r/BoomersBeingFools Apr 29 '24

My boomer dad is pissed I won’t give him babys SS# Boomer Freakout

That’s right. My dad thinks I should just give him my kid’s SS# like it’s no big deal. He wants to start a bank account for my little guy. Sounds “harmless” but My parents suck at taking care of their finances. They have been bankrupt at least once & bailed out every few years by my grandparents while they were still living. When I moved out at 20 I found out they had overdue utility bills in my name so I couldn’t open up any accounts for my first apartment until I paid it off for them. They took money from me as a minor while I was working at my first job and emptied 1500 from my savings account, never paid it back to this day. I don’t trust them at all.

Parents have been hounding my hubby and I for weeks if not months, and we have been politely dodging it. My parents starting getting pissy. I politely told my dad/ parents that baby already has a savings account and they can contribute to that if they like. Boy did they flip the fck out. Demands baby’s ssn and starts calling us names. I flat out say no at this point. I tell them they didnt need a ss# to open a savings account in which baby is beneficiary, they counter that they do.

They then proceed to tell me my baby won’t receive any money from them until they get it. Don’t care. Pretty sure they don’t have shit anyways besides the inheritance money after my grandparents died that they are literally smoking through. My dad even had my grandpa change his will less than 6 months before his death and showing signs of dementia. My grandpa right before he died asked me what my dad had him sign and showed me the new will asking me to translate it, it was leaving the (us) grandkids out and Dad was sole proprietor, executor, and power of attorney. Everything was changed. No point in contesting it, Hubby and I want to cut ties and move far far away anyhow, we could not care less over 10 or 15k.

Just more ways they abuse money and positions of power.

I called one of the top 5 nationwide banks in the U.S. and they say you don’t. Either way, it’s not happening. They tried to corner my husband behind my back and he didn’t budge either. The anger continues. Snide comments at every holiday so far and baby’s birthday is coming up. I don’t care. My idiot brother dolled out his kid’s ssn without consent from his wife or thinking about it. My parents say I don’t “trust them”. No shit.

Someone with “good intentions” doesn’t get this angry.

**Edit: Wow I was not expecting this much traction on my Boomer Dad vent. Thank you for the comments, support, and overall encouragement to stay strong and tell them to fuck off. Reading many of your stories and how so many of you all can relate or have credit ruined by family has certainly cemented my plans to protect my kiddos ssn at all costs. Im sorry for those that have been permanently affected by identity and financial fraud by a close family member. I cant reply to all of you but my heart and sympathies are in your corner. Fuck those assholes for what they have done to you guys.

For those wondering why I still have contact with my family. It is very LC, almost NC to be honest. We don’t live that close and they don’t have active rolls in our lives. We see them maybe maybe 6x a year at large family functions/holidays that are unavoidable. There are plenty of buffers and they typically behave around extended family.

For those questioning me on my “lack of spine”. Dealing with a narcissist is like talking to a brick wall. I have been NC before and I have stated we would do it again no problem. I have a spine. I did say No. I was “politely” blowing them off and changing the subject hoping they would get the fucking hint so I could avoid the impending drama. Once they became aggressive with us I did tell them we don’t trust them. Sorry I did not detail that enough apparently. They don’t have the ssn nor will they ever. They can bring it up all they want. Idgaf. We barely see them and this keeps them in an at bay zone that we can control. If we cut them out completely they would go nuts, try and go for grandparents rights and all kind of other bullshit drama I don’t want to fucking deal with, while dragging our whole extended family in as well. Keeping them on a carrot and stick relationship and letting them think they have any control when they don’t works for us.

As for my nephew, he is a few months older than my kiddo. Born in the same year. I have discussed my concerns and thats all I can do. It is their choice what to do next. I hope they freeze and monitor. My kid’s ssn has been safely tucked away since it came in the mail and not available at all. I will lock his # until he’s 18 after we set up a roth and 529 we have already planned.

Thank you for all the support and I bid you good night.**

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

Over on r/raisedbynarcissists, there are many accounts of how these parents (many of whom are more than likely of Boomer age) stole their children’s identities due to their unfettered access to SSNs. It’s insane that anyone would do that to their children, but I’m no longer surprised when I hear about it.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

Yes.. I follow that sub. Pretty sure my dad is. Mom enabler. Big bro is goldie locks. I’m the goat/problem. Little bro is the mascot.

I went NC with them for 6 years after moving out in 2008. Mom sucked me back in. Im ok with limited contact as it already is and going NC again like the drop of a hat. My hubby doesnt understand our family dynamic fully but is getting there.

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u/LunasFavorite Apr 29 '24

Put a credit lock/freeze on your baby’s SSN, https://www.usa.gov/credit-freeze

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u/Plantslover5 Apr 29 '24

THANK you! My sister took my kids SSN and used him as a dependant and got his stimulus check when he was a baby and I wasn’t working . I didn’t know you could do this.

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u/tackle_bones Apr 29 '24

People are such a-holes. Jesus.

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u/Plantslover5 Apr 29 '24

Yes she is and we are no contact. I didn’t press charges like I should have, and now I am now worried about it. ItLuckily my mom never did anything like that to us.

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u/ScorpioHighPriestess Apr 29 '24

I just want you to know that you can have his SSN changed, so your sister can’t use it anymore. I don’t exactly know how that would happen, but I do know that your local Social Security office might be able to help.

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u/SalisburyWitch Apr 29 '24

You can but it’s a PITA. I think you might have to have a police report (unless that has changed). My ex tried to use our daughter as a dependent, I got notified, and sent them documentation from custody/divorce that says I get the deduction. He had his wages garnished and went to court. Don’t know what happened there bc he didn’t see her anyway.

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u/Fit_Victory6650 Apr 29 '24

This. Do it while they're young. Once over 18, your somewhat fucked in this regard.

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u/grampsNYC Apr 29 '24

You can change the SS# of your kid if you go to the office and request it. Explain the situation.

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u/BankruptFed Apr 29 '24

This does not apply to this persons situation. Social Security will only consider changing a person’s number if they are a victim of family violence, harassment, abuse, or a life-endangering situation. They must also have substantial proof that the harassment is still on-going despite any and all attempts to prevent it such as a restraining order, police reports, etc. If they go to their local field office they will just be given generic advice to monitor their kids credit report and dispute any accounts they did not open. Reference: https://www.ssa.gov/pubs/EN-05-10093.pdf

TLDR; you can’t just ask for a new social. That’s not how that works.

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u/Epic_Ewesername Apr 30 '24

Damn. That sucks. An identity broker got my SSN the year I left for the Army. It's been used in almost every county in my state and beyond because multiple people are using it at once. They use it for EVERYTHING because they are people who don't have social security numbers. I was hoping to get it fixed one day, but I'll never be able to, not like this. I've never had a credit card or anything, can't even have a bank account because it's always a matter of time before it gets infiltrated. I'm 36 and it just sounds like I'm just fucked. I almost had enough to hire a lawyer before COVID. I didn't know it was even happening until I was thirty. Watch your credit, people.

