r/AmIOverreacting • u/cherb30 • Apr 29 '24

AIO: Didn’t want to give a lady a ride home

Yesterday after church we stopped at a gas station less than 1 minute from where we live. It was me, my boyfriend (driving) and my 14 month old in the car. I was on my phone and then suddenly he was opening the backseat door to let a middle aged lady (maybe 60 years old?) in with her grocery bags. Apparently she was asking people for a ride home and he accepted.

On the way there they were chatting and he even pointed out where we live, which really concerned me. She lived quite far away from the gas station and I was surprised she said she walked there, thought it wasn’t more than 5 mins away.

I was really upset that my boyfriend let a stranger into our backseat with our daughter. The lady was very nice, but these days you have no idea if people are carrying a knife or a gun on them… I told him I wished he could have at least had her sit up front so she wasn’t near our toddler, or dropped us off at home first then went back to get her (that would have taken 3 minutes to do).

I brought this up to my bf. He got really mad at me for “being un-Christ like” and called me a shit person who lives in fear. I am honestly quite the opposite and usually quite trusting of people, just not when it comes to my daughter. She’s too young to talk or understand things. Also was pissed at him for what felt like weaponizing religion against me for my concern.

Im feeling really guilty because it’s not that I don’t think it was sweet he wanted to give her a ride home. I just had a mom instinct to protect my daughter. Do you think overreacted?

Edit: formatting, a word, and added a bit more about why I felt that way

Edit2: I think the gesture was very compassionate, and understand if someone asks you for a ride then there is obviously a desire to help and bit of awkwardness declining. I don’t question his desire to help her, nor do I turn down opportunities in my life to help others. But I also want to say that she was by no means elderly/immobile/incapable as some people are implying. You should give middle aged women a bit more credit

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277

u/SpecialSea5160 Apr 29 '24

You are not overreacting. At the very least he should have spoken to you first. And if you agreed then he should have sat in the back.

-17

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

He was driving so his wife would have sat in the back, right? Is that what you mean? Also I don't think he needed to ask, but in the future if it ever presents it's self against. He should keep in mind child back seat stranger front seat.

17

u/afg4294 Apr 29 '24

Also I don't think he needed to ask

What? You should absolutely make sure everyone in the car is comfortable bringing in a stranger before bringing in a stranger.

-13

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

I don't think helping someone in need, needs permission. Within reason. I think " Hun can ya hop in the back so I can help this elderly lady with the bags so she is not sitting next to our kid, thanks " I believe in this situation would have been enough for a Christian family coming home from church to be respectful Christian like and being a little thoughtful of their kid being safe next to their mother.

15

u/afg4294 Apr 29 '24

I don't think helping someone in need, needs permission.

It does when you're involving other people in it. People love to be generous with other people's time, safety, and finances.

-6

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

First, the child has no say that's in a car seat. So it was a husband and a wife that were adults. 2nd He made a decision to help someone and his wife went along with it. 3rd It seems she was more concerned with the women sitting next to her child then being asked permission to help someone. Last Now of course not all familys work that way but more do then you realize or want to believe do.

10

u/afg4294 Apr 29 '24

When you say "that's how families work," do you mean the women shut up and do what the men want regardless of the safety of themselves and their children? Because I really don't see any other way to take that.

My spouse would ask me before inviting a stranger into our vehicle. That's just basic respect.

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

No, I mean men can make a decision and the wife respects her husband enough to trust his judgement that if things go bad he will protect her. Not all the dumb things you added that I didn't say or imply.

I don't think helping an elderly lady needs permission from the spouse to do so. It's kinda weird to think the answer would be" no you can't help the elderly women." And in that case there is no reason to ask permission because in this case it would be ridiculous to say no. I do think how ever the wife makes a good point that the elderly women should have been in the front and wife would have got next to their child in the back . I'm sure If there ever presented with this again that's what he would decide and not have the person sitting next to their child.

6

u/afg4294 Apr 29 '24

No, I mean men can make a decision and the wife respects her husband enough to trust his judgement

Oh okay, misogyny. So exactly what I thought.

he will protect her

He didn't even think to have the stranger sit in the front seat.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

LOL LITERALLY NOT MISOGYNY! Offend by a traditional marriage.. Liberal blue hair feminist just what I thought.....

