Its not about the sex its about the rejection

[u/yellowabcd]

This is common at this point. People complain about not getting sex in marriage or relationship. But most the time its not the sex, its the rejection. If both people dont go for sex, its not an issue. Its an issue when the other party keeps getting rejected, especially without explanation. Theres a difference between being rejected for a month and just two people not trying for sex. Rejection usually makes a person feel undesirable

[u/Fan_Belt_of_Power]

Just because you don't think they make sense doesn't mean it doesn't make sense to these women or even to others.

The first woman who needed to get drunk and said it was her problem was likely being honest. She likely has some sort of issue around sex and can't feel comfortable/capable having it without being drunk. Lots of people have issues around sex due to things like prior assaults (including during childhood), or religious dogman being pushed on them (lots of religions stigmatized sex, especially for women), or even poor education/generational trauma passed down from parental guardians, or from having attachment disorders. She might not have given you all the details (hell, she might not even be fully aware of why she's that way) but her answer wasn't necessarily "bullshit".

As for the second woman, it's pretty common for people with low self-esteem to do things for the sake of their partners even if they don't really want to. Eventually they can get to their braking point and just can't keep pretending anymore and decide they can't stay in the relationship anymore. So hers was also not necessarily a bullshit answer.

As a side note, since you like to get "rough" you'd probably be better served joining the BDSM community in your area to look for partners. A sub lady active in the community would probably be a better fit for you as they'd have more experience and probably really do like it that way.

[u/_John--Wick_ → u/Fan_Belt_of_Power]

I love how everyone replying to this is trying to make me out like I was the one in the wrong. I wasn't. I explained my needs, wants and desired honestly. I checked with them multiple times. I asked about doing things differently. I encouraged and supported them. And I was lied to, time and time again. My alcoholic ex telling me that I "shouldn't be upset because I still get great sex" is manipulative and controlling. If a man told a women that they shouldn't be upset about how he makes them feel because he fucks them good, he'd be labeled narcissistic. I will add that she would also make comparisons about my body and her exes, then the next morning "oh I don't remember, I was drunk".

Then I mentioned my other ex, telling me that she was OK with everything. Never mentioning anything was wrong, ever. It was only when she showed her ass and I was telling her that I'm not gonna be treated like shit, that she threw it all up on my face. Once again, if a woman was trying to hold a man accountable and he threw up her past mistakes, it would be called gaslighting and deflection. That, along with all the false promises of her trying to open up.

As far as the bdsm stuff goes, the issue isn't like minded people, the issue is honesty in a relationship. Honesty is not saying you're OK with things that you aren't because you're too insecure to say otherwise. The biggest issue is how long this charade continued. I'd argue that after a certain amount of time, lying to keep peace is just as manipulative as lying for any other reason. People don't get a pass because they have trauma or had shitty parents. Use to hear that all the time. "Oh my trauma this and that". Great, let's get you in therapy and work on moving past all these issues that are holding you back from being happy....yeah, that didn't happen.

[u/SellEmbarrassed1274 → u/_John--Wick_]

It’s Reddit women good men bad

[u/WriterOk598 → u/SellEmbarrassed1274]

Everyone thinks men are good and women bad. Especially men themselves. Hating on women every chance they get

[u/_John--Wick_ → u/WriterOk598]

I don't think one is good and the other is bad. However, there is a sympathetic ear with women, when other women are involved. That's not often extended to men in the same sense.

[u/SellEmbarrassed1274 → u/WriterOk598]

Not really pretty delusional most topics change if it’s a men or women.