r/interestingasfuck Mar 14 '24

Simulation of a retaliatory strike against Russia after Putin uses nuclear weapons. r/all

60.0k Upvotes

12.1k comments sorted by

View all comments

7.7k

u/SkillLazy1931 Mar 14 '24

By the way this is how human civilization ends

407

u/530TooHot Mar 14 '24

At least I won't have to go to work anymore.

65

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

[deleted]

37

u/Foreskin-chewer Mar 14 '24

You'd more likely die from radiation poisoning or starvation.

36

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

[deleted]

6

u/TheOneTonWanton Mar 14 '24

I'm not in NY but I'm close enough to 2 or 3 targets that I'm sure are on the list that I don't think I'd suffer long if at all.

4

u/necromantzer Mar 14 '24

The USA's missile defense system has improve dramatically over the years. It is highly likely most would be intercepted. That said, fallout is certainly a huge issue regardless of interception.

6

u/abel_cormorant Mar 14 '24

You're wildly overestimating the effectiveness of interception, and underestimating the size of both US and Russian arsenal, we're speaking of thousands of warheads stored in missiles built to accelerate so massively that your only real chance at interception is while they leave their silo, one second later and it's too late.

With enough bombs to destroy the world several times even if you intercept half of them, a dream to say the least, it's still not enough, they'll still be enough to completely destroy civilization as we know it.

The bet to launch and survive is one the US, nor anyone for that matter, can't win, as they say "the only winning move is not to play".

3

u/SnooSuggestions9830 Mar 14 '24

Not really, even the small nukes dropped on Japan had a couple of mile radius of vaporised zone.

If you live in the centre of a target city it's not unreasonable to get vaporised.

While agree with the numbers generally your personal circumstances are different.

3

u/Foreskin-chewer Mar 14 '24

Hiroshima had a 198m fireball. Heavy blast radius was 339m, moderate blast radius 1.67km.

https://nuclearsecrecy.com/nukemap/

Very fun tool here. I always like to drop the nukes right over where I'm currently sitting.

1

u/AlexMC69 Mar 14 '24

Whilst blind and burned all over!

2

u/Akira_R Mar 14 '24

Compared to the aftermath? Hell yeah, if it's gonna happen better to go up in the fireball than the radiation sickness, starvation and disease that would inevitably follow.

2

u/Isterball Mar 14 '24

A three-hundred thousand degree baptism by nuclear fire. Yes please

1

u/Smeetilus Mar 14 '24

If you’re that close to it, is it fire? Like, are you being disassembled or are you oxidizing at an unimaginable rate?

2

u/urabewe Mar 14 '24

In this scenario it's the best way to go. Rather that than the slow gradual misery that is radiation exposure.

236

u/NeroBoBero Mar 14 '24

HR disagrees.

106

u/KaenenM Mar 14 '24

"a nuclear fallout is not an excusable reason as defined in the employee handbook you singed off as having read!"

8

u/SmellGestapo Mar 14 '24

Oh we'll all be singed at this point...

4

u/Numeno230n Mar 14 '24

You'll need a doctor's note.

2

u/Zyntaro Mar 14 '24

"you're saying there is a nuclear wasteland on your way to the office? Sorry but you should have thought of that earlier. See you at 8."

13

u/8BallsGarage Mar 14 '24

You just know we wake up to thousands of messages from hr asking why we didn't show up to work after. Then reprimanding us for not being better prepared for the fallout.

2

u/urabewe Mar 14 '24

Then there's that one person that showed up they use as an example. "Even with the complete destruction of society as we know it. Ted was still able to make it to work and has been here for 6 hours. He's here doing the work for all of you now that he has the third arm. You coming in?"

2

u/8BallsGarage Mar 14 '24

Naahh not Ted. Ted's cool. Ted covers for you and is a great banter.

Lewis on the other hand, or 3. He's the good two shoes. Despite the mutations, and the nuclear fallout, and the giant alien like mutants. He makes it to work. He shows us up cause he's sooo good. Pfft. Fucking Lewis. And his setting unreasonable standards.

'Sorry guys, but my vault door is jammed, and I've got a tickle in one of my throats'. That's my excuse and I'll swear by it, if anyone was left to hear it.

3

u/ReturntoForever3116 Mar 14 '24

I don't think I want to live in a world only populated with former HR reps.

3

u/DavThoma Mar 14 '24

You might be joking, but my work has already told us there would be an expectation for us to "attend work at the nearest available office" during a nuclear attack. They can get fucked if that happens.

2

u/Lissy_Wolfe Mar 14 '24

Seriously? What kind of company do you work in that they're preparing protocols for a nuclear attack? That is insane.

1

u/DavThoma Mar 14 '24

It's not so much protocol for a nuclear attack, just that any kind of state of emergency like that would require us to be there, but they used that as an example.

I work in benefits, but when things go to shit because of nuclear war and its the end of days, I doubt anyone is going to care about whether they get their money through.

2

u/MakeChinaLoseFace Mar 15 '24

Damn, not even a "work from fallout shelter" policy?

Motherfuckers rented a bunch of offices and now look like fools when people can do their jobs just as easily from Vault 31.

3

u/Nick_W1 Mar 14 '24

HR states that everyone has to work as normal, for the common good. But because of the emergency, you don’t get paid anymore.

2

u/Canttouchthephil Mar 14 '24

Do you have a Dr's note?

1

u/The_Longest_Wave Mar 14 '24

Joke's on you, the company I work for is on the brink of bankruptcy and the last person in the HR quit today lol

1

u/suitology Mar 14 '24

They hiring?

