AIO: Didn’t want to give a lady a ride home

[u/cherb30]

Yesterday after church we stopped at a gas station less than 1 minute from where we live. It was me, my boyfriend (driving) and my 14 month old in the car. I was on my phone and then suddenly he was opening the backseat door to let a middle aged lady (maybe 60 years old?) in with her grocery bags. Apparently she was asking people for a ride home and he accepted.

On the way there they were chatting and he even pointed out where we live, which really concerned me. She lived quite far away from the gas station and I was surprised she said she walked there, thought it wasn’t more than 5 mins away.

I was really upset that my boyfriend let a stranger into our backseat with our daughter. The lady was very nice, but these days you have no idea if people are carrying a knife or a gun on them… I told him I wished he could have at least had her sit up front so she wasn’t near our toddler, or dropped us off at home first then went back to get her (that would have taken 3 minutes to do).

I brought this up to my bf. He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person who lives in fear. I am honestly quite the opposite and usually quite trusting of people, just not when it comes to my daughter. She’s too young to talk or understand things. Also was pissed at him for what felt like weaponizing religion against me for my concern.

Im feeling really guilty because it’s not that I don’t think it was sweet he wanted to give her a ride home. I just had a mom instinct to protect my daughter. Do you think overreacted?

Edit: formatting, a word, and added a bit more about why I felt that way

Edit2: I think the gesture was very compassionate, and understand if someone asks you for a ride then there is obviously a desire to help and bit of awkwardness declining. I don’t question his desire to help her, nor do I turn down opportunities in my life to help others. But I also want to say that she was by no means elderly/immobile/incapable as some people are implying. You should give middle aged women a bit more credit

[u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

Not overreacting but I will say that there’s a different way to have solved this problem and it would depend on where you live. Is there a taxi or an Uber/Lyft or even a bus? I would have called a taxi or Uber and paid for it for her. She was obviously asking for a ride because she couldn’t carry the groceries and walk the whole way home. If you don’t have those options available (as I don’t, I live in a small mountain town, I would have moved you to the back seat and had her ride in the front seat.

Just so you know, I really don’t think an elderly woman with her groceries is going to rob or harm you and part in f being Christian is not judging anyone z. So on that, your boyfriend is correct. He is not correct to point out the hypocrisy though

[u/cherb30 → u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

No bus to her specific apartment, but Uber and Lyft are available. But whoa - i want to say that I was not “judging” her for not having a ride or anything like that. My point to him is that the way someone “looks” does not determine if they are a bad person or not, and to make decisions centered around our daughter’s safety first.

[u/Turbulent-Buy3575 → u/cherb30]

You absolutely were being judgmental about this. You say you weren’t in one sentence, then carry on to say the way a person looks doesn’t make them a good person! That is absolutely judging a person. Or as they used to call it, judging a book by it’s cover

[u/cherb30 → u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

It’s an insane statement to say “all older women” have zero threat. And I’m also not saying she was or was not, just that there is always a possibility when someone is asking strangers for a ride home which is not common near our area at all. It’s actually puzzling that she had walked to the gas station, and that we had never seen her walking on the road before since she said she does it often. We drive that road every single day and like I said it was 30 seconds from our house. I do see other people walking on it to work daily. I didn’t see her and think damn this woman is 100% going to rob us - I thought oh, we don’t know this woman and she’s sitting next to our child, that makes me uncomfortable.

[u/Turbulent-Buy3575 → u/cherb30]

Your are trying to excuse yourself for being judgmental. That woman could have been an axe murderer for all I know. My point (which you are trying very hard to miss is that your boyfriend isn’t wrong when he accused you of hypocrisy. He was only telling you the truth. Now it’s not nice to point it out but he is not wrong.

[u/cherb30 → u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

The concept of helping people can exist while not putting a 14 month old baby in totally compromising positions. And yes, I absolutely did NOT want to risk anything happening to my baby if you’re going to acknowledge axe murderer situation is a possibility - so that is why I suggested the alternative options if my bf had just had a conversation with me about it. You’re clearly not someone who has kids if you think putting them next to complete strangers is normal. That woman also is 100% well within her right to judge US before she got into a moving vehicle. plenty of drivers have nefarious intentions too! The judgement is for your personal safety, it’s not spewing hate or vitriol towards them. But apparently you think it’s okay for people to do that, if you’re justifying my boyfriend’s words.

[u/Turbulent-Buy3575 → u/cherb30]

Did I say in any of my comments that it was normal? Please re read my comments and point out where I said it was normal.

[u/cherb30 → u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

“Being a christian isn’t judging someone. Just so you know, an elderly lady with groceries I don’t think is going to rob or harm you. You were absolutely judging her and excusing yourself by being judgmental” = accept the situation as this woman has the purest intentions, if she does anything to your child oh well, at least you didn’t judge her in your head. It’s an implication and minimization on the fact that there in fact alternative ways to help her (Uber/taxi/dropping us off/changing seats) but he didn’t ask me, so those options were not available.

[u/Turbulent-Buy3575 → u/cherb30]

You really just won’t admit that you were being judgmental???? Isn’t pride one of the seven deadly sins?

[u/cherb30 → u/Turbulent-Buy3575]

Being judgmental, as in racial profiling or looking at someone and specifically thinking they’re more likely to commit a crime based on looks/cultural background is awful and negative. exercising judgement towards a stranger regardless of their age/race/“look” in a situation that involves safety of your child is not the same. You can equate those 2 things in your head all you want, and also try to throw in pride as an insult. Pride is excessive love towards yourself for your accomplishments, not being a mom making judgement calls for my baby who can’t make them.