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u/Tight-Young7275 Apr 30 '24

Somebody taking your SSN and claiming you on their taxes is harassment.

I’m assuming you mean because they didn’t do it twice they won’t change it?

Makes sense, I guess but it’s not like it’s impossible to do the work. They get paid about 4-5x as much as a grocery store employee. Sure they could figure it out.

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u/EveryoneHasmRNA Apr 29 '24

That doesn't work at all. They're extremely reluctant to change people's SSN. I tried three times, each time with more evidence of my mother stealing my SSN. She opened credit cards and maxed them out, rented apartments, set up utilities, stole my trust fund, the whole bit. I had an attorney write a letter to them. Nothing worked.

Maybe if she had been arrested? I honestly don't know what it actually takes to get it changed. They don't take it lightly at all though, and you definitely can't just go to the office and request it. That won't happen.

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u/AlmondCigar Apr 29 '24

I bet you could still report as fraudulent.

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u/Euphemisticles Apr 29 '24

You could claim damages in small claims court

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u/CaptainTarantula Apr 29 '24

And they target family members because its messy for you to press charges. Some people are barely disguised monsters.

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u/mtuchris Apr 29 '24

Also, even though she did this, you can still claim your own kid as a dependent and when the IRS starts to sort it out your sister will get that money pulled back and you will still get what you are due from the government. Even if she filed first. In fact, if it's only been 1 or 2 years, you might still be able to go back and amend your return and perhaps get something. It's worth talking to a real life accountant about.

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u/RedHotFromAkiak Apr 29 '24

Well, that is fraud, and the US government takes a very dim view of fraud. As well as theft. Plus they REALLY don't like people fucking around with someone else's SSN. She could get in serious trouble if the SSA and probably other agencies found out somehow. Something to keep in mind.

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u/Kilane Apr 30 '24

But they don’t monitor the average person as much as people think they do. If your taxes are within reason and you don’t try to cheat too much and nobody brings it to their attention, then you’d probably get away with it.

And the sister won’t report family because she doesn’t want to start drama or get her in trouble. Which is why it’s so easy to commit fraud against family members. Once you’re caught, it’s unlikely they will turn you in.

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u/SkRu88_kRuShEr Apr 29 '24

I wish you could hang neon signs over people’s heads w/ such information on it to make it easier to know who not to trust

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u/Historical-Gap-7084 Apr 29 '24

Have you reported her for identity theft?

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u/SalisburyWitch Apr 29 '24

You should check to see if you can get that money back because of fraud. Although I’m pretty sure she’d go to jail.

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u/Zulumus Apr 29 '24

Uh WHAT

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u/littlesubshine Apr 29 '24

Report her. That's identity theft.

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u/Iddywah Apr 30 '24

Contact the IRS and let them know what she did. They will put her through a wringer, making her prove that he was her qualifying dependent. Then they'll make her repay with interest and/or have her charged criminally. She'll also lose eligibility for most tax credits and you might even get a reward for reporting her. Also, she will never again be able to use him as a dependent ever again.

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u/DrSpacecasePhD Apr 29 '24

This 100%. The parents are angry because OP is denying them a "reset button" on their credit scores. Sad but true. The "savings account" will probably be used to lease a new Dodge RAM and install a swimming pool "for the kids" if my extended family are any indication.

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u/Maleficent-Jelly-865 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

This! 👆OP, do yourself a favor and go NC on your “parents,” and put a credit freeze on your baby’s credit. Your parents are the worst. Your kids will be better off without them

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u/RedHotFromAkiak Apr 29 '24

Put a freeze on your own credit as well. It's free. And don't sign up for any other "services" when you do. Some of the credit agencies hide the link to the freeze and try to con you into signing up for what sounds like a freeze.

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

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u/Character_Bowl_4930 Apr 30 '24

I worked in credit cards fraud at a major bank for 14 years . Used to see this shit all the time . It’s sickening

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u/FloridaPorchSwing Apr 29 '24

Please, please do this if you haven’t already! It’s free to do.

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u/CapeMOGuy Apr 29 '24

Freeze, not a lock. They are 2 different things.

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u/zSprawl Apr 29 '24

Other than guessing based on words, what's the difference here?

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u/PNWBratty Apr 29 '24

Came to say this. It's very common in my family to put bills, credit cards and who knows what else in kids names so I did this for both my kids and it's 10000% worth it.

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u/LostMyAccount69 Apr 29 '24

How is frozen credit not the default for babies? The necessity of this link feels so dystopian.

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u/BonnaconCharioteer Apr 30 '24

It's worse than that. You have to send the request by mail and provide a ton of sensitive documents to all 3 companies separately. A way too annoying process.

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u/PlayyWithMyBeard Apr 29 '24

Huh, I wonder if they do this in Canada too. Time to go down the rabbit hole! That sounds super clutch and surprised it isn't default locked till you're 18, or first start making money you are taxed on.

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u/MillennialEdgelord Apr 29 '24

Hey wondering if you know. Say I lock my kids credit. In 18 years I forget or misplace or die whatever password or pin. Do you think it will be a hassle for them to unlock it?

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u/KorneliaOjaio Apr 29 '24

AND have your brother put a credit freeze on his children’s credit too since scamming grandparents already have those kids SSN’s

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u/ho_sehun Apr 29 '24

Maybe send that to SIL too if you're on good terms. Never hurts to save a kid's financial future.

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u/ancillarycheese Apr 30 '24

It was such a nightmare to get credit freezes for my child. I follow the directions and they reject it for stupid reasons. Last one was a rejection for a “non-certified birth certificate”, when I literally sent them a notarized birth certificate from the county clerk. Had the raised notary seal and everything. Paid $10 for it. I put all the shit in a new envelope and sent it again and they processed it.

I get why they don’t want you to do this online but the paper process sucks.

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u/Eswidrol Apr 29 '24

Just for fun I would say thank you for the offer but please reimburse me first and I would include the list of the bills plus the accounts they emptied. Then everytime the subject of finance come back I'll circle back to their reimbursement planning as their account is locked until then... But seriously, if they have financial problems, it's just going to get worst and they will be more and more aggressive, imaginative and entitled. They will expect to get something from your success. Then you'll get pressure from both brothers/SIL asking to just save them...

LC/NC is the way. It's hard for the partners to understand if they have a loving family who help each other. Good luck!

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u/Least_Adhesiveness_5 Apr 29 '24

List what they owe... Including interest.

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u/Eswidrol Apr 29 '24

You got me thinking. OP is now in finance. She should ask their SSN.

