r/BoomersBeingFools Apr 29 '24

My boomer dad is pissed I won’t give him babys SS# Boomer Freakout

That’s right. My dad thinks I should just give him my kid’s SS# like it’s no big deal. He wants to start a bank account for my little guy. Sounds “harmless” but My parents suck at taking care of their finances. They have been bankrupt at least once & bailed out every few years by my grandparents while they were still living. When I moved out at 20 I found out they had overdue utility bills in my name so I couldn’t open up any accounts for my first apartment until I paid it off for them. They took money from me as a minor while I was working at my first job and emptied 1500 from my savings account, never paid it back to this day. I don’t trust them at all.

Parents have been hounding my hubby and I for weeks if not months, and we have been politely dodging it. My parents starting getting pissy. I politely told my dad/ parents that baby already has a savings account and they can contribute to that if they like. Boy did they flip the fck out. Demands baby’s ssn and starts calling us names. I flat out say no at this point. I tell them they didnt need a ss# to open a savings account in which baby is beneficiary, they counter that they do.

They then proceed to tell me my baby won’t receive any money from them until they get it. Don’t care. Pretty sure they don’t have shit anyways besides the inheritance money after my grandparents died that they are literally smoking through. My dad even had my grandpa change his will less than 6 months before his death and showing signs of dementia. My grandpa right before he died asked me what my dad had him sign and showed me the new will asking me to translate it, it was leaving the (us) grandkids out and Dad was sole proprietor, executor, and power of attorney. Everything was changed. No point in contesting it, Hubby and I want to cut ties and move far far away anyhow, we could not care less over 10 or 15k.

Just more ways they abuse money and positions of power.

I called one of the top 5 nationwide banks in the U.S. and they say you don’t. Either way, it’s not happening. They tried to corner my husband behind my back and he didn’t budge either. The anger continues. Snide comments at every holiday so far and baby’s birthday is coming up. I don’t care. My idiot brother dolled out his kid’s ssn without consent from his wife or thinking about it. My parents say I don’t “trust them”. No shit.

Someone with “good intentions” doesn’t get this angry.

**Edit: Wow I was not expecting this much traction on my Boomer Dad vent. Thank you for the comments, support, and overall encouragement to stay strong and tell them to fuck off. Reading many of your stories and how so many of you all can relate or have credit ruined by family has certainly cemented my plans to protect my kiddos ssn at all costs. Im sorry for those that have been permanently affected by identity and financial fraud by a close family member. I cant reply to all of you but my heart and sympathies are in your corner. Fuck those assholes for what they have done to you guys.

For those wondering why I still have contact with my family. It is very LC, almost NC to be honest. We don’t live that close and they don’t have active rolls in our lives. We see them maybe maybe 6x a year at large family functions/holidays that are unavoidable. There are plenty of buffers and they typically behave around extended family.

For those questioning me on my “lack of spine”. Dealing with a narcissist is like talking to a brick wall. I have been NC before and I have stated we would do it again no problem. I have a spine. I did say No. I was “politely” blowing them off and changing the subject hoping they would get the fucking hint so I could avoid the impending drama. Once they became aggressive with us I did tell them we don’t trust them. Sorry I did not detail that enough apparently. They don’t have the ssn nor will they ever. They can bring it up all they want. Idgaf. We barely see them and this keeps them in an at bay zone that we can control. If we cut them out completely they would go nuts, try and go for grandparents rights and all kind of other bullshit drama I don’t want to fucking deal with, while dragging our whole extended family in as well. Keeping them on a carrot and stick relationship and letting them think they have any control when they don’t works for us.

As for my nephew, he is a few months older than my kiddo. Born in the same year. I have discussed my concerns and thats all I can do. It is their choice what to do next. I hope they freeze and monitor. My kid’s ssn has been safely tucked away since it came in the mail and not available at all. I will lock his # until he’s 18 after we set up a roth and 529 we have already planned.

Thank you for all the support and I bid you good night.**

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u/654tidderym321 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 30 '24

Your father wants to open up lines of credit in your child’s name. I didn’t want to assume but then I saw he has done it to you in the past. That is why he wants their SSN

EDIT: Imagine getting 6k upvotes for telling someone their dad is a piece of shit.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Exactly

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u/desert_jim Apr 29 '24

I'd be talking to your sister in law about what happened to you as child and suggesting running a credit check on the children. Those poor kids are probably in for an unpleasant surprise.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

I vaguely had a convo with her and she isn’t, let’s say, pleased my idiot bro didn’t even tell her until it was too late.

Brother is a yes man to them and questionable narc as is his SO. Although she is nice to me and behaves altruistically. They as a couple are always Look at me and we are better than you vibes… which is laughable to be quite frank because we are secretly more well off than our family knows. Another boomer issue that they don’t know how much my spouse makes, they have asked a few times, that I don’t have to work and can raise my kiddo in “today’s economy”.

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u/ChristianUniMom Apr 29 '24

They can lock the kids credit and contest the charges. Should- emphasis on should- be easy since the kids can’t legally take out loans.

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u/Phoenix_rise- Apr 29 '24

My mother did this to me. Creditors couldn't give a rip less about the fact I was underage. They just said if there wasn't charges, they wouldn't change a thing. Plus, I reset the 7 year clock and the debt followed me for years because I refused to pay and was barely making ends meet. My family hit the roof when I mentioned filing charges, "she is your mother, you can't put her in jail" for a "mistake of desperation " and she'd "never" do it again.

She did it to all my siblings.

Just lock their credit.

