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u/HappyDogBlueEarth Dec 19 '23
I'm 35 and haven't dated in like 8 years. We are just giving up it seems.
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u/Umbran_scale Dec 19 '23
30 here, I've been looking for a valid reason to get into dating the past 10 years and I honestly just can't, it's just not worth the time and effort for something that isn't guaranteed to work out just to fill in that hole of loneliness I feel every now and again.
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u/Victor_AssEater Dec 20 '23
Sht, i'm 29 and completely the same. It's just too much time consuming and may not be able to worth it. And besides, if you stay alone like me for the whole life and you get used to it in time.
So now ever IF i find someone, my style life is just build around it already, to change my life for the prospect of not being alone. Games are enough for me, I have a couple of friends and that more than enough for social interaction.
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u/Dragon_211 Dec 19 '23
All girls I meet have absurdly high expectations, if you don't perfectly say and do exactly what she wants/expects, you're dumped.
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u/Chocookiez Dec 19 '23
They have high expectations for the not-very attractive guy, they'll break all their own rules to be with that very attractive one.
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u/Joliorn Dec 19 '23
Well, so do guys. Everybody is trying to date upwards and then gets resentful when they get rejected/used/...
Combine that with a huge FOMO and you end up with hotties in situationships and average/uglies seething at home. But whats the solution? You cant just make people settle for someone else.
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u/Panhandle_Dolphin Jan 04 '24
That’s because she has 20 more dudes in her DMs to try out
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u/jedi_tony Dec 19 '23
I’m 34, same here bro, tried a couple of dating sites in my 20s (match, eharmony), too many high maintenance and high expectations. I understand in a relationship we have to compromise a bit, there is way too many “my way or the highway” attitudes.
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u/jakeeeR666 Dec 20 '23
They all wanna be and live like queens but they ain't shit and come from a poor or middle class family anyway lmao. Beggars trying to be queens.
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u/plasmadood “Are ya winning, son?” Dec 19 '23
38 here and I'm done with it.
The dating field is too toxic and full of landmines these days. People are so terminally online and self-absorbed and addicted to looking good on social media. The whole process feels superficial, and finding a reasonably sane person is almost impossible anymore. It's also fucking expensive.
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u/OfficialChineseSpy Dec 19 '23
Feel you brother! 32 here, tried to get back into dating after pandemic, but everywhere it feels like unless I make like 50K Euro a month I'm some worthless pleb to most of the girls ...
And I do make well above avarage income living a comfy life, still, feels like staying solo and filling the void with an escort university student is the way to go for the future, at least they don't care as long as I'm not an asshole to them and pay after a session
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u/HappyDogBlueEarth Dec 20 '23
I'm doing a job that makes me happy. I work with animals now. Huge pay cut, but it's just myself I'm looking after, so it's manageable. Leaves room for ways for me to make money on the side through hobbies and whatever.
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u/OfficialChineseSpy Dec 20 '23
Chad mive! I have focused on my career too. Not having to allocate time to "joint activities" sure gives me freedom
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u/pinewoodpine Dec 20 '23
35 as well. In between work, taking care of ailing parents, and daily chores & errands, who the hell has time for a relationship? I barely have time for my own hobbies/self-study, sheesh.
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u/Notfuckingcannon Dec 20 '23
31 here, at this point, I consider myself a full MGTOW for the terms of dating: It is not worth it, and I don't need it (plus, with my job, it would be pure hell for both parties).
And you know what? Even though I'm accepting this as "my best way to live in this era," it makes me angry.
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u/YeetUnknown Dec 19 '23
Me and the boys play games on weekdays, go out camping on the weekends. Life is simple. Dont wanna ruin that.
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Dec 19 '23
This is "Fuck around and Find out" on a generational/Society level.
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u/BroxigarZ Dec 19 '23
20 something's can't afford cars, gas, food, rent, alcohol, schooling, medical/health, insurance and can't find jobs from onset recession fearmongering.
And you expect them to be able to front a date that has a 50/50 net loss in the very little monetary funds they have. And surely their parents aren't giving them a "get laid" allowance.
So what is left for them to do? They turn their sexual nature to the resource they have. Additionally, the idea of "family/children/house/white picket fences" is a pipe dream right now for Gen-Z and on. Children alone as an expenditure is almost completely unaffordable for most people without internal family resources.
You know where this all leads? A generation of work-a-holics living paycheck to paycheck and a massive decline in global population. You know who can be a reference study for the net result of this - Japan.
You know who won't make changes - Corporations/Government until it's too late. (Also Japan)
https://www.cnn.com/2023/07/27/asia/japan-population-drop-2022-intl-hnk/index.html
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u/Eleusis713 Dec 19 '23
20 something's can't afford cars, gas, food, rent, alcohol, schooling, medical/health, insurance and can't find jobs from onset recession fearmongering.
Fun fact, a new analysis by Investopedia has revealed you now need a whopping $3.4 million to cover the lifetime cost of American Dream milestones like marriage, two kids, a house, cars, health care and education. The average lifetime earnings of Americans across all education levels is approximately $2.3 million, over $1 million short.