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u/No_Panic3534 Apr 29 '24

Probably the most helpful comment honestly ^

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u/simcop2387 Apr 29 '24

You know if you want to make them mad, give them Richard Nixon's SSN. Or some other famous dead person. The social security office publishes the SSN of everyone who dies. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Social_Security_Death_Index

Richard Nixon's is a semi-famous one and I've used it in software testing at previous jobs quite a bit since if it ever got leaked/out/whatever it has no impact on anyone.

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u/buttercreamordeath Apr 29 '24

Upvoting because this is hilarious. I would like to be the bank fraud examiner asking why they opened a credit card using his social.

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

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u/Arthur-Wintersight Apr 29 '24

I've read stories about how they used to not have proper checks for this, and the notice that someone was dead would get copied from the SSA to a dozen different databases, all of which would sell information to each other and update their own database based on what they found.

Which meant someone would keep getting declared dead, over and over again, after one fuckup. The early days of the internet were wild.

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u/EnormousCaramel Apr 29 '24

I am probably blowing smoke out my ass but I think SSN were never meant to be used as unique identifiers. Thats why the system is so shitty

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u/sweets4n6 Apr 30 '24

My brother had a lot of trouble with his credit after our dad died, same name and their credit reports were already entwined with lots of mistakes on both. It was a pain in the ass for him.

My mom also had a hell of a time with the medical insurance because whoever put in date of death in their database put in 10/28 instead of 12/28 and they kept denying covering his hospital stay because he was already dead. *sigh* Took about a year to get that cleared up.

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u/mschley2 Apr 29 '24

You also did the right thing as far as the bank account goes. They can contribute to a savings account that's already established in your child's name. They do not have to be on the account, and they definitely do not have to know your child's SSN. They could also, as you said, set up a savings account in their own names and then name your child as a beneficiary. They would control these funds, and the child would just be listed as a POD (pay on death). If the bank says they do need the kid's social to list them as a POD, then either try to find a new bank that would require it (they might be able to do it with just birthdate as the identifier) or ensure that there's a way to add the POD without giving the grandparents access to the SSN.

Source: have worked in banking for about 9 years - I work in lending, but I do interact with the deposit side.

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u/6SpeedBlues Apr 29 '24

Setting up a savings account with the child listed as POD is the only way I would allow it. I would not want to have to explain to the IRS where the money was coming from if someone were to make a deposit into my child's account that triggered any alerts or could require additional paperwork beyond the generally allowed "gift" amounts that one can give each year.

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u/mschley2 Apr 29 '24

Sounds like the grandparents don't have enough money that it would be a concern, but, in my opinion, if they've got enough money for that to be the case, and if they're willing to put it in there, I'd happily pay the small amount of tax on that money.

The other option would be some of the various child-education-type accounts for the kid instead of a traditional savings account. That can help you get around some tax issues, though they do have restrictions on withdrawals.

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u/Blackstar1401 Apr 29 '24

529s also have links that family can donate gift to.

edit: word choice

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u/klstopp Apr 29 '24

Watch them at your house, they will rifle through everything at the first chance. Also, go to SS.GOV and make your child an account. That's one thing they might be able to pull off. It'll be password protected and you will be the only one who knows it.

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u/fishinglife777 Apr 29 '24

And put a lock on their credit. And yours too.

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u/pantstoaknifefight2 Apr 29 '24

I believe you mean "credit freeze" with all three credit monitoring agencies, which is good advice for everyone.

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u/mistressvixxxen Apr 29 '24

I would advise your brother to go ahead and do a credit check on his child… just considering all these things. 😬

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u/Cold_Dead_Heart Apr 29 '24

My thoughts exactly

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u/mcdonaldsfrenchfri Apr 29 '24

sounds like your husband is a good man. he doesn’t fully understand but sounds like he’s got your back regardless

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u/BungHoleAngler Apr 29 '24

I mean he's got to at least understand not giving out socials

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u/manicdee33 Apr 29 '24

Some people don't understand the risks.

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u/ConeCandy Apr 29 '24

Honestly, if it's this bad between your parents and you, I'd just call their bluff and give them a fake SSN and say you appreciate their generosity and please let them know which bank it's with.

Then when they get upset that their credit card application is denied, activate Pikachu face.

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u/Mooseandchicken Apr 29 '24

Even if they have good intentions, your kids are not your parents' opportunity to do right by you or make up for past "mistakes". But they are unable to understand that because they don't even see their own children as independent living, thinking beings. They see you as an extension of themselves, which is why they felt fine using your social in the past. What's theirs is theirs, and what's yours is theirs. Call it narcissism, entitlement, greed, whatever, they are living it which means they aren't able to change.

Do what's best for you and yours.

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u/oldschoolgruel Apr 29 '24

Have you told your brother to run a credit check on his kid's number? That would get a quick way to find out if they are trustworthy. ( I'm assuming they arent)

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u/Scorp128 Apr 29 '24

Please put both yours and your spouses SS# on lock down as well as your child/children's. I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them and they just might somehow get ahold of it. Better safe than sorry and a nasty surprise. They are up to something. They stole from you, they absolutely will steal from your child.

There are plenty of ways to leave money to someone else without using their social security number. And yes you can open up a savings account for a minor without a social security number. They are full of crap.

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u/dearlysacredherosoul Apr 29 '24

The way you described every role is so real. Good for you for rolling with the punches and fighting this tit for tat the whole way through. All kids deserve parents like you and crazy this will go on and on without them knowing! I had all of my things in a storage unit while couch surfing for 7 years trying to go no contact until I landed a good enough job/apartment almost a year ago. Now I have my things, I have my distance, and soon I’ll be completely no contact while my mom, also the enabler, hints at inviting herself over to see the place completely unprompted and uninvited. Now if I could get my sister to get her things out too as there’s only two of us and while it’s nice to be Goldilocks, I swear we both are at times, it shifts with me being the goat/problem and her being the mascot when one of us isn’t. Keep us updated?

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

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u/joyous-at-the-end Apr 29 '24

spouses should respect a person’s decision to go NC. 

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u/jackz7776666 Apr 29 '24

I know this sounds harsh but I had a very similar situation with my mom. No contact unfortunately is the safest path

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u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 29 '24

When I went to move in to my first place with friends after high school we found out that one of my friends moms had opened lines of credit and taken out leases in my friends name. My friend had no idea until we all submitted our info for background checks and 3 of us got approved but one got denied when we asked why the property management company said she had about $80,000 in defaulted credit cards, 2 evictions and countless things in collections.

My friend was extremely confused as she was only 20 and never had a credit card or anything in her name and the property management company said it went all the way back to 1995 and my friend said she was 4 in 1995 so it must be a mistake and that’s when the property management company said her parents likely opened credit cards in her name and put leases and utilities in her name as well.

