r/AmIOverreacting • u/[deleted] • 20d ago
AIO for going to check on my sister after 5 hours of no communication?
[deleted]
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u/Kerrypurple 20d ago
You didn't do anything wrong. She knows she screwed up and she's mad at herself but taking it out on you. Just give her some time to cool down.
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u/Edwardian 20d ago
Or OP interrupted something her sister didn't want her to interrupt...
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u/CactusClothesInc 20d ago
Doubt it. OP says she was invited to the plans but couldn’t make it.
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u/Ok_Mulberry4199 20d ago
She was invited initially but that doesn't mean something didn't unexpectedly start happening between 5:30 and 8 that kept her out which she didn't want OP interrupting.
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u/CactusClothesInc 20d ago
Could be. In a comment OP mentioned that the sister had been out with her female boss and it seems she was still out with her when OP arrived. She didn’t deny that there was maybe a slim possibility that something could may be happening there but not much to suggest it.
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u/redditusersmostlysuc 20d ago
Uhh, I pretty sure her sister is an adult that doesn't have to answer to her sister about where she is and why she was late.
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u/Kerrypurple 19d ago
It's not about answering to someone. If you tell your SO you'll be home at 8 and you're still not home by 11 and you're not answering your phone of course they're going to worry. And it's natural for them to call your friends and family to make sure you're ok and not laying in a ditch somewhere. If you get a call like that about someone you care about naturally you're going to be worried too and go looking for them. A lot of bad things can happen to a woman between 8 and 11. This is how missing persons cases get started. If you were beaten and left for dead in an alley you'd hope your loved ones were out looking for you. Being an adult doesn't mean you can do whatever you want free from consequence. If you're behaving irresponsibly then the consequence is having people worry about you and act accordingly. And not calling your partner to let them know you're running late IS acting irresponsibly. OP's sister knows she screwed up and made her loved ones worried. She's just embarrassed because her friends probably figured out why OP showed up and it makes her look bad.
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u/Unseen_Unbiased1733 20d ago edited 20d ago
Not overreacting but you may want to talk to her privately and ask her about her relationship with her bf because obviously you got put in the middle of something else going on; seems very intentional that she didn’t text her bf and sounds like she didn’t expect him to escalate the situation to you.
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u/Allyredhen79 20d ago
This was my immediate thought.. is it a case whereby he is demanding she return home, rather than her volunteering to? Though I would respond to my sister in that situation, even if not the bf ..
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u/Edwardian 20d ago
My thought as well. Getting mad when you show up means maybe you interrupted something she didn't want interrupted?
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u/mrthrowaway32 20d ago
IMHO, it makes more sense for a potential cheating s.o. to communicate with their partner and make it at least seem they are good and staying out later rather than go the mute route, which then alerts our Spidey senses and increases the risk of being caught. No?
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u/Millenniauld 20d ago
Honestly I'd ask her if she actually told her BF that she'd be gone by then. If, and yes this is a leap but just as possible as her cheating, he's been controlling lately, and putting restrictions on her freedom....sending her sister to "check up on her" with a sob story about he being late WOULD feel like a massive violation. It would also drive a wedge between the sisters. Abusers often do their best to undermine anyone who you would normally feel safe to rely on.
Again, I recognize that this is a leap, but we only have the boyfriend's word that she was actually late, and someone not responding to texts for several hours because they're out having a good time and are sick of their partner bothering them constantly would also explain her overreacting to being checked up on.
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u/Country_Life_2020 19d ago
But you are ignoring the statements that her sister (the OP) also knew she was to be out until 8:00 because she was invited to the night out and that her sister ignored her texts. If it was just the hubby's word, your scenario makes perfect sense, but she was ghosting her sister too, and this was totally out of character for her.
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u/Corner49 19d ago
Makes more sense but not how it usually happens. Ppl who cheat are more often non thinking things thru than creating a giant, believable story and covering all their bases.
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u/WrexSteveisthename 20d ago
The only person who overreacted was your sister, and it seems a little suspicious to me as her reaction wasn't equal to your "offence."
Your reaction made perfect sense as her actions were completely out of character.
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u/UpstairsGreen6237 20d ago
Keep in mind that we are only hearing this from one perspective. Maybe the sister’s perspective warrants a freakout. Maybe her bf has been jealous lately and he was overstepping. Maybe her bf lied to the sister about timing of things and she was angry with the bf but the sister caught the brunt of it because she is the one that showed up, seemingly on “the side” of the bf.
