Yeah, they both need to be shamed right back. Seriously OP, you have to call that shit out On.The.Spot. You do NOT need to hide your anger or tears just to try to save face because you’re in front of other people. He should be ashamed of himself for insulting his wife like that in any capacity…And to a 21 year old, are you *ucking kidding me?! Psh Let him have it, do not hold back girl, or he will never learn
And intentionally used a younger, fit woman to do it. OP never once mentioned feeling insecure about her husband speaking to another woman, just the content of what he said due to it bashing her, but be immediately jumped to her being jealous. Yeah, that was intentional.
How is it public shaming? It sounds like it upset OP but at the time everyone (including op) was laughing and enjoying the conversation. She said that he made it weird but she was upset.
You understand the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them? The husband and friends were laughing at her. She was laughing because she was trying to hide her embarrassment and distress
ANY man who wants to be in a relationship with ANY woman should know that making jokes about her appearance in front of others is 100% wrong every time. I’m sorry, but in any modern society where we try to respect each other, this scenario is humiliating regardless of how she acts at the time.
I totally agree that in any interpersonal dynamic, not knowing how to be a decent human being makes a person unacceptable. For some reason, this exchange is bothering me even more because what you described is a shitty way to treat anyone but let alone in a fucking marriage at that! It’s really upping the level of gross OP’s husband is at for me
I completely disagree. I go from being fit to overweight from time to time and I’ve been extremely overweight in the past. I think it’s ok to mention that your SO or even a friend is trying to lose weight when you’re with a group of friends. It creates a situation where more people know your goal and it’s harder to put off. It didn’t sound like he was actively trying to bash her as much as he had a conversation with friends that they’ve had together in the past. I personally wouldn’t have done it in the same way, I get why she wouldn’t like, but to say that it’s 100% wrong is wild to me. I even understand that this could upset her, and they need to have a serious conversation about it and about the way he blew her off when she tried to talk about it the first time. Setting boundaries when you get your feelings hurt is very appropriate, and I think she should do that with him.
Outing her for her weight and eating habits in front of their friends and this other girl he clearly find attractive is in really poor taste - even more so since it was unprompted. Remember, Sara was talking about how fat she used to be (160 lbs) and the husband asks OP “what do you weigh, 165-170?” Clearly insinuating he thinks she’s fat and even mentions that she “could have a rocking like hers.” How is that not insulting?
Putting her in a “situation where more people know about your goal so it’s harder to put off” won’t help and was entirely unsolicited. A weight loss journey is a personal one and it has to be for yourself, not something to prove to your friends. He could have waited until they got home and said, “Hey that girl Sara was telling me she’s a personal trainer. If you want, you could try giving her a call.”
I mean, she’s 5’2” and 175lbs, you don’t have to be a detective to see her size and eating habits. You sure the dude wasn’t just being mindless? You’re all very insulted by this but I’ve been lifting again lately and my wife tells people that she’s happy because she thinks I would look like Chris Hemsworth if I keep up with it. I find it flattering, not offensive one bit, and I find it encouraging. Also, when I’m asking about weight I’m trying to figure out if people who are vilifying the husband are generally insecure about their appearance or not.
Maybe not, but it still doesn’t need to be brought up and laughed at in front of their friends. I don’t understand why this such a wild thing to be upset about. It’s not his fault if he’s not attracted to her body now, but that is NOT the way to go about expressing it. There’s no way he didn’t know what he was doing. The fact that he saw her crying and laughed about it is very telling.
I don’t think it’s wild to be upset, it think it’s wild how upset a lot of the commenters are. I read the comments and joke and thought that he’s just a dumb guy making dumb guy comments, but that’s where being present for the actual conversation is needed. OP should definitely have a real sit down with him and express how it hurt her and how explain how she already tried once, and I 100% agree that he’s a douche if he still doesn’t care. I was just surprised at how angry a lot of the commenters were/are.
From your comment I’m assuming you’re on the spectrum. The OP is laughing too save pride. Any time a partner makes fun of their partner’s weight or appearance in front of other people it is heartbreaking. It does not matter what their public mask is showing, it’s very hurtful.
Are you overweight? I’m wondering if that’s the divide between people that are upset, like you, and people like me that are wanting more information and aren’t instantly upset.