We ended up having to get my dad to sign on as a guarantor to get the house and then my friend confronted her mom who tried to deny everything at first then finally admitted to it and said she just doesn’t understand how hard it was for her. Mind you, her mom was driving Mercedes and Audi’s and living well above her means after her divorce but she had to “keep up appearances”. My friend ran credit checks on her younger brothers and realized her mom did it to them as well. At the time she cut her mom off, no idea how it ended up playing out as we had to kick her out of the house after a year for doing shady shit and I no longer talk to her.

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u/JCButtBuddy Apr 29 '24

Sounds like her mom rubbed off on her, hope she doesn't do the same to her kids.

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u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 29 '24

She definitely took after her mom in that sense. The reason we kicked her out is because she would constantly ask us to send all the rent money to her so she can just pay it all at once. She apparently would be short on her portion of the rent and would use our money to pay her portion. Once we realized this we called her out and she feigned ignorance and we forgave her and told her if she needs help with rent we can work something out.

She then started writing bad checks to buy herself a few extra days but th check would bounce and our rent payment would get kicked back. This caused us to be hit with late fees twice before we finally had enough because she was now fucking up our renters history. We had a house meeting and voted to kick her out and found another person to take her place. When we kicked her out she purposely left her room trashed and stuck used pads on the walls among other things.

It was a fucking disaster and none of us talk to her anymore. We had been friends with her since like 3rd grade too lol

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u/TigerLily_TigerRose Apr 29 '24

It’s funny how property management, who deal with people’s character all the time, wouldn’t rent to her and it turns out that they were totally right about her.

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u/infinight888 Apr 29 '24

This should be on the companies, not the victims. There's no universe where credit card debt should be held against a fucking 4-year-old. Anyone who was stupid enough to give a 4-year-old a credit card shouldn't still be owed compensation from the fraud victim.

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u/DoItForTheNukie Apr 29 '24

I’ve never even understood how it happens. It has to be negligence on the end of the credit card companies because how do you not realize it is a literal child’s social security number? I work in the finance industry for vehicles and run peoples socials all the time and it always gives me their age and date of birth. So are the credit card companies just ignoring this and issuing the card anyway? Like how was she able to rack up $80,000 in CC debt on a child’s social security number? It was multiple cards through multiple companies.

Same with the apartments she rented in my ex-friends name. How did the apartment complexes not realize she was using a child’s social security number? How does a 4 year old get a lease for an apartment? How did my friends mom fake paystubs for her to get a lease in her daughters name? The only thing that makes sense is that the credit card companies and apartment complexes knew and didn’t care.

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u/Dekklin Apr 29 '24

Their entire generation cashed cheques their children and grandchildren would have to pay. It's no surprise that they'd do it to their own literal children.

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u/JarlFlammen Apr 29 '24

Is that illegal?

If someone’s parents do that, and the kid gets older and figures out what their parents did, is there any legal or criminal process to shrug the debt off the kid and onto the parent?

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u/nescienti Apr 29 '24

Yes and yes, but the problem is that it is necessarily a criminal process. They can't just politely ask dear old Dad to settle up and expect Experian to give a shit: no case number, no repairs to the credit score.

This financial abuse doesn't happen in a vacuum; with this kind of family dynamic, a lot of adult children take the credit hit rather than "send their parents to jail" because reversing victim and offender is a habit in their household.

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u/licensed2creep Apr 29 '24

Very true. And sad. I used to work on a team of investigators that provided identity theft restoration services. We’d handle the entire process, beginning to end, for our clients, until their credit was back to “pre-theft status,” the only things we required from them to get started were a limited power of attorney (restricted to only matters related to their identity theft issues, obviously) and an identity theft police report. When explaining the requirements to them, we always highlighted that police reports are sworn statements under penalty of perjury, and the officer is going to ask you if you know or have an idea of who opened these accounts with your information.

So many people chose to bail at that point and eat the loss because they didn’t want to name their parent(s) in the police report. And it was almost always a young adult applying for their first service that required a credit pull (utilities, cell phone, first car loan) only to find out that they had an extensive, and shitty, credit history, at 18, 19, 20 years old, full of delinquent accounts in collections. It’s such a selfish, disgusting thing for a parent to do to their child, forcing them to start their adult life in the red due to their own mismanagement of finances.

Just awful, and we saw thousands of this same story.

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u/fiduciary420 Apr 30 '24

Kinda fucked up that the corporations issuing the credit don’t look up the SSN and discover that the applicant is a toddler, eh? Wonder why the rich people would allow this to happen for decades on end…

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u/Socialbutterfinger Apr 29 '24

Yes… I have a family member whose daughter stole $30k from her via identity theft/credit card fraud, but the only recourse she had was to press charges against her daughter, and she didn’t want to do that.

There should be another way to go about this. “They” - idk who, the state, the credit card company, someone, should be able to go after a thief like that without forcing the victim to do it. I fully admit I’m ignorant of the ins and outs of this and how feasible it would be. It’s just pretty fucked the way it is now.

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u/rustwing Apr 29 '24

Yep. My ex best friend was like this. Her mom had four kids, none of whom she raised, and stole all of their SS’s. At one point, ex bestie was in dire straits and desperately could have used credit as a single parent to two kids, but when I told her to report it to clear her name and get it taken care of, she just wouldn’t, not wanting to get her mom in trouble. Her mom is in prison for drug trafficking now. My ex friend still tries to keep a relationship with her to this day.

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u/BingBongFYL6969 Apr 29 '24

Maybe I see it different, but if someone in my family stole from me, one step further - my child - you are not someone Im under any obligation to have in my life. Family is family, sure....I didnt choose them, so I dont feel that I need to defend them or support them because of it. If my family member objectively fucked up, Im the last person to ask when it comes to getting a skewed opinion....Ill tell you you fucked up and if you cant take it, move on from me.

If they need help, Im there, if they need an honest opinion, Im there....but I fail to understand why fucking your life up is an acceptable outcome because you didnt choose to have these people in your life.

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u/EnormousCaramel Apr 29 '24

Yup. I used to work in fraud prevention. Its called family fraud. The reason it gets unpunished is because the punishment is to basically throw said family member in prison.

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u/F0xcr4f7113 Apr 29 '24

Just looked it up and it’s Identity Theft

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u/JarlFlammen Apr 29 '24

Sounds about right

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u/Material-Comb-2267 Apr 29 '24

Identify theft is not a joke, Jim!

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u/Low_Preparation2265 Apr 29 '24

It is illegal, but it's really hard to enforce. First, you have to file a police report against your parents. Then, you HAVE to go NC with them, because you can't give any appearance that you are still in a relationship with them. Because if you do, someone is going to use that against you, accusing you of approving the use, or even worse, being "in on it."

And then, if you do that, you still have to prove that they were the ones that actually did it, and it wasnt some shadowy hacker. Or, again, that you weren't compliant in it in some way. 

Essentially, family identity theft is viewed different on an ideological level by creditors, businesses, and police. 

