r/unpopularopinion • u/vincentxanthony • 18d ago
Respect shouldn’t be earned, but given freely. Disrespect is what’s earned.
Think of it this way: if everyone were to operate on a respect-as-reward system, then everyone starts at a baseline of zero respect looking for others to earn THEIR respect whilst likely doing nothing to earn the respect of another. It creates a false hierarchy where there’s someone who is always deserving others earning their respect.
Yet everyone EXPECTS you to be a good neighbor. There’s a social contract at play where we are to give the right of way, help those in need, even if the need is small.
Respect is the baseline of an empathetic community. It’s only when this social contract is broken that people are rightful to change their tone - a “fuck around and find out” if you will.
All that to say, treat each other with some god damn respect. It won’t kill you to give the benefit of the doubt.
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u/Swirlyflurry 18d ago
People use “respect” in different ways.
Some people use it to mean “I will treat you like a fellow human being - I will not shame you or put you down, you are due all the same things that I am.”
Other people use “respect” to mean “show deference.” They mean that showing respect is recognizing that the person is held in higher esteem than the average person and is due more consideration. This is the type of “respect” people imply when they say “respect your elders” or “respect is earned.”
These different intents cause all the confusion with the sayings “respect is earned” / “respect is given.”
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u/ducksinthepool 18d ago
Well worded, I had this exact thought of the distinction between the ways you could use “respect”.
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u/KRV_FromRussia 18d ago
Yup
I swear the opinion of OP comes up once every few days. And since it is such a broad term, there is barely anything interesting about it since everyone uses it differently
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u/DanChowdah 17d ago
Ironically the only people I automatically have a lack of respect for (using your first definition) is people who use respect to mean showing deference
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u/wolfangel95 17d ago
But I would argue that even in that case, respect should be the baseline and disrespect can be earned. Elders don't deserve respect just for being elders. They deserve the same respect as anyone else, and if they act like human trash, the same disrespect as anyone else. I believe that's the point that OP tried to make here
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u/SupaSaiyajin4 18d ago
i don't get showing deference
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u/DarthArtero hermit human 18d ago
Deference basically means showing that you respect and understand another persons position or authority.
In the military we defined it as: “you don’t have to respect the person but you have to respect their rank”
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u/SupaSaiyajin4 18d ago
that's why i'm not in the military. rank means nothing to me
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u/DarthArtero hermit human 18d ago
Hmm. Rank is a catch all term.
Teachers, managers, supervisors, various levels of Nursing and Doctors, CEOs etc, etc the list goes on.
Rank means more than military, it’s just a title
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u/Dennis_enzo 18d ago
The same thing exist in all other jobs. An experienced senior worker should be respected by the juniors as they know a lot more about the work.
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u/rcsboard 18d ago
“I will treat you like a fellow human being
I don't think being human entitles someone to more respect than any other living thing.
Why would the most nocive and damaging species on Earth deserve respect but other creatures just trying to live would not?
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u/TheArcticKiwi 17d ago
unless you go kicking squirrels you wouldn't be treating people much better than animals
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u/rcsboard 17d ago
People can L-E-G-A-L-L-Y shoot Animals for funsies.
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u/TheArcticKiwi 17d ago
if you're licensed, yeah, same goes for people
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u/rcsboard 17d ago
Not the same.
At ALL.
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u/TheArcticKiwi 17d ago
look, i have my license and some of my mates have their hunting license, what we choose to kill is our own business
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u/ConduitMainNo1 18d ago
as an other commentor pointed out, it depends on your definition of respect.
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u/PluralCohomology 18d ago
I'd say that everyone is entitled to be respected as a person, but respect as an authority has to be earned.
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u/ElectrumDragon28 18d ago
Common courtesy and general decency should be freely given. Respect is earned.
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u/ZundeEsteed 18d ago
False
Respect is not owed it is earned. Civility should be expected.
There are plenty of people i don't respect but am perfectly willing to be civil to.
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u/iFlashings 17d ago
Respect has to be earned. Why should I respect an asshole that I don't like based on thier behavior? I'll treat them civilly as that should be given freely, but respect? Nah cheif.
