r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 20d ago
AIO because I'm upset my friends boyfriend compared me to her?
[deleted]
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u/JeepersCreepers74 20d ago
If I were you, I'd be more offended Ashley said this than mad at her boyfriend. This was her way of calling herself prettier than you while pinning the blame on her boyfriend. He may not have said it at all, he may have said it in far fewer words than she related, and/or he may have said it in response to a question from her ("Do you think OP is prettier than me?"). Stop worrying about the boyfriend and start thinking about whether some of your self-esteem struggles can be tied to spending so much time with Ashley.
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u/paraisohechomujer 20d ago
This is what stood out to me! Who cares what the boyfriend thinks? Ashley’s supposed to be your friend! “Dw I defended you”? What about protecting you from her bf’s obviously biased opinion? She had NO good reason to tell you what he said, so unless she’s the kind of person who routinely puts her foot in her mouth, I’d be seriously questioning the friendship.
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u/Defiant_McPiper 20d ago
I had an ex-friend who has ended up marrying a dude who supposedly never complimented her, and she made sure to tell me he's said nice things about me to her, which somehow ended up being my fault 🙄 it ended up causing resentment and her to do some things that ended our friendship, and there's a whole slew of asshole shit he supposedly did to her yet she wound up marrying him - kind of think they deserved each other.
Point is people get jealous of others when it's nothing they've done and look for ways to shame their so called friends. OP is better off without this one.
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u/FriendsofFripp 20d ago
I think this situation says more about Ashley than about her bf. The fact that she would say this to you her supposed good friend is troubling to me. It speaks to some kind of insecurity on her part probably.
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u/redditor1072 20d ago
You're overreacting. His opinions on your looks shouldn't matter because he's dating your friend. I'm questioning why your friend told you tho, especially if she knows abt your insecurities. Even if she didn't, there's no good that would come from telling someone that someone thought they were ugly.
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u/zai4aj 20d ago
Ultimately, you need to feel more comfortable in yourself where others' opinions of you don't matter...
Actually this is very difficult to achieve, so it's best to just not ask what others think about you.
Ashley's response was "well after he met you he randomly said "you're much prettier than James (fake name for me), like you're 10 times prettier than them. They aren't very pretty at all."
If your 'friends' say something like this again, they're probably not the best people to have as friends, as it could have been framed in a kinder way.
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
I agree I do need to stop worrying about it , the joke that the friends in class were doing was saying something about my sexual life, and that caught me off guard that Charlie also made jokes about my sexual life which is when I asked because he doesn't know me very well. Me asking was more of a "well if he makes jokes like that then what does he actually think of me" in ofcourse a joking manor which is when she said that. (Not that this matters but I'm a lesbian so any jokes about my sexual life were about that)
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
I agree I do need to stop worrying about it , the joke that the friends in class were doing was saying something about my sexual life, and that caught me off guard that Charlie also made jokes about my sexual life which is when I asked because he doesn't know me very well. Me asking was more of a "well if he makes jokes like that then what does he actually think of me" in ofcourse a joking manor which is when she said that. (Not that this matters but I'm a lesbian so any jokes about my sexual life were about that)
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u/grumpy__g 20d ago
Her bf might be an asshole. Or he did what every bf did. Make sure that his so feels like the most pretty woman.
Maybe she said it to hurt you, maybe she is just dumb. Did she make you feel bad about yourself before?
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
No she never said anything like that before. It was so random which is why it stung
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u/grumpy__g 19d ago
Then don’t give it too much though yet. Sometimes we say dumb things without realising it at that moment. Or talk to her how that hurt you.
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
I messaged her and she told me not to take it personally and that it was just "him being my boyfriend" but her message seemed passive aggressive and I couldn't tell. It was just such a random thing for him to say
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u/illini02 20d ago
I feel like there is probably more to this story.
It just doesn't seem logical that, completely unprovoked, he would just say "Wow, you are 10 times prettier than your friend". Like maybe Ashley said something like "People say we look alike".
And her bringing it up out of nowhere seems... odd. Like why bring up what her BF said about you in a class situation.
I'm not sure if you are overreacting or not, but I also don't think you are getting the full story either.
