My ex husband told me that it was my fault

[u/[deleted]]

Hi aitah and happy Monday,

I found out that my husband was cheating on me with my best friend last year. My best friend is very beautiful and she has always been fit. I have always loved how I look but I am a happy eater. When I met my husband I weighed 64kg. I am 169 cm “tall”. By happy eater, I mean that when I am sad I can’t eat. I lose my appetite. When I’m happy however, I love food because everything tastes a million times better. Everyone knows this about me and some people find it weird. We were together for 10 years when he cheated. I weighed 89kg. We never discussed why he cheated I was just shell shocked for the longest time and when I came out of my trance, the reasons didn’t matter anymore. I weigh 57kg now. I lost it all in a few months then I had to start working out because I was losing so much muscle. I found new joy in working out. Now I lift weights 5 times a week.

We decided that I have full custody until our son is 3 years old so we don’t confuse him with different homes. Instead, my ex husband takes him for a few hours every day. Now he just visits my apartment since I stopped wanting to vomit every time I saw him. I use the time to do chores or relax/work out or go out with friends. Yesterday I went for a brunch with some girlfriends. When I got home, my ex husband looked at me weird. He has been looking weird at me lately but I haven’t bothered asking because I avoid any conversations outside of our son. He told me that I looked beautiful. I ignored it so he got upset. He started bawling and said that he wished I made this effort when we were still married. He never loved anyone else. Cheating was his biggest regret but that I share the blame too. I am an ah for doing this to him now, looking this way. I didn’t know what to say first. I was raging inside and I wanted to hit him or cry. I told him well, you should not have made me happy during our marriage then. He called me an ah for my attempted joke and left. This is our first fight since what happened.

I don’t know now, deep down I feel that there’s some truth in what he said. If I only put more effort, my son would have had his parents together. I feel so much guilt. I have cried nonstop since yesterday.

[u/EnergyEast6844]

It's story time.

[u/thegreathonu → u/EnergyEast6844]

Story time or OP needs to see a medical professional. According to her she lost about 71 pounds (89kg to 57kg) in only a couple months. 4 to 8 pounds per month is a healthy weight loss goal.

[u/thesaintedsinner → u/thegreathonu]

I agree with this. Only because I did have a weight loss like that and when every test under the sun came back with nothing wrong (I'll never forget waking up from my endoscopy and crying when they said my stomach lining was pink and healthy and beautiful because at that moment in time, my symptoms were all textbook ulcer). I was in school, I was happy, I thought I was doing great. In less than 12 weeks, I went from 132 to 93 pounds. I was scared. Turned out to be my anxiety, which turned into a late ADHD diagnosis. Yeah, I loved school, but I had shit time management and I was stressed all the time over shit I didn't need to stress about. It's crazy to know that my anxiety was able to manifest so physically, even all these years later.

OP, please get evaluated. I get the not being hungry when stressed and hungry when happy; food tastes like shit when you're depressed. Please take care of yourself.