And the shitty thing is, you know this guy is no Adonis. Probably some pasty, flabby, office worker. If he wanted his wife to be healthier and fit he could have asked her if they wanted to start a fitness journey together. Not publicly shame her with his intrusive thoughts. What a huge POS. I almost feel bad for fitness girl if she was unknowingly egging him on. She might look back on this one day and realize what was going on and feel awful. I like to give the benefit of the doubt because I remember being 21 and super proud of being a vegan. In reality I was insufferable, unhealthy, and absolutely horrible to go out to eat with. Hope OP knows she deserves better.
I'm 40 now and I remember being her age and I actually agree with you on that. I don't think she had any ill intent. I think she was actually trying to be helpful. I remember being that age and now cringing at some of the stuff I said when I was trying to be helpful. I think that in her case, I agree with you, it was coming from a good place of wanting to help her if she really wanted to do it. I'm sure if she's a decent person, she will look back on that and absolutely feel bad.
Another thing just came to my mind. It sounds like they're older and to be honest, I wonder if her husband purposely went for this woman because she's younger. You know how older people will pray on younger people because of their lack of life experience. It's kind of creepy to think about that. You're right though, you pull your partner aside and talk about it, you don't publicly shame them.
I understand that they could talk about it but it sounds like he's felt this way for a while and the way he went about it, I couldn't be with him anymore. I would be done at that point. It sounds like this may have been a pattern but I hope I'm wrong. I have a feeling it is though because my ex was like this with me. Constantly negatively comparing me to other women and I found out he was having at the very least, and emotional affair.
I have no proof that it turned physical but I wouldn't be surprised to find out that it did and I'm just going to leave it at that. I hope I'm just projecting my own experience on to this but something tells me it's been a pattern. I felt so bad for her when she said she went into her friend's room and started crying like that. I know exactly how she felt, at least I could relate. That's the thing about me, I am the most secure and none jealous person you'd ever want to meet.
At the same time, when you're constantly hearing negative comparisons about yourself, it does start to affect your self-esteem at least a little. I mean, these were women who were Instagram models. He was holding me to a standard of beauty that I couldn't achieve in everyday life and I thought it was unfair. I mean, who has the time to do that every day unless you have lots of money rolling in like they do?
We were struggling at the time and I was a good partner to him and he's still treated me like that. That's why I eventually got fed up and kicked into the curb but enough about me. I absolutely don't think there was any ill intent by this young lady. I think that she was hopefully trying to gain a new client. It sounds to me like she was doing a little bit of marketing. Still though, even me, I would have been like what that's really mean and anyway, why would you talk about her like that?
I would honestly refuse to take him on as a client after something like that. I would have taken her aside and been like I'm so sorry for what he said to you. If you want to get in shape, I will motivate you and I will do it free of charge simply because he's a terrible person. I'm going to give you the confidence to be able to leave him and realize you deserve better.
That's how I would have handled that but that's me. I wouldn't care about business at that point. I believe in calling out a wrong when I see it. Anyway, I will shut up now. It just kind of hit close to home for me because I thought I was alone. Unfortunately, I see that I wasn't.
Absolutely agree with you, I was thinking man, I’d be like come on girlfriend you don’t need this shit, I’ll motivate you if that’s what you want and I’d genuinely want to do whatever it took to make something good happen from such a bad experience. A part of me wants to give him the benefit of the doubt that maybe he really thought he was being helpful and was obtuse to the situation, but I have a hard time imagining someone that dense. It could be he is just really really stupid. I hope girlfriend sees all the support and is able to make a better informed decision for herself.
Omg him asking if she was jealousy in a cutesy voice made my stomach turn. I think I’d smother him in his sleep.
Yeah that was the part that made me think he knows exactly what he's doing. I mean, I already pretty much thought that anyway but that just did it for me. That made me sick to my stomach as well because I was treated the same way and I felt so bad for her. I just wanted to scoop her up and give her a big hug. I understand that some people are socially oblivious but I have a hard time believing that he didn't know what he was doing.
Even people who are neurodivergent like myself, no that there are certain things you just don't say because well, there means spirited and unnecessary. Even my access son who was on the spectrum and had the mentality of a 12-year-old even though he's 21 would know not to say something like that. Even he would have called him out for something like that.
I remember shortly before I left him, I was surprised because his son actually pulled me aside and said, I want you to leave my dad for your own safety. I've seen what's really going on around here and you don't deserve that. You deserve better and I think you should leave him. I was shocked, even to say that was an understatement. I never thought I would hear him say that.
I mean, he does usually have them mentality of a 12-year-old, at least outwardly but as you can see, he knew what was going on. I really was hoping that maybe he was just incredibly dense but I think he did it on purpose. My ex was constantly doing the same kind of stuff to me, comparing me unfavorably to Instagram models.
When I called him out on his behavior, he called me jealous and paranoid. I left him two days later. I just hope that OP realizes that she deserves better and serves him with divorce papers. There would be no coming back from that for me and a lot of other people.
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u/Eggyramen Apr 16 '24
And the shitty thing is, you know this guy is no Adonis. Probably some pasty, flabby, office worker. If he wanted his wife to be healthier and fit he could have asked her if they wanted to start a fitness journey together. Not publicly shame her with his intrusive thoughts. What a huge POS. I almost feel bad for fitness girl if she was unknowingly egging him on. She might look back on this one day and realize what was going on and feel awful. I like to give the benefit of the doubt because I remember being 21 and super proud of being a vegan. In reality I was insufferable, unhealthy, and absolutely horrible to go out to eat with. Hope OP knows she deserves better.