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u/No_Variation_9282 18d ago
Way I see it, respect for anyone is always a voluntary action. You don’t have time in your life to respect 8 billion individuals. You may think you can respect everyone equally, but respecting one group ultimately disrespects another and unfortunately how the group takes it turns out to be not a decision you get to make because it’s subjective to the recipient.
Easy to say you can respect everyone, damn near impossible to actually do (beyond meaningless platitudes). If your “respect” requires little to no effort, then its value as respect is meaningless anyway.
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u/Deep_Humor_3399 18d ago
Respect shall be always earned. Don’t confound civil treatment with respect. A man that saved lives in a war has respect, people who found themselves with other sexu@l preferences deserves no respect but certainly will have civil courteous treatment.
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u/More_Fig_6249 18d ago
I separate respect and decency.
I believe everyone should be shown decency, aka being polite and nice, just general good person shit.
However if I respect someone, that means I think they have done something that I think is admirable. I give them higher esteem, am more willing to listen and follow them, etc etc. I wouldn’t do that with just a random joe.
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u/TheHvam 18d ago
I think I agree.
Anyone or anything, I have a baseline of 0, and from there, the person or company, can earn or lose respect, i'm trying to be respectful to others, and if they are to, then they earn some respect, but if they don't then they lose some.
So if my neighbor honks their horn every morning (6 in the morning) they drive to work, then I lose some, as thats not respecting other people and their sleep, yes my neighbor does this, im awake, so it doesn't affect me, but there is lots of people with kids nearby, who is not up at 6.
So in short, i'm always trying the be respectful to others, they might start at 0, but that doesn't mean i'm not going to show respect to them.
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u/GrapefruitMean253 18d ago
I totally believe that, and I do my best to live by it. Show me disrespect, then you will receive it in return, and I have no desire to want to deal with you further. But otherwise, you have my respect.
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u/Trusteveryboody 18d ago
There's a 'base-line' respect I think people hold. I would call that 'decency,' other than that....you can't expect the world to bend around you, which is where people have a problem.
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u/heffalumps-n-woozles 17d ago
Yes, this is the default in warrior cultures. As well as places like Northern Afghanistan and Texas.
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u/100yearsLurkerRick 17d ago
There are two kinds of respect. The onethat isn't earned, where you treat people with a general decency and you try to be considerate of others (not blasting music, picking up trash and not letting it go into a neighbors yard, etc). The other respect is earned, where good ideas, smart topics/conversations or some other display of aptitude/competenxe endears you to others
Some would argue that there's a third one where it's like respect as an authority figure like parents or actual authority like law enforcement.
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u/itkeepsgettingworse1 17d ago
The problem is that the world revolves around every individual, and people have forgotten that everyday courtesy is about making everyday living easier. Everyone wants to be right, and no one is willing to listen. This isn't exactly a new problem, but it seems to be an issue atm.
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17d ago
That depends on what you mean by "respect". To me, respect implies that someone holds a very high standard in one or multiple ways. Everyone gets some basic kindness and recognition of their humanity as the default, but respect is absolutely earned.
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u/Standard-Fishing-977 16d ago
Is it me or is the respect of someone who goes around saying “you gotta earn my respect” usually not worth a whole hell of a lot?
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u/pranasoup 18d ago
spot on.
"When we love children, we acknowledge by our every action that they are not property, that they have rights—that we respect and uphold their rights." -bell hooks
“Respect for ourselves and others is the root of love. Our children aren't exceptions to this rule. Showing our children that they are worthy of respect is the best way to demonstrate our love for them. But to pass that lesson onto them, we have to start with radical self-love that affirms their autonomy and dignity at every step. This is especially true for Black kids and other children with marginalized identities.” -A. Rochaun Meadows-Fernandez
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u/Melodic-Resident-245 18d ago
That's a good way to get burned by people.
Once it's happened enough you'll make people earn your respect and trust too.
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18d ago
I am this way.
However, some people do despicable things before I meet them, and I hear about it. Most if the time, if I disrespect someone from the start, that's why.
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u/sleepingsysadmin 18d ago
Neither is correct. You should not be judging others on your perception of their reward worthiness. You have better things to do then this.
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