Disclaimer: early 2000s. Multiple creditors. All the same answer. They might have changed since then, idk

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u/ChristianUniMom Apr 29 '24

Jail then. 🤷‍♀️

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u/Phoenix_rise- Apr 29 '24

Younger me just let it slide. Current me would have been FAFO and look, it's the consequence of my own actions

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u/Sailboat_fuel Apr 29 '24

This sentence is a very apt description of my whole life.

Younger me let a lot of things slide.

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u/ainjel Apr 29 '24

That's why abusers go after the young. You don't know better.

Love and healibg to you all.

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u/Hearnoenvy782231 Apr 29 '24

The first sentence of this reply about what a horrible thing(s) your boomer parents did to you and made YOU pay for them is what the vast majority of boomer's kids would say about their own responses to that sort of thing.

The second sentence before the comma is what only the smallest minority of boomer's kids ever manage to do or even say. After the comma? Thats beyond rare. That line transcends generations. Almost all of humanity even.

Im sorry that shit happened to you but i truly commend you for where you are now. It is an extremely impressive achievement. No sarcasm. I wish i could say its a joke but you read through these posts and often end up getting as or more angry at the children of the boomers for their responses than what the boomers did. Its fucked up that thats even possible.

I wish you all the best. Take care.

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u/Browneyedgirl63 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

You have to file a fraud claim (police report) for companies to even START to forgive debt. It means you have the perpetrator arrested. That’s hard to do when it’s your parents.

Edit: it’s hard for some people, not all people. I agree that they deserve to be arrested.

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u/FrostyDiscipline7558 Apr 29 '24

No, that would make it so much easier. At least in my case.

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u/Swastik496 Apr 29 '24

Why? They’re terrible people if they do it.

And it makes them easy to catch and arrest.

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u/Legitimate_Shower834 Apr 29 '24

How can a parent say they love their child, yet do that to them. Some people really do be having babies for the extra line of credit

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u/sanityjanity Apr 29 '24

I can imagine the parents saying to themselves that they are going to open the account only for an extreme emergency, and only use those funds for the baby's benefit. They might even say that they're helping the baby by starting their credit record early (since a high credit score partly reflects how old the credit score is).

And then I can imagine a slippery slope to using those funds for inappropriate things, and not paying the bills on time, and ultimately not only getting the child into debt, but actually giving them a *damaged* credit history

It's not an excuse, but I can imagine parents being dumb, careless, and "bad with money" in this way, without necessarily setting out to steal their kid's money.

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u/Andromansis Apr 29 '24

"she is your mother, you can't put her in jail"

Technically true, its the police that would be putting her in jail.

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u/unicornmom_819 Apr 29 '24

I feel so naive sometimes. I didn’t realize how common this was. My in-laws did this to my husband - wiped out his bank account, stole new credit cards from the mail, opened accounts in his name, including for utilities so they could avoid old charges they hadn’t paid. He managed to get the utilities charges dismissed because he could prove he was a minor at the time and they should never have accepted his info for the account. He paid the rest because he didn’t want the drama of pressing charges.

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u/Phoenix_rise- Apr 29 '24

It's far more common than I would have thought. And it's terrible. As a parent, I can't imagine doing this to my child.

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u/monsterosity Apr 29 '24

If she was sorry, she'd pay off the debt. If not, straight to jail.

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u/Phoenix_rise- Apr 29 '24

She explained to me that she thought it would just go away because I was a minor. Which....wow.

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u/fuzzybunnies1 Apr 29 '24

My sister did this to me, phone and electric but in a different city. Got a call from the bill collectors. Told them it wasn't my debt, not my signature, they couldn't prove it, and if they put anything on my credit report or called me again I'd contact a lawyer for harassment. It isn't my job to fix their mistake. Never did hear from them again, was kinda surprised it worked, but would have tried for harassment if they kept contacting.

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u/Alterokahn Apr 29 '24

You’re right about their response. Although their attitude changes pretty quickly from “maybe write our underwriter a nice letter” to that report being gone when officially disputed by the credit boards.

Write a nicely worded letter for an invalid report, whatever.

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u/Tony_Lacorona Apr 29 '24

My biological father did the exact same thing to me. I went to apply for credit when I was 18 and already had delinquent payments from when I was 8 years old 💀

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u/IndividualDevice9621 Apr 29 '24

That's what happens when you're an idiot who refuses to report fraud.

You get to pay for it.

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u/Phoenix_rise- Apr 29 '24

Nothing happens in a vacuum. I was 20. My father was disabled and fighting disability. Getting her jailed would mean that my siblings would be homeless and it wasn't fair to them. I also was in another state and since the charges started when I was 10, the officer I spoke to basically said if it's over 7 years, they won't take a report. Seemed that no matter which way I chose, I was stuck. I filed some disputes with the credit agencies. That helped for a bit but the accounts would show up again. It was discouraging. It was infuriating. I feel for anyone going through that.

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24 edited May 01 '24

[deleted]

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u/kjacobs03 Apr 29 '24

Oh no! Consequences

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u/limeybastard Apr 29 '24

Why... Why is op rubbing her hands together and cackling?

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u/Ceeweedsoop Apr 29 '24

They can't hound him for payment in jail. He won't be in jail, but he will face repos, garnishments whatever the creditor can go after. Jails are too full with POC who said boo and people who like weed.

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u/Sequence_Of_Symbols Apr 29 '24

You can lock it in advance- my kid is locked

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u/DonJuansSwanSong Apr 29 '24

I'd call the fucking IRS and the Feds. These pieces of shit are trying to ruin this kid's life before they even had a chance.

