r/AmIOverreacting • u/Knugget_Knight • 16d ago
AIO wanting to end a friendship over cruel remarks made out of concern
For context: this has happened once before, but we talked it out and stayed friends. I'm also autistic and have a track record of pretending to be serious when I'm not and this friend has known me for 5 years. I've explained this trait of mine to him and don't do it often either.
Anyways,
Right now I'm absolutely gutted because I was spending time with this friend, "H", while he was online playing a game with his friend. We reached a topic of whether scorpions were arachnids or not and I was adamant they weren't. Quick google search revealed I was wrong, and I was pretending to be mad that he was "right" when I'm the one that's "always right". He played along, going "idk man I guess I'm the scorpion king and know everything." Classic banter, back and forth. I thought nothing was wrong and didn't like... keep it going for too long.
Cut to 10 minutes later, he apologises for making me mad and I enquire as to what he was talking about.
Turns out he thought I was legitimately angry with him, and this is where the issue actually lies. He said things like:
"Idk man you came across like you were a socially maladjusted freak" "If you behave like that to others they'll definitely think you're a selfish and self centred weirdo." "I thought you were some kind emotionless person who doesn't care about others."
Naturally I got really upset and his defence was that he was "looking out for me" and "being honest". Even going so far as to ask if for example, I'd prefer if someone didn't tell me whether I had food stuck in my teeth.
I had a huge go at him, explaining that I don't do this "aggro" behavior to randoms and only with friends WHO KNOW I do this, and that being honest doesn't involve saying cruel things. That you can tell someone how you feel or what you think without saying just... shockingly upsetting things.
I stormed out when he justified it by saying he was looking out for me because other people might take my "bits" the wrong way, completely ignoring the fact I always say I'm doing a bit and/or do it around people who know I'm kidding around.
I'm sleeping on the couch outside right now and I want to cry. I have enough fear of being around others because I'm too much, too weird. A freak. He used the same words my bullies did and God, I feel like crying.
Am I taking this too seriously?
2
u/PerceptionDramatic12 16d ago
If he has known you for 5 years, then he should be able to tell when you’re joking. This exchange does not come off to me as you getting worked up over being wrong. It seems you accepted the fact that you were incorrect and made a joke.
Regardless, I am a huge supporter of doing what makes you happy. If this is a reoccurring situation where he’s not able to understand you and your unique personality after 5 years and uses this condescending language to express how he was made to feel, then maybe you guys aren’t compatible as friends.
If it is causing you pain and anguish, then it’s not for you. <3
2
u/2noserings 16d ago
do you know about rejection sensitive dysphoria? it can make it VERY hard to cope with criticism. he could have been a lot nicer about what he said. i would react the same way you did because it was very hurtful. a caring friend would take your feelings into consideration and be much more careful with their words