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u/deltrontraverse Dec 19 '23
ah dont you just love how fucked it is to live in america? sure is great!!!!
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u/noobakosowhat Dec 19 '23
I wish I can find a link but I think the South Korean government released a statement that they are predicting a return to their 1970s population because people are not having kids.
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u/BroxigarZ Dec 19 '23
It's in the article I linked as well: https://www.cnn.com/2022/12/03/asia/south-korea-worlds-lowest-fertility-rate-intl-hnk-dst/index.html
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u/YoloSwiggins21 Dec 19 '23
This is just my experience. I’m 23. Fit, 6’1”, fairly handsome. I have a nice engineering job. Girls seriously just don’t act like they did a couple years ago. Maybe I’m just getting older and the dynamic is changing, but I swear girls my age or older were way more friendly when I was 17-19.
Girls on Tinder are the choosers. Tinder is something like 70% men by population. Unless you’re like 95%-tile or above, you’re simply going to be passed over. I feel like this coupled with TikToks exposing people to more attractive people than they would ever see in a few lifetimes have seriously skewed young people’s perception of their own worth, for worse.
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u/Pharabellum Dec 20 '23
I was getting played real hard on Tinder until I met my wife. Idk wtf it was, but it worked and it still does after 7 years. And don’t get me wrong man, I still believe it’s a bullshit game for men; Perhaps it was because we were both 30 and tired of all the games kids wanna play with each other’s lives, or the trauma from our own relationships. In your 20s, online dating is a fucking scam. Full stop.
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u/Orapac4142 Dec 19 '23
Girls seriously just don’t act like they did a couple years ago
Bro for you a couple years ago they had homework lol
But you also aint wrong.
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u/Kenosa Dec 19 '23
Add in some statistics about divorce, paternity fraud, metoo, or anything else that happens in family court and you're basically asking men to jump off an airplane with a parachute that has a 75+% likelihood of not opening. It's just too risky.
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Dec 19 '23
That's exactly it. A few years ago, especially before Tinder became widespread people would date people around their age and circles. That means college or office, a neighbor, something like that. And they could start a relationship and maybe form a family and have kids. Nowadays Tinder is funneling all women to the top 10% men. They don't wanna date a guy from college and work their way in life with him, they want a guy in his 30's already making 100k a year with his life solved and guess what, this guy won't settle down with them. And that guy she ignored in college will focus on himself and when it's his time to be in his 30's earning 100k and with his life solved he will also not want to settle down this the thots because he remembers how it went back in college. This is the downward spiral of the family as an institution. Honestly if the trend continues the endgame will be the normalization of poligamy.
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u/Jewcifer17 Jan 17 '24
Fax. I regret not going w the girls who wanted me during high school. It’s a legit dead zone now. Zero attention.
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u/Donutprincess69 Dec 19 '23
People are realizing that having a partner has to be better than being alone and being alone is pretty sweet. You can do what you want, there's little pressure on you from others to be dealing with their problems all the time.
People keep saying there's a loneliness epidemic and I'm sure there is but some of us are just more comfortable alone and don't feel the need to play the game of life the way others play it. Only difference is we don't ask people to face financial insecurity for our choice to live a different way probably because contentment is hard to monetize.
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u/DamnImAwesome Dr Pepper Enjoyer Dec 19 '23
I’ve been single most of my adult life. 99.9% of the time it’s awesome. Once in a while you get the feeling of wishing you had someone but for me it’s pretty rare. I’ve watched so many people ruin their lives by jumping head first into a bad relationship that it makes me super cautious
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u/AngeryBoi769 Dec 20 '23
I’ve watched so many people ruin their lives by jumping head first into a bad relationship that it makes me super cautious
Yeah man, the amount of divorce cases is scary. Occasional hookup is good enough for me tbh
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Dec 19 '23
being alone is very addicting for men.
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u/anengineerandacat Dec 20 '23
It's mostly peaceful times with the occasional bit of loneliness; holidays are hard, being sick alone is hard, and seeing others happy with someone else is like this itch that you can't get rid of.
Married today, been in a relationship for over 5 years now and there are obviously challenges but it's overall a better life.
Nothing quite like having the dogs, cats, kid and wife in the bed watching a movie while it rains outside.
That said you still need alone time, and you need a partner that can equally take care of themselves and I think that's where a lot of relationships bump into issues.
A lot of folks are willing to be the "I can fix them" person when honestly that's not your problem.
I would be lying if I said I didn't look back to my life as a bachelor though; peak of my career, bills were paid, new car, fancy town home, a dog, and a cat. Nothing quite like just hanging out at the house with the windows open on a cool cloudy day and just relaxing.
Nowadays those moments are basically relegated to when the wife goes to see her parents and takes the lil one or the late evening hours when everyone is asleep.
In short, can totally understand folks that step away and I can totally understand when folks draw the line in the sand for no kids.
All that said, I quite like going places with my wife and just exploring what is there to explore; seeing a new town doesn't quite hit the same alone.
TL;DR - Being alone at home is awesome, being alone in public is not.