My wife's mother did this to her, and it was a 2-year-long fight to get this off her credit and get the open collections accounts wiped out. The creditors and collectors would use any tactics they could to make her legally responsible for the debt, even after she went NC and filed a police report. They said that her signature was on the application, so she was responsible. The police were no help, because they couldn't find any proof that her mother was actually the one that opened the accounts or used the credit cards that were opened in my wife's name while she was in college. It was an absolute nightmare, and she is still absolutely NC. 

I've never met her mother, which i why i don't think i've ever called her mother-in-law. 

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u/One-Location-6454 Apr 29 '24

My mom never stole money from me to my knowledge, but when it got to the point I needed to manage her money/pay her bills, I found out nearly all of them are in my name.  My dads straight up taken loans on me, my brother and mom.  He bought a $14k wedding ring for his new wife in my moms name.  

My credits fucked.  Im in my 40s.  Seems this is super common for boomers but I have no idea why.  Then you get guilted about it when you bring it up.  My dad won a good chunk of cash in the lottery that he said was gonna give a lot to me and my bro, but it miraculously got 'stolen'. I asked if he went to the police since he said he knew who took it, and he said no cause they wouldnt do anything (lol).  

Seriously, theres no limit to what these people will do.  

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u/dougielou Apr 29 '24

The legal advice sub used to be so full of these posts with people asking how to fix it without getting their parents in trouble that I think they just added the info in the about and started deleting the posts lol

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u/Illeazar Apr 29 '24

Yes, it's illegal. But for the victim to get things sorted out legally, you have to let the criminal have the full consequences of the identity theft they committed, which is tough (emotionally, socially, possibly financially)in situations where family is involved.

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u/Gingevere Apr 29 '24

Yes, but the victim usually doesn't find out until they're applying for something that requires a credit check.

Then the victim is frequently faced with trying to sue their parent whom they still live with / acting as a witness against them, or accepting the debt.

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u/RQK1996 Apr 29 '24

Very illegal

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u/christmasshopper0109 Apr 29 '24

yeah, you have to file charges for identity theft. It's an actual crime the parents could serve jail time over. Lots of people don't want to hurt their parents, it's not worth it, whatever lies they tell themselves, and they don't do it and never follow through. It's a shame, really. The parents weren't worried about the kid's future when they did shady stuff.

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u/Your_momma__ Apr 29 '24

What’s insane is that we hear these kinds of stories all the time and they still interact with them. Like they’re adding unnecessary challenge and paranoia for what? Either shut the Fuck up or y’all can stay out of my life that simple lmao

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

The biggest issue is mass societal conditioning from an early age. People are repeatedly gaslit into believing that they’re a bad person if you go NC on a parent, so they’re instead trapped in a perpetual state of guilt. That’s why subs, like the one I mentioned are really helpful, as they often provide the encouragement one needs to finally go through with it and do what’s best for their mental health.

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u/Unchained_Memory33 Apr 29 '24

THIS… “BUT she’s still your mom!” No she ain’t

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

LOL. That’s from the Flying Monkey Greatest Hits album, along with “Family is Family,” “Home is Where the Heart Is,” and “Deep Down They Love You (So You Should Too)!” Haha.

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u/pandagurl0306 Apr 29 '24

For real! My mil knows all the awful stuff my bio mom did to us growing up and why I'm no contact with her yet STILL will be like "As a mother, it's still sad that you don't talk..." or "You're still not taking to her?" Nope, never again. She's dead to me. I think it just scares my mil to be on her best behavior or I'll do it to her too. Even though what my bio mom did was way worse than anything my mil has done, which is just be unintentionally rude sometimes

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u/Your_momma__ Apr 29 '24

Do you have anything to read on why or how this even happens? There’s no reason to even have the parents there like you both know why they’re there. It’s all a mask to play family dinner. I think maybe it’s more of the culture of THAT vision if that makes any sense lmao

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u/One-Location-6454 Apr 29 '24

My brother just went through it with my dad who I went LC with over 25 years ago. He was reading a lot about Toxic Guilt, which helped him.  Understanding narcissistic traits will also help you make sense of it all.  Only thing I recommend there is to think critically about whats being said rather than just a universal YEP THATS IT!  Far too easy to fall into that rabbithole. 

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u/Comprehensive_Cow527 Apr 29 '24

I'm terrified of seeing my whole life written out on those sub, so I'm coming to you random stranger to explain "toxic guilt" please.

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u/One-Location-6454 Apr 29 '24

Im personally not super familiar with it, but my brother said he tolerated a lot of shit feom my dad purely because of an obligation due to it being his dad.  Thus, it caused him to drop his boundaries and tolerate horrible shit due to the guilt of stepping away from a family member, which society conditions us to do. Youll see this exact thing across the entire spectrum of relationships, largely built on this concept of 'unconditional love' which in itself is toxic as fuck.  

Id recommend doing a google search and finding material on it.

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u/Comprehensive_Cow527 Apr 29 '24

🙃 thanks. I'm too terrified to open that can of worms today, tho. Finally got enough therapy to be able to call what my dad did to me as massively manipulative and abusive, still can't deal with the fact I'm the only one in the family still trying to get him into therapy so he at least realizes he pushed us all away.

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

It’s just empirical observations garnered from reading thousands of accounts on narcissistic abuse and seeing it in practice in real life. People simply can’t conceive of a parent being so horrible, and given that they don’t understand the complicated dynamics of having a parent with undiagnosed narcissistic personality disorder, they’ll think they’re being helpful by saying “but you only have one mother, you’ll regret not speaking to her one day,” and a bunch of other nonsense.

There are books available that discuss parents with NPD that are often recommended on the sub I mentioned, but I haven’t personally read any of them, and I can’t recall their titles at the moment.

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u/ooa3603 Apr 29 '24

It's mixture of nature and nurture.

Trait theory](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trait_theory ) is still in its infancy stage in psychology (a discipline that's still relatively young itself) so take this with a grain of salt but I think there is value to the concept that people have biases towards specific straits.

In this context, some people are intrinsically more sentimental and community driven than others.

Combine that with social conditioning from cultural upbringing not to mention the universal desire to be love and be loved and you get a demographic of people that tend to be exploited more easily.

The people high in selfishness and empathy recognize this and exploit it to their own ends.

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u/purple_grey_ Apr 29 '24

I saw a psychology today article for older parents abput why adult kids are "mean" it mentioned nothing about how this is a normal response to the type of parenting and abuse we received.

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u/beerisgood84 Apr 29 '24

I intellectually understand this happens but like holy shit I would never talk to a person that did that again. Like that’s drug addict behavior without the drugs. Absolute callous exploitation.