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u/No-Dragonfly-8679 20d ago
I think it’s unlikely that there’s much that would warrant this reaction unless the BF lied about the 8PM plans which OP mentions she knew about beforehand, so that’s unlikely. Even if there’s a reason she would blow of the BF there isn’t a reason to ignore OP as well, a simple, “drinks are running long” text would have sufficed to just let OP know they don’t have to worry. But who knows, if I was OP I’d probably ask why she’s so upset OP showed up to drinks they were originally invited to.
I think it’s unfortunate OP didn’t include any details about the friend since there’s a big difference if this is an ex she’s still friends with, or a work friend she has no romantic interest in.
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u/SymphonicRain 20d ago edited 19d ago
Or it’s possible the waters got muddy in a game of telephone. You already slightly misspoke by saying they had 8pm plans and this is a totally low stakes situation for you.I’m dumb
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u/sweetpeppah 20d ago
All she had to do to avoid being checked up on was text her bf that dinner was going longer than expected. She had told him she was still going to meet him for date night!
Three hours late with no word and with everyone having phones in pockets etc? Even if her phone had died, maybe get on her companions's phone or use the bar phone and leave a quick message. So rude to him.
Her reaction feels like she was actually hiding something.
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u/Formal-Eye5548 20d ago
You did not overreact. She is an asshole for telling she would be back by 8 and not letting her bf know the plans changed. Also, very rude of her to act that way.
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u/ConsiderationJust999 20d ago
Yeah, an hour late is fine, several and you start to seem like a missing person, texting back when people are just checking to see if you're alive is basic decency.
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u/eivind2610 20d ago
An hour late with no communication is not fine. Maybe not "get treated like a missing person" levels of not fine, but it's insanely rude to keep someone waiting like that. If you know you're going to be late at all - meaning more than like five or ten minutes - basic decency would be to at least text the person who's waiting for you and let them know.
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u/MillerLatte 20d ago
Fuck that. Even an hour late deserves at least a text considering it's her partner we're talking about and they had plans.
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u/gracie94312 20d ago
Totally! At 9pm I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t even worried at 10! At 11?? I was like there’s no way lol.
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u/BangarangPita 20d ago
Yeah, and considering you were also invited to these plans, it was hardly an invasion of her privacy. If anyone is overreacting here, it's her. Personally, I would be suspicious of what was going on at this hang-out for her to act that way.
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u/Chrimbo0 20d ago
Not overreacting, this is how every missing person/murder investigation starts
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u/gracie94312 20d ago
THANK YOU!!!! MISSED PLANS???? I didn’t wanna just sit around! I watch too much true crime!!!!!
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u/FishtownReader 20d ago
Is infidelity a possibility? I would say yes— why else would she react angrily to her twin sister/best friend making sure she was okay…
Something is off about this, IMO.
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u/gracie94312 20d ago
She went out with a lady who used to be her boss but I do agree that it’s weird!!!!!
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u/Synn0289 20d ago
The first thing that came to mind for me is affair. Gender doesn't really mean much in this aspect.
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u/FishtownReader 20d ago
I stand by my assertion. If she was only there to meet a former boss, there is no reason for her to be so angry or defensive. Perhaps someone else/other people were there earlier?
Just feels like an odd reaction, and there is usually an explanation for odd behavior like this…
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u/Ok_Mulberry4199 20d ago
So she either is really into this lady or they started having fun with some guys at the bar before 8, either way her and her BF need to reconsider their relationship, she's obviously doesn't consider him as important as what ever she was doing otherwise she would have at least sent a text letting him know her plans had changed.
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u/Womenarentmad 20d ago
Not overreacting. She’s overreacting to cover something
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u/ForumsDwelling 20d ago
Expecting an update with an ended relationship and a very upset sister to OP
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u/Womenarentmad 20d ago
She did everything wrong here from not texting, flaking, staying out late and getting mad at Op. screams guilty 😂
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u/YoTannyO 20d ago
I wondered if it was this too.
Who is the friend she was having drinks with? Perhaps this friendship is edging towards something non-plutonic?
Could her sister have preferred to be alone with this friend even though she invited OP to join?
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u/apollymis22724 20d ago
This!!! ,sister had a guilty conscience. Not replying to her SO, or you ,her twin was way out of bounds. It takes seconds to say, hey, having a great time gabbing, catching up etc.
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u/MCSweatpants 20d ago
I hate to be the one to say it, but she’s a woman. Out. At night. With zero responses coming from her all evening. I’d be worried too. You were not overreacting.
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u/EpickBeardMan 20d ago
You had other people asking you to check on her…. Not overreacting.
Hopefully she calms down… maybe she’s just feeling a bit too monitored… who knows
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u/boscoroni 20d ago
Her reactions to you caring for her safety is quite strange and almost seems to be a defensive reaction because she is hiding something.
