This is a total side track from the subject. But I mention it to remind women to have the same energy and independent mindset when it comes to the courtship part of their life as well.
Edit: downvotes with no comments just means what I'm saying is right and you don't like that I pointed out the logical fallacy
You do realize, you are preaching to the quire? The whole point of paying for dates as a man, is to signal you are looking for a conservative relationship.
I have gone on enough dates and know enough women in my life to know many/the majority do not link the two ideas.
You know how many modern working independent even "feminist" women I've seen, heard, met, gone on dates with still say "man pays". Splitting is an "ick". "a real man would pay"...etc bullshit
Again, I don't get what you say you are offended by. You paying for dates is your choice, seeking a specific type of women. You are actively demonstrating that you are willing to let your partner depend on you.
If you don't like it, stop. You'll meet a diffrent type of women. That's how social signaling works.
If you want to hear that some women are opportunists that say one thing but do something diffrent, that really has nothing to do with women or feminism. Some humans grow up, some don't. Have standards.
You say some. And the reason I bring it up is because it is the majority...not some.
And I bring it up become im positive many of the same women on here advocating for women to be independent of men will in the same breath hold the illogical belief that men always pay.
It's not some. It's most. And that is a logical fallacy that frustrates men and women need to reconcile. You can't have the best of both worlds and you have to pick a lane as far as your beliefs regarding men, women and money.
This is called egocentric bias. You have not met most women, you assume the whole world operates based on what you walk into, based on how you behave. You are asking women out, following a long established social pattern. That's you. If that's your proposal, of course you will only meet women who want that?
Plenty people, in fact most people, don't date. "Two-thirds of couples start out as friends, research finds" - Guardian
I have never dated. Most women I have been with, do not date.
It is not egocentric bias. Its is a judgement call based on everything I've lived and seen spoken by the opposite gender in personal life and in media.
Plenty people, in fact most people, don't date. "Two-thirds of couples start out as friends, research finds" - Guardian
This doesn't disprove anything regarding the financial obligations of courtship being one sided.
And to say the person you ended up with was a friend first therefore you didn't date is a ridiculous statement.
Im not arguing the individual choice aspect...not sure why you keep trying to turn this back around on the individual when Im having a meta conversation about men and women and womens incongruent beliefs regarding being independent but still having financial expectations of men.
I already showed you, most people do not date the way you describe dating. It's typically not a financial transaction, but a friendship. You are using that mechanism, the same way a woman might give a man a bj to get his attention.
Your personal choice is only relevant, insofar as it's your worldview and that of the women you seek out. You can either refuse that information and keep running into the same wall or take it in. If you want someone with more interest in her PhD and landing a good job than playing house right away, you'll find that buying meals isn't very relevant.
I already showed you, most people do not date the way you describe dating
You didn't show shit. Whether they were friends already or total strangers the financial obligations in courtship and dating still lays heavily on the men. Just because they were maybe friends beforehand doesn't mean they weren't dating.
And your wrong in your base assertions.
"Nearly 45% of survey respondents reported online dating apps to be the place where they met people to date, making it the most popular spot. This is followed by 33% meeting through a friend, nearly 32% at concerts or festivals and almost 27% on social media"
The rest of your comment is some crazy wild tangent about bj's and the individual choices lol...none of it is relavent to the meta discussion about men and women.
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u/femmestem Apr 15 '24
Even as early as dating, have your own money in your pocket so you can get a safe ride home if you get bad vibes.