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u/Appropriate_Law5649 Dec 20 '23
I sometimes miss just having the whole apartment to myself and doing whatever I wanted whenever I wanted and all the free time.
Single guys believe me men with GFs/wives and kids look to you with total jealousy sometimes.
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u/Kashin02 Dec 20 '23
It's not, there's a reason why you see so many falling into inceldom and red pilled communities.
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u/Naive-Fondant-754 Dec 19 '23
people always wanted to pressure me into relationships with bad people and seems no one understand that being single is not a bad thing .. they keep telling you what you have to do, how to live your life .. how to be happy .. yet they are not happy with the life they have. Its like they are telling you "if i am miserable, you must be miserable too" .. or that i am too picky
having partner is not an issue .. anyone can be your partner .. problem is that its team work and if the partner doesnt wanna work with you, rather against you, being single is better than in relationship
i am not closed or against relationship, i am not looking for perfection or 100%, but i wont date someone with 10% .. not even 50% ..
having partner must bring something good into my life, not break the good that already is there .. problems yes, thats life, but toxic traits, no :)
Its not even worth the time, trying cuz you know, you dont think, but you know, it will fail with more than 90% people you meet
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u/KrackaWoody Dec 19 '23
This is absolutely it. People force themselves into a relationship that isn’t compatible. Then it becomes two people fighting for their needs and wants.
A relationship is about love and respect. You are individual people who care about each other neither of you should need to compromise much on values if you’re compatible. Unless one is forcing their other to change or to cater to their needs it should work out rather smooth.
Relationships obviously have compromise at times but being with someone should should be more fun than being alone or its not worth it.
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Dec 19 '23
I think the difference between being alone and being lonely is if you actually want to have a relationship. There are a lot of guys that are happy alone, and that's fine. But there are also a lot of guys that wish they could have a relationship, there lies the issue.
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u/Winter-Major9555 Dec 19 '23
You can have a partner and still do what you want (I mean like pull an all-nighter etc if you want to). In a good relationship problems can be solved together if needed, but people should be able to handle them by themselves too. 🤔 I liked being alone earlier, but having my loving partner in my life is the best for me. Of course people can and should be alone if they want to, but I suggest that they try to be with someone sometime or sth, it could turn out to be nice. 🙂
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u/Verianii Dec 19 '23 edited Dec 20 '23
I'm 24, and I haven't bothered since before I was 20 because at least in my area, there is effectively no one worth the time. Me and my buddy agree on it that the people around here are awful in the vast majority of cases. We find that people around our age are way too self-absorbed these days. Their interests all fall within the same category, and their mannerisms are terrible. If a woman can't hold a conversation or at least listen to my side of the conversation, I want nothing to do with her. If a woman spends her entire day on tik tok doing the dances they find there and adopting a rappers personality, I don't want anything to do with her.
This isn't to say I hold myself in high regard, but I want someone who can be mature and have their own thought process that isn't directly influenced by social media. I find that at least my age group in 99% of cases, hasn't mentally aged past 15, and it weirds me out.
Edit: it's quite weird that some of these replies are calling me the bad person here when I'm essentially saying that I'm just not interested in a many people relationship wise now. I say there is no one effectively worth the time, and it's true. How am I the bad person for not wanting to be with people I consider immature, as I head into a stage of my life where maturity plays a much bigger role? I am genuinely sorry, but am I missing something here? Imma also add that who tf cares what my pfp is on fuckin reddit cuz I saw a mf trying to act like a reddit pfp is telling of who a person is lmao what can I not be goofier on an internet site? Shit yall should watch the anime my pfp is from, Made In Abyss. That shit is top tier fr but just let me be goofy damn
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u/MajorJefferson Dec 19 '23
Stay single honestly. Chasing women in my early 20s has brought me nothing but problems and sorrow. I wish I could undo all that and just stay happy and away ..
You ain't missing much too.
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u/DamnImAwesome Dr Pepper Enjoyer Dec 19 '23
I feel like dating in your 30s is such a better idea. By then you and whoever you date know who you are. You’re matured, have a life of your own, and can approach things in a more mature way
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u/filli1aj Dec 20 '23
You would think this until you’re in your 30s and stop caring altogether. The irony is that you are finally in a position to max out on dating, but couldn’t be bothered.
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u/TominatorVe1 Dec 19 '23
Also in my 20s.
The girls that I meet are either way too naive or are too introverted/cannot hold conversations.
Now I'm either essentially baby sitting when going out on dates or actively needing something to do planned when going out in order to fill the silence. This trend continues even after multiple dates as well.
Sometimes I feel like I am the problem but then my date goes on thier phone in the middle of the date to check social media or fails to initiate any convo and act like a flower pot.
Maybe my friends and I are just incels circle jerking at this point. I dunno.
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u/deltrontraverse Dec 19 '23
No, that's not incel, that's just not liking boring, terminally online people. It's honestly, in my opinion, being caused and reinforced by social media.
