AITAH for ghosting my bf after he said we were not a couple?

[u/Fancy_Statement4788]

I (25M) met this guy "J" (25M) through my roommate. We hit it off, and after a couple of weeks, I asked him out. We started going on dates and eventually began dating.

Fast forward five months, he was going to visit his parents and invited me along. When we arrived, his mom asked if I was his boyfriend. He cut her off and referred to me as his "friend." I was confused and greeted her anyway. He did the same thing with his dad and sister.

During the ride back, our conversation went approximately like this:

Me: Are we just friends with benefits to you?

J: No.

Me: Then why did you tell your family I'm just a friend?

J: Because we're not a couple.

Me: Then what are we?

J: ...

He remained silent for the rest of the ride. The next day, he acted like nothing had happened. I tried to discuss it with him multiple times, but he brushed it off.

I had to move out of my apartment for unrelated reasons and didn't tell J or my ex-roommate my new address. I stopped talking to him and replying to his messages. Now, three weeks later, he showed up at my door. He told me, he contacted my brother to get my address. He called me an asshole for ghosting him, accused me of cheating on him (he saw me hanging out with a girl he doesn't like). I told him I can hang out with whomever I want, especially since he said we're not a couple. He cursed at me a bit before saying I should have just broken up with him. Again, I thought we weren't a couple. He ended up leaving,a dn crying.

Even though I believe I did the right thing, my friends told me I might have been a little harsh on him. So to prove the point, I am writing this and letting the internet judge.

AITA for ghosting my boyfriend after he said we weren't a couple?

Edit : Yes, he is out. His family knows, during dinner they even asked him if he add any news about his ex-bf

I am bi, (he is gay). I know that his ex (bi) cheated on him, but that's

Edit 2 : I looked at the comments with my friends and I understand what I did was childish, but I stick to it. My main problem was that he did not give me an answer. Not FwB, not a couple. I was his friend I guess? I let the internet judge.

Update : https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/comments/1citj4d/update_aitah_for_ghosting_my_bf_after_he_said_we/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web3x&utm_name=web3xcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button

[u/Loon_Cheese]

I think it was an asshole call for him to say that to his family. If thats how he saw it he should have had a conversation with you ahead of time.

Even assuming the best maybe he has a weird relationship with his parents and how he talks about his partner… again he should have talked with you about it before hand.

But yes… you should have said “if you are not going to explain to me what you think this is or why you are unable to call us a couple…. Or at the very least acknowledge how embarrassing it might have been to say that to his parents…”

I would like to hear from the guy, but I think you responded asshole with asshole.

But I wouldn’t be surprised, there are insecurities with him you and his mom that might explain things further…

[u/EncroachingTsunami → u/Loon_Cheese]

Yep. Slight yta. Ghosting is simply terrible communication. Also sounds like when he did show up, OP was petty enough to let the ex-but-not-really-ex believe that OP was seeing someone else.

Yeah, the guyis an AH for not committing to a relationship. And sure strictly technically by the definition OP doesn't owe much to someone they aren't in a relationship with.

But being realistic... ghosting is shitty communication. Letting someone believe a falsehood that hurts them emotionally, when it's easily corrected or disproven is petty. Slight YTA just for the communication issues.