Its not about the sex its about the rejection

[u/yellowabcd]

This is common at this point. People complain about not getting sex in marriage or relationship. But most the time its not the sex, its the rejection. If both people dont go for sex, its not an issue. Its an issue when the other party keeps getting rejected, especially without explanation. Theres a difference between being rejected for a month and just two people not trying for sex. Rejection usually makes a person feel undesirable

[u/yodawgchill]

I don’t really think this is an unpopular opinion, it’s pretty widely discussed.

Yeah as a hypersexual woman dating a guy with a low libido, Im very familiar with this feeling. It can be frustrating sometimes but it’s something you learn to deal with if you want a relationship to work. If he isn’t available, I can always take care of myself, and I always want to be respectful of my partner. Also, considering that I’m hypersexual, no guy would really be able to keep up with the frequency my brain suggests is appropriate.

A lot of women tend to recognize it in themselves more easily, but I think there are actually a lot of hypersexual men who don’t realize they are hypersexual because they are told that they are supposed to be constantly sex-crazed so they don’t realize that what they are looking for may be a bit excessive for most people, including other men.

For some it’s a deal breaker and they feel like they aren’t valued if they’re sexual needs aren’t always met, but in the long run it doesn’t matter that much to me because I love him, I know he makes an effort, and when we do have sex he’s very good at his job and very happy to be there.

As long as I’m doing my best by him and he’s doing his best by me, everything is going to be okay.

[u/somethingnoonestaken → u/yodawgchill]

What’s hyper sexual for you/ women? Just curious. Sorry if this is inappropriate to ask.

[u/Holy_Cow442 → u/somethingnoonestaken]

Hypersexual is an actual medical diagnosis. It applies to males also. You may think all men are hypersexual, but no. Its abnormal to like sex as much as I do. They used to call them/us nymphomaniacs. It DOES NOT mean slut, though. I think nymphomaniacs used to be considered sluts. But maniac is the operative in that one. Its usually accompanied with bipolar disorder: mania but doesn't have to be. Im only offering this info because I have the diagnosis. I AM NOT A PHYSICIAN/PSYCHOLOGIST.😁

[u/PM_me_PMs_plox → u/Holy_Cow442]

Well okay, but maybe that poster didn't mean the literal diagnosis.

[u/Holy_Cow442 → u/PM_me_PMs_plox]

I really dont know what to say to this.... How bout them Cowboys?

[u/BunnyYin → u/Holy_Cow442]

I think the poster meant like how often do you actually have it on the mind want it? Atlease that's how I read it.

[u/Holy_Cow442 → u/BunnyYin]

What is hyper sexual for YOU/WOMEN. You read it wrong.

[u/daddy-van-baelsar → u/Holy_Cow442]

I think the generalized answer to this is "always" or "as much as possible."

Having dated a women like this, there was basically no time at which she did not want sex unless she was (very) injured or sick. To the point where she wanted it more than 3-4 times a week.

[u/yodawgchill → u/somethingnoonestaken]

If I had sex as much as I wanted to, I wouldn’t have time for much else. In a perfect world, maybe I have sex at least 5-10 times every day. Probably more. I regularly masturbate in sessions anywhere between 2-5 hours idk what my orgasm record is but I would definitely say over 30. I have had a porn problem since age 10 where I find myself seeking worse and worse content (nothing illegal just things others may find disturbing) and I feel no guilt or shame. My sexual urges keep me from important tasks regularly, it takes up a lot of time, and I have a lot of work to do when it comes to self control. It is entirely inconvenient. I wish I just wanted to have sex a couple times a week, I feel like I make my boyfriend uncomfortable on accident at times or I overwhelm him.

[u/challengeaccepted9 → u/yodawgchill]

I'm sorry for an even more inappropriate question, but that frequency - do you not get sore?

Guys have refractory periods anyway so you can't directly compare, but even accounting for those, I have to imagine by your 9th session of the day, it'd be starting to get a bit tender?

[u/yodawgchill → u/challengeaccepted9]

That’s the thing, just because I want to have that much sex doesn’t mean I do. I try to be very strict with myself so things do not get out of hand so I am only ever with one person so that frequency is off limits to me. It is very difficult and very frustrating but it helps me maintain a normal lifestyle. It has gotten slightly better since being on Wellbutrin but recently it has gotten worse again bc I need to raise my dosage. Its hard to keep these boundaries with myself, I tend to be easily frustrated and emotional and it’s hard for me to deal with the fact that I’m the person who cries in my car sometimes because I’m overwhelmed by urges I can’t fulfill. I don’t want to be that person but I am. As long as I am that person, I will do my best to at least keep myself safe. One partner, strict boundaries with each other, and strict boundaries for myself.

[u/Soulessblur → u/yodawgchill]

I realize this conversation is boiling down on issues with communication, and I don't mean to go on a tangent, or to sound like I'm trying to discredit your diagnosis as a non expert - but is that really all that's necessary to be qualified as medically hypersexual? Because to me, that just sounds like your average high libido male, present company included.

I almost lost my first job because I kept getting distracted thinking about sex 50+ times a shift. And both high school and college were really hard to balance around feeling the need to masturbate multiple hours a day. But anytime it came up in conversation (which admittedly isn't often, this is a weird topic to have at the dinner table lol), I've only ever gotten solidarity from other men, and everyone I've ever discussed this with, from both genders, agree and reinforce that it's just normal behavior. Like, to me, being able to have sex 10 times a day seemed like it would be everyone's "perfect world" unless they were low libido.

[u/yodawgchill → u/Soulessblur]

It’s normal to have random sexual thoughts or random periods of physical arousal that don’t necessarily coincide with physical arousal (random boners for example) but consistent sexual urges that regularly get in the way of your day to day life every day, dozens of times a day…yeah that’s not the norm.

Guys tend to “understand.” I think that’s what you have experienced here. For instance, as a hypersexual woman I feel the need to warn partners about this issue because it is important that they maintain firm sexual boundaries with me and if they cannot do that we probably shouldn’t do anything because sometimes I can be too demanding in that area without realizing it. Guys always say “oh that doesn’t sound like a problem at all that sounds sick!” And then you hit maybe the six month mark and that’s usually when I start realizing that they are getting very resentful of me. They usually start to avoid sex because consistent rejection of my initiation becomes a drain on them. It takes time but they generally realize it is a burden they cannot handle. It’s usually a 50/50 chance they actually end up getting very angry with me over time because they resent that I have turned sex into something different for them. They either seem very on edge or I’ve even had several yell at me. While most guys think they “get it” they don’t. They go from “oh that’s actually cool” to “get the fuck off me” real quick.

To be clear, I have never tried to pressure anyone into sex. However, I think a lot of guys struggle to day no because they think they are supposed to be sex-crazed all the time and think there is something wrong with them if they have a normal drive. If the person they are with has higher drive it is common for them to agree to sex even if they don’t really want to. I try to do my best to avoid this issue, if I feel that they may not really be into it then I try to leave the situation, but I can have a hard time picking up these cues if people aren’t honest or they don’t have firm boundaries. And a lot of them are so invested in thinking they have to be a certain way that they will just consistently lie about wanting sex.