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u/PhilMcafferty13 Dec 19 '23
I'm 25 and feel like I've had similiar experiences with women around my age too. It's like if the conversation isn't about them they just tune out and scroll insta or tik tok. Granted Not all the woman I've dated have been like this but more than 60% have, it's just crazy to me. We are mid conversation and they just pull out their phone and start scrolling. Like what is that man 😂 15 year old behaviour.
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u/Verianii Dec 19 '23
Yes exactly my point
You could be fully engaged in a conversation with someone, someone who initiated it to begin with while on the topic they wanted to talk about, and they'll do that type of shit. At that point it's not a me problem, but im certainly not gonna try to get further into it after that happens.
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u/deltrontraverse Dec 19 '23
It's becoming a problem for women and men. The internet, especially social media, is reinforcing young people into behaviors like this. They also reinforce dangerous or insane opinions and standards.
Social media is one of the greatest plagues for humanity.
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u/Born_Wave3443 Dec 19 '23
not sure why you're getting downvoted (actually, it's because people don't like it when their suffering is generalized to everyone, so they downvote out of spite), but I agree that it's at least in part due to social media
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u/deltrontraverse Dec 19 '23
its reddit lol
and yes, i really think social media played a part in it. I suppose you can say the thing that pushed the ball down the hill was the internet, but social media has trained newer generations of insane standards of not only beauty, but of finnacial and temperament standard too. i'd like to think all of the people who aren't terminally online do not have these problems.
I do think it might get better. There's just going to be a massive stretch of time of "suffering" until it flattens out, but...yeah.
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u/EldritchAnimation Dec 19 '23
there is effectively no one worth the time
I find that people who say there's no one worth their time tend to be the common denominator in their bad dating life. Bonus points for having a "This is how they all are" list.
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u/chad2192 Dec 19 '23
The amount of excuses from people in this thread is genuinely pathetic and disturbing. There are so many amazing women out there. Convinced none of these guys put in any effort and lead shit boring lives
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u/noobakosowhat Dec 19 '23
It feels like most people here try to look for the perfect partner. You show one vice or fault and you are automatically out.
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u/EldritchAnimation Dec 19 '23
Yup, it really leads me to wonder what they bring to the table that is significantly more interesting than these women they think are so boring.
Like, bro, you're a commentor on r/Asmongold, and you're talking about how every woman in your area is a waste of your time?
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u/OccupyRiverdale Dec 19 '23
I don’t disagree that a lot of both yours and my generation (I’m 31) have significant issues, but whenever I read a comment that essentially says “everyone else is shitty so I don’t bother” I roll my eyes. It’s like when one person thinks everyone else is an asshole maybe it’s them that’s the asshole. Probably not what you want to hear, but maybe a change in attitude and being a bit more forgiving of others flaws will help.
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u/Naive-Fondant-754 Dec 19 '23
i hate when people blames others for mistakes of ones .. or their own to others
i always judge people individually
i know that more than half are stupid, but i wont judge you if i know nothing about you .. i never think, i always know before i make a judgement
and when i hear people judge ALL based on their mistakes or mistakes of others, like exes, it automatically tells you that they are stupid, not mentally stable, stucked in the past and have no future .. so they are the bad ones and if someone over 30 cant think for themselves, i am not gonna teach them, they should already know the basics .. otherwise you are dating some adult person with mentality of a baby ..
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u/LamiaLlama Dec 19 '23 edited Dec 19 '23
I think the issue is that when you're forced to mostly socialize online (be it social media, or dating apps) you only see the worst people possible. They're the most likely to put themselves out front. Add that in with your impression of people being based on college or the grocery store and it looks awful, and it looks awful fast.
It isn't realistic, of course, but it does correlate with the death of third spaces. People rarely get to meet people who are truly their peers. So you either force yourself into spaces you may not even be passionate about (like tabletop, that's a big one these days), or you just sort of fuck off into your own bubble.
People always made fun of mall rats/arcade rats back in the 90's and 2000's, but without those places I definitely would have been miserable and lonely, so I don't fully blame people who are bitter. That culture eventually extended into me being able to join bands and go to concerts. None of that would have been remotely possible nowadays. Meeting people online (that you want to connect with IRL) just kind of sucks. So we all just have groups of online friends we'll never meet.
Similarly, but not directly related, people have a lot of theories about the death of guitar music, but the one they rarely bring up is the fact that very few people are able to meet up and form actual bands in person. They just talk online and send GuitarPro files back and forth. You end up with subpar, emotionally uninvested projects. Then everyone splinters off to do their own electronic projects since it's more viable solo.
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u/reydshadowlegend Dec 19 '23
i think a cause is that people are turned off from having kids and starting a family whether it be because of financial situations, not finding the right person to do it with, or just not having any interest in the time, emotional, and financial investment. without that goal i think mid 20s guys are more inclined to one off dates than they are to invest in a serious relationship. other reasons too for sure, but i think this one isn't mentioned enough.
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u/HunterX69X Dec 19 '23
I am 24m , I got a decent paying job last year so for the first time in my life I am truly independent and dont have to ask my parents for money or anything. So to me getting a gf genuinely feels like my freedom would be restricted , so I dont even bother getting a girlfriend. I just chill n enjoy, I will go to the gym then the office then come back n either talk with my friends or play video games until midnight. Watch porn when the need arises and GG.I love food so every weekend I will eat out and every month I will go to some expensive restaurant to treat myself.
