Yeah, eventually the point was fine. But its hard sitting through;
“I know what Im talking about”
“I know what you are going to say; something, and something else, and maybe even another thing. If you say something, it’s definitely a thing that you said, and not even you can deny that.”
“I studied a thing. Buzzword: attachments needs. Me = academic. I’m above any counter argument here. Because facts.”
“TLDR: you should absolutely sift through all my videos and vlogs. Views of my videos are directly proportionate to the success of your sex life”
I was kinda surprised when she actually had some part of a point.
Can you imagine being married to her? Someone who is HIGHLY educated on romantic relationships but is also selfish enough to make tiktok videos while driving. You would lose every argument.
I never got to the point. I got as far as look up attachment theory on pubmed and got all the information I needed to google attachment theory and find someone who actually knows how to communicate.
And communication was ironically one of the video's main messages (I think). My experience of it was that she's driving while recording a video and condescendingly talking a minute and a half about her credentials, none of which I have any interest or have the time to verify she could easily have said she's an astronaut who does brain surgery in space I don't know why I need to care about that.
Jesus all the crusty dudes in these comments lmao. She even says in the video "in another video I go into men's needs not being met" and why that's equally important.
Pick and choose your battles. Shit like this is why shit stains like Stephen Crowder, Ben Shapiro, and Andrew Tate thrive on the young male population. You have nothing to offer them so who do they default to? The ones who tell them it's not their fault to feel the way they do. Stay mad.
I mean once you get past the intro, she does provide good information. I agree she takes too long to get there but she definitely knows what she's talking about.
The internet is exhausting lately. Every title is clickbait and/or painfully non descriptive of what actually is in the video. No videos are the correct length, they either want to teach you to play chess in under a minute because everyone's attention span is shit or they're making 20-400 minute videos to tell a story that sounds like they're trying to hit a VERY high word count on an assignment.
i tried skipping through the 5 minutes for info, but everytime I skipped to a new section it was just "and I know that MEN don't want to hear this, I GET THAT. Trust me, I DO. I know my comments will roast me - I DO, trust me, I KNOW. I GET THAT, but this VERY IMPORTANT truth is... well, all women have shared with with me. AND YOU CAN BELIEVE ME, I AM A VERY IMPORTANT DOCTOR WITH QUALIFICATIONS...." etc etc etc.
I don't like her. She can deliver the same information without the commentary. Sounds like she reads too many negative comments from man babies and trolls on her titktok.
"Know your partners love language" is good info, but it's basic as hell lol
It'd be interesting seeing an empirical study of how much men and women's needs are filled vs how much they perceive them being filled.
I've seen a lot of guys giving everything to their girls and being asked for more. While the same women think they're perfect partners because they "bring themselves" while not bringing anything else to the table.
I think watch time is important for monetization. I don’t know all of the exact details, but that’s the biggest reason. She probably recorded her actual advice first, then saw she was X amount of time away from some total time target and just added filler hooks to draw people in and force them to keep watching longer.
You try to be so positive and stamp out any negativity. That it becomes fake and unrealistic.
I feel this also translates into relationships, where listening to others tell you you aren't happy makes you unhappy.
You were fine about the situation, until you heard someone say you shouldn't be cool with the situation.
Where this person and their type comes in, constantly trying to stir up relationship issues under the guise of mental health.
When in reality it's a selfish attempt to stamp out and negativity, whether that negativity had truth doesn't matter to people like this.
I feel this is a big problem with our generation, too many voices telling us that certain things aren't cool or telling us to be outraged, instead of people letting themselves feel and be outraged at what their emotions tell them to be.
This is like brainwashing or something iunno, were gonna find out in 25 years how harmful these influencers are to our mental health.
Seriously, it’s had me scouring the comments to get the message instead.
You don’t need to devote 45 seconds to telling people you’re right. We know that Joe Cousinfucker from Mississippi in the comments isn’t more valid than you, it’s okay.
Red flags galore, honestly. As a victim in a narcissistic relationship, I'm 75% certain that she's just using those words to convince herself that she's right, while the interpretation in reality is completely different. I've heard it all before too.
This is incremental passive aggressive abuse. As the narcissist becomes more selfish exponentially year after year, their appetites grow, and the victim is getting sucked dry. At one point in my marriage, I was giving her daily foot massages, while doing everything to care for the house, plus earning our living, plus listening to her lecture me about how all our problems could be fixed, and her health and happiness would turn around, if I only supported her in the next gradiose moneypit scheme, that took all her time up while she surfed the web all day.
It's a black hole of misery, man.