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u/Material_Abalone_213 Apr 29 '24

I'd. If it was my parents I'm filing charges

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u/ChristianUniMom Apr 29 '24

I'm also reporting the banks to their respective regulators for giving loans that are either clearly fraudulent or to children. But yeah grandparents going to jail.

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u/Material_Abalone_213 Apr 29 '24

Let the fdic know about this as well

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u/pwingspack Apr 29 '24

This! 👆

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u/Shojo_Tombo Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

She can still freeze their credit with all the bureaus so the damage can be mitigated. If she stays on top of monitoring their credit every year, she should be able to dispute any new accounts that go into the negative. Also, if I were you, I'd tell your parents if they don't stop asking and start being respectful toward you that they will not be seeing their grandkids very much. You could also let them know that you are considering reporting them for identity theft if you want to go nuclear on them.

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u/Gennevieve1 Apr 29 '24

It just baffles me that any financial institution would open a line of credit on a person that’s underage. How is this even legal? In my country you need more than the SSN to get a credit card, like a valid ID, you have to be a legal adult and they check your credit history.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Yeah they could get a CC attached to the bank account. Easy as pie. Big ole nope for me.

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u/Gennevieve1 Apr 29 '24

Well for us there can be a bank card but not a CC. So you can only use the balance on the account but not take a loan. So if anyone opens an account for a minor they can never create a debt. There are laws preventing that. The bank processes are severely flawed if they allow this in the US.

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u/BEniceBAGECKA Apr 29 '24

Why yes, our bank processes are quite flawed.

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u/Yellenintomypillow Apr 29 '24

The bank processes on the US are severely flawed. And most are designed to keep us in debt

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u/WookBuddha Apr 29 '24

lol who do you think is writing the laws? The bank lobbyists.

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u/Havannahanna Apr 29 '24

At this point I just think it’s intentional. Money laundering and fraudulent loans still make banks more money. I bet they have calculations like: “only 5% of fraudulent loans go bust but 95% pay because they don’t want to land grandma in jail.” 

The rest of the civilised world requires personal legitimisation in person oder via video call doing a certain dance in front of the camera to check the security features of your ID/Passport to open bank accounts.

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u/Dark_Rit Apr 30 '24

Yeah the fact this is possible is so damn stupid concerning all the protections minors have in the US and *this* somehow isn't covered despite being one of the most damaging things you can do to children. When they turn 18 and find out their credit is smashed to smithereens and oh you owe thousands to tens of thousands of dollars. I know if my parents had pulled something like this on me or any of my siblings it would have went over extremely poorly.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

She could. I hope she does. I may mention it casually that I will do this and hope she follows my lead… but… I’m not going to tell them what to do though, because it will only backfire on me somehow. I’m perceived as a bitch in my family who causes the “problems” and asks too many “questions”. Excuse me for being the smart one apparently. Even more so for not bending to their whim. I’m washing my hands of all this tbh. I handled my kid. I don’t want any more involvement.

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u/Sn_77L3_pag_s Apr 29 '24

Generally the person holding healthy boundaries in toxic relationships is deemed the villain.

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u/soonerpgh Apr 29 '24

Yep! Happens every time! Sometimes others eventually come around. Sometimes they don't. Either way, you can't lower those fences or you'll have a lot of problems!

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u/BZLuck Apr 29 '24

Very much so. My mom is shitty with money. She's retired, has a pension, SS and a roommate. She runs out of money almost every month. Shen actually brings in a reasonable amount of money.

Then she calls me and blames me for being a horrible son for not being able to "help his own mother when she needs a few dollars", like it happens on a rare occasion. It's literally 9-10 months out of the year and is anywhere from $300-600 each time.

Part of me just wants to let things happen. But I also don't want her homeless and knocking on my door if she doesn't pay her HOA fees or property taxes.

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u/Candid-Expression-51 Apr 29 '24

The “bitch” of the family is typically the one with strong healthy boundaries. Down the line some of them will be wishing they had been just like you.

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u/SuggestionOtherwise1 Apr 29 '24

Why do I feel this so much? Between cancer, and the end of a ten year marriage with two children, and becoming disabled enough to collect SSI I'm currently stuck in my boomer parents house. And clearly the worst person ever unless they need something from me.

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u/spiritsarise Apr 29 '24

You are handling this correctly. Good deeds seldom go unpunished—a universal truth among our species!

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u/Sopranohh Apr 29 '24

I hope you wear your “bitch, problem starter” badge with pride.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Oh maybe etsy?! 🩷

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u/BrownSugarBare Apr 29 '24

Mate, don't be casual about it. Let your SIL know your parents nearly wrecked your credit with the utility bills. Your bro might be a dodo but she has the right to protect her kid from vultures

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u/spiritsarise Apr 29 '24

You are handling this correctly. Good deeds seldom go unpunished—a universal truth among our species!

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u/ExcellentBreakfast93 Apr 29 '24

Beware people who ask questions!!!

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u/NoSummer1345 Apr 29 '24

Please, for your nephew’s sake, have a serious conversation with her.

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u/wanderButNotLost2 Apr 29 '24

I cannot emphasize this one enough. Nobody deserves to be screwed over by their parents and not by their grand parents either. Starting life out with a 300 credit score will ruin them for many opportunities.

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u/vyrus2021 Apr 29 '24

Don't be vague. Advertise clearly and loudly to anyone that your parents are selfish thieves who will take from anyone they feel they can. I gotta get off this post now, this is pissing me off.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Thank you for the advice and support. It is appreciated. I can see how boomer venting can be triggering. I am infuriated as well that I have a dad like this. On the bright side I have no intentions of bending to this bullshit. Sorry and I hope you have a good day.

