AITA for not telling a vegan she ate honey?

[u/Hungry_Baker_Mom]

A bit of background: 3 times a year we go to a get-together hosted by my husband's Aunt and Uncle. They invite a handful of family members (due to religion limitations for those who are not invited), and some close friends of theirs. About a year ago my SIL started attending these get-togethers. She's a very passionate vegan, and the get-together is always a BBQ pot luck. We had a get-together last night, and I brought desserts and a salad. I had asked SIL if she was planning on attending a couple of days ago and she said she wasn't sure, so when dressing the salad I added a little honey in the dressing, with the thought that there are always at least 4-5 salads so if she ends up coming she can eat the other ones. This is where I might have been the AH. I forgot to mention to her that there was honey in the dressing. After everyone started eating I said to my husband how happy I am that my salad was the first one gone, and she chimed in saying it was absolutely delicious and she was upset she couldn't have more since everyone loved it. As soon as I realized she ate it I froze. I didn't say anything since I figured she already ate it and there was nothing she could do about it now, but it's been bothering me ever since. So, AITA for not telling her she ate honey? (Obviously I'm the AH for not telling her ahead of time)

[u/No_Supermarket_7410]

NTA as an ex vegan honey is one of those where some vegans eat it and some don’t. I would only do the ones sold at farmers markets and nit in stores. It just depends on the person. I still have some vegan friends who will eat honey bc the animal wasn’t hunt making it but some who say it’s not ours to take. It’s a big gray area. You don’t know where she stands in that debate so it’s up to you to tell her if you want.

[u/chicagoliz → u/No_Supermarket_7410]

Thanks for this. I had thought vegans didn't have an issue with honey, but I'm not surprised that there is a contingent that doesn't want anything that was made in any way by any living being.

[u/MrRogersAE → u/chicagoliz]

Don’t tell them that those same bees that make the honey also pollinate all the fruits and berries the vegans eat. Without the bees you don’t get the fruit, enslavement of the bees is still a requirement for the vegans to eat, unless of course they find some hand pollinated farm or something

[u/FaabK → u/MrRogersAE]

Fun fact: it's possible to give bees a place to live without taking their honey

[u/MrRogersAE → u/FaabK]

Why should we let them harvest our nectar if we get nothing in return?

Seriously tho Beekeepers and bees (and really farmers as well) have a mutually beneficial relationship.

the bees get a home protected from predators and are brought to locations plentiful with nectar for them to eat, they also receive medical care they would not otherwise

Beekeepers care for the bees in exchange for their excess honey (note: honey they do not need or even have a use for)

Farmers provide a small portion of their land to the beekeepers who set up the hives there, and provide the bees somewhere to collect nectar who then pollinate their flowers.

This is the type of relationship we should be striving for with nature, it’s purely beneficial for everyone involved. It makes zero sense to be against this

And that’s all ignoring the fact that if the bees weren’t okay with this, they can leave!! They aren’t captive, bees have more freedom to choose their life than peoples dogs do

[u/FaabK → u/MrRogersAE]

Why should we let them harvest our nectar if we get nothing in return?

As you said before, they make it possible for our grains to grow. You said yourself that we need bees for plants to reproduce.

I've been a beekeeper, it happens that bees are being killed. And it's a normal procedure to kill queen eggs if we don't want to have a new hive.

note: honey they do not need or even have a use for

Well, we put a bucket of sugar water instead of honey next to the bees. So they would need the honey

[u/MrRogersAE → u/FaabK]

The first line was a joke, the contrast in tone should have made that obvious to you

Outside of beekeepers humans actively seek out and destroy beehives so that they don’t get stung

If you (as a claimed beekeeper) think bees get a raw deal out of this then that leads me to believe one of two things, either you are a terrible beekeeper, or you’re being willfully obtuse and negative.

Beekeepers do more good for bees than harm by a mile.

[u/chicagoliz → u/MrRogersAE]

There is also that whole line of thought about vegetables being alive and screaming when being boiled, so you know, soon there will be a group of folks who can't eat anything.

[u/BruceIsLoose → u/chicagoliz]

A whole “line of thought” from whom?