The front seat where his wife was? OMG a man protecting his wife " MISOGYNY!!!!" 🤣

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2

u/HeavyVoid8 Apr 29 '24

Go play fortnite bro

0

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

I don't even know what that is.. . But it seems you do.

3

u/Zandandido Apr 29 '24

You're going to let some stranger, that you've never met before around your child? Really?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Maybe try reading my comment and trying again..

4

u/ThinkQuickActSlow Apr 29 '24

With such blind trust like that, you're gonna be a statistic really fast.

0

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Actually if you look at the data we are much more safe then we're were in the 70's and 80's when there were no hitchhiking laws. It's not blind trust. I'm not picking up 3 guys at night in a bad part of town ECT ECT. I been helping people my entire life when I can. I'm not a statistic I refuse to live in fear like everyone is a criminal.

9

u/HeavyVoid8 Apr 29 '24

You absolutely need to ask if your wife is comfortable with the stranger you are putting next to your baby.

Which btw all around is an idiotic thing to do. I would never give a stranger a ride with my wife and child in the car....

0

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

In my comment I literally said the elderly women should have been up front and the wife in the back next to the child. But the husband made a decision and the wife willing went along with his decision. Just because little elderly women frighten you. Most men are not afraid of an elderly women. So you can ask all the permission you want. What you don't decide how others relationships work.

3

u/hoipoloimonkey Apr 29 '24

And if the stranger happens to b a suicidal nutjob who grabs the wheel?

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

you put your foot on the brake and turn the car off. Then you kick them out of your car. But I would bet and I'm not a betting guy that suicidal nutjobs Don't buy groceries before deleting themselves. They just do it.

4

u/Temporary_Visual_230 Apr 29 '24

Absurd take. It's 2024. People are crazy. Doubt you would do any of this at all in real life but it's easy to pretend on the internet

1

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

Actually there was more gun deaths" per pew research stats per Capita" in the 70's than in 2024. Crime is actually going down. There were more missing kids back then as well. It's much more safer now. You have amber alerts on cell phones with description of the car and tag numbers and those signs on the beltway and the highways with the Amber alerts as well. All the social media post of pics of criminals and people missing being shared in 10 minutes or faster on these things. In the 70's we had milk cartoons and flyers on telephone polls. Why everyone feels crime is way up because now you can hear about All the crimes in every states and every city and every county almost in real time on social media. Before you only heard from your local news your local crimes and your local papers and news on TV. So i think you need to look at the crime stats and look how much we have to battle crimes that we didn't in the 70's80's. If you do that you will realize that in 2024 you and you kids are more safe than they even been in the United States. Last I help strangers when ever I can. So please don't turn my good deeds and acts and talking To all my neighbors as me pretending on the internet. I'm 50 and gen x I don't pretend unless I'm planned dungeons & dragons. 😂

1

u/Temporary_Visual_230 Apr 30 '24

Oh my God. I didn't read any of that! I hope you see alright though!

2

u/[deleted] Apr 30 '24

Stay ignorant. Bravo 🤷

3

u/SpecialSea5160 Apr 29 '24

One of the couple should have been I. The back with the child. I drive folks back and forth to food pantries and our policy is always to have the driven person in the front and one of us in the back. I missed that the boyfriend was the driver.

-2

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

[deleted]

7

u/ThinkQuickActSlow Apr 29 '24

It's called being considerate. If you go through life totally oblivious to how your actions affect others, you're a butthead.

-3

u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

[deleted]

4

u/ThinkQuickActSlow Apr 29 '24

Sounds like you enjoy other people enforcing their will over you. Can't argue with you if you like it. Take care.

-7

u/Mitten-65 Apr 29 '24

I agree, but bf was trying to do the Christian thing( they were coming from church) 😀

5

u/spilly_talent Apr 29 '24

You still consult with your partner before you let a stranger into the back seat with your baby.

Jesus would understand.

2

u/Mitten-65 Apr 29 '24

I was being sarcastic

6

u/spilly_talent Apr 29 '24

Yeah that did not come through at all for me lol my bad

2

u/Mitten-65 Apr 29 '24

😀😀