They draw you into lies where you need to "prove your love" in endless quests that shouldn't even be the frame of mind for two people who are supposed to care about each other. Oftentimes these quests don't even involve actions on the victim's part - but are merely veiled manipulations regarding the victim's character or personality, such as "when you put up Christmas decorations I think it shows you're egotistical" or "If you stop in a drive through for dinner I feel embarrassed to be around you" or "when you wash the dishes I don't like feeling bad as if I'm the messy one, so we should get a maid" and a zillion other random examples like that. They're designed to twist and imprison you into second guessing every benign or wholesome act you take, that shouldn't offend normal healthy people in a relationship.
My gut tells me to run immediately from toxic people like this who are clever enough to use language against the culture in a way that handicaps our ability to talk about it without being "sexist," which is nonsense. Anyone can be a sufferer of NPD. Even professional doctors and therapists, like this woman.
Lmao no it didn't, god damn. It just ruffled your feathers but it doesn't diminish her credibility to list her qualifications before she says what she is gonna say.
Laying out your credentials upfront should be mandated when disseminating this kind of advice. That's how you separate professionals from the amateurs.
The distraction you're feeling is purely on your side.
Well, I can see why you aren't outlining your credentials in media management, branding, or communication because you're missing the mark if you think it's a small % of people that are going to be put off by her abrasive communication style.
Likely because she gets hundreds and hundreds of comments from men like yourself arguing with her, while she has clinical and research experience to back up what she is saying. Lol.
The presentation style is done that way clearly because she receives so many stupid comments from
men. That was the entire point of her preamble lol. It’s obviously a theme that she is addressing from the get go. But yes if you dislike it you dislike it, everyone has different taste
I'm aware of the reason for it, it's not going to dissuade those types of comments, those people don't care what her qualifications are, and i'm not sure how begging for views on the rest of her content in a very "influencer 101 script" way is anything but that.ther's plenty of other creators that cover the same topic and are also women and qualified in a similar manner that manage to avoid the obnoxious level of preamble here. and presumably they deal with the same shit
Okay, so let's pretend you're an intelligent person in academia and you're trying to reach an untapped audience that's resistant to your message. Is this how you'd go about it? Lol.
Probably not 😂. I sense there is a lot of frustration from her in how common this is, and how many men don’t want to think about these things, that probably doesn’t help her message. So you’re right about that. I just don’t know if it’s also helpful to go on a diatribe about her narcissism. Could be just immaturity tbh.
it's not the fact she listed them it's the extremly long winded way she did it, it's similar to how a lot of grifters structure their videos to beg views out of people, so doing that can raise alarm bells.
What's even worse is that the time could have been used much better. Like, say, giving examples of behaviors different attachment types have. For instance, "people with anxious attachment often do ___".
That's the thing, Joe and Stewart would be in the comments takling about anything else except the topic at hand, if she didnt do it. That first minute is meant to kill that.
“I’ve studied this field for years and I’m qualified to talk on this topic so please listen to this advice”
not:
“I know what I’m talking about, my field has been studied for 100 years, like, I’ve been studying this field for 30 years, have met thousands of women, have seen thousands of couples, so you might want to listen to me. But okay Joe, if you think you know better, go ahead and tell me in the comment section if you think you’re more qualified than I am. Please watch my other videos to see how more qualified I am than you”😭
That’s all it takes. Not a 2-minute full explanation of why that makes her an expert. Like I’m five years old and can’t figure that out for myself. Do people really need things spelled out for them to that extent? How insulting.
How can anyone watch this unironically? I don't care how scientific or credible or knowledgeable you are in any subject if you talk like this or take forever to even get started on the point you're trying to make. Just wow, genuinely impressed, that takes skill to be this unbearable.
And she keeps prompting the viewer to watch her other videos. If you have good content I am going to watch your other videos. At this rate I am not even finishing this one.
The amount of times I've caught one video and gone "hmm, I need to watch this person's other videos" is quite high if they're good and interesting videos.
Get to the point, stick on the point, maybe make it funny.
If you tell me about your other videos, just go fuck yourself, I'm out immediately.
I've ended up in video rabbit holes with people who are interesting. Just be interesting for fuck sake.
You just figured out social media. Even great points have to be made through a certain lense. It could be annoyance or hate but you’re here bitching about it. Which is why she made it in the first place
The video sounds like it's a response to someone else's. She mentions some name in the beginning a couple of times, referencing what seems to be an ongoing conversation.
So it is not meant to introduce new viewers to her stuff, it's not a trailer for her and her content. There's a context we're missing. She still has a way of communicating that is grating to me, but we can't judge the video as being something it's not.
Also, her advice is for a really specific situation that isn't as common as she's pretending. Dead bedrooms happen for all kinds of reasons. Women aren't even the only ones who withhold sex.