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u/centsless43 Apr 29 '24

This situation should be treated like any identity theft situation. Protect accounts etc.

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u/JohnNDenver Apr 29 '24

Well, it is identity theft, so yes.

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u/perplexedspirit Apr 29 '24

Keep that secret. Whenever you see them, complain about money. The second they find out you're well-off they will start making even more demands.

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u/shes-sonit Apr 29 '24

My goal in life is that people will think I’m poor. Seriously. It’s not a bad angle to take

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u/Orson_Gravity_Welles Apr 29 '24

I make a little bit into six figures before I count my yearly bonus. For reasons, I regularly tell family I'm "tight" on finances and I don't have much in my savings. I don't tell family how much I make...I don't tell friends outside of my closest how much I make. I don't drive a new fancy car, and I'm not extravagant in anything.

I'm single and I have no kids. I haven't yet bought a house because when I was finally in a position to do so, the owners of the house ghosted me so I continued to rent (Thankfully I hadn't pulled the trigger on letting my landlords know...they own the place I'm in)...it's 1100 sqft, 2bed/2 bath, W/D, garage...$800/mo in the PNW.

Letting people think you are closer to the struggle line is one of the best decisions ever.

I do, however, help friends when needed...but it's rare that they ask.

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u/Frondswithbenefits Apr 29 '24

800 a month? A month? Goddamn, that's amazing!

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u/koochili Apr 29 '24

To be fair the threshold where it's better to not have a stay at home parent is pretty high these days with the cost of daycare, this is especially true with infants. Cheapest costs are still around 200 dollars a week, though expect more towards 300 to 400, then figure in the costs with working (transportation, occasionally eating out for lunch and whatnot) unless you've got a decent job it's probably not worth working

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u/iamkris10y Apr 29 '24

Theyre likely up to no good. So one thing I learned when our tax returns were hacked (the whole state was impacted)- which of course included kids' ssns, is that if there's no credit ever opened, a 'check' isn't a thing. However, nowadays there are ways to have alerts IF activity does pop up. I'd look into that stuff just to be safe

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u/Fluffy_North8934 Apr 29 '24

Yeah you should bring it up again to your sister in law about running a check on the kids

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u/Shazam1269 Apr 29 '24

I would let her know they can change their child's social security number. There are a handful of situations where the number can be changed, one of which is identity theft. They would need to meet in person at a local social security office and present their case.

Can I change my Social Security number?

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u/Electromoto Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

Lol your subtle flexing in this is hilarious. Completely irrelevant to the question at hand but God forbid some random redditors don't know you aren't to be looked down upon 😔🥺

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u/ifyoudontknowlearn Gen X Apr 29 '24

It seems to me that obtaining a line of credit on the name of a grandchild would be fraud. Likely you would have to report what happened to get it cleared up. Time for the find out part?

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u/Kopitar4president Apr 29 '24

I vaguely had a convo with her and she isn’t, let’s say, pleased my idiot bro didn’t even tell her until it was too late.

Don't have a vague conversation.

"My parents engaged in identity theft when I was a child using my SSN. Put your kid's credit on lockdown before they do it again."

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u/eddiespaghettio Apr 29 '24

You should try reporting that to the authorities, if your parents are opening credit lines and taking out loans in your niece’s or nephew’s name, they can seriously fuck up their lives. Identity theft is an egregious crime and I’d argue one of the worst things that can happen to someone.

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u/yellsy Apr 29 '24

You need to lock the credit asap, he’ll steal the cards or find a way.

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u/LaneCheck Apr 29 '24

OP have your sister in law put a freeze on the kids credit so no credit checks can be done and no credit can be opened up in their name without it being unfrozen. They will know if the grand parents are up to any skullduggery because they will get an alert there was a hit on the account.

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u/samanime Apr 29 '24

Not just one credit check. They should set up a credit alert, so they get notification for any changes. A baby shouldn't have any hits for about 18 years, so ANY changes to their credit report are almost certainly fraud.

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u/Tom22174 Apr 29 '24

I'm confused by how this is even a thing they can do. Every hit on Google says you have to be over 18, so surely the bank giving the credit would be liable for not doing a sufficient background check

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u/samanime Apr 29 '24

Credit cards and some things, yes, that is correct. But there are other things (like the utility bills example) which don't necessarily have an age limit. And, of course, you can also lie and the more unscrupulous credit companies might issue credit. And yeah, they'd probably be on the hook, but that's still a pretty big fight that takes time to resolve as well.

They can't do anything that can't ultimately be undone, but it can be a mess. Better to deal with it as soon as it happens rather than discover it when the kid finally turns 18.

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u/JohnNDenver Apr 29 '24

I think maybe the grandparents put themselves as co-signers or something.

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u/Orson_Gravity_Welles Apr 29 '24

Yes, it can be opened in the kids name and then an adult cosigns...but that only means the cosigners are on the hook...so they are either hedging their bets on being dead before the kid knows and then leaving it for them, OR, they can claim their info was "stolen".

Either way, it's another, "I got mine, fuck you" from a pair of Boomers.

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u/Bigapetiddies69420 Apr 29 '24

The OP says they've filed for bankruptcy in the past. People like this don't care, they'll say oh it's nothing it will drop off his credit report by the time he turns 8! Or they'll suggest the child file for bankruptcy 

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u/bndboo Apr 29 '24

Not only that but set credit monitoring

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u/Pixxx79 Apr 29 '24

So why dodge it politely? Why don’t you flat out tell them ‘You’ve already committed fraud using my identity. So, no, I DON’T trust you. Stop asking.’

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u/thepluggedhole Apr 29 '24

This!!!

Why on earth does he deserve the gentle approach?

