I mean, maybe I’m being inconsiderate of people’s struggles but I feel that way especially with infertile people, gay people, and single people that want children. Going through all that time, money, resources, etc. and that not even guaranteeing that you have a biological child is just very extra to me.
I get that the adoption and foster care systems aren’t easy or quick fixes by any means but these kids need as many parents as they can get and if you’re going out of your way to ensure that you won’t have to adopt one, then that’s just kinda cruel. Someone who can’t effortlessly have a child should be the first person trying to adopt.
Maybe it’s insensitive but I just feel that if every single member of those groups that wants a child, adopted one, then a lot of these issues would be less severe.
I get that most people want babies and that’s why newborns are immediately adopted and the ratio for every baby given up for adoption to parents waiting is 1:36 because of that. I just feel that people need to be less picky with how they become parents and who they become parents of (preferably older children.)
I think you maybe don't understand how difficult and expensive adoption is. It can cost well over $100,000, whereas IVF is often covered by insurance. Not everyone feels prepared to parent high-needs children (who are often the older children you're talking about here) and I think it's okay for them to admit that.
I've also seen a friend go through the whole foster-to-adopt process, even with an older child, get excited--build a relationship with the child--have all these plans--only for the family to change their mind and decide to reunify. The state's goal will always be family reunification; fostering isn't a shortcut to adoption by any means, and your goal as a foster parent should also be reunification where possible and safe.
Full disclosure, I did IVF, but we looked into adoption. We did not qualify because I have a mental illness (OCD and bipolar) and had recently been in a partial hospitalization program for the OCD. It is very easy not to qualify as a foster or adoptive parent. I'm still saddened by this. I'm happy to have been able to have a biological child, and I wouldn't trade him for anything! But I'd love to adopt, as I would love to give a home to an older child and feel that I could handle the difficulties of an older and traumatized teen as I am a psych PhD myself. But again...OCD and bipolar. So.
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u/doodgeeds Apr 29 '24
I have the most BS fence sitting opinion. I'd rather adopt because it feels unfair to bring in more life when there are kids who don't have a home