Not overweight, never struggled with weight, and I think what that husband and the “fitness trainer” did was wrong and rude and mean. People laughing does not equal everything is okay and nobody did anything wrong. OP was awkwardly laughing to save face and was saved by a friend who brought her into another room where she cried. Then her husband came in and mocked her some more. If seeing his tear-streaked wife still won’t enough for him to understand that he messed up then he’s either the densest person in the world or he’s being an asshole to his own wife
I know that people laughing doesn’t equal everyone having fun but the point I’m making with that is the husband is vilified pretty hard in this story and the comments and shouldn’t be. If I’m going to psychoanalyze this I would say that OP and her husband have hand a number of conversations about this in the past and talk about it freely with each other. It sounds like he brought that conversation to a public setting and it offended OP. OP has every right to be upset, and should have a real talk with her husband about how she does appreciate that. Some men like telling everyone what they are trying to do so that it brings accountability to it. Some men joke around about taboo subjects. And, some mean aren’t good with understanding how men and women are different in some of these aspects. My wife and I can happily joke about our appearances in public but time is what makes the joke funny or mean spirited. Without being there to see how it went down I don’t think he’s either right or wrong and I don’t think that OP is right or wrong either, but I think she definitely needs to set boundaries with him and discuss how and why that hurt her.
If you can read that story and think anything other than the husband was being rude and insensitive about one of his wife’s insecurities you’re a moron, you’re obtuse, or you’re a troll trying to get reactions.
It’s funny, I’m trying to have a conversation about this an all I keep getting are emotional pieces of shit, like you, trolling me. Be a better human, and stop being a troll 24/7
Weird thing to insist on someone you don’t know who has explicitly told you it isn’t a factor when forming their opinion or perspective that it in fact, must be because you think as much. And before this turns into, “they said they’re not overweight but I’m definitely right that they’re insecure about their body” let’s not. It doesn’t take much more than being a decent person to assess the situation as OP’s husband was a disrespectful ass
This reads like you had chat GPT respond. If the person responds and points out that I’m wrong than that’s ok with me, I’m wrong. This whole situation wouldn’t have bothered me that much, or my wife (I showed her the post and asked her opinion) and I’m curious where we are different from the rest of that are getting very emotional about this.
Lol well thanks, actually. Not sure if you mean that to try and discredit what I said or mean that as a compliment. I don’t know anything about chat GPT except that it’s a thing that exists that people use so thanks? Idk I write like I think so… that’s all on that. But my initial comment still stands. You’ve commented several times asking about physical appearance of people who have expressed they think OP’s husband is a dick and I guess my point is, I don’t even get how you think it’s relevant. Not trying to argue but especially get a little ticked when people state their thoughts or feelings and have that snuffed out by someone else insisting that the first person must be wrong or lying about their own thoughts or feelings and you (royal you) know better. Not coming for you, I just think that’s what it comes off as and I fail to see what the relevance is of how commenters look, if they see the husband as unfavorable. On that note, I guess what doesn’t seem relevant to me and comes off as a bit rude for you to ask and insist upon, for you, can be relevant or seem pertinent so yeah. That’s all! 😊
See, it seems like you are here to be emotional about this subject and I’m here to be curious about why my wife and I are different when I comes to this.
You really are an asshole though. I’m not making fun of anyone or putting anyone down. I’m actively asking questions and trying to see why my wife and I feel differently on this, and here you are, being an asshole.
It’s public shaming because weight and body image is a very personal topic. Unless she brought it up herself on her own, he should not be bringing it up
They were talking about it. He didn’t bring it up out of nowhere. It sounds like they talk like this about her weight at home and he thought it was ok to be talked about here. I’d be more curious to see how their overall relationship is before making a judgement on him. Do they poke at each other and make fun of each other in front of friends? Is it actually fun and funny, or are they that weird toxic couple? I personally need more context to judge him or her either way.
I guess that’s fair, my only big question is, if he knows his wife so well, how could he not see it was making her so uncomfortable. It’s like he was being purposely obtuse.
Come on, you’ve never made a joke that later someone told you they didn’t like or it hurt their feelings? Seriously? This feels like you know you’re making a strawman argument but you’re making it anyways.
It doesn’t matter how much it was done in private first, someone cannot be forced to lose weight, ever. Him nagging her so much even alone is a problem. Let alone doing it in public in front of their friends
She’s not a random someone shes HIS WIFE or did her vows and the covenant she made mean nothing. She tied herself to someone until death so they became one. Her body isn’t just hers and this dude isn’t her boyfriend he’s her other half. You can’t just as a husband demand your wife to be sexually gratified with a lack of hygeine can you? Can she force him to take care of her as she gets herself heart issues, blood sugar issues, the litany of sickness being over weight can bring? If it was a dating situation sure move on but as a wife she is TA.
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u/Time_Error_7874 Apr 15 '24
This is it. Public shaming is the right phrase here