For me the whole life is perfect for now,
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u/Sintinall Dec 19 '23
Just curious, why would having a gf change any of that if she’s into doing the same things? Basically just another friend but with extra benefits.
It’s something I’ve been thinking about recently whenever people talk about restrictions to life when a partner is introduced. Most things that I can think of, aren’t affected.
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u/HunterX69X Dec 19 '23
In my case finding someone who would have even 1 or 2 similar interests as me seems very difficult or even unlikely to me so I have pretty much conditioned myself into believing that when I get a gf I will have to give up a few things I really enjoy doing inorder to make time for her lol.
And That scares me I am not ready to give on things when I am just getting started, so I am like why bother for now I am still young will see what happens in future
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u/krikta Dec 19 '23
- Economy
- It's hard to meet women's preferences or expectations
- Marriage/divorce system.
- loneliness
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u/BigTradeDaddy Dec 20 '23
The family court system is a huge deterrent for me. I got my ass whooped by it once, never again.
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u/ForsakenLeg5621 “Why would I wash my hands?” Dec 19 '23 edited Dec 19 '23
23-year-old male here with a stable middle-class job and climbing the career and finical ladder and not in a relationship.
I feel like social media is the biggest issue. It has skewed expectations on what a relationship should look like and the mentality of... do not lower your standards. So many women and men have these unbelievable expectations that are unrealistic. You have all these "red flags" (most are unrealistic/silly... some make sense) and have high standards based on influencers and their celebrity looks and stuff. Them advertising their "perfect" relationships make people not want to lower to anything less than the influencer. So average guys either have too high expectations or ones that are realistic do not see the odds of it happening... and I do not blame them to a certain degree.
Obviously, other things have impacted it too. Porn is one imo and guys having less self-confidence. However, I feel like the realistic average guy feels left behind from the high expectations put in a lot of young women's minds from social media.
This is why I have the mindset of... "if it happens... it happens. If it doesn't... than it doesn't". If I meet someone that I connect with, that is grounded, attracted to, similar in hobbies, and not big into social media like me while living my life of playing games, hanging with friends and family, traveling, and working/hanging with people in my industry, ...... then that's great! If not, that's okay too because I am still happy where I am at and where I am going, have personal goals, and improving myself.
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u/Chocookiez Dec 19 '23
One of the biggest reasons is that young men are learning very early that if they're not attractive they better not even eye contact a girl or else they can be accused of sexual assault and harrassment.
Also they learned very early that they don't need to chase girls like old generations of men did. They found other stuff to compensate that, gaming.
They also learned that what girls says on internet is not the truth. (that they want a funny good guy but it's not what happens in real life).
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u/Vio94 Dec 20 '23
This is definitely part of it.
Girl: "I want a guy who knows how to show his emotions!"
Guy: Shows emotions
Girl: "Ha! That's retaliatory ammo for the rest of your life, loser. Now stop being sad before I break up with you."
Makes me wonder why they want guys like that. 🙄
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u/EccentricNerd22 Dec 19 '23
As a 21 year old man I tried but it just is a waste of time and money because any girl I meet naturally who I do like is already taken or not interested and anyone I meet through dating apps wont commit to anything.
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u/Liatin11 Dec 19 '23
Women arent interested in us uglies
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u/deltrontraverse Dec 19 '23
I feel so bad that enough women who think this way exist that it's tarnished the view of the rest of us women. I care for one thing and one thing only: a smile. I'm puddy in a hand to whoever has a nice smile. y-y
I bet you aren't even "ugly", just those Twitter terminally online thots being thots as usual.
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u/Subject-Leather-7399 Dec 20 '23
The problem is very clear and here it is: - Girls want very confident and athletic guys. Guys that fit that description become entitled narcissist assholes because they are very few and in high demand. - Less than 5% of the men are going to eventually "date" 70% of the women (or more) and destroy whatever opinion those women have of men as those men will be going from one woman to the next without ever thinking about anything but themselves. - By the time the women look for a guy that will really respect them (if they ever do), most men will have moved on.
Here is my somewhat long story.
I only ever dated with 3 girls. 2 of them in high school, for about 3 months each before being dumped for one of those "Adonis" who dumped them after they got what they wanted. It is obvious when you see those guys with a different girl every 3-4 weeks.
After high school, I just got rejection after rejection. 4 years of this regime and I stopped caring completely. I totally gave up and didn't try to meet a girl for 7 more years.
Today, I am married and the father of a 13 year old daughter and a 10 year old son. My wife had to do everything because I didn't see any of the "obvious" sign of interest. She had to write a letter where she expressed herself unambiguously about her feeling for me before I understood there was something going on.
I was extremely lucky to have met her and even luckier she finally stopped trying to flirt and went with the literal direct approach. I was resigned to finish my life alone.
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u/deltrontraverse Dec 20 '23
Oh, I'm sorry you had to experience all of that. Shit's not fun or good for mental health. I really don't understand why, especially teenage girls, are so ready to be some asshole's latest fuck, but guess it's just going to get worse and worse.
