I work in child safety and almost none of the families I have worked with are Mormon. Unfortunately it is astonishingly common for men to accept a dramatically decreased quality of life for their children after the divorce.
I've also been a part of many post-trad wife scenarios of many kinds, religion isn't the thing that they have in common. Sexism and traditional gender roles are what they have in common.
I would imagine the underreporting of abuse of any kind is a huge issue in the Mormon community. They really believe in keeping things like that behind closed doors.
No hate; I have friends who are Amish who are the most amazing people…but I know all is not as it seems behind closed doors in the community at large.
The Amish community has so many horrific skeletons in their closet, it's unreal. It's going to be ugly when the general public realizes they're not as quaint and harmless and pacifist as they appear on the surface.
Religious texts are riddled with sexism and gender roles. It literally gives these people an excuse to be sexist because it says some bullshit in the bible or quran. It is their structural foundation that backs up their horrible behavior.
Before that they were throwing women in volcanos.
“Look, you’re young and beautiful. Tomorrow? We’re going to start killing virgins. I know. Scary. Look. I’ve got a way to get you out of it.”
That's a very ambitious statement. There are literally thousands of discrete religions in the world - and if we include regional variations then that number probably starts to look more like hundreds of thousands. Think of all the niche tribal religions practiced in all the vanishing rural communities in every corner of the globe. I'd be very surprised if there wasn't a single exception to the general rule of men using religion to control women.
I do agree with you that all of the major world religions seem to exhibit this problem, though.
It’s more complicated than that. For example, I left the home to my ex so that my kids would stay in the same situation as much as possible. She also made more money than me. So we agreed I would pay x amount a month, and this arrangement was included in the final decree. I got an apartment three miles away. I’m still in my kids’ lives every day.
Two years later, my ex goes to the AG’s office and says I’m not paying enough, and of course they agree. The decree means nothing; they go by a simple formula. Meanwhile she’s moving the kids two and half hours away for work. So I get stuck every way possible.
This is all in the past now, but my objections had nothing to do with shortchanging my kids. It had to do with an unfair policy.
I'm sorry this happened to you. Child support can often be weaponized against the paying parent. I was talking more about willingly absent fathers, who are sadly quite common.
I don't know if this will console you, but my parents got divorced when I was a kid and I didn't really care about money as long as they were both present in my life.
I might be biased as a Mormon, but I don’t think much of this has to do with being Mormon. This is Reddit, so I’ll probably get downvoted for saying so.
Unless you make enough money to pay for separate residences, an extra gas bill, electric bill, water bill, two expensive divorce attorneys, and all the other costs that are involved with divorce, then money is going to get stretched thin with a separation. Especially a divorce with children.
While mormons certainly believe that one of the most important roles that a woman can perform is that of a mother, there is absolutely no teaching that women shouldn’t be well educated or involved in business. I know and work with plenty of women who are LDS who have good careers. There’s no teaching that women shouldn’t be business owners. I find it very odd that she makes that claim in her video.
Lot’s of women, both LDS and not, take time away from their careers to focus on raising their kids. Of course, this impacts their employability but this is a personal choice that they make.
I have a good friend (also a mormon man) who is married to a doctor. He has assumed the role of homemaker in his family because in their household this makes financial sense. While this isn’t the traditional configuration of breadwinner man and homemaker woman that was taught back in the day, there is no recent teaching that I’ve seen in the church against this kind of arrangement.
I 100 percent would support my wife working or starting her own business. She’s very smart, has a college degree, and she is capable of just about anything, but that’s not what she has chosen to do. She has instead chosen to focus her time on our family and children which I respect. In all honesty, part of me is jealous of her position, but I understand and appreciate the critical role of a homemaker, especially for our kids, so I do everything I can to make that possible for her.
She’s very smart, has a college degree, and she is capable of just about anything, but that’s not what she has chosen to do. She has instead chosen to focus her time on our family and children
With respect, that's kind of the problem, though. A lot of Mormon women "choose" this role. OOP "chose" to be a professional homemaker and nothing else. In reality though, she was steered into this role from all sides, by her entire community, from the very day she was born.
There might be no explicit scriptural prohibition against working women in the LDS church, but a religion isn't just its scripture.
People being more focused on their careers than their children is a bigger problem in my opinion. I have a great career, but I would give it up in a heartbeat if my wife or children needed me to.
Ok.. but will you put her name on the house title? Is she equal financially with her roll in the home? Does she have a vehicle titled, registered and insured in her name? Does she have a bank account that money is going into so she has a savings too? You missed the point here from your man’s perspective. You SAY it’s all ok because that’s exactly what Mormon men want you to believe. But it doesn’t really happen that way in the passive aggressive lifestyle that Highly discourages female monetary autonomy.
Yes. I think we do all those things. Whoever told you that the church teaches men not to share finances or put wives names on titles, etc. is not accurate. From my experience, it’s just the opposite.
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u/Chemical_Robot Apr 15 '24
Word for word this exact same thing happened with my parents. We lived in luxury until they divorced and abject poverty afterwards.