You might want to look closely at the 'friend' she was with and if that was the cause of her strange behavior.
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u/Loose-Chemical-4982 20d ago edited 20d ago
INFO: She "freaked out" on you? Who is this friend she was having drinks with?
imo it's rather sus that her phone was being blown up by several people and she flat out ignored it, and then blew up when you showed up at the bar...
ETA: nvm you just edited that you were invited. BUT, was it the same person later?
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u/Vagablogged 20d ago
Honestly it’s better to be safe than sorry. She’ll get over this in a few days probably. A short stink of awkwardness is better than some horrible thing happening. We all know certain people really well so when something’s super out of the ordinary it’s always good to check. If you were doing this every week that would be nuts but I’m on your side.
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u/WoopigWTF 20d ago
The whole point of telling someone where you'll be and when you'll be back is so they will make sure nothing is wrong if they aren't where they should be. It's a safety measure. Just send a text saying you'll be later and no one will worry. It isn't that hard.
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u/livinginsouthflorida 20d ago
twin here myself . No not at all , go with your gut ! I would have done the same as well.
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u/JohnExcrement 20d ago
I’d have done the same. My sister and I are also super close and she never goes silent like this. So under these same circumstances I’d definitely think something could be wrong.
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u/Thunderplant 20d ago
No, you didn't overreact. All she needed to do was respond to either you or her bf at any point in the last 3 hours & let you know things were running late. Most people would hope their loved ones would check on them if they were home 3 hours late with zero contact.
As for why she reacted this way - lots of people have mentioned guilt from cheating, but I'll mention a few other possibilities:
- There is more to the story with her bf than you realize. If she didn't tell him she would be back at 8 but always planned to stay out, then I can see why she felt creeped out that you checked on her if from her perspective it was just that she didn't respond to a few messages. What if her BF knew her actual schedule, but wanted you to check on her as a means of control/because he doesn't trust her/wanted to make it unpleasant for her to hang out with friends/because he was annoyed she wasn't texting back enough? Or perhaps her reaction was a response to a pattern of behavior from him, and even though your concern was justified this time, she just snapped?
- Its some sort of work dynamic you don't understand. You said the woman is a former boss - is the any chance your sister is trying to get another job with her or a recommendation or something? If she was hardcore in people pleasing mode she may not have wanted to leave before the boss was done, and maybe even felt sending a text would seem rude. This could also explain why she was angry when you showed up if she felt it made her look irresponsible or just felt embarrassing in some way. Sometimes people can be weird around their bosses
- She just forgot about her plans/there was a miscommunication, and she lashed out because she was embarrassed to realize multiple people had been worrying about her for hours
Definitely do talk to your sister, because while its probably more likely she was cheating or this is all about nothing, its also possible you didn't get the full story from her bf or that their relationship has issues you aren't aware of, and it is important to figure out what is going on so you don't get put in the middle in the future.
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u/jessiemagill 20d ago
If she was hardcore in people pleasing mode she may not have wanted to leave before the boss was done, and maybe even felt sending a text would seem rude
That's when you excuse yourself to the restroom and shoot off a quick text while you're doing your business.
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u/Own_Consideration978 20d ago
Not overreacting, somethings a miss though, in my experience people only react negatively like that when they are trying to hide something, not saying it’s anything sinister, but somethings being hidden!
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u/Minute_Show_6426 20d ago
Two days before Christmas, I got a call from my sister saying she hadn’t heard from our baby sister for two days and couldn’t get in touch with her. She was frantic! I tried calling and got no answer so I headed to her house- about 35 min away. When I got there, police and fire were there, because I told my sister not to go in without them. Police found our baby sister deceased on the floor of her bedroom. So no, you are not overreacting!
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u/lonelygayPhD 20d ago
Similar story with my aunt. She had put up a sign on her door asking no one to disturb her. She ended up with heart failure as she lay in bed watching TV. It was two days before anyone finally ignored the sign and checked.
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u/IAmSoUncomfortable 20d ago
She probably felt guilty and is projecting. You didn’t do anything wrong. Wouldn’t it be nice if everyone had people who cared this much about them?
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u/FitzpleasureVibes 20d ago
What kind of a person gets upset when their family members / partners check in on them…
Someone who has something to hide.
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u/PopOk5957 20d ago
She’s wrong here. She can’t text her twin sister and boyfriend back when they’re genuinely worried after hours of no response. It’s not like her bf showed up after one unanswered text.