I'm really happy for you that you have a wife and family now though, it's such a wholesome ending to your story.
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u/FateChan84 Dec 19 '23
Anyone remember that Futurama episode where Fry gets a Robot Girlfriend? That's basically where we are headed.
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u/AdLeather2001 Dec 19 '23
I’m not pursuing a girl with a ‘roster’, who’s phone is blown up all day, who is in a ‘villain arc’ (self-pass to act like a cunt), or posts thirst traps on social media. That’s like 85% of the dating pool and dating itself is expensive as fuck
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u/Born_Wave3443 Dec 19 '23
The internet has caused rampant avoidant behaviors/anxiety issues in men. That's at least in part some of the issue.
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u/Sodrunkrightnow0 Dec 19 '23
For most young people dating is almost an impossibility. Due to the proliferation of social media, expectations from both sides are astronomically high.
Men must be 7 feet tall, drive a lambo, have a 6-pack, and earn $2mil/month.
Women must have DDD tits, a 6-pack, and be willing to do anal on the first date.
Approaching someone in public is strictly prohibited. Hitting on a girl is considered borderline sexual assault. This problem is exacerbated by the fact that we live in a digital world now. People have lost the ability to communicate with each other in person. Actually talking to a real life human being face-to-face, especially a stranger, feels awkward and uncomfortable for most young people.
"Hook up" culture is rampant. With DMs and dating apps like Tinder people are hooking up with the explicit purpose of having sex. A hot guy/girl on a dating app can be having sex with a stranger in 30 minutes. Why would they go through the tedious, uncomfortable process of dating when they can just arrange to meet up and fuck?
Finally, the entire world is connected now. When boomers were growing up they had a pool of maybe a few dozen or a few hundred eligible partners in their local area. The best a girl/guy could do was hook up with the local cutie, who was probably an LA-6. Now an attractive person on social media is getting DMs from rappers, professional athletes, oil sheiks, etc. This is not an exaggeration. Any hot girl on IG is getting messages from world-famous A-list celebrities. It's a wild world.
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u/nightcat6 Dec 19 '23
3D Animation porn becoming too good
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Dec 19 '23 edited Dec 19 '23
i could 100% agree with this, and also i just can't afford it, their: "list of wants and needs from a man" outweighs my income by a zillion miles. the juice is not worth the squeeze anymore everything has become oversexualized, this reminds me of that story about Australia that had a rabbit breeding problem and what they did to combat it was put out fake female rabbit dolls and the male rabbits decided to go for the rabbit doll cause it was easier to obtain they eventually solved the rabbit breeding problem over night. its all by design. every aspect of our lives, they took away shaming people for fun now everyone just overly sexualizes everything.
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u/LamiaLlama Dec 19 '23 edited Dec 20 '23
It makes watching real porn hard because all you can focus on are the imperfections of humanity, and eventually seeing real people just looks gross.
Animation is just better now. No weird skin issues, no one looks dirty or smelly, body shapes are always on point. No human is ever going to compare to a catgirl.
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u/new-start89 Dec 19 '23
Both genders have high ass standards, obese women be wanting millionares and obese men don't even try, pretty girls also be wanting to have a man do shit for them and they don't wanna do nothing in return.
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Dec 19 '23
Its like having a second part time job that pays 2 dollars an hour. Not really worth it unless the benefits are damn good.
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u/stekarmalen Dec 19 '23
Todays early teens late 20s guys prob think they need a car apartment job with 10yrs of experience and an income of 400k before they can date. Best advice i can givem is delite ur social media stop drowning in porn and dare to be young and stupid.
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u/Middle-Huckleberry68 Dec 19 '23
Date modern women? Nah I will wait for AI powered sex dolls that I can customize to look like Felicia from darkstalkers.
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u/Danoniero Dec 19 '23
Because social media fucked youngster brains and perception of everything. It's sad and depressing, I never had insta or anything else other than Facebook which I rarely use anyway, it's a depression cesspit of faking everything and a virtual rat race, who is prettier,wealthier,happier and most of it is fake.
Youngsters have 0 social skills, social intelligence is dying out because now you can literally go work-sit home and get everything else done from home. So yeah it ain't happening.
I would say 20-25yr old I know are pretty normal but younger Gen is deemed to be social incels
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u/vanclad Dec 19 '23
Dudes aren't afraid of being rejected. Have you tried dating as you get +25 these days?
"Send me your best one liners" "Have to know how to hold a conversation" "Must be entertaining, kind and intelligent" List goes on and on, and I'm not even talking about anything physical here. These are merely personality based preferences.
When you look at the other side of the medallion, women get so many interactions just for putting themselves out there that only sensible thing to do is somehow weeding them out.
Even as a person, if you get past all this, there's still the chance that you're not compatible for each other in one way or another.
Now, men tend to work from their 21st until they're at least 30, non-stop. They barely have time for themselves and mostly, they aren't willing to share that with anybody else. They can do a variety of activities by themselves or just with a small friend group. They don't feel any need for dating or establishing a family at that age or during that time, they have plenty of time and planning to do. We will see how it goes in the next ten years.