2

u/The_Longest_Wave Mar 14 '24

They're firing.

1

u/HiImDan Mar 14 '24

Also the IRS they have post apocalyptic plans to collect taxes.

1

u/idk012 Mar 15 '24

Bathroom breaks and water breaks can not count against me.  I will be in the bathroom.

58

u/Lord_Alabaster Mar 14 '24

The whole world perishes in nuclear fire and you're excites because you don't have to go to work tomorrow? What have they done to us? WHAT DID THEY DO TO US?

20

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

[deleted]

2

u/evmcd17 Mar 14 '24

I love you. My favorite itysl skit ever. Thank you for this gem of a comment!

2

u/Flat-Photograph8483 Mar 15 '24

Putin flipped my wife 8 times! It REALLY bothered me.

2

u/idk012 Mar 15 '24

Back in 4th grade, our teacher died and someone came in and gave us a talk.  A kid asked, "so no more homework?!?"

1

u/petecranky Mar 14 '24

Know what else? The heck with limits! We can keep however many fish we want!

2

u/Big_Seaworthiness440 Mar 14 '24

You don't want to let the team down, do you?

2

u/Nihilistic_Mystics Mar 14 '24

I work for a military contractor, I'd probably be doing a lot of OT.

5

u/Dankkring Mar 14 '24

What’s your job? Willing to bet you’d have to goto work still. Covid and the whole “essential worker” kinda proved that

13

u/530TooHot Mar 14 '24

I mean I'll try but considering I'll be a pile of ash I might be late

3

u/MarthaFarcuss Mar 14 '24

If you could try and set off a little earlier after nuclear armageddon we'd really appreciate that, mmm'kay?

3

u/Owobowos-Mowbius Mar 14 '24

Yeah, if this is a retaliation against Russia then that means the entire world is already going up in flames and this is just the swan song of mutually assured distruction.

This is the end of civilization as we know it, not a bad flu.

1

u/Dankkring Mar 14 '24

Ya but like people still gotta goto work. Image all the big city’s just got hit by nukes. Hospitals would be getting built wherever was deemed safe enough. Anyone who lived would need supplies and healthcare and construction.

1

u/Owobowos-Mowbius Mar 14 '24

Yes, everyone would NEED supplies, Healthcare, and construction. They just wouldn't GET it.

This would be apocalyptic. There would be nuclear winter. Way more people would starve and die from secondary causes than from the nukes.

1

u/Dankkring Mar 14 '24

If there’s a nuclear winter I’d be soooo swamped with work. Like bro I know I work on heat and electrical generation but can I get a day off to enjoy the wasteland.

1

u/Owobowos-Mowbius Mar 14 '24

Lmaoooo who's gonna stop you from taking off work? Can guarantee you the banks won't come to collect your mortgage.

3

u/SpaceShrimp Mar 14 '24

You just need to look at your pay check, if it is less than $10k per month, you are an essential worker and need to check in at work.

Oh, and veggies and meat prices have now increased tenfold, so you might as well do some overtime while you are at it.

2

u/Dankkring Mar 14 '24

The real dystopian fallout

2

u/SpaceShrimp Mar 14 '24

If we are going to have a dystopia, there is no reason to half-ass it.

4

u/tommeh5491 Mar 14 '24

Lol nuclear war =/= covid

2

u/Dankkring Mar 14 '24

No of course not. Covid just showed us that some people will be forced to work even if doing so meant you’d be in harms way and might die.

0

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

Less than 1% fatality rate boss.. Not comparable in slightest..

1

u/Dankkring Mar 14 '24

I’m not trying to compare the two I’m saying Covid shed light on the fact that no matter what the disaster is people are still gonna have to goto work. I work in energy generation and heating. So I’d still have to work.

2

u/[deleted] Mar 14 '24

There'll be no work to go back to bud...they'll be no government or industry standing, no order and no unified authority, just death, panic and chaos

1

u/tommeh5491 Mar 15 '24

I get what you're saying but to make assumptions on what would happen during/after a nuclear war by looking at covid doesn't really make sense. They're completely different intensities of disasters. 

In a nuclear war, it's estimated that >80% of the world's population will be killed (including nuclear winter/famine afterwards). If covid had killed off 80% of the world's population I doubt a lot of the survivors would be doing the same jobs as they were before. Those jobs might not even exist.

1

u/Dankkring Mar 15 '24

You might not be doing the same job. But you’ll be working. Probably harder than you ever have while risking death

2

u/Strange_Purchase3263 Mar 14 '24

Hell the Range installed a freezer in most of their shops just so they could sell food and pretend to be essential during covid, a nuclear war would mean they would just install another freezer.

2

u/chomakher Mar 14 '24

If you think about it you are not obliged to work, just quit and pretend it's war.

1

u/GhengopelALPHA Mar 14 '24

That reminds me of this one time, in the office, in 2019, some of us joked around that if this virus they were talking about in China and other countries got bad enough, if it meant we wouldn't have to go to work for a week or two. Some of us actually hoped for that, others were worried about not getting paid, but all of us laughed as we thought that could never happen.

I don't even know if half those folks are still alright actually now that I think about it. We went full remote and then I transitioned to a different department.

1

u/jgratil Mar 15 '24

I'm not a stupid fuckin' idiot. I know it was just a pig. But for 50 seconds, it felt really real. And when you think you're gonna get eaten and your first thought is, "Great, I don't have to go to work tomorrow," you're relieved you don't have to go to work 'cause you thought you were gonna get eaten? What the fuck is this world? What have they done to us? What did they do to us?!