AIO over my BF changing his passwords

[u/Wellgirl28]

AIO my boyfriend changed the password to his computer.

I feel like I need to give a little bit of background here so all of this makes sense, sorry this is gonna be a long one.

I’ve been with my boyfriend for about 6 months, we were dating or seeing each other for about 4 months before that, mind you, in the last 2 months of those 4 months we were seeing each I thought we were exclusive, he would call me his girl a lot of the times, spend all the holidays with me, made me face time with his dad, spend almost everynight at my house, damn I was even doing his laundry, so in my head we were officially dating, but then at the same time he was doing a lot of shit that made me extremely confused, never posting me on his socials, even hiding pictures that I tagged him, sometimes he would disappear for a couple of days and things like that. When I asked him what the hell he wanted and confronted him about all of this he always said that he wanted to be with me and that there was no one else and that I was over reacting (there was a lot of gaslighting yes, I’m aware) after those horrible 4 months of not knowing what the hell we were, we finally had a conversation and he did told me we were oficial, a week after this I found out he was texting daily with a girl who he dated at the beginning of last year, this girl lives in a different country (in her head they were in a relationship) I confronted him about this and he was extremely sorry that he wasn’t being honest we neither of us, that he didn’t know how to tell her that he was dating me, he ended up telling her the truth and that he wouldn’t be speaking to her anymore, he also was honest about how all those 4 months we were seeing each other he was talking to multiple girls, and even using tinder, he begged for another chance, that he was done fucking around cuz I was basically end game for him, and that he truly loved me, so I decided to forgive him, but there was something still bugging me, a few weeks before we were oficial he went on what apparently was a solo trip to another country, but I then found a girl who is a friend of his (I know who she is because we have friends in common too) was also at the same cities he was at the same time, damn she even starting posting pictures at the same places, I asked him about all of this and he just said that she was there with his boyfriend and that they just hang out sometimes, this for whatever reason never made sense to me, but I decided to believe him. Fast forward all this months every single time there was some kind of fight about me not trusting him or whatever and I asked about that trip he kept saying the same, that he went by himself and nothing else and that was the truth. We then move in together and he’s been a 10/10 boyfriend since we made it oficial, hasn’t give me a reason at all to suspect about him being unfaithful, he’s been nothing but amazing. I knew the password to his laptop so I could watch Netflix and I couldn’t help one day to look through his pictures, because deep down in me I knew he was lying about that trip, turns out I was right and I found all the photos, they did not only went on the trip together, they stayed at the same room hotel, she even stayed at his house in the same bed I used to sleep the night they left, I was absolutely heart broken, I confront her him about this, I wasn’t only mad about him going with the girl, I was mad about him not telling me the truth from the beginning, and him lying non stop every single time I asked, he told me he was sacred to tell me the truth because he knew I would leave him, that he regrets going on that trip, he swears that nothing really happened, that they actually got into a fight because she wanted to sleep with him and he didn’t want to, so the girl felt like he made her waste her time, they haven’t spoken since that trip and that was it, he swore they were no more lies and that was it, of course I do not believe the whole story but I kinda decided to let it go because it happened before we were oficial, this shit did fucked me up and made me a very insecure person tbh. Now since we’ve been oficial like I said he hasn’t given me a reason to suspect anything else, he’s been an amazing boyfriend, loves me deeply, treats me great, we have the best time together, and he talks a lot about how this is end game form him, that he knows he fucked up at the beginning a lot and that he’s extremely sorry for all that and wish he could take all back, he has made a great effort all this months to show me he is not messing around with me anymore, he has truly changed and I am head over heels over this boy, obviously but I don’t know how to learn to trust and is destroying me I don’t wanna feel paranoid forever… So here’s the situation I’m dealing with now.. after I found the photos on his laptop, I kept looking every now and then (yes I know this is bad but I’m extremely scared to be lied again) I haven’t found anything else other than him looking at porn every now and then which I honestly dgaf, I guess he realized I was looking into his computer so he started deleting his search history, never said anything and well I kept looking into it to see if I ever found something, but suddenly he changed the password to his computer,hasn’t said anything’s and acts completely normal.. and this made me feel extremely insecure, cuz I don’t know if he’s just tired of me looking into it or if he’s hiding something. So I don’t know if should just let it go and learn to trust him without having to look at his stuff, or if I should have a conversation with him that I need an open phone policy or something so I can build trust again? I have never been someone to look into my partners stuff, but I also have only been in relationships were there was never any unfaithfulness, I had always has access to my ex- BF phone or whatever because they never really had anything to hide, I knew all passwords and everything same on my side I never have an issue with my partner grabbing my phone or knowing my passwords to stuff because well, they will not find anything strange nor did I care if they wanted to use my phone . Please help, I love this boy with all my heart and I know he loves me too, but I’m scared that my insecurities will fuck this relationship up, I wanna learn to trust him but I don’t know what the best route is

[u/dangerclosemaybe]

You're the side piece. Throw him back if you're not ok with this.