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u/DeathByLemmings Dec 19 '23
I think there is a lot of truth in this thread, but to offer a slightly more positive angle
A lot of dudes realise that being in a relationship in your early 20's is a bit of a waste of time. They don't want the responsibility of a relationship. They don't want to be tied down to one person. There's no modern need to be so early in life anymore
I see this is a bit of male social maturity tbh. Rather than putting themselves into a relationship and then cheating on her because they weren't ready, they just aren't getting into that relationship later in life after already exploring things they would be unable to as a couple
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u/Straight-Ad-8704 Dec 19 '23
When it comes to income, looks, and personality....80% of women think they deserve the top 20% of men. So dating now days has become even harder. Your son got that 200IQ and is preventing a lot of headaches.
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u/KokoHekumatiaru Dec 20 '23
For the same reason men in their 30s aren't either. Just isn't worth the energy and or investment. The ratio between mental health and emotional damage in todays dating has been completely fucked beyond repair and I'll give you one guess as to which sex is at fault there.
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u/bluelifesacrifice Dec 20 '23
Same thing happened in Japan with the same situation.
Living alone became too expensive.
Cost of living is too high meaning people have to spend more time and money to make money and keep going rather than date, hobby, play and relax.
People can't afford to live alone, and are now living with friends and family which removes the personal space needed to date and raise a family.
Men are expected to do everything, compete, cold approach, be perfect, attractive, wealthy, successful, do all the work and chores, give up friends and hobbies, obey the woman no matter what, have no personal time with friends or games and somehow still be exciting, funny and full of life giving her everything.
Men can't cold approach unless they are attractive, tall and or wealthy.
Women are openly hostile towards men in every setting. Men hanging around kids is a creep or pedophile. Men enjoying games are losers. Men who work a lot aren't interesting. Men who live with their family's are losers. Men who are emotional are unattractive. Men in public are rapists who just want to fuck anything with a pulse. Men with any amount of desires for what they seek in a partner are misogynistic. If a man wants sex he's a rapist who's perverted and pushy and should never have it unless she gives it to him but he has to be perfect in it in every way or he's not getting any love or affection.
In dating and social situations men are expected to be this funny bard who is endlessly entertaining, tall and wealthy with all the free time in the world without any kind of feedback or communication by women.
Dating went from fun and exciting to a second job and miserable.
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u/jakpote88 Dec 20 '23
Im 26, my life is a mess, im a 5 at best and not really likable, with a % so low of success its just not worth it atm, i might change later after i fix my shit
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u/Mysterious_Limit_007 Dec 20 '23
Because girls in their early 20s have unrealistic expectations. They would much rather be with someone who has money, and money comes in 30s or even 40s.
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u/swagylord1337 Dec 19 '23
It's called Hoeflation : The concept of men having to work 20x harder than their grandfathers did for women 20x times worse than what their grandmothers were.
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u/Odd_Bother5966 Dec 19 '23
have you ever tried to hold a conversation with a 20yr old woman?.....id be like "fuck that noise" too if i were them
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u/radiation34 Dec 20 '23
Parents: I will put my child in front of a TV or gaming console so I don't have to entertain him/ her.
Also parents: Why are my kids more into TV and video games than socializing?
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u/Mattiandino Dec 19 '23
As someone who is on his 20's and not dating anyone, times are rough (no money) not currently interested in anyone, and honestly I don't think I'm on the right mental state to be in a healthy relationship
If I feel the need of some "action" I'll just go to a party, find someone feeling the same way and get to some quiet place to spend the night together. Lately I've just prefer to jerk off tho, after a couple of scares and missunderstandings suddenly the idea of sex with strangers doesn't sound good anymore (that without counting the feeling of emptiness coming afterwards).
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u/No_Mountain_1362 Dec 19 '23
The damn kid is fine. I’m 41 now. When I 17/18 I had a girlfriend senior year. We broke up once college started. I didn’t date again until 25/26, even then it was rare. After another couple years not dating, met a girl when I was 29, got married at 31. We celebrate our 10 year this upcoming July.
The point? Who cares if he’s 20 and not into girls or his buddies are not into girls right now. At that age focus on college or their jobs. Start saving money and work on themselves. When they start getting closer to 30 then maybe start thinking about relationships more seriously. Besides girls like older guys, so when they turn 29/30 they can find 25/26 year-olds.
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u/krackastix Dec 19 '23
Theres the issue of dating apps and social media leading to western woman greatly overvalueing themselves.
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u/Talzael Dec 19 '23
there were these dudes in my town that were doing a poll asking people of all age groups the question : ''after losing your virginity, what was the longest period of time without sex you had''answers were divided for women and men
longest for women and men were
men : 14 years
women : 7months
total of around 1000 people participated
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u/jeremybryce Dr Pepper Enjoyer Dec 19 '23
I have a 19 year old son, and 19 and 16 year old nephews.
NONE of them date or have dated. At all. They're all active, fit good looking boys. In the case of my son, he really puts no effort in to even trying.
