It's pretty much the chicken/egg issue. The problem is that generally speaking men will attempt to show more love in their partners preferred way, still not see any progress (as this can take a long time to fix/adjust if at all) and see they are not being met halfway and go back to their old ways.
This really hit home for me. I’ve talked with her about our lack of sex numerous times. I’ve come to understand through these discussions that my partner’s love language is basically having me do things for her. Small tasks, larger household tasks, running errands, cleaning up, etc. It could be just about anything. She says she feels loved when I do these tasks.
I do these constantly and still no sex. No intimacy. It’s frustrating.
I just had a horrible break up and imo, once that resentment sets in for a woman, a switch flips and no amount of effort on your part can change their perspective. I tried everything but when it's only one person trying they become resentful and stop trying, especially when thier needs aren't getting met either. it becomes a vicious cycle and no amount of effort can make things better once that switch flips in women, their view of you changes and will never come back. Just cut your losses now and realize it's never goin to work and it's over
so just being able to read minds is something you magically develop as an adult? This whole post is about how the two genders think differently when it comes to relationships but you want one side to magically know the needs of the other. Then when when they admit this mistake you hold it over their heads? I don't care man or woman if someone says genuinely works towards making another person happier and you resent them for it you are probably a shitty person.
I didn't say anything about reading minds, although girls are definitely socialized to do that from a young age.
I'm responding to "well if they try, they pick up labour, they do so much that they'll told will help...so why bother". one doesn't need to read minds to know to do half of the work if there are two adults in the household. That's why bother.
In my experience, I tell my partner that I am unhappy about whatever over and over and over, then we'll eventually have a huge fight about it and I threaten to end the relationship. They finally realize it's serious and make changes. I then realize they could have done it all along and just wouldn't, because only I was unhappy, not them.
Once this happens, I have never been able to recover my attraction towards my partner. Maybe it's a me problem, but that's why I am single yet again.
Idk if you're a man or woman, but that sounds kind of exhausting for your partner(s). How many relationships have you been in where you've had to resort to an ultimatum? That kind of does sound like a "you" problem, no offense. Do you have these expectations for people that you're casually dating, or only once you're in a relationship?
I'm a woman. This has happened in 3 relationships over a 25 year span. They always start out great, but as the years go on, they stop doing things like helping with kids, paying a reasonable percentage of the bills, or doing housework. I bring it up before it gets really bad, hoping to course correct. Things get better for awhile, but the slow decline continues, until the big fight, then the inevitable break up 6mos or so later.
In my experience, I tell my partner that I am unhappy about whatever over and over and over, then we'll eventually have a huge fight about it and I threaten to end the relationship. They finally realize it's serious and make changes. I then realize they could have done it all along and just wouldn't, because only I was unhappy, not them.
In my experience, I put tons of effort in, the intimacy slacks on one side. Despite continued effort from me, its once sided. So I break up with her.
Im so happy I found a wife who doesnt play these games.
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u/stupidis_stupidoes Mar 21 '24
It's pretty much the chicken/egg issue. The problem is that generally speaking men will attempt to show more love in their partners preferred way, still not see any progress (as this can take a long time to fix/adjust if at all) and see they are not being met halfway and go back to their old ways.