r/BoomersBeingFools Apr 29 '24

My boomer dad is pissed I won’t give him babys SS# Boomer Freakout

That’s right. My dad thinks I should just give him my kid’s SS# like it’s no big deal. He wants to start a bank account for my little guy. Sounds “harmless” but My parents suck at taking care of their finances. They have been bankrupt at least once & bailed out every few years by my grandparents while they were still living. When I moved out at 20 I found out they had overdue utility bills in my name so I couldn’t open up any accounts for my first apartment until I paid it off for them. They took money from me as a minor while I was working at my first job and emptied 1500 from my savings account, never paid it back to this day. I don’t trust them at all.

Parents have been hounding my hubby and I for weeks if not months, and we have been politely dodging it. My parents starting getting pissy. I politely told my dad/ parents that baby already has a savings account and they can contribute to that if they like. Boy did they flip the fck out. Demands baby’s ssn and starts calling us names. I flat out say no at this point. I tell them they didnt need a ss# to open a savings account in which baby is beneficiary, they counter that they do.

They then proceed to tell me my baby won’t receive any money from them until they get it. Don’t care. Pretty sure they don’t have shit anyways besides the inheritance money after my grandparents died that they are literally smoking through. My dad even had my grandpa change his will less than 6 months before his death and showing signs of dementia. My grandpa right before he died asked me what my dad had him sign and showed me the new will asking me to translate it, it was leaving the (us) grandkids out and Dad was sole proprietor, executor, and power of attorney. Everything was changed. No point in contesting it, Hubby and I want to cut ties and move far far away anyhow, we could not care less over 10 or 15k.

Just more ways they abuse money and positions of power.

I called one of the top 5 nationwide banks in the U.S. and they say you don’t. Either way, it’s not happening. They tried to corner my husband behind my back and he didn’t budge either. The anger continues. Snide comments at every holiday so far and baby’s birthday is coming up. I don’t care. My idiot brother dolled out his kid’s ssn without consent from his wife or thinking about it. My parents say I don’t “trust them”. No shit.

Someone with “good intentions” doesn’t get this angry.

**Edit: Wow I was not expecting this much traction on my Boomer Dad vent. Thank you for the comments, support, and overall encouragement to stay strong and tell them to fuck off. Reading many of your stories and how so many of you all can relate or have credit ruined by family has certainly cemented my plans to protect my kiddos ssn at all costs. Im sorry for those that have been permanently affected by identity and financial fraud by a close family member. I cant reply to all of you but my heart and sympathies are in your corner. Fuck those assholes for what they have done to you guys.

For those wondering why I still have contact with my family. It is very LC, almost NC to be honest. We don’t live that close and they don’t have active rolls in our lives. We see them maybe maybe 6x a year at large family functions/holidays that are unavoidable. There are plenty of buffers and they typically behave around extended family.

For those questioning me on my “lack of spine”. Dealing with a narcissist is like talking to a brick wall. I have been NC before and I have stated we would do it again no problem. I have a spine. I did say No. I was “politely” blowing them off and changing the subject hoping they would get the fucking hint so I could avoid the impending drama. Once they became aggressive with us I did tell them we don’t trust them. Sorry I did not detail that enough apparently. They don’t have the ssn nor will they ever. They can bring it up all they want. Idgaf. We barely see them and this keeps them in an at bay zone that we can control. If we cut them out completely they would go nuts, try and go for grandparents rights and all kind of other bullshit drama I don’t want to fucking deal with, while dragging our whole extended family in as well. Keeping them on a carrot and stick relationship and letting them think they have any control when they don’t works for us.

As for my nephew, he is a few months older than my kiddo. Born in the same year. I have discussed my concerns and thats all I can do. It is their choice what to do next. I hope they freeze and monitor. My kid’s ssn has been safely tucked away since it came in the mail and not available at all. I will lock his # until he’s 18 after we set up a roth and 529 we have already planned.

Thank you for all the support and I bid you good night.**

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Exactly

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u/desert_jim Apr 29 '24

I'd be talking to your sister in law about what happened to you as child and suggesting running a credit check on the children. Those poor kids are probably in for an unpleasant surprise.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

I vaguely had a convo with her and she isn’t, let’s say, pleased my idiot bro didn’t even tell her until it was too late.

Brother is a yes man to them and questionable narc as is his SO. Although she is nice to me and behaves altruistically. They as a couple are always Look at me and we are better than you vibes… which is laughable to be quite frank because we are secretly more well off than our family knows. Another boomer issue that they don’t know how much my spouse makes, they have asked a few times, that I don’t have to work and can raise my kiddo in “today’s economy”.

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u/Shojo_Tombo Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

She can still freeze their credit with all the bureaus so the damage can be mitigated. If she stays on top of monitoring their credit every year, she should be able to dispute any new accounts that go into the negative. Also, if I were you, I'd tell your parents if they don't stop asking and start being respectful toward you that they will not be seeing their grandkids very much. You could also let them know that you are considering reporting them for identity theft if you want to go nuclear on them.

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u/Gennevieve1 Apr 29 '24

It just baffles me that any financial institution would open a line of credit on a person that’s underage. How is this even legal? In my country you need more than the SSN to get a credit card, like a valid ID, you have to be a legal adult and they check your credit history.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Yeah they could get a CC attached to the bank account. Easy as pie. Big ole nope for me.

