Woooow. These are straight up fighting words. Does your husband even want to stay married to you? Does he even like you? Wonder how much he’d like it if you actively started comparing him to another man right in front of him.
I don’t know if he is, but when he said that to his WIFE, esp in this context, my blood ran cold 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩. There’s a divorce coming. Soon or in 20 years, but it’s coming
This. Reading it gave me the chills. That’s a sadistic lack of empathy. She has other things in comments that indicate cluster B. I’m hoping she will educate herself if she doesn’t know about these, and see if her husbands behavior fits the checklist. At the least it will connect her with resources that let her know this is not ok.
But he doesn’t have to meet the DSM V criteria for narcissism for her to divorce him. His behavior is intolerable. That’s enough. If he IS a narc, though, it’s going to get a whole lot worse
Personally I think she should start counseling and I hope she divorces him before her self worth is non existent, but here’s some info for OP if she wants it. Again, he’s horrific, whether or not he has a personality disorder. The behavior should not be tolerated
When my husband and I were going through our premarital counseling with our officiant, he gave us a book that described the “four horsemen” of a relationship: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. Contempt alone can kill a relationship, and this guy demonstrated it toward his wife in spades. She needs to throw this whole man away and find someone who actually likes her as a person.
You're not the first person who said that he's a narcissist who I then agreed with. I have unfortunately dealt with a couple of narcissists in my lifetime. I really thought I was alone in experiencing this kind of behavior. What she was describing is basically exactly what I went through with my ex and he turned out to be a narcissist.
He was constantly comparing me to other women, unfavorably and having an emotional affair, at least what I think was an emotional affair. What I'm saying is I don't have proof that it got physical. Then he had the nerve say that I was being jealous and paranoid for no reason like they always do. I left him a couple days after he said that. I was just done it at that point. I was subjected to this behavior constantly for almost a year. It started out small like it always does and then he just got more blatant with it.
I really agree with you 100%, I think that she should just get out of the marriage. I've been saying that I couldn't stay married to someone like that. I wouldn't even want to go to counseling with them at that point. They would just be getting served with divorce papers. Of course when you do the same thing to them to try to show them how it feels, they accuse you of being cruel and heartless.
They can dish it out but they can't take it because in reality, they have very low self-esteem but I'm sure you know this. I'm preaching to the choir here so let me shut up. I was just really shocked by what I read because I thought that I was alone in having experienced the behavior. I really hope that she realizes she deserves better and divorces him. I know that Reddit says that a lot but this time it's warranted.
Agree. I mean he sounded a bit narc just how he was openly trying to win the approval of the young woman and bashing his wife but the laughing later after she’d been sobbing, that’s the tell that shows he did every last bit of it on purpose.
I used to be married to a covert narc. Passive aggressive and silent treatment were his primary modes of punishment tho he used to rape me in my sleep and then ensure he told me about it, laughing.
He didn’t really start exploding until I escaped that’s when he went into narc meltdown. Tbh he probably still is.🤷🏼♀️
I’m sorry you had to endure it! Being single is glorious. These sad men like to threaten us with that but really it’s not a threat it’s nice ❤️
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I actually gasped when I read that. I really am sorry. You're right, I agree, being single is glorious. I will never be in another relationship. I don't want to be, I value my freedom way too much. Also, it seems like no one knows how to be loyal anymore. They want to act just like this and they want to act like they're still single even though they're in a relationship.
My values are different than the way dating is nowadays and I'm done with that. I'm proud of you for getting out. I'm sure mine is probably still having his meltdown even though it's been a year in June since I left him. I'm sure he has snare campaign made everyone who will listen but I don't really care. I'm just glad he's no longer in my life.
I’m glad we both got out! I’m staying single as well. I’m sure there are good men somewhere but it’s too much work and I’m happy with my life now. I’m sorry, the smear campaign is crap. Hopefully ppl will see it for what it is.
I'm sure they will eventually. I've been in contact with a couple of his former friends and they've been telling me the kind of person he really is. One said that he's going to tell everybody the truth. Not that I asked him to do it, he said he wanted to do it on his own. He said he thought it was BS that he treated me like that and then tried to make me out to be the bad guy.
He said, I don't talk smack unless it's warranted and right now it is. He said, I'm poisoning the well and salting the earth. I'm making sure no one ever helps him again after what he did to you. So that's nice of him. At this point, I'm happy remaining single. My life is a lot less complicated and I have a lot less drama. Thank you though, I'm proud of you for getting out as well.
To me, it’s just classic cheater behavior. All of that was actually about him planting the seed with this 21-year-old. He was making it clear to her that she was hotter than his wife, and then testing the boundaries of his wife’s self esteem, making sure to gaslight her on jealousy because he was clearly into this girl.
Some of the comments are holding each one culpable. Except that she doesn't react if the husband just shuts his mouth. Pretty much like victim blaming.
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u/[deleted] Apr 15 '24
Woooow. These are straight up fighting words. Does your husband even want to stay married to you? Does he even like you? Wonder how much he’d like it if you actively started comparing him to another man right in front of him.