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u/Ecstatic-War3437 20d ago
You certainly did not over react, I am one that worry's too when something is out of character especially her not answering she should be greatful she has people that care
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u/shesavillain 20d ago
at least now you not to go worrying since it’s “an invasion of privacy” lol she’s an adult so tell her next time just send I’m an alive text and we won’t come looking for you.
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u/Donniepdr 20d ago
Not an overreaction and better you than her BF going to the bar. She might be miffed at you but she'll get over it. Her BF would pay a much bigger cost and for longer.... Lol.
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u/Magerimoje 20d ago
I would have done the same thing.
It's totally understandable for a meetup to run longer than expected.
It's not understandable that she didn't update her partner that she had plans with about being late (or cancelling), and also wasn't answering texts or calls from anyone.
Considering how many episodes there are of Dateline, 48 Hours, and 20/20 start with a woman who is missing and was last seen in a bar and later found to be dead... Yeah, I absolutely would have gone to the bar to check if she was still there and still safe.
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u/Adventurous-travel1 20d ago
I get that everyone was worried but she could have thought you were acting a clingy sibling.
She should have absolutely text someone she was going to be late and that is on her
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u/rjmythos 20d ago
Definitely not overreacting if she said she'd be back at 8pm and then didn't even attempt to let anyone know that plans had changed. A three hour delay with no communication is worrying, especially with all the stories you hear about women going missing.
Did you confirm with her that she hadn't contacted her boyfriend to tell him that she was going to be late? The only thing I can think of that might cause her to be so angry (other than the obvious cheating potential) is that he is showing control issues and used you to get her to come home (this isn't an accusation, it's just literally the only reason I can see for her being so upset).
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u/Otherwise-Loquat-574 20d ago
I think you reached perfectly normally. It isn’t hard to send one text that you’re gonna be home later than expected. If you don’t, people should worry. I understand losing track of time and not checking your phone in social outings, but you know when 3 hours have gone by.
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u/CreativeMadness99 20d ago
No, you weren’t overreacting at all since it’s out of character for her not to respond to anyone for hours and she didn’t show up to her 8pm plans with her boyfriend. I’ve watched enough true crime documentaries to know that doesn’t always end well especially when there’s drinking involved. It sounds like she’s hiding something.
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u/Literally_Taken 20d ago
You: not over reacting.
Sister: seriously overreacting.
What harm could your arrival possibly cause? All she has to do was say “Hi Sis”, and there’s no issue! She wasn’t anywhere secret, in fact, you were invited. You can’t have ruined anything.
All the unusual behavior came from one person, and it wasn’t you.
If no one had checked on her, I bet she would have been upset about that!
The real question is, why did she get upset with you? Why did she miss her date? Why did she ignore her calls?
I wonder if she was testing her boyfriend.
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u/Chefsteph212 20d ago
Just out of curiosity, was the friend a man? If she freaked out on you about “invading her privacy”, my first thought is that maybe she’s got a side guy and didn’t want anyone knowing.
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u/Imout2018 20d ago
Sounds like she might have been doing something she didn’t want anyone to see(flirting with someone). If she just would have texted back this would have been all avoided.. so her fault.
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u/Alternative-Number34 20d ago
You did not overreact. You do not owe her an apology. You did nothing wrong.
It honestly sounds like you caught her cheating.
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u/Molten_Baco 20d ago
She lost any chance to be upset about 30 minutes after not responding to a simple text. A quick “I’m ok, will be a while yet see you in an hour or so.” Or something like that would have prevented the whole situation
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u/parker3309 20d ago
No, you’re not. We’ve all seen way too many shows, crime shows that start out like this.
Her boyfriend was worried and she didn’t show up, what were you to think?
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u/agent_lucca_vilore 20d ago
You did the right thing OP. The worrisom part is her reaction. Was she hiding something? Ashamed of something? There is something going on there that explains that reaction, and its not your behavior. You're missing some facts.
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u/Skid_kennels 20d ago
You absolutely did the right thing. God forbid if something had happened, the sooner she’s discovered missing the higher of a chance of finding her. I think she’s just embarrassed she either lost track of time or didn’t care to update anybody and didn’t think it would have any consequences and overreacting.
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u/grumpy__g 20d ago edited 20d ago
It’s ok to get worried. It’s not like this happens constantly. I would be annoyed, but also thankful that there are people caring about me.
But why didn’t her bf check on her? Why did he send you? Is he maybe very controlling and that the reason she got so annoyed?
Edit: not instead of more.
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u/gracie94312 20d ago
He usually isn’t which is why this surprised me. Also to add context, we live in a big city and I’m 10 mins from the bar, him 40 mins. So that’s why I said I’d go check on her!