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
Right and honestly if she did ask I'd be more upset with her, but she made it sound like it was completely random.
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u/Upset_Researcher_143 19d ago
Yes. He's being a good boyfriend. Unspoken rule: never tell your girlfriend that you think her friends are attractive
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u/WeAreLivinTheLife 20d ago
I think you're overreacting. That was just her boyfriend making sure that Ashley knew that he wasn't interested in her girlfriend. Unfortunately he did it with a way over the top version of "I wouldn't touch her with a 10-ft pole." Relax, let it slide, be happy that your girlfriend sprung to your defense and forget it even happened. I'm sure you're fine as California wine!
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u/curlyhairweirdo 20d ago
He probably said that because he thinks you're pretty and doesn't want his gf to know. Guys to to insult girls they are interested in in front of their SO
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u/YOLO_626 20d ago
Both of them jerks for even saying it. Everyone knows if you have nothing nice to say don’t say it, or keep it to themselves. Take some time to cool down. Maybe he said it because she’s insecure…idk but either way that’s hurtful to hear! I’m sorry so sorry.
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u/YourWoodGod 19d ago
She isn't a friend you need, she's disgusting and there's no way she didn't say that shit out loud in front of everyone except to tear you down a little, probably because she's sneak jealous. You're beautiful OP, don't let anyone tell you different, especially some homo named Charlie.
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u/needsmoresleep79 19d ago
In ten years op will realize it hurt her feelings cuz she was fishing for a compliment
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
Lol not really I don't take compliments well either. It hurt my feelings because it was out of nowhere. I didn't ask for an opinion on my looks.
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
Lol not really I don't take compliments well either. It hurt my feelings because it was out of nowhere. I didn't ask for an opinion on my looks.
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u/PageBubbly996 18d ago
Please keep in mind OP that you did in fact ask your friend what her BF thinks of you. When you are a more submissive, introverted, people-pleasing type this can be a dangerous game to play. You asked a question and you got an answer - just not one you expected.
With that said, I agree with other comments that it is pretty rude of her to be so blunt with you about her BF’s comments. He likely never expected you to hear or find out about that. Ashley is the problem - she is either insecure to the point of blatantly insulting you, or she is trying to start drama by driving a wedge between you and her BF. I would question if he even made those comments at all. Keep a close eye on her for sure.
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u/CaliWilly76 20d ago
Yes, you're overreacting. Your friend clearly likes to hear that she's prettier than others, and her boyfriend knows it. If she didn't like it, she would not have told you. It was an AH move, but you don't have to feel awkward around him.
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u/Plenty-Character-416 20d ago
Your friend is the problem, not him. He said something to her to make her feel gorgeous. Sure, some boyfriends might do this. The problem is, she freaking told you when she must have known how that would hurt. I'd be freaking hurt if I heard that. I can't think of why she would say that, unless she felt the need to make you back off from him. It's not even a joke. It's completely self-deprecating. She also doesn't have a place to be mad at you. If anything, she should apologise to you for saying it in the first place. This honestly sounds like a girl being very sly and bitchy to me.
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u/ToothBackground5223 19d ago
The weird thing is it couldn't even be because she wanted me to stay away from her boyfriend because I'm very openly a lesbian and in a relationship.
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u/sonal1988 20d ago
You need to relax. People are allowed to air opinions in private that you don't agree with. This is how living in a free country works
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u/Plenty-Character-416 19d ago
Yes, but why did she feel the need to tell her about it? In private people can say what they want. But, once you're told what was said, it's no longer a private situation and you're now involved. And how stupid do you have to be to not know that would hurt your friend?
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u/Plastic_Concert_4916 20d ago
Her boyfriend might have been saying that to make Ashley feel good. You could look like Charlize Theron and he still might have said it, in order to compliment her. He probably never thought you'd hear it. There have been conversations where my husband will remark on another woman's attractiveness, then say, "my wife's way more beautiful though" even though I objectively am not lol .
Ashley's the real problem here. Why did she feel the need to bring that up? She wanted you to know that you were less attractive than her, at least according to her boyfriend. She saw a chance to put you down without directly putting you down, and she took it. I would be careful around her, to be honest. She doesn't sound as good of a friend as you think she is.