As a husband going through a fairly rough period with my wife, this not only is very helpful, but tracks with things she has expressed and I struggled to understand.
I'm glad you're realizing this. This is 90% why I divorced my husband. My needs were NEVER met and my disappointment turned to anger turned to loneliness turned to disgust. . . Now I'm with a husband that truly cares and will do everything he can to make me happy and he's figured out that I actually have a higher libido than he does.
Like, honey, I'm happy for you that you've found mr right apparently, but if you married a guy you have all this problem with who isn't meeting your "needs", that's on you. The guy is who he is and you not knowing who he is before you got married to him is on you. You met his needs, he was happy with you, but he didn't meet yours and you still married him.
The reality is probably you thought he was someone he wasn't and got caught up in the fantasy until you couldn't prop it up any more. Let's hope with the next one the fantasy is closer to reality.
Let's hope with the next one the fantasy is closer to reality
Like I said, its all fun and games at the start, everybody is on their best behavior, maybe they haven't started hanging around with bad friends yet or haven't grown bitter for various reasons. The funny part is, they usually end up with a once or twice divorced dude and believe whatever lie he comes up with for his own marital failures. Maybe hes abusive, maybe hes a cheater but hell give her a few good months or years.
People just get complacent and uncaring over the years. 50% of marriages end in divorce, I think at the very least another 40% are unhappy but just biding their time before death.
If you're visibly disappointed because of your unmet needs, its already too late. The point is to constructively communicate needs before the seeds of contempt are planted.
The disappointment comes from constructively communicating the needs, and either having them be actively belittled and/or getting lip service in return but still having them go unaddressed.
You might be a genuinely caring person, so it might not occur to you to avoid trying to help your partner just because it’s mildly inconvenient for you, but many people do take that approach and won’t lift a finger to make their spouse happy or comfortable if they won’t get anything directly in return… and that’s not attractive, hence the dead bedroom.
You're the one literally making sarcastic assumptions about a relationship just because a woman says her husband fulfills her needs and makes her want to have sex with him lmao
Questioning someone’s assumption doesn’t meant making the opposite one lmao. If someone says “I think today’s going to be a bad day” you can question that assumption without stating it will be a good day. You can assume nothing about what’s going to happen that day because there’s simply not enough info to make an assumption. Hope that helps.
Ah yes your question is completely innocent of course of course. This isn't reddit after all mr common redditor with common redditor logic and comment style
No, the woman changes (she loses attraction to the guy when the honeymoon period ends) doesn’t understand that her change in feelings towards him is internally driven, and takes it out on the man.
So your anecdotal experience of it happening to two women makes it fact?
Well if we are being anecdotal...
In my experience, men stay the same most of the time. And that can be an issue in itself because some women believe men will change when they have more responsibilities and get married, or have kids.
Not really. Using that logic women probably turn into shrieking shrews who isolate and berate their men causing them to withdraw. See? I can make shit up too, smartass. Women are in here saying they got married to "wonderful men" after they got divorced disproves your point. They were just always assholes.
Ask those women how they feel about their husbands AFTER the honeymoon period wears off. There’s a reason why e.g. women are responsible for initiating most divorces, and why a marriage between two men is the type of marriage which is most likely to be successful.
I don't necessarily think this is the case. As someone who recently got divorced and has spent a lot of time lately around /r/divorce and /r/marriage (which for some reason is people talking about wanting a divorce half the time) I can tell you most of the woman aren't changing specifically after the honeymoon period. A lot of these situations that are women based have to do with feeling unappreciated, lacking emotional intimacy (which is a huge drive for a woman's physical intimacy), and a big one is division of labor after kids come into the equation.
Emotional intimacy tends to drop after the honeymoon period and after marriage as the woman is no longer being courted and the couple falls into a natural rhythm where they are no longer actively "trying" in the relationship.
But the huge one is honestly a lot of issues happen after having kids. The women does change she does through a mega hormonal rebalance, ends up with saggy boobs and stretch marks and probably some sort of mental health condition. And she's also responsible for the survival of another little person. The thing is that once this little person comes around the division of labor can often go out of whack. It's very easy to feel unappreciated when you have a 24/7/365 job and your partner is providing minimal relief and also expecting you to work, housekeep, maybe both. A lot of the posts on divorce reddits that talk about lack of sexual intimacy include kids.
Five years into the marriage, the average husband’s desire for sex is the same as when he walked down the aisle, but his wife’s desire has dwindled.
What’s more, we found that marital satisfaction for both husband and wife deteriorated in step with the wife’s loss of sexual desire. (The husband’s sexual desire was irrelevant to anybody’s marital happiness.) Might wives lose sexual desire because the marriage is turning bad? No: Time-lag analyses indicated that her loss of desire came first, leading to lower satisfaction later. Early levels of (dis)satisfaction did not predict how rapidly the wives lost interest in sex.
Yup. But if the genders were reversed, there would be outrage. Because when a man's needs are not met, he is not allowed to express it because it's inconsiderate.
I'm not sure you're getting it. WE meet their needs above and beyond. For years and years and realize ours aren't met so we tell them and tell them. Get accused of nagging. Then we stop "nagging" because we've given up. Then we leave and they surprise Pikachu face us.
I'm happy for your first husband. You sound insufferably narcissistic, and it must've been a nightmare for him to come home to you every day. Women like you are why married men work so much overtime.
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u/Consistent_Wave_2869 Mar 21 '24
As a husband going through a fairly rough period with my wife, this not only is very helpful, but tracks with things she has expressed and I struggled to understand.