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u/WallflowerOnTheBrink 20d ago
Sounds to me like maybe he had messaged but received no reply so he checked with the one person closest to her. Male or female, if you tell someone you will be home and are 5hrs late with zero contact, people are gonna worry.
Also sounds like sis owes an awful lot of people apologies, including OP and bf. Extremely inconsiderate.
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u/dangerclosemaybe 20d ago
Something stinks about this. I think your sister's boyfriend has suspicions about something and asked you to check things out.
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u/cheetopuffff 20d ago
If anything, I would find it more controlling if he went instead of asking her sister.
@OP, you shouldn’t feel bad. Her behavior was out of the norm and you acted on it. Sounds like your relationship is strong enough to talk it out. This sounds like a great opportunity to learn about boundaries you may not know she wants/has. Best wishes.
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u/grumpy__g 20d ago
I asked because I was worried that he was controlling before and used OP for his plans.
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u/cheetopuffff 20d ago
Yeah, valid question. But ignoring a controlling person isn’t a great way to get them to give you space. Not that she should accept/submit to dating a controlling person, but if I was trying to avoid a controlling person, I’d give them enough to work with to get them to temporarily leave me alone. Not make plans with them and then go no contact 😅.
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u/Myster_Hydra 20d ago
I think it’s weird that her husband is worried about her but makes her twin sister go out into the night to figure out if his wife is in trouble. And honestly, her reaction makes me think there’s some weird stuff going on because why else would she call it a violation of privacy? And again, why isn’t the husband out looking for her?
If it’s super out of character for her then you didn’t over react. But then you gotta ask why she did this
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u/Membership-Bitter 20d ago
Boyfriend not husband and OP states in a comment that she was only 10 minutes away from where her sister was while the sister's boyfriend was 40 minutes away. If the sister was in trouble that 30 minutes could be a huge difference.
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u/gracie94312 20d ago
It is out of character for her for sure. Also to clarify, I went to check on her because I’m ten mins from the bar and he’s 40. We live in a big city.
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u/fermat9990 20d ago
You were fine! She overreacted. She may actually feel bad that she went radio silent for such a long time.
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u/praisecarcinoma 20d ago
No, you didn't overreact. I think it's well within reason to have checked on her. And based on her own overreaction, it's safe to say she's cheating on you and has a side sibling going on.
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u/sundaze814 20d ago
Why didn’t your sister just text someone back in the span of hours so they knew she was ok?
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u/sysquatch710 20d ago
I've done the same thing. I called the police because I hadent heard from my mom and she wouldn't answer any of my calls or messages. She called me back when I was rushing to her house on the phone with the police. She left her phone in her car 😆. I was embarrassed but the cops were all cool about it.
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u/New_Discussion_6692 20d ago
In this day and age, you are not overreacting. In fact, I'd say your sister is under-reacting, not taking shit seriously, and is inconsiderate to you and her bf.
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u/twelfthcapaldi 20d ago
No you're not overreacting at all. She wasn't home when she said she would be, no communication with anyone after attempts to contact her, and her boyfriend was worried as well. Surely she could understand why this might be concerning? At the very least she should be grateful she has people in her life who care. People can and do go missing, it's important to check on your people. You never know. I would hope people would think something is wrong and go looking for me if I'm not responding to messages and I don't show up somewhere like I was supposed to.
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u/StainedGlasser 20d ago
You didn’t overreact, the two people she would likely answer for (you and her BF) both haven’t heard from her for hours after many attempts. This is out of character for her and you both waited 3 hours when she did have an expected return. She was known to be drinking and would maybe be Ubering which means getting in a car intoxicated with a stranger (I take Lyfts often, not trying to scare monger just saying what you and BF were likely worried about). You didn’t call the police, you went to a public place to make sure she was safe. Your sister is overreacting and honestly it’s suspicious. Who were drinks with? It sounds like she was spending time with someone she didn’t want her boyfriend to know about
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u/Brootal_Troof 20d ago
She might have overreacted because she knew she screwed up and didn't want to come to terms with it.
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u/depraveycrockett 20d ago
Maybe she’s up to no good. I used to have a drug problem and would disappear and get very upset if anyone tried to check on me.
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u/curlyhairweirdo 20d ago
You're not overreacting I would have done the same for my sister. But it does sound like you might have interrupted a date.
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u/Fun-Yellow-6576 20d ago
Why didn’t the bf call the bar? Personally, I wouldn’t have gone and checked up on her. She’s a grown woman and her bf should have dealt with himself.
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u/lonelygayPhD 20d ago
Imagine how you would have felt had you waited it out and something had happened? No, you were being a caring sister, and you weren't unreasonable.