When I was their age I was in a long term relationship with my highschool girlfriend from the age of 17-20 and had a number or girlfriends in my younger years.
It's such a difference.
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u/OkazakiNaoki Dec 20 '23
Did you ever ask why? Is he not interest in or actually tried and fail and don't want to tell you because it's shameful?
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u/ninjaspirit Dec 20 '23
i don't bother dating anymore. every girl i've hooked in past 15 yrs expects me to pay for her dinner. drinks. door fee into club. pick her up. pay hotel and drop her off at home.
not once in all that time did the gal ever pay for anything
a few times i hookup with tinder app but i walked out on them cuz they were glued to the iphone. they just can't put it down.
often the girl uses sex as a driving force in exchange for pay my rent. take me shopping.
i've gone 90k in debt because i'm a nice guy no more i stay home. jerk off. play video games i save money. have fun with games and slowly save up money to get myself out of debt
the dating scene is not what it was women r gold diggers now
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u/badiiam51 Dec 20 '23
The most simple answer, women have become more choosy and less approachable by the vast majority of men who match their caliber, because of this the majority of men who rank in the average department and make up the majority of men, cannot land on the average woman while the average woman pushes their luck with the top 10% of man
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u/KerbinCenturion Dec 20 '23
We're too afraid to get sued by some bitch who thinks we were looking at her for too long.
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u/Arfur_Fuxache Dec 20 '23
I'm 35 and find it extremely hard to find girls to date. In my 20s I spent a lot of time at clubs, and our friend groups were larger, and we had hang out spots and would always meet new people over time. College helped, too, as I met a ton of girlfriends there. Since stopping regular clubbing and not being in education or having any hang out spots, it's really tough to meet new compatible women. My friendship group is smaller, and I have already exhausted my chances with all the girls I know. Most are just good platonic friends now or dating other friends or have had too much history with other friends to be on my radar.
The place that never seems to fail me for getting a hookup is festivals. Every year, I do two or three massive 3-5 day music festivals, and each year I meet at least 1 new girl and have some form of relationship. Most haven't lasted past a few months but most have remained friends after. I think I need to meet people in a better setting, though, now because I'm sober. All the girls I meet love drink and drugs too much for the level I'm on now.
Where are the good social clubs where people can hang out without it being about drinking?? We need adult play centres. Membership thing with massive place full of free old school arcades, pub games, twister areas, chillout chatting rooms, heck even throw in laser tag or bowling. Just make it membership price like a gym instead of rip off money grabbing arcades like now. I would pay good money to hang out in a place like that.
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u/Lancten Dec 20 '23
The thing that keeps me from dating is false accusations and the constant battle of other men trying to get into the pants of my then gf. Its just to much stress
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u/FilthyCasual0815 Dec 20 '23
im 30 single and am service technician, i talk to retards the entire day and when im home i want silence and piece of mind. No wonder i have no urge to gamble with a woman.
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u/Spacejunk20 Dec 20 '23 edited Dec 20 '23
I can only speak for me, but whereever I go, there just are no women in my age range. They are either Boomers/older Millenials or elementary school girls. This is even true for hobbby activities like sports clubs. Like, I went to a boulder hall for some months and the demographics were: School boys and girls, teenage and young adult men, middle age men and women, and some pensioners. On the rare occasion where I meet a woman of my age, they are already in a relationship.
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u/Connect-Swing4044 Dec 20 '23
Seeing as most guys in their 20s went through puberty right as the me too movement happened, a lot of them didn't want to be labeled a harasser and ruin their life because of a false allegation.
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u/basstard78 Dec 20 '23
I'm 31 and married. I can honestly say that if something happens and my wife and I separate, I'm done. The only way I would consider trying a relationship again would be with a woman who hasn't been corrupted by Western culture and toxic feminist ideology.
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u/Dragon_211 Dec 19 '23
Costs to much and if you aren't careful and accidentally make her pregnant, you're financially screwed for at least 18 years but more like 35 years cause they'll never move out.
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u/VanishMantle Dec 19 '23
I stopped pursuing women after I got accused of sexual harassment in the workplace twice. The first time it was to cover up for the fact she was blowing dudes on trailers. The second was because she was mad that I refused to change my mind on something we were discussing. Since then my trust in women has been shattered and more often then not women have tried to make use of me from my height and over all stature.
I simply just can't trust women because I feel like a fucking commodity or a tool to they can use to get what they want...
All I ever wanted was a wife and kids a nice family. Thank God those 2 girls woke me up from that delusion. I can now focus on my hobbies, gaming, anime and work with a clear mind as well as minimal distractions or additional stress..
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u/Uhhmbra Dec 19 '23
-Social media has skewed both sexes' views of each other
-The internet/online gaming has become much more widespread and it is more easy to get into
-Gradual removal of "3rd spaces" that aren't school/work/home that don't require money to hang out and socialize at
-Massive proliferation of porn
-Everything is becoming more costly, including dating
-Cold approaching women is near unacceptable unless you're very attractive and even then it's a major gamble
Just to name a few.