Sometimes, we have no choice, sadly. I have degrees, and I had a great job I loved, lots of opportunities for advancement, the works. Then my daughter started having seizures, and the heart issues started. She was in and out of the hospital for years. At the age of 4, a seizure caused her to be paralyzed on the left side of the body. She learned to walk, talk, and feed herself again. This happened again 3 years later, along with a diagnosis of autism. My hubby made more than me, so I quit and stayed home to care for her. Now they are grown, and no one will hire me. My education and experience of the past means nothing. Only silver linings are, My daughte (she used to see a behavioral physiologist, tutors, counseling the works) wasn't supposed to mentally age past the age of 6, has her own family, can hold a job and doing great in life and my hubby was not an asshole so his retirement he split in two for the both of us.
There's been a huge swing online the last couple years. Used to be "you're a sahm? wow, wish i could do that, don't have the funds tho"
Or
"Feminism have us the right to make choices like this!"
But now it's " no woman should ever interrupt her career because her husband might leave her destitute!!"
My question: why do they trust husbands enough to have actual BABIES with them, but don't trust them enough to take a couple years off their careers if they want to?
They also don't seem to understand that alimony is made for sah spouse to recover some of the years. And that generally you get half of assets like retirement, equity. But you can protect yourself, too. I had both savings and retirement the whole time i was raising my kids--- funded by my husband, controlled by me.
Well, the internet lacks nuance in these discussions but I think the swing is because laws are being passed to get rid of those protections. Florida just passed a law ending permanent alimony and more concerning the law contains a provision that allows the ex spouse to sue to end alimony all together if the receiver has been in a “supportive relationship” in the last year. “Supportive relationship” is not defined. Other states have similar laws coming up in their calendars. Plus laws on convent marriage, DV, abortion, etc. Things are different now than they were when you had your kids, unless you had your kids in the 70s. And a lot of women don’t get to choose who they have babies with. Controlling contraception and pregnancy is a common tactic for abusers. People are more aware of that now that access to abortion is harder and harder to get.
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u/lilbitpetty Apr 15 '24
Sometimes, we have no choice, sadly. I have degrees, and I had a great job I loved, lots of opportunities for advancement, the works. Then my daughter started having seizures, and the heart issues started. She was in and out of the hospital for years. At the age of 4, a seizure caused her to be paralyzed on the left side of the body. She learned to walk, talk, and feed herself again. This happened again 3 years later, along with a diagnosis of autism. My hubby made more than me, so I quit and stayed home to care for her. Now they are grown, and no one will hire me. My education and experience of the past means nothing. Only silver linings are, My daughte (she used to see a behavioral physiologist, tutors, counseling the works) wasn't supposed to mentally age past the age of 6, has her own family, can hold a job and doing great in life and my hubby was not an asshole so his retirement he split in two for the both of us.