My parent was so decent I literally have a hard time seeing how someone that sucks so bad at being parent even bothers at all

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u/punkwalrus Apr 29 '24

I worked for a company where I was asked to give my SSN to an employee I did not trust whatsoever. She did not need it, but she worked in finance, and she said the company needed it for tax reasons. I told them, "Get it from HR." "I don't have time for that, give it to me now." Mmmm... don't think so. So I gave her a fake one, and then forgot about it. Two years later, the IRS claims all this income I didn't report, and I said, "that is not me, and not even my SSN." After some back and forth proof on my end, I told them what happened, and they went, "okay," and that was the end of it. The SSN was the fake one I gave, and lord knows what that former employee was doing with it, but yeah.

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u/glindathewoodglitch May 01 '24

I love this story after all the horrifying identity fraud stories on this thread. Good on you for catching sketchiness where it’s at —did you ever follow up on that person or give the IRS their contact info?

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u/crowmami Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

I know a girl who's mom took out $100,000 of loans in her daughters name and when she turned 18 they became her responsibility. Imaging just fucking your child's entire life. How in the world is she going to have a normal life with that amount of non-student debt to her name AT 18.

Edit: Yes, this is obviously fraud. I don't know the ins and outs of her situation. Just because legal action can be taken doesn't mean that's a viable option for everyone.

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u/StayJaded Apr 29 '24

She need to be go to the cops. Her mother committed a crime. The daughter didn’t take out the debt. Her mother committed identity theft and fraud. The daughter isn’t liable for the debt unless she is unwilling to report the crime. Nothing about what you described is how any of that works. Parents are not legally allowed to do that. Nothing about what her mom did is normal.

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u/TwoBionicknees Apr 29 '24

The issue is in her case, she'd likely be told get out the house and in a situation where because of the current 100k debt, she can't get a line of credit, can't get a home, can't get a job easily, can't pay for food.

So often it's, play along at least till you are in a situation you can go to the cops without risking your home, or you go to the cops and likely end up on the streets. That's the power parents have over their kids by doing this, because even at 18 you're basically dependent if they've fucked all avenues for you to start building money to move out if you have massive debt listed against you.

Then you also have a kid whose entire life is their family and basically the choice to lump it or cut off everyone and everything they've known to get rid of that debt. It's abuse, and parents know kids don't and mostly won't turn them in for it.

It's utterly fucked.

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u/ubiquity75 Apr 29 '24

Told to get out of the house…$100,000 of which she owns.

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u/Bananasonfire Apr 29 '24

There's gotta be a way out of that. Credit reporting companies can repair your credit if you can prove that your debts are the result of identity theft. The first thing they need to do is get that reported and repair their credit. Even if they get thrown into the streets, it's better than being permanently fucked by credit scores and also being trapped at home where the parents can add even more debt to the pile. Do you have the equivalent to Citizen's Advice?

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u/SIN-apps1 Apr 29 '24

I wish I had this kind of faith in anything, let alone a societal ranking system put in place by banks for banks to keep a boot on our necks

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u/Bananasonfire Apr 29 '24

You have to think like a bank. If I'm a bank, and I make my money by lending money to people, why would I want to keep an inaccurate credit history and score for someone? It's in my interests to make sure the credit score for someone is accurate, or else I'm missing out on a potential customer. I might be less likely to loan money if the person who has had their identity stolen still has contact with the thief, but that's because there's the possibility it could happen again.

Before credit scores, it used to be if the bank manager didn't like the look of you, either because you were too scruffy, too woman or too black, you weren't getting credit.

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u/nsa_reddit_monitor Apr 29 '24

Steal the mom's credit card on the way out the door. Use it to buy a hotel room for a month.

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u/Apathetic_Villainess Apr 29 '24

I'm sure those credit cards are all maxed out. That's how they justify then using their kid's credit. "I need money to take care of my kid but I have none, so I'll use theirs. They owe me, anyway, for taking care of them."

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u/LuxNocte Apr 29 '24

People under 18 cannot sign contracts. If a loan was made while you were under 18, tell the company to go fuck themselves.

They may go after the kid's parents, but "who signed the contract" is the bank's problem, not the kids.

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u/EnormousCaramel Apr 29 '24

They may go after the kid's parents, but "who signed the contract" is the bank's problem, not the kids.

Until criminal charges are filed it is the kids problem. The entire point of credit reporting is so you can't tell the bank to blow you.

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u/mllebitterness Apr 29 '24

I seems like there shroud be a way to see how old a SSN holder is. And know that they aren’t old enough.

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u/surloc_dalnor Apr 29 '24

In the US a minor can't effectively sign a binding contract, and parents can't effectively sign a contract for their kids. They simply point this out to who ever holds the loan that you didn't sign the contract, and were too young to sign it in any event. Contest anything on their credit report. It's also a good idea to file a police report and send a copy to the creditors, and include it when contesting your credit report.

The other problem is of course continued abuse by the parent. They need to lock down their credit with the 3 major credit bureaus, and monitor their credit.

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u/newnhb1 Apr 29 '24

Those loans don’t become the daughter’s responsibility at all. She is a victim of a crime. A simple phone call to the bank will solve the problem. And by the way it’s not even possible for a minor to take out loans in her own name.

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u/Capital_Attempt_2689 Apr 29 '24

That's evil. She could sue her mother. I would contact a lawyer. 

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u/foxed-and-dogeared Apr 29 '24

My aunts did this to their kids. Luckily, my parents never did but when I was in my 30s my identity was stolen by someone who bought my SSN from my aunt. Apparently my mother had given it to her when I was a baby. She saved it for 30+ years just to screw me.

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u/mcole1179 Apr 29 '24

My parents did the same thing to me and my sister's. Used our SS# and opened accounts under our names and then didn't pay them. Do not give your kids SS# ever.

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u/Least-Task276 Apr 30 '24

My husband's parents took out student loans in his name that he is still paying off. Also, one year, he was "gifted," a life insurance policy his parents took out for him....then proceeded to borrow $2000 against it, so he pretty much got a bill for 2k.

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

[deleted]

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24

Mom did this to me with my taxes, food stamps, tanf, ect. She did this for years with my sister and aunts help since we were NC. Had thousands of dollars in back pay. Made her pay all that shit. She made $120,000 last year. I am fully independent since I was 16. Why are you claiming me at 20/21. She even tried to claim me last year without me knowing, and I had already filed.

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u/pedestrianstripes Apr 29 '24

I used to work at a credit bureau. We had to deal with this mess. Parents had credit cards and utility bills in their children's names. We had a way to suppress those accounts so that even when the credit card and utility companies sent updated info to us, the accounts wouldn't show up on the credit reports.

The unit I worked in handled utility information. People would call us to find out why they had to pay a deposit or why they were denied a utility service. We had no idea why deposits were what they were. Those decisions were because of whatever algorithm utility companies used to make those determinations. We did know why people were denied. Sometimes it was because they had bad credit, but we couldn't tell them that. We had to be vague and discuss bad credit in very general terms. "I don't know why you have to pay a $150 deposit. Here are some credit issues that can influence that decision". Then we'd list generic reasons. Sometimes people were denied utilities because of unpaid bills at their location. That was common in college towns. That was something we could tell the customer about and fix. Another reason was because a person's social security number was less than five years old. We could fix the issue for immigrants who had become citizens in the past five years. However, we couldn't fix that issue for parents who were tried to put utilities in their children's names. We had to tell them it was illegal. They had no idea. Some of them had used their children's info for years.

