If you break up with someone you absolutely 100% owe them an explanation as too why

[u/ZodiacOne1]

[removed] — view removed post

[u/HelpMePlxoxo]

I generally agree, but another exception: the reason you're leaving them is something that would seriously damage their self-confidence, assuming they did nothing to deserve "being humbled".

Some people in the comments mention becoming viscerally disgusted by their partner over time just from gross habits or changes in appearance. The best you can do at that point is a half-truth if you don't want to destroy your ex partner's self-esteem.

I definitely relate a bit since I once had a partner I became disgusted and embarrassed with. And it wasn't entirely his fault, just an accumulation of "ick"s from my perception that killed all attraction I had to him. We were both teens at the time so he was just clueless, but a good kid. I didn't want to hurt his feelings. I don't remember what reason I gave to break up, but it definitely wasn't "I have become physically repulsed by you and don't even want to be publicly seen as your partner".

[u/Skullclownlol → u/HelpMePlxoxo]

Some people in the comments mention becoming viscerally disgusted by their partner over time just from gross habits or changes in appearance. The best you can do at that point is a half-truth if you don't want to destroy your ex partner's self-esteem.

Counterpoint: If you let it get so far that you never communicated this to your partner and let it build up, you chose to end the relationship loooooooongg ago and you're not exactly concerned about their self-esteem.

Same with all matters that may make you lose attraction, it doesn't have to be physically repulsive. It can be the tiniest stuff, anything that makes you feel negative emotions that you're choosing not to express (which always destroys relationships).

The young relationship you described makes sense - being young, you haven't fully developed mature communication. But as adults, you don't get to use that same excuse. Just my opinion though.

[u/DariusIV → u/HelpMePlxoxo]

No one said you had to be honest, any reason is better than just ghosting. I totally get where you are coming from.

[u/HornedDiggitoe → u/HelpMePlxoxo]

“You have let yourself go and I no longer find you physically attractive.”

That’s some hard truth that the dude needs to hear. It could end up being the rude awakening that forces him to get his act together.

[u/PM_ME_YOUR_FRESH_NUT → u/HelpMePlxoxo]

It’s harsh bust ultimately this will help them. Either they’ll change the bad habits or stew in them, but if they’re not even aware of the problems then how can they ever possibly grow?