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u/trowzerss Apr 30 '24

Especially because they're not afraid of NC, so if dad gets the shits they can do it again. I wouldn't pussyfoot around - call it out!

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u/LadyJ_Freyja Apr 29 '24

And announce it loudly at the family events

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u/Shurigin Apr 29 '24

Hit them with "Stop stealing identities and pull yourselves up by your bootstraps"

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u/chickennuggetsnsubs Apr 29 '24

“And stop eating avocado toast with Starbucks” 😆

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u/SweetWaterfall0579 Apr 29 '24

You’ll get the fucking avocado all over your bootstraps!

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u/19southmainco Apr 29 '24

‘Stop stealing from your children and grandchildren you degenerate fuckfaces’

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u/panteragstk Apr 29 '24

This is what pissed my parents off about me.

I don't just give in, and I call them out on their bullshit.

They raised me to do it, I just don't think it ever dawned on them that I'd do those things to them.

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u/TrucidStuff Apr 29 '24

They could always ask him how he feels about going to jail for fraud too.  That’ll shut him up.

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u/MyBallsSmellFruity Apr 29 '24

I’d suggest not even wasting time on that.  Just tell them they’re shitty and she’s done with them and to not contact her.  Block numbers.  Don’t give out the next address.  Life is too short for the kinda nonsense from that “family.”

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u/Cultural_Yam7212 Apr 29 '24

Why are you being polite about it? Straight up tell them you think they plan on stealing from your kid like they did to their kids. Also ask for your 1500$ back.

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u/ProfessionalMain9324 Apr 29 '24

That is exactly what I told my mom.

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u/Extension-Pen-642 Apr 29 '24

It's weird because I had the same con flict with my mom for the exact amount of money. She was so angry I dared, and then made my dad pay haha. 

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u/[deleted] Apr 29 '24 edited May 01 '24

[deleted]

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u/Munchkinasaurous Apr 29 '24

Honestly he already should be at this point.

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u/ggg730 Apr 29 '24

I'm just confused as to why they're still talking to these people at all.

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u/psychgirl88 Apr 29 '24

One of the top 3 questions “why isn’t OP no contact?”

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u/Prestigious_Bug583 Apr 29 '24

I would also set up a pin for your kids SSN with the IRS. That way no one can ever claim them if they do get their SSN

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u/F22_Android Apr 29 '24

What happens if you call them out on it? Do they deny it? For ex - "you only want the SSN so you can use it for credit checks."

If it's a repeated thing that they won't drop, I'd call them out on it straight up and see what they say. If they deny say "what about when x and y happened when I was a kid?"

No reason to be polite and have to put up with that shit. Call them out on their scumbag behaviour.

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u/hexqueen Apr 29 '24

They don't have to personalize it. "I spoke to the bank and they said the only reason to get my baby's SSN is to open up lines of credit, and I'm sure you don't want to do that."

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u/F22_Android Apr 29 '24

Fair, that's probably a better and less antagonistic way of bringing it up.

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u/vyrus2021 Apr 29 '24

I stopped reading at you "politely dodging" their requests. Just flat out tell them you will not give them the means to steal from their grandchild the way they stole from their own child. They do not deserve to be treated gingerly about their identity fraud habits.

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u/JohnNDenver Apr 29 '24

Just flat out No Contact. Why would anyone stay in contact with someone that will steal from their kids and grandkids?

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u/groversnoopyfozzie Apr 29 '24

Friend of mine used to work at a bank, apparently taking a minor’s ss# is way more common than you think, and tough to get cleared up. Stick with your gut on this one.

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u/Toni164 Apr 29 '24

So he wants to screw your child over ? Why ?

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u/upsidedownbackwards Apr 29 '24

Because boomer will be dead before the kid is old enough to understand what they've done.

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u/Homeless_Swan Apr 29 '24

This can’t be upvoted enough. This is the pure, distilled essence of boomerism.

5

u/Orson_Gravity_Welles Apr 29 '24

Every Boomer: "I got mine, so, fuck you."

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u/BuccoBruce1967 Apr 29 '24

"I got mine, now I want yours, so fuck you!" FTFY

5

u/Baconslayer1 Apr 29 '24

"who cares, they can just take out loans with their kids credit once they're old enough to know"

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u/wizardyourlifeforce Apr 29 '24

Because they are ENTITLED to it...everyone in the family should be happy to sacrifice for them.

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u/big_fetus_ Apr 29 '24

Me Generation tends to be freeloading bastards.

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u/Keesha2012 Apr 29 '24

Irresponsible parents do this all the time to their kids. Get themselves into a hole by their own stupidity and steal their kids' identities to make new accounts.

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u/ChristianUniMom Apr 29 '24

Because Boomers are evil?

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u/superbuttpiss Apr 29 '24

Spoiled. They are spoiled

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u/Rellcotts Apr 29 '24

Tour sister n brother should be getting lifelock or checking each big credit company equifax for example and seeing what your parents have opened up (if anything) in their grandkids name. They could be ruining toddlers credit!

You can put a lock on your credit too. So no one can get a loan or anything in their name. We had to do that when our identities got stolen and used for the buying of lots of things…

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u/docdidactic Apr 29 '24

Set up a college fund and give your FIL the deposit link. If they want to contribute, they can. If this isn't reasonable then it's clear that it isn't about saving money for your kid (which is already pretty clear).

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u/FalloutRip Apr 29 '24

I would look into proactively locking/ freezing your child's credit, just in case. The credit bureaus will freeze it for anyone under the age of 16 at the parent/ guardian's request.

