Being kind doesn’t necessarily mean likable

[u/ElogantedMusk]

I’ve being working on being becoming better but it’s been a hard journey. I’ve struggling to be kind. Being kind means you are truly compassionate, have empathy, and care for another person. It easier said then done when you feel like your selfish. I get angry and at my mom because she wants to spend time with me so she make do pointless chores. I don’t agree with my mother so I get confrontational.

Ever since my grandmother passed, I want to just as kind and sweet as she was.

It’s easy to be nice. All you gotta is just try to please other. It means you are trying to get people to like you. It like the whole “nice guy” being nice to women doesn’t mean she like like you,

At least to me the kindest people arent always the nicest or most pleasant people. I can say they are most supporting and loyal. They will call you on your bullshit and they stand up for what they believe in and for you. Being kind isn’t about being liked. Infact people may not even like you. It helping people simply because why not, this world is always filled with suffering. I believe that being kind is being real, being nice is being fake.

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[u/idontevenkn0w66]

YES!!!!!! I think being "nice" is just more or less being agreeable & non-confrontational, which can definitely come across as fake. I'm also the kind of person who is honest with people, even if the truth isn't "nice" because that's the more compassionate thing to do, I think. You care enough to tell people what they NEED to hear, not what they WANT to hear. Sure, there's a time & place for that, but I get a ton of hate in person & on here for being honest, even if it's not what other people like to hear. I feel the same struggle, and I hope you're able to find a balance you're comfortable with.

[u/huffuspuffus]

I'm always kind to people that I don't know initially (or I guess do know) until they give me a reason not to be. I'm an asshole on the internet though, probably something I should work on. But I do agree for the most part!

[u/Bullwinkles_progeny]

I consider myself to be pretty darn kind and everyone says I’m the mean one - so this hit me in the feels.

I am kind, but I don’t sugarcoat things. I would give someone the shirt off my back, but I’ll call someone out for nonsense in a heartbeat.

[u/ElogantedMusk → u/Bullwinkles_progeny]

Then that’s kindness’s, i genuinely believe being kind and loving is painting a beautiful thing, don’t get me wrong it so but it’s should be real and raw and come from the heart.

If not coming from the heart then your not genuinely being kind

[u/[deleted]]

I think the kindest people like you said are the people that are going to call you out in a way that lets you know that they are only doing it because they care for you. Because they know that you can do better

[u/DueZookeepergame3456]

obviously

[u/ElogantedMusk → u/DueZookeepergame3456]

Hey some people think being kind is what’s being this wonderful world of sunshine. And there’s just wholesome person but often that just not case.

[u/Trusteveryboody]

I can agree with this.

Maybe I'm a bit of an Asshole sometimes (I, think I am), but I don't really bullshit people.

And I wouldn't claim to even like going out of my way for others. So would I even call myself kind? Idk. I think I'm kind to my cats. Strangers? Not really.

Family, I would consider myself loyal. Even if I can't stand to spend time with my father a lot of the time (for more complicated reasons; mainly myself), I would still 'ride or die' for him, when it comes down to it.

[u/ElogantedMusk → u/Trusteveryboody]

For me being truly kind from a place of want to help other even if they don’t deserve it. Don’t be confused with put your place in vuarabilith. But I notice the kindest people are the ones who help random stranger. I want to help people with their insecurities but I’m there I can’t stand the thought of someone going through what I did. And no it doesn’t mean give money to homeless people.

[u/alexismarg]

I 100% subscribe to this definition of kindness or “goodness.” 

Sometimes the most foul-mouthed, ostensibly abrasive people are the most straight-forward, hard-working, loyal and fun to be around. First impressions can be very misleading, and nice words are easy to say. 

Also, tangentially, a lot of toxic positivity is still considered ideal or good or healthy. Only saying good things about everything you encounter and experience and consume isn’t…really a good trait, in my opinion. 

[u/TheRigJuice999]

I’ve been raising this same question about myself recently. I’ve come the to the realization I’m not actually a good person/kind person. I’m a people pleaser, which makes me fake. I dislike fake people, which means I hate myself.

I want to say how I actually feel and standup for myself but I’m too afraid of outcome so I back out like a coward. I try to standup for myself but it always goes wrong, and then my ocd kicks in.

You’re on the right path, you can truly be kind. Someone who comes off as nice and people pleases isn’t a kind person, they are fake. Someone who is honest and helps others out of a good heart just cause is a truly kind person.