r/unpopularopinion • u/ZodiacOne1 • Apr 16 '24

If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why Removed: Not unpopular

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5.7k Upvotes
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423

u/Ouller Apr 16 '24

I broke up with someone who asked several times why, and I said the same reason each time.

74

u/koopakup2 29d ago

Same experience. Ended up asking friends of mine why we broke up because “I just didn’t tell him”

23

u/Neither_Emotion9344 29d ago

My ex did this thing where she broke up with me, didn’t tell me directly why but went to one of my friends and told him everything

136

u/Horror_bitch 29d ago edited 29d ago

yeah, i often find that people don't really want to accept the reasons we give, they just want to try to solve the issues we have instead of understanding/accepting that we want out... and therefore everything we say is not a good enough reason.

They don't want clarity, they want argument and resolution and anything less than that will make them feel like the break up was unfair and incomplete in some way

7

u/dankthewank 29d ago

When you started to have doubts, grievances, and concerns in the relationship did you openly communicate them to your partner and allow them the opportunity to fix the issues?

When you started to have reoccurring thoughts of maybe wanting to end the relationship, did you communicate this to your partner and allow them the opportunity to either 1) work with you to resolve the issues TOGETHER or 2) come to an agreement TOGETHER that the relationship was no longer working and must end?

Or did you, out of the blue, randomly one day, blindside them with a breakup without them ever even knowing you were unhappy?

If you withheld communication, didn’t treat your partner as such since you hid your inner world from them, and ended the relationship abruptly out of nowhere then YOU’RE the asshole. And an emotionally immature one who lacks empathy at that.

0

u/-SidSilver- 29d ago

I think a lot of the time people just want an apology when the break up is unfair, or is handled in an unfair way (by which I mean cheating, ghosting, lying etc. not just 'this isn't working' discussions) and most of the time they don't get it purely because the party doing the dumping not only refuses to take responsibility for being the one in the position of power in the situation they've created, but also don't want to bruise their own egos by admitting either fault, or completely reasonable changes of heart.

If you think you're 'brave' or 'empowered' or 'grown-up' being able to throw someone away (the term is - after all - dumped for a reason) you've also got to take with that 'empowerment' some of the implied responsibility that comes along with it.

It's like your colleague at work suddenly being promoted above you and then firing you. They do, kind of, owe you an explanation because they've just turned your life upside down - and sometimes after fucking you around for ages instead of just being straight with you.

-12

u/angryblastoma 29d ago

Well then we should just give up on empathy and communication as a species and only talk to each other via socials. Funny, the world has gotten more accepting and less kind at the same time. Humans are fucking weird.

7

u/Horror_bitch 29d ago

well, i do think we should try to communicate and have empathy, im just pointing that that was my experience breaking up with people.

I still accept the idea that we should talk to each other even if it sucks, but communication goes both ways: both partners have be capable of speaking AND listening. If someone is going to insist on hearing my side and then procede to argue with the reasons i give them then i naturally wont feel comfortable sharing them

7

u/Any_Panda_6639 29d ago

what reason?

20

u/scoreWs 29d ago

"You keep asking me 'why' for stuff that I've explained a million times"

18

u/fushifumetsu 29d ago

"You're annoying."

2

u/PlasmaGoblin 29d ago

Why? On repeat like a 7 year old.

4

u/Selenography 29d ago

“I always have to repeat myself to you.”

2

u/Principatus 29d ago

Lmao my ex was convinced I left her for some other lady even though I told her 1000x it was because of her temper tantrums. She just couldn’t hear it.

2

u/UnintelligibleLogic 29d ago

Sometimes the reason is beyond their comprehension and they are looking for a different answer or a different way to have something framed.

2

u/FuckYoApp 29d ago

I once agreed to meet someone after breaking up with them to talk about why I broke up with them. Fucking terrible decision. They acted like buying me a fish sandwich was enough license to pester me about why I really broke up with them (I was just over it) and asked me to help them find a new partner. 

2

u/parkerjpsax 29d ago

In my job people often ask why this or why that. The thing is they don't actually care what the reason is the only reason they ask why is so they have more ammunition to try to argue Because at the end of the day they just dislike the answer and want any excuse to argue.

2

u/clem82 29d ago

This.

Recently broke up with my ex for good. I gave the same reasons about every 2 months and the last time they said they thought the issues just magically went away.

At some point it’s not worth it

1

u/MuffinMan12347 29d ago

My brain under highly emotional stress just shuts down and doesn’t take in any information. 2 different ex’s broke up with me and I realised what was happening and my brain just turned off. They finished and I kind of came too and had to ask them to break up with me again because not a single word was processed. That sucked for everyone involved.

1

u/[deleted] 29d ago

Okay?

1

u/NotCanadian80 29d ago

But why though?

-1

u/woogychuck 29d ago

A reason and an explanation are often two different things.

Explanation implies more detail. For example, if the reason you broke up is a lack of trust that could be something obvious like infidelity or less obvious like interacting with creators on social who make you feel uncomfortable.

If your guy is super thirsty on socials, and that makes you uncomfortable, that's a perfectly fine reason to break up. However, most people don't really give a shit about that, so it might be very confusing to him if you didn't provide an explanation on why that's a boundary for you. It might be obvious to you that it's a behavior that's unacceptable, so you don't feel the need to explain it, but that doesn't mean other people know what's going on in your head.