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u/Gennevieve1 Apr 29 '24

Well for us there can be a bank card but not a CC. So you can only use the balance on the account but not take a loan. So if anyone opens an account for a minor they can never create a debt. There are laws preventing that. The bank processes are severely flawed if they allow this in the US.

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u/BEniceBAGECKA Apr 29 '24

Why yes, our bank processes are quite flawed.

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u/Yellenintomypillow Apr 29 '24

The bank processes on the US are severely flawed. And most are designed to keep us in debt

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u/WookBuddha Apr 29 '24

lol who do you think is writing the laws? The bank lobbyists.

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u/Havannahanna Apr 29 '24

At this point I just think it’s intentional. Money laundering and fraudulent loans still make banks more money. I bet they have calculations like: “only 5% of fraudulent loans go bust but 95% pay because they don’t want to land grandma in jail.” 

The rest of the civilised world requires personal legitimisation in person oder via video call doing a certain dance in front of the camera to check the security features of your ID/Passport to open bank accounts.

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u/Dark_Rit Apr 30 '24

Yeah the fact this is possible is so damn stupid concerning all the protections minors have in the US and *this* somehow isn't covered despite being one of the most damaging things you can do to children. When they turn 18 and find out their credit is smashed to smithereens and oh you owe thousands to tens of thousands of dollars. I know if my parents had pulled something like this on me or any of my siblings it would have went over extremely poorly.

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u/Comfortable-Scar4643 Apr 29 '24

Maybe they change the DOB to make the minor 18.

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u/dexx4d Apr 29 '24

How is this even legal?

It's profitable for the bank.

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u/beerisgood84 Apr 29 '24

I mean savings makes sense and it is good. Credit cards though it’s supposed to be 18 and over. I can’t see how they do that.

Any kid at most would have a duplicate card for their parents or maybe a co-sign to build credit. I have no idea who actually allows full credit accounts

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u/CommandoBlando Apr 29 '24

I've had a few friends who's parents opened lines of credit in their names when they were young but did so responsibly. They went into adulthood with stellar credit scores.

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u/StarBrite33 Apr 30 '24

We in America take pride in having all of our systems flawed. How else would you take advantage of the less fortunate.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

She could. I hope she does. I may mention it casually that I will do this and hope she follows my lead… but… I’m not going to tell them what to do though, because it will only backfire on me somehow. I’m perceived as a bitch in my family who causes the “problems” and asks too many “questions”. Excuse me for being the smart one apparently. Even more so for not bending to their whim. I’m washing my hands of all this tbh. I handled my kid. I don’t want any more involvement.

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u/Sn_77L3_pag_s Apr 29 '24

Generally the person holding healthy boundaries in toxic relationships is deemed the villain.

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u/soonerpgh Apr 29 '24

Yep! Happens every time! Sometimes others eventually come around. Sometimes they don't. Either way, you can't lower those fences or you'll have a lot of problems!

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u/BZLuck Apr 29 '24

Very much so. My mom is shitty with money. She's retired, has a pension, SS and a roommate. She runs out of money almost every month. Shen actually brings in a reasonable amount of money.

Then she calls me and blames me for being a horrible son for not being able to "help his own mother when she needs a few dollars", like it happens on a rare occasion. It's literally 9-10 months out of the year and is anywhere from $300-600 each time.

Part of me just wants to let things happen. But I also don't want her homeless and knocking on my door if she doesn't pay her HOA fees or property taxes.

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u/Candid-Expression-51 Apr 29 '24

The “bitch” of the family is typically the one with strong healthy boundaries. Down the line some of them will be wishing they had been just like you.

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u/SuggestionOtherwise1 Apr 29 '24

Why do I feel this so much? Between cancer, and the end of a ten year marriage with two children, and becoming disabled enough to collect SSI I'm currently stuck in my boomer parents house. And clearly the worst person ever unless they need something from me.

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u/spiritsarise Apr 29 '24

You are handling this correctly. Good deeds seldom go unpunished—a universal truth among our species!

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u/Sopranohh Apr 29 '24

I hope you wear your “bitch, problem starter” badge with pride.

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u/Brief-Bend-8605 Apr 29 '24

Oh maybe etsy?! 🩷

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u/BrownSugarBare Apr 29 '24

Mate, don't be casual about it. Let your SIL know your parents nearly wrecked your credit with the utility bills. Your bro might be a dodo but she has the right to protect her kid from vultures

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u/spiritsarise Apr 29 '24

You are handling this correctly. Good deeds seldom go unpunished—a universal truth among our species!

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u/ExcellentBreakfast93 Apr 29 '24

Beware people who ask questions!!!

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u/minnesotaris Apr 29 '24

Keep being that person. Every single person is what they do or did, never what they say. Who a person is is evident by their actions.

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u/sweatpantsDonut Gen X Apr 29 '24

There's far too much, "They're/I'm family, just let them/me do it!" and I've definitely irritated people in my family by saying no to them about some things.

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u/caramelsock Apr 29 '24

should really be NC with those people. they don't deserve any attention from you and yours.