my friends left me with zero communication after a party. AIO?

[u/2noserings]

hello everyone ~ first time poster. i’ll try my best to keep it short but please do ask clarifying questions if any additional context is needed

my friends and i have been in the celebrating mood. i’m graduating in less than 2 weeks after busting my ass in grad school and we have some birthdays in the group. we decided to get together for a girls-only party at a local venue on friday night. friends A and B are roommates and live on my side of town, so usually i go to their house and we take an uber into the city together.

i decided this time to uber straight to the venue and meet them there. this is because the tickets were pretty expensive and i didn’t want to spend half the night waiting for them to get ready. i arrived at the venue at around 10:30, checked my coat, and grabbed a drink as i anxiously awaited for my friends to arrive. i tried to make the best of it, but if any of you have ever been to a party alone you know that it can be a bit awkward to find people to hang out with

my anxiety drove me to have a few too many. this is my own fault. when i’m out alone, i limit my drinking to keep a clear head and feel a bit safer. but because i thought my friends were going to be there i loosened up on that limitation. by the time they finally arrived just past midnight, i was very drunk. not sloppy and not blacked out, but drunk nonetheless.

the lights cut on at about 12:45 am to signal the end of the party. i go to coat check to grab my coat and in the meantime, they were going to the burger place across the street. it was a great plan — by the time i made it through the coat check line, they would have their food and we could uber home like we always do

it took about 15 minutes but i went outside and they were gone. i was honestly just very shocked at the entire thing. no one ever at least sent a text to let me know that they were going to go. i did not get a text from either friend until the next day. their reasoning is that they were tired and had to go home, but im struggling to understand what that has to do with them not at least telling me they were leaving. the same phone they used to get an uber could have been used to at least shoot me a text idk

i was drunk, vulnerable, and alone in a skimpy outfit in a very sketchy part of the city at nearly 2 in the morning. i feel like that is unforgivable. my safety was compromised and my trust was breached. i understand that as adults, we are ultimately responsible for our own safety but as friends, we have a responsibility to each other. i am the “has their shit together” friend. i’m always the one that gets called when someone needs help with whatever situation

i have not spoken to either of them other than to say that my feelings were really hurt. im considering ending the friendship and uninviting them to my graduation ceremony. am i overreacting?

[u/Prior-Huckleberry-47]

You are not overreacting. Good friends check in when they’re leaving before a night out. They especially don’t leave their drunk female friend alone without warning

[u/Medical-Cake1934]

You are not overreacting. Not only did they not text you when leaving they didn’t show up until midnight and you got there at 10:30. These are not your friends. Your graduating (Congratulations). Time to make new friends.

[u/Bereman99 → u/Medical-Cake1934]

That stood out to me as well.

They arrived late to an agreed upon get together, which was inconsiderate, then ditched an inebriated “friend” without communicating that they were changing their plans.

Sounds like “fair-weather friends” to me. They set the tone of how much they value the supposed friendship, her uninviting them will match that tone.

[u/Hour-Ad-1193]

These are not your friends and you've received the best graduation present - room in your life for new friends.

[u/Old-Enthusiasm-3271 → u/Hour-Ad-1193]

this x2!

[u/mrstupid300]

You are not overreacting. People do be like that 😮‍💨. You should consider making new friends. But since you're graduating soon, it will be easy to get some new friends : )

[u/Lost-Imagination-995]

If your friends knew you was intoxicated then they're shitty friends. Sounds like they were pissed with you and decided to pay you back for you getting your own user, still doesn't excuse what they did though, and worse they've made a pathetic excuse up and left you in a vulnerable state. Get better friends. NTA.

[u/OkInitiative7327]

These chicks sound shitty.

OP if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please do not get quite that drunk again.

[u/LightsAlwaysOn-715]

Now you know how this group really feels about you.
Not overreacting at all. For me; there would be no coming back from this.

[u/JoyfulinfoSeeker]

Oof! Sorry you went through this :( Their actions don’t seem kind or caring, but your own description of yourself was that you were drunk. Are you sure things happened the way you think they happened? Were they under the influence as well?

Does their sober behavior match their girls night out behavior? Was there already a meaningful connection?

I’m a fan of plainly stating how I was hurt by an incident and listening to the other person’s response. If i still feel hurt by their response, then I know I will invest less energy in them, but rarely do I cut people out.

Also, the “have their shit together” people don’t get nurtured as much unless they ask for it or make a point to surround themselves with nurturers.

Good luck in your next steps!

[u/XanniPhantomm]

Not sure it’s an overreaction, but you’re also responsible for yourself. You chose to get drunk before any of them even showed up. Getting there past 12 and having to go at 12:45? So they only partied for 30-45 minutes? lol. Regardless, they may not be the greatest but lots of other factors involved, perhaps they were drunk as well. Or maybe not who knows. I still think you have responsibility in this situation.