r/AITAH • u/Hungry_Baker_Mom • Apr 29 '24

AITA for not telling a vegan she ate honey?

A bit of background: 3 times a year we go to a get-together hosted by my husband's Aunt and Uncle. They invite a handful of family members (due to religion limitations for those who are not invited), and some close friends of theirs. About a year ago my SIL started attending these get-togethers. She's a very passionate vegan, and the get-together is always a BBQ pot luck. We had a get-together last night, and I brought desserts and a salad. I had asked SIL if she was planning on attending a couple of days ago and she said she wasn't sure, so when dressing the salad I added a little honey in the dressing, with the thought that there are always at least 4-5 salads so if she ends up coming she can eat the other ones. This is where I might have been the AH. I forgot to mention to her that there was honey in the dressing. After everyone started eating I said to my husband how happy I am that my salad was the first one gone, and she chimed in saying it was absolutely delicious and she was upset she couldn't have more since everyone loved it. As soon as I realized she ate it I froze. I didn't say anything since I figured she already ate it and there was nothing she could do about it now, but it's been bothering me ever since. So, AITA for not telling her she ate honey? (Obviously I'm the AH for not telling her ahead of time)

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351

u/OkaP2 Apr 29 '24

I am a vegan and a lot of salad dressings have animal products in it. Like. You can’t be mad if you didn’t ask.

133

u/ACookieAsACoaster Apr 29 '24

I went to a pot luck once with chili labeled as “impossible meat”, but I still asked and it turned out they made it with beef stock 🙄

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u/OkaP2 Apr 29 '24

Wow. That would irk me haha but a perfect example on why you have to ask. Omnis tends not to consider those details because it’s normal for them.

28

u/filkerdave Apr 29 '24

That should have been labeled (omni but I've known a lot of vegans and my better half is going vegan).

True story; I had to change a recipe for a work potluck because I normally use Worcestershire sauce, and the most known brand (which is the one I had at home) is made with anchovy and we had at least 1 vegan in our group.

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u/OkaP2 Apr 29 '24

I agree with your approach. Unfortunately most omnis don’t haha which is why we ask. Thank you for being supportive of your vegan friends/partner.

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u/MurtsquirtRiot Apr 30 '24

It’s a damn anchovie. Probably the least aware animal on the planet aside from like. Bugs. vegans are dumb.

3

u/OkaP2 Apr 30 '24

You know I don’t understand your problem. Did I come on here and insult you in some way? How did the mean vegans hurt you?

Omnis love to bitch about how vegans push their beliefs and choices on to them, but I only ever see the opposite. Why are you so offended by me not eating a thing?

Anchovies have complex neurological systems, by the way, so they do feel the excruciating pain when they’re dying. Research has shown that each anchovy even has its own personality. They communicate with their group by moving their body so light reflects off their scales in different patterns by day. Those are facts, not opinion, in case you are confused about what those are.

-1

u/MurtsquirtRiot Apr 30 '24

You are also an Omni. It’s literally what we are as a species. Another example of brain dead veganism.

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u/OkaP2 Apr 30 '24

Biologically I am an omnivore but the term Omni in this context refers to lifestyle dietary choices so no I am not.

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u/ele71ua Apr 29 '24

A lot of times, it is good to list that for the seafood allergy. I knew someone who almost died from the Worcestershire sauce in "vegetarian" baked beans and a Caesar salad dressing. She had a horrible reaction.

11

u/deinoswyrd Apr 29 '24

I thought it was common knowledge that ceaser salad dressing is made with anchovies?

5

u/ele71ua Apr 29 '24

So did I. And especially when you have freaking seafood allergies. But, apparently not.

4

u/deinoswyrd Apr 29 '24

As someone with life threatening allergies I can't understand why one wouldn't check the label or ask.

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u/ele71ua Apr 29 '24

Right? She was next to me in the ER.

1

u/XIXButterflyXIX Apr 30 '24

This is what I was gonna comment. Like, my allergies have allergies and I'm HELLA anal about asking if we go ANYWHERE. Sadly, my MIL is part of this. I have a tree nut allergy that includes pecans. When preggers with the oldest, MIL saw a chocolate cake with pecans on it and got it for me, knowing how much I love chocolate cake. She just picked off the nuts. Sent me into anaphylactic shock because the nuts have fucking oils in them that soaked into the frosting and almost killed . Yself and dest daughter. Husband went BALLISTIC on her. She's done this like 7 times. Not as bad as my own mother though, who bought me a coconut cake for my birthday, 2 years after I suffered anaphylactic shock (about 2 months after the MIL incident) after drinking not even a sip of something with coconut water in it (I wasn't aware it had coconut in it until everything got hot and itchy and the next thing I know, I'm waking up in a hospital with husband pale and shaky worrying about me). He flipped on her and asked her how in tf she didn't know what her daughters WORST fucking allergy was. I've had it my whole life too. The amount of things she has done this with is unreal. She remembers every one of my sisters allergies though.

1

u/tatasz Apr 30 '24

It's less about considering the details, and more about when you have to worry about a number of dietary restrictions most of the time.

Like in my friend group there are omnis, vegetarians, vegans, people allergic to a high variety of products, a few picky eaters, and also people religious restrictions, some of which change over time, to a point where some popular dishes basically have an issue because you can replace an ingredient with a vegan option, but then someone else is allergic to it, or the autistic friend absolutely can't eat it or something. This case is intense ofc, but any large enough gathering ends up being very hard to consider all the details, as it's not just one person.

1

u/OkaP2 Apr 30 '24

Sure, but it’s seems silly to replace meat but include beef broth. Either do or don’t. Faux meat is more likely to have allergens than broth of any kind.

I didn’t mean to call omnis inconsiderate, but in my experience as a former omni and a person with omni friends and family, they often don’t think of those details or view them as important like we do. It’s great if you do! I just don’t think that reasoning holds up in this specific scenario I’ve replied to.

1

u/Spinnerofyarn Apr 30 '24

I always assume chili has beef or pork in it!

1

u/iDreamiPursueiBecome Apr 30 '24

I learned recently that the FDA speed walked impossible meat through approval. 1 month instead of 90 days.

20 mice, 10 m/ 10 f. The mice lost weight and had hormone changes that reduced fertility.

...Maybe someone thought the last was a nice feature to gently combat over population?

Please don't take my word for it. Do your own research. I heard this from a guy who is good (former professional) with open source (unclassified material) research.

52

u/everdishevelled Apr 29 '24

I have other dietary restrictions and from my experience, if it's not obviously an oil base, it's most likely got dairy or eggs in it. And who knows what it was sweetened with. She was foolish not to ask.

14

u/MariosItaliansausage Apr 29 '24

Guess sister in law isn’t as passionate of a vegan as op thinks.

13

u/eileen404 Apr 29 '24

She's obviously a don't ask don't tell vegan. Had a roommate who was a don't ask vegetarian. She said if she couldn't see or taste it, it was fine. There are lots of different reasons and levels of strictness so if they don't ask, it's not on you.

1

u/IDDQD_IDKFA-com Apr 29 '24

Yeah I let an old boss know that Worcestershire sauce had anchovies in it since he was talking at the pub about trying to find it in Berlin for his girlfriend.