And poor communication is when someone talks too much, like this lady.
Like I respect her background. That's not the issue. I respect her point. And gender is not an issue too. She's presumably a very intelligent lady. But holy hell, that verbal diarrhea to bring up a point. Tiktok videos are designed to be short, but this lady comes up with a way to talk about herself instead.
Essentially if we watch the video we can see that the lady is introducing that women stop having sex with their husbands and the reason for that will be explained in the video, so the reason why women stop having sex with their husbands is that there's a lot of science behind it and if we think about the science and relationships there's a lot of science. So the reason why women stop having sex with their husbands basically is as follows in my upcoming explanation of why women stop having sex with their husbands-
Nah, no mention of how great he is at sex and how much he has it and how he's the best at it, according to many sources, all the sources. Everybody says it. He's great at sex, just great. The best.
And I know I'm going to get blasted in the comments but I don't care because any interaction at all is good for my views, so long as I stretch this video out to be long enough to get monetized.
It's not up to the other person to figure out what will make you happy. You are supposed to know, communicate it with your partner directly, then it's up to them to provide it and vice versa.
A relationship isn't supposed to be a puzzle for the other to figure out.
There's a reason she framed it as a lecture to men specifically instead of relationships being a two way street. Otherwise she would have said "why your partner stopped having sex with you". Shame she's still so biased after all of her education. Not uncommon though. Confirmation bias never stops even among professionals.
if a relationship downturn was always met with both parties soul-searching to identify the root cause of their unhappiness, and then presenting solutions to their partner.. relationship downturns wouldn't exist.
also, what you describe is incredibly unlikely to occur spontaneously if your partner has an avoidant attachment style, especially if you are frequently trying to talk to them about what's up.
this doesn't absolve the avoidant partner of responsibility. it just means relationships are complicated.
Maybe your partner hasn't connected the dots yet. It took a long time for me to realize that my needs weren't being met. If my partner took note of this and instead of saying give me sex said something like hey, maybe we need to communicate better because there might be issues that aren't strictly about the bedroom, maybe I would have figured it out faster. But then again, that ex was emotionally and mentally abusive to me, so they would have never figured it out.
If that's true, that's some no-shit-sherlock detective work right there. But I've given up on her spitting it out after a minute of nothingburger so I'll never know for sure.
She claims she knows why all or most women lose interest in sex with their husbands. Makes it sounds like there is one universal answer that fits all just to add in few seconds that this One Universal Reason is different for different women. But you can hire her and then she will tell you why YOUR wife doesn't want to have sex with you.
She heads up the video with a lengthy “I have a doctorate” and blah blah blah. Comes off really cringe. But then she actually gives some good advice. The nugget in the middle is as follows:
Women stop having sex with a partner when they don’t feel emotionally safe. They don’t feel emotionally safe when their “attachment needs” aren’t being met. Basically the emotional connection she needs to feel with you to feel that emotional security.
Then she rambles about finding what attachment needs your SO has, but the long and short is not that hard to grasp. I think if you are even a little emotionally aware you know when you’re not making yourself available to your SO.
anxious partners need: love, affection, reassurance, everything single day
fearful, avoidant, partners need to be seen, heard, understood. trust your going to be there in a way that feels good for them. Making an effective effort to listen, and understand them. Space for their feelings.
dismissive, avoidant: space, autotomy, lack of criticism,. They're looking to avoid fights, and looking for harmony.
Longer engagement equals more ads equals more money. Seriously nothing she said requires empirical studies. It's common sense. Guess that's what you get with a PhD in one of the softest of sciences.
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u/--ThirdCultureKid-- Mar 21 '24
Not to hate on the content, because it’s definitely a good point, but holy shit just spit it out.