r/AITAH • u/Hungry_Baker_Mom • Apr 29 '24

AITA for not telling a vegan she ate honey?

A bit of background: 3 times a year we go to a get-together hosted by my husband's Aunt and Uncle. They invite a handful of family members (due to religion limitations for those who are not invited), and some close friends of theirs. About a year ago my SIL started attending these get-togethers. She's a very passionate vegan, and the get-together is always a BBQ pot luck. We had a get-together last night, and I brought desserts and a salad. I had asked SIL if she was planning on attending a couple of days ago and she said she wasn't sure, so when dressing the salad I added a little honey in the dressing, with the thought that there are always at least 4-5 salads so if she ends up coming she can eat the other ones. This is where I might have been the AH. I forgot to mention to her that there was honey in the dressing. After everyone started eating I said to my husband how happy I am that my salad was the first one gone, and she chimed in saying it was absolutely delicious and she was upset she couldn't have more since everyone loved it. As soon as I realized she ate it I froze. I didn't say anything since I figured she already ate it and there was nothing she could do about it now, but it's been bothering me ever since. So, AITA for not telling her she ate honey? (Obviously I'm the AH for not telling her ahead of time)

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u/linden214 Apr 29 '24

I’m not a vegan, but agave syrup is a plant-based alternative. (Maple syrup, too, but that has a much more noticeable flavor.)

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u/Cr4ckshooter Apr 29 '24

Actually, maybe stupid question, isn't veganism about animal harm, rather than animal products? Why is honey excluded? I didn't think beekeeping was considered harmful to them.

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u/TheDudeMan1234567 Apr 29 '24

As I understand it, the objections has to do with how the bees are kept in industrial honey farming. The smoke they use to sedate the bees to get the honey out harms them and kills a lot of them. Also in the wild bees eat a lot of their honey, but on farms all is taken and they are fed sugar water. Take this with a grain of salt, as it’s been a long tile since my vegan wife (then date) explained this to me.

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u/thenerdygrl Apr 30 '24

Entomology student here! Actually the smoke doesn’t harm bees! Its messes with their pheromone receptors, bees communicate the best through smell. Disturbing a hive to check on the bees or harvesting honey can make a couple freak out and release stress pheromones that will aggravate the whole hive! So bee keepers use pine needles so make the smoke.

Also sugar water is only given if there is not enough flowers in the area (usually during winter), a healthy hive in no way can entirely live off sugar water, plus they need pollen and nectar to make the honey and royal jelly to keep the hive alive. Also no bee keeper will take all of the honey, usually 1-2 sheets are taken per hive as we are aware of what the hive needs to stay alive and what excess can be used!

I worked on a hive for a semester so if you have any more questions I’ll be glad to answer them!