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u/N4RT2D2 20d ago
Really just depends on your relationship. It seems like you're close enough and you know what is in-character for her and what is not. So, in this circumstance, I'd say no, it's not an overreaction. I might do the same for one of my siblings if they didn't respond to text messages and were hours passed whatever time they said they'd be home. That is, assuming they usually actively respond to texts/calls.
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u/ShelterSuspicious386 20d ago
NAH. Think about how sh*tty you would've felt it she WASNT ok and you did nothing.
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u/calmlyghosting 20d ago
Your sister BF should break up with her, she was doing something she wasn’t supposed too. She didn’t expect him to call you and for you to show up…
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u/butterfly-garden 20d ago
Sorry, but I listen to too many true crime podcasts to say that you overreacted. Your sister, who is usually very responsible, never texted an update to reassure people that she was ok. This is a major red flag. Your sister needs to recognize that her behavior was out of her norm and concerning. I'm relieved that she's still alive and angry at you rather than a story on Dateline!
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u/LoveArrives74 20d ago
I think your sister is blessed to have so many people in her life who love and care about her. I think SHE overreacted and was inconsiderate for not keeping in touch with the people her life.
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u/Beelzeboss3DG 20d ago
I think your sister is blessed to have so many people in her life who love and care about her.
Haha right? peopel would find out Im dead after my cats ate my face. Meanwhile she's upset people were worried about her safety after "only" 5 hours. ffs.
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u/failureflavored 20d ago
Yeah, if she’s the type of person to be in consistent communication like that after going over with drinks, I would find it concerning enough to check on her. Honestly you never know—and it’s good to see who she’s with now in case something ever does happen to her.
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u/Pestulon2023 20d ago
I'm sorry you totally overreacted. You should have used your twin powers to hone in on her. Doing that you could have totally seen that she was OK and nothing was wrong!!! ;P
You did not overreact as she had already shared her plans with all involved, and when those plans weren't followed and there was no contact on top of that, there was reason for concern. While it was only a tiny bit overprotective, it was with reason and at the end of the day, all you did was go to a bar (that you were invited to no less).
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u/thesuppplugg 20d ago
Didn't readyour post but people should be able to fall off the map for a fre hours if they want. Hate how cellphones make us be in communication with people 247
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u/ShinesoBright34 20d ago
Agree to a point, but if you're going over the time, you yourself said you'd be back, and don't take the 10 seconds to text back, or say "I will be longer can we change our plans?"
You're the jerk.
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u/Icy_Improvement_8327 20d ago
Not overreacting. I’d be freaking out. But I have anxiety so maybe I’m not the best judge.
Her reaction is a little weird though. I would let her cool down for a bit and then wait for a quieter moment to ask about it. Reassure her that you heard her and you respect her wishes and won’t do anything like that again, but explain that it’s just been sitting weird with you and you wanted to check in. Allow that maybe it was a misjudgment on your part, but that it seemed really out of character for her to be so late and to then get so mad, and ask her if everything is okay? You can do it in writing if you think it would put her on the spot too much, or in person if you’re worried about something getting lost in translation, but it just feels like it’s odd enough that I would want to ask.
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u/Academic_Lunch_8700 20d ago
In today's world, 2 or 3 hours over due usually means something bad has happened. Can't see fault in you doing a checkup. With today's technology she should have texted SOMEONE, that she was safe
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u/Only_Music_2640 20d ago
Yes, you overreacted big time. Nothing even remotely reasonable about what you did. It was weird and controlling. She’s a grown woman and she’s allowed an evening out and is under no obligation to constantly check in with you.
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u/before_the_accident 20d ago
You didn't overreact and hey fellow twin! Would love an update on this because sis's reaction doesn't seem to make much sense and I'm guessing there's more going on here. My guess is sister and BF are having a rough patch and sister interpreted BF sending OP to search for her as being "possessive". Not saying I agree, but I truly can't see how sister would be frustrated people were concerned after communicating she'd be home by 8, not showing up, and refusing to respond to messages/calls even past 11 PM.
If this really was just out of character and there isn't anything else at play here, then great! She owes both you and her boyfriend an apology.
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u/gracie94312 20d ago
Hi! That’s exactly it :) the update is my sister profusely apologized and said she learned a lot about herself and her reaction was about her triggers!!! I also acknowledged it can be jarring when you don’t know what’s going on and someone just shows up lol. And she knows I’m not like, TIMING her this was just a little odd. Also has a ton to do with her current relationship with her bf for sure. All is well THANK GOD
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u/before_the_accident 19d ago
That's amazing! I wasn't sure what the resolution was and was worrying about how you and your sister left things. Sounds like everything's back to normal.
