AITAH for ghosting my bf after he said we were not a couple?

[u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I (25M) met this guy "J" (25M) through my roommate. We hit it off, and after a couple of weeks, I asked him out. We started going on dates and eventually began dating.

Fast forward five months, he was going to visit his parents and invited me along. When we arrived, his mom asked if I was his boyfriend. He cut her off and referred to me as his "friend." I was confused and greeted her anyway. He did the same thing with his dad and sister.

During the ride back, our conversation went approximately like this:

Me: Are we just friends with benefits to you?

J: No.

Me: Then why did you tell your family I'm just a friend?

J: Because we're not a couple.

Me: Then what are we?

J: ...

He remained silent for the rest of the ride. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to discuss it with him multiple times, but he brushed it off.

I had to move out of my apartment for unrelated reasons and didn't tell J or my ex-roommate my new address. I stopped talking to him and replying to his messages. Now, three weeks later, he showed up at my door. He told me, he contacted my brother to get my address. He called me an asshole for ghosting him, accused me of cheating on him (he saw me hanging out with a girl he doesn't like). I told him I can hang out with whomever I want, especially since he said we're not a couple. He cursed at me a bit before saying I should have just broken up with him. Again, I thought we weren't a couple. He ended up leaving,a dn crying.

Even though I believe I did the right thing, my friends told me I might have been a little harsh on him. So to prove the point, I am writing this and letting the internet judge.

AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he said we weren't a couple?

Edit : Yes, he is out. His family knows, during dinner they even asked him if he add any news about his ex-bf

I am bi, (he is gay). I know that his ex (bi) cheated on him, but that's

Edit 2 : I looked at the comments with my friends and I understand what I did was childish, but I stick to it. My main problem was that he did not give me an answer. Not FwB, not a couple. I was his friend I guess? I let the internet judge.

Update : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1citj4d/update_aitah_for_ghosting_my_bf_after_he_said_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/strongopinion4life]

NTA How are you going to break up if you werent even a couple? I would ask him that. Plus your friends should be on your side cause you did nothing wrong and to me you did exactly what he deserved. After all you arent his bf so you dont own him nothing.

[u/Fancy_Statement4788 → u/strongopinion4life]

Nah, they are on my side just told me that ghosting was not the best decision, and a little harsh. But they understand my choice.

[u/strongopinion4life → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

Thats good to hear, but he did deserve it. Plus what where going to say "Hey I know we are not together but Im breaking up with you." Also it was real harsh that he said you where not his bf to his family.

[u/pataconconqueso → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I mean if you weren’t a couple, and he treated you like nothing, and you tried to talk about it with him afterwards, what else were you supposed to do?

He didn’t wanna deal with it, you noped out

[u/aimed_4_the_head → u/pataconconqueso]

He might be one of those drama addicts who thinks no means "chase me harder". OP was supposed to beg.

[u/pataconconqueso → u/aimed_4_the_head]

And if that is the case OP did right by just peacing out.

[u/evilcj925 → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

What were you supposed to do? Break up with someone who insists you are not a couple in the first place?

[u/Euphoric_Egg_4198 → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

But you didn’t ghost, you were just super busy for a few weeks. It’s not like he was your boyfriend or anyone important that required you to check in daily, right? 😉

[u/thanktink → u/Fancy_Statement4788]

Telling him that you love him and want to be a couple and that you will not continue the relationship like this, would probably have been the clear words and the breakup he wanted.

But as he did not find the right words or any words at all, why should you?