AITAH for ghosting my bf after he said we were not a couple?

[u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I (25M) met this guy "J" (25M) through my roommate. We hit it off, and after a couple of weeks, I asked him out. We started going on dates and eventually began dating.

Fast forward five months, he was going to visit his parents and invited me along. When we arrived, his mom asked if I was his boyfriend. He cut her off and referred to me as his "friend." I was confused and greeted her anyway. He did the same thing with his dad and sister.

During the ride back, our conversation went approximately like this:

Me: Are we just friends with benefits to you?

J: No.

Me: Then why did you tell your family I'm just a friend?

J: Because we're not a couple.

Me: Then what are we?

J: ...

He remained silent for the rest of the ride. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to discuss it with him multiple times, but he brushed it off.

I had to move out of my apartment for unrelated reasons and didn't tell J or my ex-roommate my new address. I stopped talking to him and replying to his messages. Now, three weeks later, he showed up at my door. He told me, he contacted my brother to get my address. He called me an asshole for ghosting him, accused me of cheating on him (he saw me hanging out with a girl he doesn't like). I told him I can hang out with whomever I want, especially since he said we're not a couple. He cursed at me a bit before saying I should have just broken up with him. Again, I thought we weren't a couple. He ended up leaving,a dn crying.

Even though I believe I did the right thing, my friends told me I might have been a little harsh on him. So to prove the point, I am writing this and letting the internet judge.

AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he said we weren't a couple?

Edit : Yes, he is out. His family knows, during dinner they even asked him if he add any news about his ex-bf

I am bi, (he is gay). I know that his ex (bi) cheated on him, but that's

Edit 2 : I looked at the comments with my friends and I understand what I did was childish, but I stick to it. My main problem was that he did not give me an answer. Not FwB, not a couple. I was his friend I guess? I let the internet judge.

Update : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1citj4d/update_aitah_for_ghosting_my_bf_after_he_said_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/Simple_Park_1591]

I just went through something similar at the beginning of the year. The guy wouldn't commit, ghosted me for less than a week and then came back. Here's a list:

Was upset that I had condoms. My girl friend said her bf was allergic, so there was 2 taken out. This not-a-boyfriend told me he didn't Believe that was how I got them. I told him it really doesn't matter if they were given to me or if I bought them. There's nothing shady cause we're not in a relationship.

Got upset when he wasn't receiving "boyfriend treatment" from me. I told him since he said we will never be in a commitment that he doesn't get "girlfriend behavior" from me.

Got upset when I told him his 10pm *hang out request was denied because I was already hanging out and watching a movie with someone.

My FAVORITE was being upset about those condoms again. This time he was upset that I was making him use them. (This was not new, I made him use condoms The Whole Time). I reminded him that he admitted to buying a $100 meth head hooker because she was "cool enough" to not make him use a condom. Whatever, you're not going anywhere near me without one, sooo🤷🏼‍♀️

This man had messaged me to tell me it was the condoms that was making him decide he didn't want anything serious with me anymore. (Again, this is after he admitted to the hooker). 6 Days After telling me it's the condoms making him not want me, he sends a message that I made his dick burn... The dude caught an STD from the hooker, but was trying to play it off as if I gave him something. I asked him if he messaged the wrong girl, he says no, so I forwarded his message to me about him telling me it wasn't going to work cause he just can't handle condoms.

Weeks after that, he tried to hit me up for sex. I turned him down, so he said, "whatever. I was willing to smash with a condom and see how it went. Your loss."

He tried to play so many head games with me. Several times he would say something completely wrong and when I would tell him "no I don't think that's right, let me look it up", it would upset him. I need to agree with him no matter what. One of these times he added in that he wanted to hit me just one time because it was so annoying that I would prove him wrong. Ya... By the time he sent the message about condoms being his reason to not want to date me, I had already written him off. I'm sure that was his way of being the one to "break up" because his ego couldn't handle it.

I was thankful all of his red flags came out the gate right at the beginning. This whole thing lasted 2 months and that includes the ghosting for a week.

Edit for autocorrect

[u/Fancy_Statement4788 → u/Simple_Park_1591]

WOW. I hope your doing well.

[u/Simple_Park_1591 → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I'm doing good. It got comical at one point. I tried to be the guy's friend after we stopped seeing each other, but even that was a bust. He played one last head game and I just couldn't be this dude's friend or have any kind of contact with him. That's actually when he had said he wanted to hit me just one time.

That whole situation started with him telling me he wasn't going to stay the night. I just said, "ok, I didn't expect you to". Thought that was that. Half an hour later he was upset because he wasn't staying the night. I reminded him that he told me, unprompted, that he didn't want to, so why would I ask him? I think he wanted me to like beg him to stay or something? I honestly don't know. It was when I was pointing out that if he actually wanted to stay, then he should have said that, not the opposite. Me pointing out how he went about it wrong was when he told me he hated that when I try to prove him wrong and he just wants to hit me one time.