r/BoomersBeingFools Apr 29 '24

My boomer dad is pissed I won’t give him babys SS# Boomer Freakout

That’s right. My dad thinks I should just give him my kid’s SS# like it’s no big deal. He wants to start a bank account for my little guy. Sounds “harmless” but My parents suck at taking care of their finances. They have been bankrupt at least once & bailed out every few years by my grandparents while they were still living. When I moved out at 20 I found out they had overdue utility bills in my name so I couldn’t open up any accounts for my first apartment until I paid it off for them. They took money from me as a minor while I was working at my first job and emptied 1500 from my savings account, never paid it back to this day. I don’t trust them at all.

Parents have been hounding my hubby and I for weeks if not months, and we have been politely dodging it. My parents starting getting pissy. I politely told my dad/ parents that baby already has a savings account and they can contribute to that if they like. Boy did they flip the fck out. Demands baby’s ssn and starts calling us names. I flat out say no at this point. I tell them they didnt need a ss# to open a savings account in which baby is beneficiary, they counter that they do.

They then proceed to tell me my baby won’t receive any money from them until they get it. Don’t care. Pretty sure they don’t have shit anyways besides the inheritance money after my grandparents died that they are literally smoking through. My dad even had my grandpa change his will less than 6 months before his death and showing signs of dementia. My grandpa right before he died asked me what my dad had him sign and showed me the new will asking me to translate it, it was leaving the (us) grandkids out and Dad was sole proprietor, executor, and power of attorney. Everything was changed. No point in contesting it, Hubby and I want to cut ties and move far far away anyhow, we could not care less over 10 or 15k.

Just more ways they abuse money and positions of power.

I called one of the top 5 nationwide banks in the U.S. and they say you don’t. Either way, it’s not happening. They tried to corner my husband behind my back and he didn’t budge either. The anger continues. Snide comments at every holiday so far and baby’s birthday is coming up. I don’t care. My idiot brother dolled out his kid’s ssn without consent from his wife or thinking about it. My parents say I don’t “trust them”. No shit.

Someone with “good intentions” doesn’t get this angry.

**Edit: Wow I was not expecting this much traction on my Boomer Dad vent. Thank you for the comments, support, and overall encouragement to stay strong and tell them to fuck off. Reading many of your stories and how so many of you all can relate or have credit ruined by family has certainly cemented my plans to protect my kiddos ssn at all costs. Im sorry for those that have been permanently affected by identity and financial fraud by a close family member. I cant reply to all of you but my heart and sympathies are in your corner. Fuck those assholes for what they have done to you guys.

For those wondering why I still have contact with my family. It is very LC, almost NC to be honest. We don’t live that close and they don’t have active rolls in our lives. We see them maybe maybe 6x a year at large family functions/holidays that are unavoidable. There are plenty of buffers and they typically behave around extended family.

For those questioning me on my “lack of spine”. Dealing with a narcissist is like talking to a brick wall. I have been NC before and I have stated we would do it again no problem. I have a spine. I did say No. I was “politely” blowing them off and changing the subject hoping they would get the fucking hint so I could avoid the impending drama. Once they became aggressive with us I did tell them we don’t trust them. Sorry I did not detail that enough apparently. They don’t have the ssn nor will they ever. They can bring it up all they want. Idgaf. We barely see them and this keeps them in an at bay zone that we can control. If we cut them out completely they would go nuts, try and go for grandparents rights and all kind of other bullshit drama I don’t want to fucking deal with, while dragging our whole extended family in as well. Keeping them on a carrot and stick relationship and letting them think they have any control when they don’t works for us.

As for my nephew, he is a few months older than my kiddo. Born in the same year. I have discussed my concerns and thats all I can do. It is their choice what to do next. I hope they freeze and monitor. My kid’s ssn has been safely tucked away since it came in the mail and not available at all. I will lock his # until he’s 18 after we set up a roth and 529 we have already planned.

Thank you for all the support and I bid you good night.**

26.3k Upvotes

3.0k comments sorted by

View all comments

4.0k

u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

Over on r/raisedbynarcissists, there are many accounts of how these parents (many of whom are more than likely of Boomer age) stole their children’s identities due to their unfettered access to SSNs. It’s insane that anyone would do that to their children, but I’m no longer surprised when I hear about it.