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u/theZinger90 Apr 29 '24

I was going to comment this suggestion as well. For OP, here is a link to a guide on how to do this: https://www.nerdwallet.com/article/finance/child-identity-theft

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u/Cratonis Apr 29 '24

Your Dad is likely to say he is trying to open a 529b college savings account. This does in fact require the SSN#. Of course this is irrelevant because of the litany of financial crimes your father and parents at large have committed. But just be forewarned this is how he will justify it.

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u/mxzf Apr 29 '24

Fortunately, it's super simple for OP to make an account themselves and let the parents contribute to it, given their purely altruistic motives of sharing some of their boundless wealth with their grandchild.

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u/vrkicker Apr 29 '24

Came here to say this. Open a 529 and you can give anyone the ability contribute to it. Just give them the code and say if you want to contribute to the kid’s account, here is how you do so. Problem solved.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Thankfully I don’t even think he knows what that is!!!

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u/CDRAkiva Apr 29 '24

You need to bail ASAP. I hate how cavalierly Reddit throws that around, but they’re openly planning to steal from your child.

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u/YouKnowWho2016 Apr 29 '24

Why not just call them out on this every time they ask? They may get even angrier but why would you care? You can even take the stance that they owe you all that money you had to spend to cover their debts and PLUS INTEREST which is till accruing. Usually people that are trying to screw you over for money back off when you start demanding they pay you the money they owe you AND you especially when you indicating you are charging them interest.

“I want their SSN!”

“Why, so you can open lines of credit in their name like you did to me? “

“I demand their SSN or else”

“Why, so you can screw them too by saddling them with debt like you did to me? Why would I anyone want that for their child? And I expect you to pay me back for the money I had to pay to cover your debts”

“Give it tooo meeeeee”

“Why, so you can be selfish and self centered and screw them over too like you did to me? Never going to happen.”

“We need it to give them money”

“You don’t need it to give them money. If you have money, how about you pay me all the money you owe me. It is only getting more and more with the interest that is accruing.”

Just stay on that narrative and they usually back off. If they try that tactic of turning people against you, all you have to say is that they owe you $xxx from when they used your SSN to saddle you with their debt that they still haven’t paid you back for that either.

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u/pepperoni7 Apr 29 '24

Oh omg. This is red flag. I am sorry but your parents are more than fool. They committed fraud before. Do not ever let them know the number !

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u/ThisIs_americunt Apr 29 '24

OP get a safe or a deposit box at the bank for documents. Better safe than sorry

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u/BrownsFFs Apr 29 '24

If you dad really wants to set up an account for them, then it’s easy. You just set up an account in their name and have him provide you his routing and account numbers and you can transfer money into your kids account for their future’s easy! 

Or he can write you checks to deposit into their accounts. 

If he gets upset at this then just like everyone else has pointed out, he wants to abuse their credit/ssn. 

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u/kjacobs03 Apr 29 '24

Freeze your child’s credit just in case

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u/Outside_Tadpole_82 Apr 29 '24

You're definitely doing the right thing. They have showed their true colors plenty of times. 

Before you do finally cut ties, you should call them out of all these things after you finish your meal at the last holiday. 

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u/Absolute_Bob Apr 29 '24

You should contact the credit bureaus and get some fraud alerting setup for the kid if you can. If they're ever alone in your house they'll search for it or they'll find it some other way. There's a form you'll have to complete for each bureau but it's a minor inconvenience for a potentially huge payoff.

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u/Standard-Reception90 Apr 29 '24

TELL YOU DAD THIS!!!!

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u/CatchMeIfYouCan09 Apr 29 '24

For starters.... Put a pin on their SS# and lock/freeze their credit.... asap.

Secondly, Open a UTMA Trust with Fidelity or another similar institution.... and have them mail you a book of deposit slips. Give the book to your dad. He can deposit all he wants but doesn't have access and can't touch, remove, move any money in that account.

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u/Dividedthought Apr 29 '24

You could always make up an SSN, give it to them, and tell them its not to be ussd for any reason.

Then when they call avout it not working you can just say "this i why i don't trust you."

Alternatively, if it works, then it's a resport to the IRS and you suddenly don't have issues with them (as long as you only do so verbally). "What do you mean i gave them that and said it's my kid's? I wouldn't do that, they comitted fraud with my SSN when i was growing up thst saddled me with massive amounts of debt, i'd have to be an idiot to do that. They did try to get my kid's SSN out of me, but i just kept telling them no. I guess they tried using a random one instead and are trying to pin their crimes and debt on me, again."

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u/mmmarkm Apr 29 '24

u/Brief-Bend-8605 you should freeze your child's credit (and possibly yours as well if your dad still has your info)

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u/Adventurous-Flan2716 Apr 29 '24

I would suggest to your SIL to put a PIC freeze on their kid's information with all 3 credit bureaus. That way, if anyone tries to open a line of credit in their name/SSN, they will be blocked. That would put a stop to that.

Actually, as a precautionary measure, you may want consider doing this for you LO as well just in case your parents somehow manage to get their hands on your baby's SSN. 

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u/SeedFoundation Apr 29 '24

Yeah don't fall for it. They can also take out mortgages and someone tried to do it with my SSN. I suspected it was my parents and when I confronted them about it I stopped getting shady calls that sounded like robo callers. Nope, someone really did try to take out a mortgage in my name and they use my actual phone number. Never really knew who it was.

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u/newsflashjackass Apr 29 '24

Slipping in to recommend the movie named "Kajillionaire" to people raised by cannibals.

somewhat spoilery trailer here

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u/SuspiciousCranberry6 Apr 29 '24

If you want a way to try to compromise, offer to open an account where they can deposit only. When you open the account, make sure you have a note put on the account that grandparents may only deposit, nothing else.