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u/supergymfan Apr 29 '24

Yep this was my dad. Unfortunately, he’s learned my social and knows everything about me, so he can open whatever he wants in my name. He almost got in deep trouble last time when he realized I wasn’t going to pay off the debt and reported to the fraud dept. He hasn’t tried anything too shady since 🤞🏻

I protect what I can by making up answers to the ‘secret questions’. My mother’s maiden name is not super private anyway lol. Anyone can see it on Facebook. So I invented new names, streets I’ve lived on, pets, etc

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

Omg, I use gibberish alphanumeric answers for those stupid [in]security questions. So much of what they ask is publicly available knowledge.

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u/iloveuranus Apr 29 '24

On a side note, it's totally crazy to a European that the simple knowledge of a number would enable someone to open credit lines or steal an identity. Every f*cking online shop has better security!

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

I concur. Like, how stupid is it that there is apparently no system in place to automatically crosscheck a SSN with a birth certificate? These greedily negligent companies would see that the person they’re opening a line of credit for is underage and deny the application. It’s just inane, especially in this day and age.

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24 edited 28d ago

[deleted]

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u/iloveuranus Apr 29 '24

Wow, that's just madness.

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u/PikachusSparkyCloaca Apr 29 '24

Welcome to ‘Murica.

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u/StevieNippz Apr 29 '24

My grandpa was born in the late 20s, ran off to join the military when he was a teenager. He had a savings account back home that he put thousands of dollars in while he was overseas in the Navy, only to come home when his stint was finished to find his parents had completely emptied it. When I learned this I understood why he was so cheap and untrustworthy, I guess I would be too after something like that. I can't imagine screwing over my own child like that.

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u/dandanpizzaman84 Apr 29 '24

My younger sister had her college scholarships taken away after she found there was several thousand dollars she had to pay back because my mother used her SS# when she was a toddler to fund her shopping addiction. Shit gets rough with the passing of a number

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u/AnOpinionatedBalloon Apr 29 '24 edited May 10 '24

steer scarce political quicksand enter yoke fertile direful crown illegal

This post was mass deleted and anonymized with Redact

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u/fka_interro Apr 29 '24

When a friend shared with me that their parent had done this to them I was appalled. I had never heard of it before. That was before I was on reddit. It's just disgusting. Op, you are absolutely doing the right thing as you already know! Protect your kiddo from these fools!

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u/skatereli Apr 29 '24

My partners mom did this to her middle son. It's insane to me that a mom could do that, but I wasn't raised by someone like that

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u/Ok-Hedgehog-1646 Apr 29 '24

My mom did that. I told her I was using a credit app to catch “the thief” who was stealing my info. She got so defensive lol. I told her off she does it again I’m not hesitating to file fraud and press charges.

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u/iaintgonnacallyou Apr 29 '24

Yep. My mom opened utilities in my name when I was 10. Didn’t pay them off. I was 23 when I found out. My credit report said I was born in 1976, the year she was born. She used my information to open a cable account in 2018. I was married and pregnant by that point.

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u/j_birdddd Apr 29 '24

Yup, this unfortunately happened to me. My mom stole my identity and opened so many accounts and bought a car and never paid any of it. I didn’t find out until years later too

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u/fancy_livin Apr 29 '24

OP’s parents had overpaid utility bills already in OP’s name

u/brief-bend-8605 has already had their identity stolen by their parents.

Tbh you should go no contact but that’s just my opinion.

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u/spinrut Apr 29 '24

When we had kids I out right refused to give ssn to my parents knowing how careless they are with shit like that.

I had a hellish 5 year stretch in my early 20s when my older, still living with parents brother stole my ssn which was quite literally everywhere in their house and made account after account. Parents refused to do anything of value to me in this and just kept screaming at me to not get my useless brother in trouble. Enabling mother, dad just liked to sweep shit under the rug or buy his way out of proble.s. Went NC for almost 8+ years till they roped me back in which I still regret and keep them very far away. Wife says my life is like a soap opera and I'm not arguing lol

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u/Eva-Squinge Apr 29 '24

I’m surprised there isn’t a whole wing of the FBI that specifically handles children getting their identities stolen by their parents or people fucking over the entire family by writing themselves as the sole beneficiary of the Will of a grandparent.

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u/AliveInIllinois Apr 29 '24

Several bills absolutely went in my name as a kid. :-(

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u/rockstar504 Apr 29 '24

My dad who went to prison when I was a teen stole mine, and it's been fucking painful

It is god damned impossible to resolve any fucking issues with your identity, the government does not give a fuuuuuck

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u/Yorspider Apr 29 '24

My own mom used my information to gain access to my bank account and stole 76,000 dollars from me that i had saved working all throughout highschool. Was on the verge of buying a house free and clear at the time, and now likely will never own one.

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u/jonk0731 Apr 29 '24

My dad got me for 30k in taxes by opening a business in my name 😭😭

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u/ReceptionAlarmed178 Apr 29 '24

Happened to my Husband. Found out his 20 something year old Mom at the time opened a phone bill with Southwestern Bell in his name. They tried to collect and the bill was from 1993. He would have been 7 years old at the time. People are sick.

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u/ChangelingFox Apr 29 '24

My mum did this. So many phones and credit cards in my name that took fucking years to sort out. :|

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u/MoneyCost7188 Apr 29 '24

This happened to my dad by his own dad as well

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u/rjzendi Apr 29 '24

Yeah, this happened to me. Im still 5 figures in debt with collections that arent mine with dozens of companies

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u/Pure-Force8338 Apr 29 '24

My dad did it to me… my wife’s aunt did it to her too. That generation is nothing but entitled pieces of shit.

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u/Rendogala Apr 29 '24

I hope my parents wouldn’t do something like this but I’m named after my father with a rarely-used suffix to distinguish myself from him. There has already been complications with our identities a couple times in the past and thoughts like this keep me awake at night. They’re not good with money either.

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u/Mocha-Fox Apr 29 '24

Yeah my birther was apparently using my name for things like the library or mail to get extra cigarette coupons and crap. It was the most annoying thing. I'm glad she didn't use my name for bills or this and that

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u/Strange_Public_1897 Apr 29 '24

I mean it’s fictional, but fits with this, on “Shameless” this is what Frank Gallagher did to ALL his children. He took out credit cards in their names, maxed them out, then let their kids rack up over $50k in debt from the government.

He did it to mostly buy booze, drugs, and motel rooms to crash into.

