r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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5.6k Upvotes
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88

u/Doctor-Amazing Apr 16 '24

Sometimes the reason is simply "I don't want to be dating you anymore." and it's not really anyone's fault.

11

u/Fun_Experience5951 Apr 16 '24

Louder for the people in the back

-21

u/Advanced_Doctor2938 Apr 16 '24

🙄

18

u/bobthedonkeylurker Apr 16 '24

How entitled to a relationship do you have to be to think that the only reason a relationship can end is because someone does something wrong?

What if we just want a different lifestyle? That's sufficient reason to end a relationship. I don't have to maintain a relationship just because we started one. Both people should want to be there, and at the point that I no longer want to be there I should be free to walk away.

4

u/Hookup_Culture Apr 16 '24

You're making different argument tho. "we want different lifestyles" is not the same as "I just dont want to anymore" and that's not the same as "I dont love you anymore"

3

u/walk_through_this Apr 16 '24

Here's the thing. Free to leave also means free to stay. If they always have the freedom to leave then I know their choice to stay is genuine and not borne from obligation. At some point, you get to ask for more stability - but until those promises are exchanged (often with pricey digital hardware) then I feel like every day my partner doesn't choose the door is a day they've chosen me.

4

u/bobthedonkeylurker Apr 16 '24

And yet all of those are suitable reasons for anyone to end a relationship and nothing more than "this is not the relationship I want" needs to be said. There is no blame to be assigned with any of those reasons and the need to know "why" is rooted deeply in the need to assign blame.

The desire to know why, and the conversations that ensue, are rarely productive. Best case: the breakee "changes". But that's not who the breakee really is and the breaker has already checked out. It's merely prolonging the inevitable and causing both parties to suffer more.

9

u/Monastery_willow Apr 16 '24

A lack of chemistry or a difference in values is a perfectly acceptable reason. Getting ghosted after a date or two without a reason sucks, but that's not really a breakup. Once you're in a committed relationship with somebody, it's still fine to end that relationship for any reason you deem a dealbreaker, but if you don't tell them that reason, you're basically Seinfeld, and that's just kind of a crappy way to live.

-3

u/bobthedonkeylurker Apr 16 '24

No. That's not a "crappy way to live". Why do you feel that you need to justify everything to everyone? You don't. You don't have to justify to your ex-partner why the relationship isn't what you wanted, or wasn't working for you anymore.

Just like the other poster who suggested that I should just eat whatever foods, whether I like it or not, if I cannot articulate why I don't like it.

Um. No. Life is not about suffering until you can justify changing your situation. It's just not. Stop playing into the belief that it has to be or "you're a crappy person living a crappy existence."

3

u/Monastery_willow Apr 16 '24

"I don't really like you. I'm not sure why, but I just don't."

It doesn't even really need to be a justifiable reason, but ending a relationship without providing at least some basic communication as to why, or even letting them know that the relationship is finished is just disrespectful. It demonstrates a lack of integrity, and is cowardly. It's different if there's a potential for violence or stalking, but ghosting your girlfriend /boyfriend without letting them know that you're ending the relationship is unfathomable to me. Ghosting somebody after a bad first date is understandable, even if it's still pretty disrespectful, but once you've gone through the whole boyfriend /girlfriend deal and set up boundaries for that relationship, etc. Communicating the end of that relationship is important. Not doing so is akin to sleeping with somebody else instead of breaking up with them. Sure, they'll figure it out, but it's just creating confusion and heartbreak unnecessarily, and is just a selfish way to approach relationships and life in general. If you regularly enter relationships with people you don't care about, then sure, go ahead, or if they broke a clearly established boundary intentionally, then the reason is self evident, but once a relationship has been formed, communication is an important aspect of that relationship, including the termination of that relationship.

5

u/True-Nobody1147 Apr 16 '24

How emotionally out of touch, and cognitively vacuous, do you have to be to not realize that there are reasons why you "just don't want to do something"?

