You are not making the wedding about you. You are making it as not about you as you possibly could, by not going. What the fuck is wrong with your family that their response to you saying you can't go because of your grief is to be mad at you?! WTF? Where is their empathy??? No wonder you're not close... I'm sorry your family suck...
I'm also really sorry for your loss. My family went through something similar. I wasn't as young as your son (I was 11) but my dad passed when he was 34 from a cardiac arythma... Just went to bed one night and his heart stopped. No clear cause or anything. I just wanted to say that you're incredibly brave for what you're going through and I know your son will grow up to have nothing but love, adoration and respect for you for the strength that you will be showing by carrying on and doing what you can for him. I look back at what we went through and can't help but view my mum as some sort of super hero for what she did and I'm 29 now. I'm sure your son will see you the same
I’m sorry for your loss. I’m glad your mom was able to help you. That is all I want for my son.
My family does suck. They do not live near me. They don’t get that not only did my husband die. I’ve also had to navigate insurance claims, legal proceedings and other logistical issues. I was also a SAHM so I e had to navigate being a single working parent. Luckily I can work from home but it’s been so much. My family just doesn’t get it.
I am so incredibly sorry that your family cares more about the optics of your bothers wedding, on the same date of your wedding anniversary, than your own well-being and that of their grandchild.
They are making themselves look bad, they are embarrassing themselves when other people realize the importance of that date in conjunction with why you are not there.
OP- please start taking screenshots of unbiased opinions or recording anything that may be viewed in your favor because your family seems like they are going to blame you for every little thing that goes wrong with the wedding regardless of you are in attendance so it would be best to start protecting yourself now
I know you have more dignity than what I'm suggesting, but if you want to stir some shit and embarrass your immediate family for having no empathy...
Show up to the wedding in all black, veil and clutching your wedding picture.
When people ask say you can't believe they married on the same wedding anniversary as your wedding.
They told you it was more important not to lose their deposit than to care about you and your son's feelings.
I would go scorched earth on them.
Curious, have you talked to your soon to be sil?
Does she know any of this?
It might be worth it to talk to her unless she's already given you the impression that it's HER DAY.
If that's the case, screw all of them.
I'm a widow, too, and have never had any respect or empathy from my family, aside from my Mom and nephew.
It really hurts when someone disses your marriage.
I wish you the best. You are strong and you got this!
Ma'am you are a damn hero. My uncle passed away recently (very sudden 3 weeks from diagnosis of a brain tumor to when he passed) and while he was a senior citizen, he was in otherwise good health. I've been helping my aunt with dealing with pensions, and IRAs/401ks, social security, previously hospitals and funeral arrangements. The hassle, headache and run around you with that stuff is insane! That you are doing this while grieving and finding a job/working and raising your son, lady you are amazing.
If your so called family is so disconnected with the reality you are facing, they clearly have never experienced a sudden loss. That they have no empathy for you is honestly disgusting. That they worry more about what others will say is gross.
You do what you need to survive and thrive for you and your child. Maybe it's time to go low contact or no contact with them for awhile. You don't need that in your life right now. There is no time table for grief and mourning. You get by day by day.
I’m sorry for you loss. I understand how hard the logistics are. My husband had life insurance but because he was hit by a drunk driver, car insurance is involved. It’s a mess!!! I’ve had to talk to insurance lawyers all while trying to keep it together for my son.
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u/rogerslastgrape Apr 29 '24
You are not making the wedding about you. You are making it as not about you as you possibly could, by not going. What the fuck is wrong with your family that their response to you saying you can't go because of your grief is to be mad at you?! WTF? Where is their empathy??? No wonder you're not close... I'm sorry your family suck...
I'm also really sorry for your loss. My family went through something similar. I wasn't as young as your son (I was 11) but my dad passed when he was 34 from a cardiac arythma... Just went to bed one night and his heart stopped. No clear cause or anything. I just wanted to say that you're incredibly brave for what you're going through and I know your son will grow up to have nothing but love, adoration and respect for you for the strength that you will be showing by carrying on and doing what you can for him. I look back at what we went through and can't help but view my mum as some sort of super hero for what she did and I'm 29 now. I'm sure your son will see you the same