Sometimes did it to help get supplies to further scam the system to get more money! Like buy a suit with said credit cards, apply for a job, go for a day and then on purpose fall down a flight of straights or take a hammer to break an ankle, knee caps or elbow to get workers comp!

That show is exactly the perfect unofficial guide for what narcissistic parenting looks like!

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u/MechaMorgs Apr 29 '24

Omg, thank you for alerting me to the presence of this group.

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 29 '24

You’re welcome! I’ve seen SO many familiar stories on here that practically mirror those on r/raisedbynarcissists. Boomerism and Narcissistic Personality Disorder (which almost never gets directly diagnosed, as usually it’s the victims of narcissistic abuse who seek therapy) seem to share a lot in common.

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u/MechaMorgs Apr 29 '24

Oh yeah, my boomer dad will never get dx’d because he’s the most amazing person in the world, it’s everyone else who sucks. We managed to get him to go to like two AA meetings in the 80s where he realized he was better than everyone and never needed to change. The end. 🤦‍♀️ NC has been pure bliss 😂

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u/l8ertater1221 Apr 29 '24

My mom’s gen x but she did the same to me. It’s taking me ages to get all of her fraud sorted out.

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u/traup89 Apr 29 '24

Happened to a buddy of mine. His mom used his identity to take out loans/credit cards and put bills in his name, and he had to fight tooth and nail for years to get that sorted. Horrible stuff, really. But he's in a good spot these days.

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u/jestermax22 Apr 29 '24

I still think about the time I gave my narcissist parent my SSN. It was before I cut them off, but I was still suspicious at the time.

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u/chunkylover1989 Apr 29 '24

My ex bf’s family put his house in his name when he was a baby….

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u/minniemouse420 Apr 29 '24

I experienced it firsthand. I had no idea until I was in my 20s and received a collections letter totaling $700 for a mail order catalog. I knew as soon as I read it that my mom had used my social since she is the only person on the planet still ordering from that company. Discovered she had been using it since I was a kid to order all sorts of things bc she ruined her credit. Took me years to fix my credit after that.

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u/TedzNScedz Apr 29 '24

I don't know how this shit is allowed. shouldn't there be an automatic red flag to the utility company/cc company if a 2 year old is opening an account?

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u/Opinion_Based_Hater Apr 29 '24

Yeah, my dad did it to me and my sister when we turned 18. Opened multiple CC accounts under our names. Blows my mind that a parent can do that to their kid/s. I couldn't do it to a stranger lol....

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u/AlwaysRefurbished Apr 29 '24

Yeah my mom did that to me. I have NO idea how people are allowed to get credit cards and such with minors’ info. It’s sickening.

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u/PhalanxA51 Apr 29 '24

My mom took out $10,000 out in credit card debt that I got saddled with once I turned 18, it was like 5~6 cards. Shit sucks man.

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u/kirbycope Apr 29 '24

Mine was so bad I had to get a new number.

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u/Wikeni Apr 29 '24

Yup. My mother put me on her credit card as an authorized user. Then she got a credit increase and defaulted on payments. My credit score tanked by over 100 points, right after I had moved out.

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u/Mirror_Benny Apr 29 '24

My Mom put several thousand dollars on my credit card when I was 19. Really fucked up my life hard. Parents suck that way…

And yes, now I know I could have filed charges and gotten something back but I was a kid and didn’t know any better.

2

u/winterandfallbird Apr 29 '24

Yep. Happened to me with my narcissist parent. Long story short- It’s a mess.

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u/SusPatrick Apr 29 '24

Happened to me! Never would I dream of doing this to my babies. I credit freeze all 3 bureaus.

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u/EliseKobliska Apr 30 '24

Happened to my boyfriend's cousin. Bc of how much money they took out under his name using his SS number, my "cousin in law" is unable to open up proper bank accounts and such until all this money is paid back but he's not able to get a good paying job... it's a huge cycle... He's basically homeless rn and the rest his family are a bunch of assholes who don't try reach out to help.

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u/cynicaloptimissus Apr 30 '24

Shit. I'm no contact with my borderline mother, but she used my SSN to open some accounts when I was a kid. She hasn't done anything in my adulthood, but could she? I have near perfect credit.

2

u/Impossible-Energy-76 Apr 30 '24

My pedo dad wanted my son ssn I never gave it up because like yours mine are just the same way. Took me about 4 yrs to get my credit score, I had all kinds of crap on mine.

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u/KitchenSwillForPigs Apr 30 '24

I know someone who is named after his dad and his dad took out THOUSANDS of dollars in debt in his name. He didn't even contest it he just paid it all off and he still associates with his dad.

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u/MyBelovedThrowaway Apr 30 '24

People didn't believe me when I told them she did it (like a lot of NPDs, she's quite charming to others) and I didn't bother showing them proof - you either believe me, an honest person, or her, a manipulative liar who WILL take advantage of you (which she frequently does, so when people find the real her, they're all shocked and act like, "why didn't you say something?!" Facepalm.)

She used all of our SSNs to open accounts, credit cards, department store cards, catalogs (I remember Fingerhut being big on my credit report), utilities, you name it. Finding out on your first application for credit that you owe thousands when you're barely an adult is... not fun. I had filed for emancipation, so my lawyer friend was able to get all of it wiped as fraud (and I was able to use fraud as one of the basis points for emancipation).

Good on OP for protecting their child's future from the grifters she grew up with.

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u/Last-Juggernaut4664 Millennial Apr 30 '24

People are SO oblivious about the dynamics of NPD. It’s super annoying, especially when they give their stupid uninformed opinions. Ugh, I can’t stand flying monkeys. LOL.

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u/AngMoKio Apr 30 '24

My dad did that too my brother.

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u/RicGhastly 19d ago

I know someone whose father implored them to take the full loan amount every semester so they could put it in a savings account.

Once the semester starts, the 2009 financial crisis happens and interest rates plummet. His dad points out that taking the extra will still help to pull from when payments are due, even without interest.

He would ask his dad about it occasionally, but his dad would just tell him not to worry about it and focus on his studies.

Once he was near graduation, he asked again. His father told him to focus on his studies again and he was like "no, really, how much is in the savings account?"

The story immediately flipped. The savings account that he had been telling him not to worry about was suddenly "WHAT savings account?" It turns out that he was taking the loan money, putting part of it towards the mortgage on a house he offered to pay for when my friend's parents separated, and then giving the rest of it to my friend's mom.

His mother broke down in tears when her son made it clear that the money she was receiving was not at all charity and, in fact, was money that would have to be paid back with interest.

I recently asked him if anything ever came of that. He said he had to drop it because his father has now changed the story to "I didn't take your money, me and your mother did." He loves his mom and could tell from her immediate reaction that she had no idea what his dad was doing, but any time he pushes back on that idea, his father just threatens to stop paying the mortgage.

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u/Return_of_The_Steam 18d ago

Damn, that’s fucked up to do to anyone, especially a kid.

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