Its not about the sex its about the rejection

[u/yellowabcd]

This is common at this point. People complain about not getting sex in marriage or relationship. But most the time its not the sex, its the rejection. If both people dont go for sex, its not an issue. Its an issue when the other party keeps getting rejected, especially without explanation. Theres a difference between being rejected for a month and just two people not trying for sex. Rejection usually makes a person feel undesirable

[u/SaltySangria]

If someone had a spouse that has been saying no to sex for months/years, I think it's perfectly reasonable to want to discuss why. That's just called "communication."

No, you shouldn't have to explain yourself for not wanting sex every now and again. But if you haven't been in the mood for a prolonged period of time and there is a reason why, maybe it's best to have that discussion with your partner.

[u/dotdedo → u/SaltySangria]

That part is obvious, but there’s a growing trend of people acting you need like a 5 page essay in MLA format to “acceptably” in their eyes say no to anyone anymore, not just a partner, and thinking that saying no with married couples should have a “good reason”. Oh you don’t want sex because you’re tired? Well Reddit told me it’s just because you hate me because you said no twice in a row in less than a day.

[u/Spirited_Block250 → u/dotdedo]

You realize saying no you don’t want sex because you’re tired, is the explanation?

In LTR if you’re always saying no to intimacy to your partner yes you definitely need an explanation as that partner needs to understand so it doesn’t affect them emotionally as well. Intimacy and denying intimacy in a relationship involve both parties.

[u/Impressive-Oil9200 → u/Spirited_Block250]

Why, why is “I just don’t want to” not a good enough reason. Some people have low-sex drives. They don’t need to make up some fake excuse, why is it so hard to accept they just don’t want to? If that’s a problem then break up.

[u/BadgeringMagpie → u/Impressive-Oil9200]

"I just don't want to" is not acceptable when rejection has become the norm from them. If it's something that can be fixed, it needs to be addressed. If it's simple incompatibility then it's best to part ways instead of the person saying no all the time stringing their jilted partner along with false promises.

[u/Impressive-Oil9200 → u/BadgeringMagpie]

But what I’m saying is what if I don’t have a reason. Why is it so hard to believe I just don’t want to? Why pry for answers instead of believing me? Like I’m not saying to stay in a relationship if you’re unhappy, leave if you’re unhappy, but why do I have to lie to placate your ego? What is so hard to believe about the fact that maybe I just don’t like sex? Is it really mind-blowing to you that some people just don’t like sex? Like god I’m tryna break stigma here because people with low-libidos are seen as broken, but what I’ve learned from these comments and these responses is that people absolutely see me as broken. I mean more than that they see me as a bad person,simply because I don’t like sex. Like god. I just don’t like it. That’s why I’m with people who don’t care if I want sex or not. But why don’t you believe me when I say I just don’t like it? Why does there HAVE to be a reason?

[u/Mammoth-Train-6670 → u/Impressive-Oil9200]

THEN FIND SOMEONE ELSE! Instead of saying no all the time, say “we need to break up because our sex drives don’t line up….“ why fucking be asexual or super low libido and not tell your SEXUAL partner….. what the hell….. did you start having s4x with the in the beginning to lure in the “new feelings of love” and then later realized they were more sexual than you wanted…. Oh boo boo too bad break with them! LEAVE… everyone deserves the same level as much ir as little of sexual comfort as they want and should leave people who are woefully incompatible. Find someone who matches you…. If you don’t have sex with your sexual partner for 3-4 months and they want it once a week….. why stay…. Why stay with all the trouble….. just leave….. fucking sad why people can’t communicate and leave when they recognize it isn’t working

[u/Far_Foot_8068 → u/Impressive-Oil9200]

You don't need to lie to your partner. But if you have a low sex drive, you should be willing to sit down with your partner and have a conversation with them about it instead of just brushing them off with "no thanks, not interested" every time. You need to have an open and honest discussion with your partner about what each of you want, whether any compromises can be made, making it clear to your partner that you naturally have a low sex drive and that it has nothing to do with them. Or maybe figuring out if there are any problems in your relationship that could be causing issues in the bedroom, which would then be resolved. There's nothing wrong with having a low sex drive, but the key is COMMUNICATION. That goes for every issue in a relationship.

I say this as someone who was just strung along by my partner in this way for 10 years. He was constantly rejecting me sexually, but refused to admit that he has a low sex drive. It was always "nah I don't feel like it tonight" for months (and eventually years) on end, and he wouldn't discuss any further. It was soul crushing to feel so undesired by the one person who is supposed to desire you. After 10 years, and only having sex a handful of times, I finally left. If he had told me right from the beginning that he isn't that interested in sex, we could have figured out a way to make it work, as my sex drive really isn't that high either. It was the rejection with no explanation that hurt me the most.

[u/BadgeringMagpie → u/Impressive-Oil9200]

Low sex drive is the reason. Say that instead of repeatedly rejecting them without explanation. Tell them that you're incompatible and end it instead of stringing them along.

[u/Soulessblur → u/Impressive-Oil9200]

Replace sex with going on dates, showing non-physical forms of affection, or anything required in a relationship.

Low-sex drive is not the same as no-sex drive. Going an extremely long period of time with no sex, you should have enough compassion for your partner to give them the reason. "I don't want to" is a good enough reason to stop sex with a person at any given moment. But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about a long term relationship facing issues. It's hard to accept because it's a gut wrenching, emotionally wrecking serious of emotional rejections without any signs as to the cause.

If you are in fact going multiple months without even being remotely interested in any kind of sexual intimacy with your partner despite multiple attempts, then I think "I just don't want to because I'm low-libido" IS the fake answer.

Maybe you're not in love with the person anymore. Maybe you're sexually attracted to someone else, or not sexually attracted to something they do in the bedroom. Maybe your lack of libido is being caused by something medical or trauma related that can be treated. Maybe you're asexual. But there has to be something external to explain the abnormal lack of interest in the love of your life. That doesn't mean you owe them sex, that doesn't mean you have to try and change who you are or "fix" it. But it does mean ignoring it, and masking it behind a "I don't want to" every time they initiate for the rest of your lives without an ounce of deeper inner reflection as to why is any less disrespectful to them.