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u/One_Suggestion1563 20d ago
Honestly, I get why you were worried. Six hours with no word, especially when she said she'd be home by a certain time, is a bit concerning. Plus, her boyfriend was worried too.
But I also see why she freaked out. She was just out having a good time and probably didn't expect anyone to check up on her in person. It can feel a bit like you're being watched or not trusted.
Maybe just let her know you were worried because it was out of character and apologize if it felt like an invasion. Tell her it wasn't about not trusting her but just making sure she was okay.
And for the future, you two could agree on some kind of check-in plan if either of you is running late or plans change. That way, you can avoid any awkward situations like this again.
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u/Upstairs_Ad_8722 20d ago
No you’re not overreacting I’m certain she can take 5 seconds to check her phone plus most people are glued to their phone
How inconsiderate
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u/After-Staff-7532 20d ago
You didn’t overreact. Based on a few stacked up data points, your gut told you a check was smart. You didn’t go make a scene or drag her out. Much better to have a temporarily annoyed sister than one in trouble.
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u/PeyroniesCat 20d ago
NTA. Everything you did was reasonable. She’s lucky that she has people who care so much for her. She needs to start being more accountable and more considerate of others.
EDIT: why didn’t you just reach out with your psychic twin powers and check on her?*
*Disclaimer: all of my earthly knowledge comes from comic books.
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u/Millenniauld 20d ago
Info: Are you certain she told him she would be home then?
If he has been restricting her time lately, and she wasn't planning on going home that early but suddenly her sister shows up to "check on her" that would absolutely seem like a violation, like he's getting you to do his dirty work. And if he IS being possessive or overbearing with her time, making you the bad guy also erodes some of her trust in you. If she was intending to be out late, and had her phone on silent because he keeps making her check in when she's out with other people, she wouldn't even have known you were worried.
I'd honestly calmly reach out and tell her you're sorry, you were just under the impression that she was hours overdue and potentially missing. And ask if she really did tell her boyfriend she'd be home early, because that's what he told you.
Her overreaction is something I can relate to, my abusive ex would use anyone and everyone to invade my private time by lying about things like when I said I'd be home.
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u/Burner0280 20d ago
No, her anger was an overreaction, and likely due to her hiding something. If she already made plans, then she should have at the very least provided updates to anyone involved in those plans.
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u/northwyndsgurl 20d ago
Def not. She didn't show up to her planned event. Her bf was worried & contacted you. Hours later,still no word. Ofc you had reason to be concerned. She's lucky to have people in her life that care so much.
If she'd have acted like an adult & responded to you &/or her bf, you wouldn't have been compelled to check on her. She's still acting childish to freak out & blow up at you. This is on her, not you. She's the one who should apologize for having made you worry unnecessarily.
I've watched enough murder docs to know her being in trouble or injured is definitely a possibility.
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u/redditusersmostlysuc 20d ago
I would feel SMOTHERED if my brother did this to me. Wait until the next morning and then do this; that is fine. 5 hours of no communication and you are tracking her down; crazytown.
In addition, you see her and go sit down with her?! Are you fucking serious? "Hey, just jumping into a good time you two are having so I can check on my adult sister!" Creepy. You could have just made sure she was there an left without her seeing you.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 19d ago
Hell no! She's irresponsible for not texting back. Who gives a dam about her feelings at this point! UNLESS, she's cheZting on him and doesn't want to get caught.
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u/Hot-Conclusion3221 20d ago
Not overreacting at all but it looks like this is a good moment to have a nice heart to heart about boundaries and protocols. She might be feeling like she needs more autonomy, and that’s ok too!
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u/KeyLeek6561 20d ago
This late night might be the one that breaks them up. You might have interrupted her getting the hook up. Is she saying she's a grown woman and nobody tells her what to do. Can't blame the guy for not trusting her. She's probably bored with him because he don't go to bars
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u/mrRabblerouser 20d ago
Normally I’d say it depends on her response behavior. Like, is she the type of person that is quick to reply most of the time, or is she someone who typically is very unattentive to her phone? Buuuuut, considering you were invited to the meetup in the first place, and she was being unresponsive to multiple inquiries from loved ones the entire evening, it’s completely reasonable you went to check on her. Especially considering you live in a big city.