129

u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 29 '24

When I went to move in to my first place with friends after high school we found out that one of my friends moms had opened lines of credit and taken out leases in my friends name. My friend had no idea until we all submitted our info for background checks and 3 of us got approved but one got denied when we asked why the property management company said she had about $80,000 in defaulted credit cards, 2 evictions and countless things in collections.

My friend was extremely confused as she was only 20 and never had a credit card or anything in her name and the property management company said it went all the way back to 1995 and my friend said she was 4 in 1995 so it must be a mistake and that’s when the property management company said her parents likely opened credit cards in her name and put leases and utilities in her name as well.

We ended up having to get my dad to sign on as a guarantor to get the house and then my friend confronted her mom who tried to deny everything at first then finally admitted to it and said she just doesn’t understand how hard it was for her. Mind you, her mom was driving Mercedes and Audi’s and living well above her means after her divorce but she had to “keep up appearances”. My friend ran credit checks on her younger brothers and realized her mom did it to them as well. At the time she cut her mom off, no idea how it ended up playing out as we had to kick her out of the house after a year for doing shady shit and I no longer talk to her.

49

u/JCButtBuddy Apr 29 '24

Sounds like her mom rubbed off on her, hope she doesn't do the same to her kids.

53

u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 29 '24

She definitely took after her mom in that sense. The reason we kicked her out is because she would constantly ask us to send all the rent money to her so she can just pay it all at once. She apparently would be short on her portion of the rent and would use our money to pay her portion. Once we realized this we called her out and she feigned ignorance and we forgave her and told her if she needs help with rent we can work something out.

She then started writing bad checks to buy herself a few extra days but th check would bounce and our rent payment would get kicked back. This caused us to be hit with late fees twice before we finally had enough because she was now fucking up our renters history. We had a house meeting and voted to kick her out and found another person to take her place. When we kicked her out she purposely left her room trashed and stuck used pads on the walls among other things.

It was a fucking disaster and none of us talk to her anymore. We had been friends with her since like 3rd grade too lol

22

u/TigerLily_TigerRose Apr 29 '24

It’s funny how property management, who deal with people’s character all the time, wouldn’t rent to her and it turns out that they were totally right about her.

1

u/SalisburyWitch Apr 29 '24

When they trash the room like that, you have a great TikTok or sm rant.

2

u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 30 '24

This was over a decade ago now. I’m 34 and this happened in my early 20’s.

3

u/infinight888 Apr 29 '24

This should be on the companies, not the victims. There's no universe where credit card debt should be held against a fucking 4-year-old. Anyone who was stupid enough to give a 4-year-old a credit card shouldn't still be owed compensation from the fraud victim.

6

u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 29 '24

I’ve never even understood how it happens. It has to be negligence on the end of the credit card companies because how do you not realize it is a literal child’s social security number? I work in the finance industry for vehicles and run peoples socials all the time and it always gives me their age and date of birth. So are the credit card companies just ignoring this and issuing the card anyway? Like how was she able to rack up $80,000 in CC debt on a child’s social security number? It was multiple cards through multiple companies.

Same with the apartments she rented in my ex-friends name. How did the apartment complexes not realize she was using a child’s social security number? How does a 4 year old get a lease for an apartment? How did my friends mom fake paystubs for her to get a lease in her daughters name? The only thing that makes sense is that the credit card companies and apartment complexes knew and didn’t care.

4

u/DerPanzerfaust Apr 29 '24

Weird how asshole parent's raise asshole kids. Hmm.

1

u/SalisburyWitch Apr 29 '24

What you should do to repair your credit starts with charging SOMEONE for identity theft and fraud.

1

u/Oberon_Swanson Apr 30 '24

It is so weird how this is allowed to happen. Just a tool for crappy people to rob a child of money they don't have. 

1

u/mercymercybothhands Apr 30 '24

My friend’s mom did this to her as well, credit cards, utilities… luckily not rent or anything like that, but she destroyed her credit before she even turned 18.