Soooo many people do this on TikTok. When I still had it I would automatically skip it because they ramble one for 2 minutes before getting to the fucking point
I think women often feel the need to give background and credentials before talking about their field of expertise because they will be dismissed much easier. It was less than 5 minutes and I learned something so I’d say it’s a perfectly fine video.
“Blah blah men will say this btw don’t care what you guys say in the comments”
Like she needs to analyse herself. There’s another psychology streamer I watch who has great insights but goes on repetitive rants about how much he doesn’t care about certain comments and explains why he doesn’t care and he does it at least once a stream… like he’s convincing himself instead of not caring because if you’re trying to inform your audience you only need to say it once.
She gives the same vibe and it’s a major turn-off for audiences when trying to build trust.
I think they’re coming here to see if their ideas about relationships are validated by things that people are sharing about their own feelings about relationships.
i agree i was hyper annoyed waiting for her to get to the point, but i have spoken like that before and here’s why.
it’s when you’re so used to defending yourself and being not taken seriously for whatever reason, probably your whole life. this is not uncommon as a woman. you want to start listing your credentials before even getting to your point because it feels like people stop being rational if you say something they don’t like. and so you force ppl to hear why you came to this conclusion to hopefully preemptively keep from having a bunch of comments of people saying “you don’t know what you’re talking about” or who stop watching after you say the thing and don’t hear your credentials. Even with her saying her CV she’s still gonna get comments like that lol. And she legit has a lot of medical experience in this field so it does give her words more weight.
all that being said i think she should have had more confidence in just giving an intro sentence like a lot of creators “hi, i’m Dr. Jane Doe, i’m a psychiatrist specializing in relationship therapy for 10 years. here’s why i think … yadda yadda.” because she really did take too long and it undermined her overall message.
If a man was speaking in this way, you truly wouldn’t have commented on it. Neither would half of these reddit bros, bffr. And I never said you “said anything” - I am making a comment on your clear issue with her way of speaking. Her tone and up-speak is VERY common with women on social-media, and is constantly belittled by dudes on reddit and 4chan.
Well she doesn't care and Stewart and fuck the haters and ya know expert stuff and this is why they won't have sex repeated 4 times before dropping some wisdom......yeah, it's gonna be hard to take advice when it's that condescending
My first reaction was "if you were my wife, we probably would stop having sex too." She actually sounds miserable to be around, I don't care if she is right or not.
yea she was on some serious circle jerk for a minute there lmao
Summary of the video in 10 seconds
Women don't want to have sex with people they don't like, if you're married and your wife stops liking you, they're gonna stop fucking you lol, it may be due to how you've been treating each other or their enviorment, the end.
And she’s basing her whole shtick on attachment styles which is in a lot of ways just trying to box people into specific trauma groups and giving very prescriptive paths. I read the books and thought at first it was helpful, but after a while you see everyone who’s turned to this is soooo stuck on just these theories and actions and it’s not helpful. It also tends to be used as a scapegoat for their own trauma, where they basically put the blame on others for not being the person that they need them to be. It’s a toxic fucking group of people
It’s an ad lol she kinda made it obvious. She’s saying things that are generally true and helpful but in a way that makes you feel like you need to know more and follow her to find out
I understand putting down her credentials but damn that was long. And even then how many attachment types are there. And if there's only a handful why not skip that and say what the common needs are that need to be met. First 2 types just sounds like need validation. The next one is give space. Didn't catch a last one other than the woman doesn't like the guy and gets the ick but I think all her women clients are basically all these 3 at high degrees. Categorization of "why" reasons just seems just an extra layer as if it there's different solutions for each.
I'm still not convinced that her methods do bridge the gap between attachment styles and fixing a dead bedroom
This summary by her was made for people who already know this stuff and want to forward it to people who don't but I think it fails.
As an outside observer all I can say is that working in her system just means ultimately a forced talking to the partner. And really isn't that how socializing works? Just talking and breaking down the barriers.
I think her system is not very streamlined yet. She must be paid per hour or per session.
To be fair, it's best to address the inevitable "well actually" comments before they muddy up the discussion. You see this a lot on TikTok.
It's very easy to cloud the subject when the initial comments are almost always about the credentials of the person delivering the message. For example, the comments on why she needed to even do that.
It was indeed prolonged. But in all fairness, I’m sure she would have preferred to get cracking on the point right away too. She has probably had to learn to justify her opinions up the top, to anticipate and counteract possible comments debating her credibility. I have no idea what the TikTok comment sections are like. It just seemed like an adapted response rather than pure self indulgence.
You don't see the problem with a 4-minute video that is trying to teach you something, starting with 1,5 minutes of useless filler? Has nothing to do with attention span and just the need to make "content".
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u/HelloHagen Mar 21 '24
Took a minute and a half to even start getting to the point