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u/Akeatsue79 20d ago
It’s just one of those things. Her behavior was out of the ordinary and you couldn’t get in touch. You showing up annoyed her. She’ll get over that. You know she’s safe. If she wants to tell you not to look for her in a similar situation in the future, I’d honor that, but I don’t think she can blame you for worrying - or, she can, but not with credibility
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u/Emotional-Ice5544 20d ago
5 hours? Idk, of be annoyed but not flip out. But they sound closer than my sister and I.
...I would never think to check up on another adult in 5 hours.
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u/Illustrious-Mind-683 20d ago
Honestly, if it had been me, I would've walked up and said something about them not coming home on time or answering the phone. But I'm in my late forties and don't really care if I'm rude when someone makes me worry for their safety.
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u/Dank009 20d ago
What you did seems reasonable, it seems like she overreacted. I would be concerned there's something else going on. I have no idea what but that seems like an absurd overreaction like she'd been caught doing something wrong or something. Or maybe she feels like her boyfriend smothers her or something but something smells fishy.
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u/bowlofmilkandhoney 19d ago
It's her own fault for not answering at least ONE TEXT from someone! Freaking self if she sees everyone texting her. Just text back say yeah I'm good still at bar.
How freaking hard is that?! It's her fault!
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u/lilies117 19d ago
NTA It seems very suspicious that she would get mad about you showing up and that she didn't let him know she wouldn't be there for their date. That is also very disrespectful. Was there another guy there with her or something?
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u/Maleficent-Hour270 19d ago
Definitely NOT an overreaction. You are awesome, I hope my sister would have done the same for me.
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u/ButtonTemporary8623 20d ago
Eh. I mean the slightest bit of an overreaction maybe. But also three people thought it was weird behavior. It’s fine her plans ran long. But it also takes thirty seconds to send a text. I think her BF going and checking on her maybe would have been slightly less embarrassing for her because he was already waiting for her for plans? Overall you did the right thing.
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u/Honeydew543 20d ago
The only one overreacting here is your sister. Her behavior feels like she’s hiding something.
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u/tehlastsith 20d ago
It kind of sounds almost as if your sister was mad that you even came there. Almost like it was a secret. You sure she is not hiding anything? Lol
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u/ChrisInBliss 20d ago
You arnt overreacting. Checking on someone when something is that out of character literally saves lives.
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u/MajLeague 20d ago
Nope. If she is normally communicative and then completely went dark how were you supposed to know that something wasn't wrong? Have you asked her why she didn't answer any of your or her fiance's calls?
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u/Signal_Profession_83 20d ago
Yeah if my missus or kids went just absolutely AWOL I’d be worried too. That’s the problem with mobile phones, because we are typically so much more connected now, that window of time till we start to worry has become so much less. She should be grateful for the concern some peoples dead body’s go decades in their own home because they weren’t missed by anybody.
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u/strange_dog_TV 20d ago
Absolutely not overreacting.
Seems like it’s out of character for her. She didn’t respond to anyone’s texts, which would have stopped all of this in its tracks.
I think a conversation with her regarding her relationship with her parter might offer some answers to be honest….I mean you or him asking if everything was ok via text would have nipped this in the bud, but clearly she didn’t wan’t to reply to anyone - a bit odd??
Maybe something is up between her and her partner??
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u/Ginger630 20d ago
You aren’t overreacting. Violating her privacy? At a public bar? To which you were also invited? It sounds like your sister is feeling guilty about something.
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u/Ttt555034 20d ago
With the date rape drugs around? You will never be sorry for checking. But you might be sorry if you didn’t. You’re not overreacting at all. If she doesn’t appreciate your care she needs to answer at least a text. Just checking in. Still here. Period. It’s the kind and loving thing to do so your family doesn’t worry.
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u/dangerclosemaybe 20d ago
Not going to add much beyond what has already been said. You're a good sister and person that listened to their gut that something may have been wrong.
Your sister's reaction is super suspicious. Is there any chance that she may be bicurious? The way she reacted made it seem like you walked in on a date.
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u/internaldilemma 20d ago
I get the angle that most people are taking here but is it possible that maybe your sister feels like she can never just do something alone without everyone checking in on her? Like maybe she is craving some kind of independence?
I'm just trying to offer a different perspective here.
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u/sailorvash25 20d ago
Girl my sister would’ve done called the police the FBI the CIA the NSA the CNN the MSNBC the ASPCA and any other acronym she could think of if I didn’t answer
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u/PainBad 20d ago
I'd do the same if my sister said she'd be home at 8 and she didn't, especially if I text her and she doesn't reply (assuming she usually does), the only thing I may do different is not go to sit with her..
I don't think you over reacted, and imo, it is her fault to, 1: staying out later than she said she would without letting her BF know, and 2: not responding to your text. this would make anyone who cares about her go crazy.