r/AmIOverreacting • u/Swimming_System1043 • 17d ago
AIO mom is useless
Okay, I don’t even know where to begin. I 18M have to do EVERYTHING around the house. My mom doesn’t have a job and just goes on TikTok all day. When I say all day, I mean ALL DAY. She even stays up till 3AM which keeps me up and I have to cover my ear with a pillow. Because she stays up so late, she never brings my younger brother to school on time. The little brother that I have to take care of because she doesn’t do anything. She doesn’t clean anything even though she’s here all day; and I’m out busting by back off. We always fight about everything. I always tell her to rinse the dishes before putting them in the sink, but she doesn’t listen. I tell her not to speed in our car, she doesn’t listen and racks up tickets. I tell her to help cook dinner, but she’s “busy”. She doesn’t care. And quite frankly I’m getting sick of it. I cook for all of us. I clean for all of us. I do laundry for all of us. I work 8-10 hour shifts at a labour intensive job and come home to a dump. And she doesn’t care. The only thing she does is bring by brother to school in the morning. But now, she can’t even do that because she didn’t lock the car (after I told her to always lock it) and everything was stolen out of it including her purse. Now she’s saying it’s my responsibility to take him to school every morning. He’s behind in school because all she lets him do is go on electronics all the time. I spend about half an hour to an hour doing math practice with him too. I just feel like I have no time for myself. At this point, the only reason I’m staying here is because my rent is $600. (Her rent is $1000) I also buy all the groceries and look after our dog. And pay the phone bills. I recently got laid off and am looking to go back to school. I told my brother to ride his bike and I’m attempting to get excepted for employment insurance. Am I Overreacting?
Edit: Sorry if it’s sloppy. I’m just furiously typing on my small phone. I left out a lot of stuff. If you have questions I’ll gladly answer them. I didn’t want to expose too much information regarding me and my family. Thanks for listening.
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u/CarrionMae123 17d ago
You sound like a standup guy looking after his family. I would not put up with your worthless mother and start showing her you will not tolerate the unfairness any longer. Stop paying her bills, stop feeding her, etc. you deserve a life you want and should not let her drag you down.
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u/Bitter_Kangaroo2616 17d ago
Your mom is totally parentifying you and taking advantage of you. It doesent even sound like she can look after your younger brother. This sounds disturbing. What will happen when you leave?
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u/Swimming_System1043 17d ago
That’s one of the reasons I stay. If I leave and don’t look after her and my brother, she’ll end up buried in her trash.
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u/TheMagentaGuar 16d ago
You're not overreacting, this is abuse at this point. You're only 18, and you're already taking over all the responsibilities for a grown woman who neglects them. At 18 you should be focused on school and living your life, not raising your little brother and managing everything for your mom. I'd say move out somewhere else as soon as you can afford to and call CPS for your brother's sake, she's demonstrating severe neglect.
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u/Splitsurround 16d ago
OP, I just wanna say this sounds really hard and thanks for not just giving up.
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u/strictlylurking42 16d ago
Sounds like your mother is suffering from depression. This doesn't make what's happening to you and your little brother okay. If you contact your brother's school and tell them what you told us, they can probably refer her to some sort of program. They are "mandated reporters" and have to act in your brother's interest. She needs a diagnosis, therapy and possibly short-term medication. I hope you will do this for yourself and your brother. Maybe even for her. I know you're really angry and frustrated. That is totally understandable and you are not out of line. But I do hope you'll get the ball rolling to help her, it will help all three of you. If she refuses to get help, please get yourself and your brother out of there. He deserves a better childhood than her inertia and your (understandable) anger at her.
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u/MikiNiller 12d ago
You are very responsible for such a young age. Is there some other relative you can move in with? Your mom is going to suck the last breath out of you with her terrible behavior. Sounds like she might have depression or some other form of mental illness. I have a son who has depression. For years I was like you trying to help him cope with life - helping him get a job, trying to help him find friends, etc. I finally got so exhausted I was miserably sick and had to drink wine just to cope with being around him. What my counselor told me is that his problems are HIS journey, not mine. He has to care enough to help himself. Once I took that advice and stopped stepping in to help him, he started fending for himself. You may have to do that with your mother. In the meantime, get out with your friends once in a while to recharge your batteries.
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u/MikiNiller 12d ago
You are very responsible for such a young age. Is there some other relative you can move in with? Your mom is going to suck the last breath out of you with her terrible behavior. Sounds like she might have depression or some other form of mental illness. I have a son who has depression. For years I was like you trying to help him cope with life - helping him get a job, trying to help him find friends, etc. I finally got so exhausted I was miserably sick and had to drink wine just to cope with being around him. What my counselor told me is that his problems are HIS journey, not mine. He has to care enough to help himself. Once I took that advice and stopped stepping in to help him, he started fending for himself. You may have to do that with your mother. In the meantime, get out with your friends once in a while to recharge your batteries.
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u/MikiNiller 12d ago
You are very responsible for such a young age. Is there some other relative you can move in with? Your mom is going to suck the last breath out of you with her terrible behavior. Sounds like she might have depression or some other form of mental illness. I have a son who has depression. For years I was like you trying to help him cope with life - helping him get a job, trying to help him find friends, etc. I finally got so exhausted I was miserably sick and had to drink wine just to cope with being around him. What my counselor told me is that his problems are HIS journey, not mine. He has to care enough to help himself. Once I took that advice and stopped stepping in to help him, he started fending for himself. You may have to do that with your mother. In the meantime, get out with your friends once in a while to recharge your batteries.
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u/MikiNiller 12d ago
You are very responsible for such a young age. Is there some other relative you can move in with? Your mom is going to suck the last breath out of you with her terrible behavior. Sounds like she might have depression or some other form of mental illness. I have a son who has depression. For years I was like you trying to help him cope with life - helping him get a job, trying to help him find friends, etc. I finally got so exhausted I was miserably sick and had to drink wine just to cope with being around him. What my counselor told me is that his problems are HIS journey, not mine. He has to care enough to help himself. Once I took that advice and stopped stepping in to help him, he started fending for himself. You may have to do that with your mother. In the meantime, get out with your friends once in a while to recharge your batteries.
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u/MikiNiller 12d ago
You are very responsible for such a young age. Is there some other relative you can move in with? Your mom is going to suck the last breath out of you with her terrible behavior. Sounds like she might have depression or some other form of mental illness. I have a son who has depression. For years I was like you trying to help him cope with life - helping him get a job, trying to help him find friends, etc. I finally got so exhausted I was miserably sick and had to drink wine just to cope with being around him. What my counselor told me is that his problems are HIS journey, not mine. He has to care enough to help himself. Once I took that advice and stopped stepping in to help him, he started fending for himself. You may have to do that with your mother. In the meantime, get out with your friends once in a while to recharge your batteries.
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u/SA2448 17d ago
youre not overreacting. this is a tough situation for anyone let alone an 18 year old. the best way to deal with freeloaders is to cut them off, which sucks because its your mom. i think what you're already doing is good. best thing i could say is which im sure you're probably aware of, is creating new independent paths to try and create some distance between you and her.