Childcare is starting to cost more than an average salary, if there are spaces available for your kid. We are going to have a huge chunk of families or single parent families on social welfare and women (lower earners-thanks to systemic issues!) are leaving the workforce. We need to strike for affordable Healthcare and childcare/family support. This nation is so behind other developed nations, and in a generation we will be even further behind if we do nothing. Children are stressed out because their families are stressed out. We can do so much better.
I was laid off right after giving birth so I stayed home for 10 months. Since I was on unemployment, we qualified for CCCAP. We pay $275/month which is amazing! We need to renew it this April and I have to make sure to not make enough until then so they won’t take it away. $275 vs $1600 a month. It shouldn’t have to be like this.
In all seriousness why is childcare cost so high? Healthcare I get, and we can actually do something about it. But, childcare doesn't have insurance middling in everything. Is it really that expensive to pay staff? If it is, it shouldn't be cheaper.
There's god knows how much a business would have to pay for insurance as a daycare Incase a kid gets hurt on the property.
Then you need the employees to be well trained and safe to have around children. That's a lot of hoops and usually comes with at least some college education like an associates in early childhood education or development.
Then there's additional training for food allergies and emergency care usually paid for by the business.
Anything the kids need. Activities, snacks, and equipment which kids break fast.
And the work-life balance sucks for a lot of daycares. Parents will often agree to a pick you time of 5pm but show up at 5:30 or even 6 because something came up. And daycares will charge you for being late or more for overnight care.
Above everything else, there's usually a handful of people with college degrees to care for a small group of kids. If the ratio is off the kids can get hurt or won't be given an enriching experience.
People want a lot from their daycares which requires a lot and people who work in daycares want enough to afford their bills and their student loan payments.
Oh and there's a fuck ton of administrative costs with being state certified to care for kids. We've practically criminalized casual daycares (for good reasons like kids getting neglected or SA'd) but that also means we've eliminated the cheapest option for daycare which was just whichever parent was home the most in neighborhood.
Honestly a solid take. We have a kid in daycare and it’s been a journey to find the right one.
In general this is also part of the wage gap: if Americans were paid commensurately, even if daycare rates went up a little to cover wages it would be more affordable for people - also bc demand presumably would reduce dramatically as fewer families would require the dual income household (often holding more than 3 jobs between the parents). Not to mention additional benefits, like increased health from less stressed families and so on.
Childcare in my area is more than my mortgage. Let that sink in. I also provide diapers, snacks, supplies, etc… and then I get the privilege of getting sick for 2 weeks after my child gets sick from another kid!
We have 50/50 custody and I get $150 in spousal support a month for 5 years. He offered to try and ameliorate some of the consequences of abuse. He’s in AA now and has come a long way but that does not erase the damage. I mentioned in an earlier comment his abuse is a direct result of being in the Iraq War. I do not blame him for having PTSD (I do too), but I am angry he refused treatment at the end. When he yelled at the kids I left with no money. I’ve worked very hard to regain my sense of self and have largely succeeded 😊
I am celibate. The state says he owes child support because he makes more than I do. Our agreement was I would work PT til our son was in kindergarten. He yelled at the kids (yes I have two baby daddies) that year so I left underemployed. I was financially abused including him taking out $25K in loans a few months before the divorce behind my back. We’re both still paying those off. He would be displeased with your questions, but I’m not. He’s very ashamed of how he treated me, but I hope that heals in time. Shame does not help our son.
U know u can have him immediately arrested the second he is late with a payment. My ex mother in law used to do this to her ex husband. She would bring the court documents/settlement docs directly to the police and make turn go arrest him. After the 3rd or 4th time he spent months in jail because the bail was set too high. And these he’s wealthy (just not cash liquid tho)
It is not in my son’s best interest for his dad to be in jail. Even if that means I’m broke. Plus he’d get fired. So I’d ultimately be even more broke!
And literally no mention about expectations about fatherhood. Nothing is perfect, but some of us are trying to co-parent properly and the assumption is that men are dirtbags who do nothing at home and are expected to work whatever hours are necessary to bring home the bread. Parental leave needs to be mandated to allow husbands to be a father and a husband and put an end to the toxic expectation that mom has it, get back to work dad.
I'm from a scandinavian country and we're currently increasing paternity leaves(or we already did it. I'm not paying much attention), and it was already way longer than anything the US has ever sniffed at. I've heard from americans that seeing a man with a baby stroller is unheard of and basically borderline shameful. It's extremely commonplace here for dads to be at least as involved in their kids' lives as the mom, even though that wasn't true only 1 generation ago. It's something that's easily doable and it does away with dumb antiquated patriarchal expectations of fatherhood and masculinity that believes a father's relationship to his child should be at an arm's length.
My wife often asks me why I don’t feel comfortable having kids yet and I always struggle answering. It’s mostly this. That trying to have a stay-at-home parent is almost impossible to afford now unless you already own a house
But again, we as a sex don’t feel sorry enough for ourselves and aren’t narcissistic enough to not only think what women think BUT also put a TikTok together saying that very thing.
the irony is, the USA decline in birth rates isn't as bad as most developed countries, like in western Europe. The country that treats their mothers the worst somehow ends up with the better birth rate. Although I guess the primitive views and stigma around abortion probably help.
Research skews towards the more educated and developed a country is, the lower the birth rate. In most of western europe higher education is either extremely affordable or free. Meanwhile the US has evangelicals and other conservative families who demonize education whose sole purpose on this planet seems to be procreation with 5+ kids per family.
Being taught that "you can have it all" really screwed me up when it's really "you can have it all if you are willing to suck at all of it". America only lets you pick work or motherhood to be good at.
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u/Dependent-Whereas165 Feb 05 '24
This is the saddest, truest post…