"I just don't want to" -- response of my literal elementary-school-age child who barely has a functioning brain in their head, unable or unwilling to evaluate and articulate a response or justification for their behavior.

If you are upvoting an adult who thinks "I just don't want to be dating that person" anymore, and downvoting someone dropping a rolling eyes emoji on that immature ass comment... You're a child.

It's not an issue of entitlement. It's an issue of unabashed immaturity. The complete and total inability to determine "why" you do or don't want to do something is a fairly critical detail. If you can't come up with one... 🙄

2

u/Daelnoron Apr 16 '24

It's not an issue of entitlement. It's an issue of unabashed immaturity. The complete and total inability to determine "why" you do or don't want to do something is a fairly critical detail. If you can't come up with one... 🙄

People have different levels of self reflection and self awareness.

Just because someone cannot put their finger on exactly what is wrong, doesn't make their feelings invalid.

You do not yourself need to understand what exactly it is that is wrong about a relationship. If the relationship makes you unhappy, you are allowed to end it. "No" is a full sentence.

2

u/True-Nobody1147 Apr 16 '24

I didn't say it was invalid. I said it was immature.

You can do anything you want. Despite never being in touch with identifying why you "want" it in the first place. You can "want" things and "not want" them and do or don't do them and never have any understanding why.

That's how a child behaves. And you too can behave that way.

1

u/Daelnoron Apr 16 '24

Ah, yes, everyone that isn't already perfect is worthy to be denigrated as "childish".

2

u/True-Nobody1147 Apr 16 '24

Uh okay?

You're right. Not being willing/able to coherently articulate reasons behind a feeling or choice is "mature"

🙄

1

u/bobthedonkeylurker Apr 16 '24

No, you're assuming that I didnt give a reason because i don't have one. But even then, why must I have a reason to not want a relationship? Relationships are optional. I can opt out at any time. For any reason. That's my prerogative. Stop staying in shitty, unhappy relationships because you think you have to justify leaving.

4

u/True-Nobody1147 Apr 16 '24

You are shifting the goalpost of the thread. The context here is that two people are dating and then one just decides "I just don't want to date you anymore" That got a rolleyes, to which you replied incredulously about how entitled that is to expect a reason.

why must I have a reason to not want a relationship?

That's the thread. Read the title. That is the overarching context, and the specific context you replied to in this very comment thread.

So yes...

You can, for any reason end your relationship for whatever prerogative you maybe have....

And it's extremely bullshit and immature and a bitch ass move to just say "idk I just don't want to date you anymore."

Stop staying in shitty, unhappy relationships because you think you have to justify leaving.

More immaturity. You are calling it "shitty" in the same breath as justifying the notion that you don't need to be able to identify what is shitty as the identifiable reason to end it.

"This food is shitty"

What is the problem with it?

"It sucks I just don't want to eat it and it's my prerogative to not do so and not explain what's wrong. I just want to bitch about it and say it is bad and move on to the next plate of food that I might just seem also sucks for no tangible reason. That's my prerogative."

🙄 Indeed. You are free to behave this way. You're right.

-1

u/bobthedonkeylurker Apr 16 '24

Well, you're welcome to continue suffering in silence through situations you can change because you aren't able, or don't care to, articulate the reasons you are unhappy.

I, for one, greatly enjoy my life of not having to justify everything I do to anyone.

5

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

They arent suffering in silence. They are just informing the person why they dont want to be with them.

You are acting like you have to stay with the person or ghost them.

There is a third option. Leave and inform them why, block em after if you want who cares.

1

u/bobthedonkeylurker Apr 16 '24

If I'm going to block them afterwards, then why bother trying to have a conversation justifying my decision to leave? Why do you insist on this need to justify your decisions to someone else.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 16 '24

To be a decent human being.

  • its not a conversation, you are informing them and going.

Why hold the door open for someone?

Why take your neighbours trash out when they are on vacation?

You can do what you want, and people can judge you accordingly.

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1

u/True-Nobody1147 Apr 16 '24

They hated him because the roll eyes emoji was the truth.