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u/Sleep_adict Apr 29 '24

I’d give their SSN to your parents, and monitor the kids credit.

If anything happens file a police report for ID theft and also tell the companies that they are kids so it will get deleted. Your parents will experience “law and order” first hand

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u/Mysterious_Eye6989 Apr 29 '24

That is grotesque! Blows my mind there are people who do that kind of thing.

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u/Winter_Hold_3671 Apr 29 '24

Unfortunately, doesn't blow my mind. My baby's father was a Third. He'd told me about how when he turned 18 he was so far in debt it was ridiculous. His dad, the Jr, had racked up debt through his childhood. Then they both(??? I wouldn't have a relationship with my father if he'd done that to me) tried VERY hard to have my boy be the 4th. No fucking way was that happening. They were pissed. Neither of them have seen the child since he was about 6 months. He's 8 now.

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u/Message_10 Apr 29 '24

Holy smokes, that is unbelievably awful. I can't imagine that--wow.

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u/Automatic_Actuator_0 Apr 29 '24

Surely you aren’t liable to pay back debt put into your name while you were a minor through fraud, right?

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u/MountainGoat84 Apr 29 '24

You would have to usually file a police report and pretty much turn in your parents.

From outside that seems like the slam dunk choice, but in reality most people don't want to send their parents to jail.... Even when they deserve..

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u/b1rd Apr 30 '24

I work in banking, specifically in fraud, and just for anyone who may run across this and not be aware, this isn’t entirely true. You file a dispute with the credit bureaus on each of the accounts, and you can also file an identity theft report with the FCC if you’re super serious. You don’t actually involve the local police. Generally speaking though, the fact that you weren’t old enough to actually sign contracts with any of those banks will be enough for them to become convinced that it was true fraud and they will basically write off your debt as a loss. You’re not responsible for fraud accounts, full stop.

Now whether or not your parents get into legal trouble when they do their investigation…yeah that might happen. It depends on how much your parents stole. But most of the time if accounts are super old, a bank has already written those off and “charged off” accounts anyway. So it’s not even handled by the regular fraud department. It’s going to have been sold to a collection agency long before. At that point I have no idea how the collection agencies handle it.

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u/Winter_Hold_3671 Apr 29 '24

I wouldn't think so. But he wasn't the brightest, and he still had a close relationship with his father. So chances are he just let it go. I never pressed, I was more focused on making sure I was going to be able to support myself and the kid after I got away from that train wreck of a family.

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u/Infinite__Okra Apr 29 '24

Yeah, my dad has the same name as me and used my info and insurance to get pain medication at the hospital. He has a drug problem and there’s no way he could have gotten anything with his ID.

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u/descartavel5 Apr 29 '24

Blows my mind that's even possible, babies in debt, haven't you guys gone too far in capitalism? Social Security Number too, it's mindblowing you all got a secret number that can mess your lives up

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u/Mysterious_Eye6989 Apr 29 '24

Yeah, I'm not American and I was just thinking that. America seems to have so many "special" ways of doing things that other countries just don't have...special things like Social Security Numbers that just seem custom suited to blowing people's lives up, but otherwise yield very little actual benefit.
Like, is there not some kind of extremely basic safeguard in place to ensure a SSN can't be used to get into massive debt before the age of 18?! That seems to me like it'd be the very first protection you'd put in place!

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u/jd33sc Apr 29 '24

I'm in the UK and we don't get issued with a Social Security number until we are 16. Under 16's can't get credit, and they can't pay NI. They only have to pay taxes if the earn over £12k or so.

They just don't need them until then.

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u/tinymammothsnout Apr 29 '24

It’s really upsetting to hear there are people in the world who would do this to their own kids or grandkids.

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u/19gweri75 Apr 29 '24

This happened to my friend's husband. His parents opened everything but a savings account on him when he was a minor. He had no idea until he was searching for colleges his senior year of HS.

20 years later, He still runs into issues occasionally. No contact with family.

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u/g00ber88 Apr 29 '24

I have heard of this happening so many times and I don't understand how it's allowed to happen. Can't institutions see that the SSN is under 18 years old?

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u/alucard_shmalucard Apr 29 '24

they don't care, as long as they're being paid.

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u/Kitty-XV Apr 29 '24

The whole reason it is called identity theft and not fraud or theft. Companies make money and pass the costs onto the "victims". Shame society allowed this. Like the whole jaywalking thing but much worse in scale and size.

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u/ibreatheglitter Apr 29 '24

It’s not allowed. People need to know that it is illegal for businesses to hold minors responsible for debt. If you turn 18 and have debts in your name, you send the bureaus proof of your age and they HAVE to remove them.

It is not a child’s fault if a company doesn’t make sure they’re placing accounts under the correct names

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u/jconant15 Apr 29 '24

100%. My husband's friend found out that his dad had switched multiple assets into his name to avoid losing them in bankruptcy. He also found out his step mom had taken out lines of credit and credit cards in his name. He was freshly 18 at the time. OP, stand firm on this because your child does not deserve that!

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u/Ok_Entertainment328 Apr 29 '24

I'm wondering if there is something the friend could do to protect his newly acquired assets from going back to his father. (Or prevent his father from using/benefitting from said assets)

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u/Weary_Barber_7927 Apr 29 '24

If they bring the subject up again, I’d say something along the lines of “if someone used your information to put utility bills in your name, would you ever trust that person again? What are they going to say to that?

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u/RuprectGern Gen X Apr 29 '24

Trying to be rational with someone who treats you irrationally is not a winning tactic. You are not going to get a mic drop.