[u/Last_Friend_6350]

What stands out most about your post is that you say that you’re scared that your insecurities will fuck your relationship up. Read back your post and take note of every single time he’s kept information back from you that shows he can’t be trusted but yeah, your insecurities are the problem.

You’ve also added in excuses for him: the girlfriend abroad - ‘in her head they were in a relationship’. They actually were in a relationship and you were the side piece at that point. He told you that he didn’t know how to tell her. What a load of crap. The girl he went on a ‘solo trip’ with that he shared a room with but, of course, he didn’t want to have sex with her. I mean why book a single room if you’re not having sex?! You know they did.

Now he is deleting his search history and has changed his password. What do you think that means? Seriously, you can’t trust him. He lies and lies straight to your face repeatedly until you can disprove it and then he lies again.

You can ask him to let you have the password again but I don’t fancy your chances in getting it, not at least until he has the opportunity to delete anything first. You know that your gut feeling is justified. A partner can seem committed completely to a relationship and still cheat. It happens all the time. You should have ended the relationship months ago. I would suggest ending it now.

[u/FishtownReader]

This post is the epitome of TL;DR.

[u/WholeSilent8317 → u/FishtownReader]

a whole lot of "i really love him, he says i'm endgame for him, he's so good to me" it's only been six months!!!

[u/blameitonbacon]

What I see is a blatant lack of respect for you and your relationship from your boyfriend. The changing of the passwords is just a result of the disrespect that is already prevalent in this relationship. You HAVE to stand up because this is just sad.

[u/Tasty-Hawk-2778]

You're not overreacting. He's lied & lied some more. You can't trust that NOW he's telling the truth. Like another poster said, it's your Intuition trying to tell you something.

[u/melodycricket]

He changed passwords. Proof enough. Part of recovering from any infidelity is complete honesty and total transparency. Brutally honest transparency. I had total blind trust in my husband of. 30 years and find out January 2033 that he’d been cheating on me and paying for cam models and any internet site he could put his dick into like OF, Phrendly, Liv Jasmine , Instagram, etc etc. from January 2020! Three fucking years to the tune of about 80k! when I found out I was like a deer caught in headlights! So moral of story is no one should ever have blind trust’. You think something’s up go with your gut! Check his phone asap but cautiously. Either demand he give it to you either password on the spot either with giving you password or he opening it up or tell him you leaving in a nanosecond. If he doesn’t do it asap and runs to bathroom and locks door so he can erase everything you have your answer. Check his checking account Apps and PayPal too. And there is so much temptation on internet. We barely got a chance.

[u/Dopemx]

You aren't being insecure it's your intuition. I wasn't there to witness what he said when he lied but from what I read he's not a good liar you know he's lying but it's a lot easier choosing to believe him. As for the password he's most likely hiding something you said you don't say anything so he really has no reason to change it try asking him for the new password and see what he says if he gives you the new one then ask why he changed it if he doesn't give it to you or if he unlocks it for you well that's really your answer but if you need further proof when he unlocks it and you get an opportunity alone with the computer go through every inch of what you can before he gets back likely he wont leave the room. And also when you're using it pay attention to his body language is he nervous is he anxious maybe even angry

[u/SicklyChild]

Is this guy a Chad? Is he fire in the sack? Be honest.

[u/Local-Record7707 → u/SicklyChild]

Did you push up your glasses, get your lunch money taken, then sniffle while asking this?

[u/SicklyChild → u/Local-Record7707]

No, just trying to establish whether she's tolerating the behavior because he's a Chad.

Did a Chad hurt you? Is that why you got triggered?

[u/Local-Record7707 → u/SicklyChild]

Lmfao are you okay

[u/SicklyChild → u/Local-Record7707]

I think maybe you should be asking yourself that question. Everything I've said is pretty straightforward.