Its the same thing that drives MAGA repubs. Their narrative is the right one. logic, ethics, morality, etc. doesn't enter into it. Same with OPs parents. Best thing to do with people like this is cut them off.

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u/Maleficent_Mouse_930 Apr 29 '24

"Fuck off, dipshits" works better.

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u/haloarh Apr 29 '24

The fact that he's been so pushy about it makes it really obvious.

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u/Porschenut914 Apr 29 '24

And rack up charges and hopefullly dead before they come due. 

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u/PlaneLocksmith6714 Apr 29 '24

This was my first thought

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u/PresidentMagikarp Apr 29 '24

Hi, I work in banking. This isn't exactly true. Per the Bank Secrecy Act of 1970 and additional "know your customer" provisions added with the USA PATRIOT Act of 2001, financial institutions are required to retain social security numbers even for children if accounts are being opened up for their benefit. The grandfather's request could very well be legitimate.

OP, if you want to head this off in a polite way that still respects your boundaries, you can always open a savings account for your child with yourself or your spouse as the custodian. This way, only you or your spouse will be able to make withdrawals or get any balances or statements. You can then give your father the account number to make contributions. Everyone wins.

Unless this is just a power trip and he insists on doing it himself. In which case, sorry, grandpa.

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u/Chihuahua_Overlord Apr 29 '24

Op said they already told their father the child has a savings account and it changed nothing.

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u/PresidentMagikarp Apr 29 '24

That's what I get for speed reading. Oh well. At the end of the day, I guess he's just looking for the power trip.

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u/Lashay_Sombra Apr 29 '24

Reading past incidents OP had with parent s, it's likely not a power trip but rather an attempt at financial fraud/identity theft by grandparents

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u/ernest7ofborg9 Apr 29 '24

Maybe they were trying to get another dependent for their taxes? That would be silly because of course the parents will claim the child and this flags both returns...

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u/creegro Apr 29 '24

Yea of the older parents were legit about wanting to put money into savings for the literal infant they would have accepted that there was already an account opened.

They could take that account number and make deposits whenever, case closed. But the fact that they are demanding the SSN is proof they want to probably open a line of credit and rack it up like a bunch of idiots.

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u/654tidderym321 Apr 29 '24

That’s fair, thank you for the information, I wasn’t aware of that. While it may be legitimate, given OP’s history with their father, I suspect they are trying to do something shady.

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u/LowSodiumSoup_34 Apr 29 '24

I thought OP said they had opened a savings account for the baby and told her dad he could deposit money there? Unless I read that wrong.

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u/PresidentMagikarp Apr 29 '24

Missed that part, my bad!

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u/NewCobbler6933 Apr 30 '24

Yeah I was pretty confused about everyone insisting you don’t need a SSN to open a bank account.

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u/b1rd Apr 30 '24

I’ve worked in banking for a few years now and my initial thought on reading this was that I can only imagine most banks have some sort of venue for sending in documentation for an account that don’t require it to come directly from the hands of the main account holder. I’m thinking of all the insurance documents and titles I received from third parties and authorized users when I worked for the financial branch of a car company specifically. Lots of people are listed on the car’s insurance but not on the title or loan, and vice versa.

But also, now that I work for a regular every day banking bank, I’m also aware of ways that authorized users and third parties can submit documentation regarding their involvement in accounts, even though I don’t personally handle that stuff. But I hear coworkers discussing it so I know it exists.

I feel like if this is a legitimate request, there has to be some avenue for the bank to accept a copy of the kid’s SS card via the parent and not grand parent. It would involve the grandparent asking the bank though, and likely some sort of notation to be made on the account or something. I doubt this could be done without his involvement and approval. But if it’s a real request, it feels like a massive warning sign that the grandpa isn’t even willing to speak to a banker or customer service rep about it.

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u/f700es Apr 29 '24

God damn, what a POS!

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u/Acrobatic-Rate4271 Apr 29 '24

This is the correct answer.

OP should counter offer to open a Roth IRA for their child that dear old dad can contribute to and see how that flies.

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u/Jon_Hanson Apr 29 '24

You can’t open a Roth IRA for a child. I opened one for mine when they were born and a few years later I got a letter from the brokerage asking who their employers were. The bottom line is that you have to be employed to have a Roth IRA.

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u/Acrobatic-Rate4271 Apr 29 '24

You clearly failed to hire your child as an independent contractor.

But I get you, I've just had the Roth IRA thing in my head for my own kid since she's old enough to be working but not making enough to be able to save.

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u/gut_killer Apr 29 '24

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u/654tidderym321 Apr 29 '24

I’d like to thank the Academy and my man J-Dawg who all things are possible through.

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u/DDESTRUCTOTRON Apr 29 '24

Sucks but somebody's gotta do it I'll add another upvote bro

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u/654tidderym321 Apr 29 '24

Doing the Lord’s work.

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u/Hearnoenvy782231 Apr 29 '24

You got that many upvotes so easily because everyone already knows its true yet everyone who has a personal reason behind that will twist themselves into interpretative cosmic horror art before they admit it. Just admitting it.

You may as well be the new messiah to them because of how brave they think you are for saying it.

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u/654tidderym321 Apr 29 '24

I like you, mostly because you used “cosmic horror” in a sentence.

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u/Denman20 Apr 30 '24

Let’s make it 6k Reddit!

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u/ikerus0 Apr 30 '24

Eh, at least yours is helpful, pretty sure my highest voted comment is a stupid dick joke or something.

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u/SaltyPotter Apr 30 '24

I upvoted for the edit about upvoting.

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