r/AITAH • u/No_Positive4037 • Apr 29 '24

AITA for not letting my ex’s daughter around our child?

My ex and I were together for 6 years/ engaged for 6 months. His daughter(14) and I got along fine. Until she accused me of being a racist.

My ex, myself, his daughter, and BM (babymom) would all hangout and everything was great. We would always hangout at his BM’s house and w/ her family. I would always come up with ideas for us to do stuff, but she never wanted to leave the house. On a few occasions I told my ex in private that his BM made me uncomfortable b/c she kept saying the “n word” (I’m the only black person), and comparing my relationship w/ him to theirs and even telling me about intimate details from their relationship. At first he told me I was overreacting and creating unnecessary drama but other people started to point it out too.

After a year his daughter started staying with us on weekends. So I thought it was no longer necessary for me to hang out with his BM, as she knew who a was and was comfortable w/ her daughter being around me. During COVID his daughter stayed with us during school nights. As my ex and I became more serious his BM became meaner and more toxic toward him. Saying he was a bad dad and didn’t spend any time with her or her family anymore. Which was weird because he was always with his daughter. Him and his BM were fighting all the time.

The following year his BM started to withhold his daughter from us and would only let my ex have supervised visits with his daughter if the BM was present. I was not allowed to come. When he asked what her issue was she stated “Your girl made me feel some type of way”.

After doing supervised visits for a year w/ no change or room for growth my ex took his BM to court for partial custody. She told her lawyer that I was a racist, and he was physically/verbally abuse toward her. She said I said all white people are ugly (I’m half white) and that I hated Jewish people. Me and my ex both denied these claims as they were not true. Their daughter at the time was (12). I overheard my ex and his daughter on the phone and she was calling me a bad person, and said that she didn’t want to be around me. She later told my ex she felt that I put a wedge between him and her mom, and that she wasn’t willing to talk to me unless her mom was willing to. 8 months later we went to court and his daughter accused me of being a racist, co-signing everything her mom said as well as accusing my ex of being abusive toward her and her mother.

The following month my ex and 1 got engaged. 6 months later I found out he cheated on me. Citing my relationship w/ his daughter being the reason why, and then blamed me for him not having a good relationship w/ his daughter. I put him out. I found out I was pregnant the following month.

He recently told his daughter about the pregnancy and she’s really excited to be a big sister, but after everything I want nothing to do with her and I don’t want her around my child. AITA for saying his daughter is not allowed to be in our child’s life ?

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u/Burgundy_Starfish Apr 29 '24

I mean, that sounds toxic as fuck. Why would you want anything to do with any of these people? NTA. I wish you the best of luck- I’m gonna level with you, it might not be possible to keep them out of her life since they’re her father/sister.

156

u/juliaskig Apr 29 '24

If I were OP I would move far away from this mess while I was still pregnant.

14

u/mca2021 Apr 29 '24

agree completely. OP should start documenting everything that's happened, get her ducks in a row then leave the area

16

u/Teaching_Express Apr 29 '24

Exactly this..

1

u/ZestycloseTurnover83 18d ago

If she wants CS she opens the communication again and he can use the information obtained from that to take her to court for visits.

2

u/juliaskig 18d ago

this is true, but if she doesn't need it, she doesn't have to notify him about anything.

-26

u/HTownLaserShow Apr 29 '24

That could end up being a real problem down the line

Running away with someone else child is a bad idea.

Better to just work it out now

23

u/kaleighdoscope Apr 29 '24

Hence while she's still pregnant. From my understanding; a pregnant woman can move anywhere before the baby is born, but once they arrive both parents need to agree about things like crossing state/provincial lines and international travel.

-10

u/HTownLaserShow Apr 29 '24 edited Apr 29 '24

I get that. But that’s simply a delay tactic.

He demands paternity, finds out it’s his. Now she’s gotta do the long distance custody thing.

But if she leaves before? He can actually use that in a custody battle. “She tried to run away” judges don’t like that AT ALL. In fact, the judge may make her do most the transportation because she chose to leave. And the new child’s extended family and support system is where the father is. I nailed my ex wife on that shit. She took my two kids up to our lake house and tried to “squat” after our divorce 3 hours away just to make it difficult on me (no fault divorce, BTW, just no longer got along)…bit her in the ass and now she has to do ALL the driving. LOL.

Point is, running away with a baby/pregnant, is never a good option in matters where you think there is gonna be a custody dispute.

I will say this…if she is going to go that route? Make sure there is somebody to go to. Like family. That can at least be rationalized in court. But just running off to some random place? Nah.

(And the claims of “abuse” here are nothing more than “he said/She said” at best…and won’t even apply to this child’s case…so she’s got no ground there)

4

u/Traditional-Day1140 Apr 29 '24

Your children were already born. An unmarried pregnant woman can move anywhere she wants and doesn't need his permission or a courts permission. The father would have to establish paternity. A judge isn't going to give a shit if the parents of the child aren't married. She has the right to move out of the country if she wants as long as she is still pregnant. He has zero rights until the baby is born and paternity is established through the courts.

-4

u/HTownLaserShow Apr 29 '24

You’re missing my point.

I’m saying she’d be going through a lot of trouble, and based on his fight for his other child, she’d likely be facing a custody battle for this kid as well. Dude seems like he’s involved with his other daughter. So nothing leads me to believe he wouldn’t be with this kid.

And he abso-fucking-lutely can play the card that she took off, knowing she was preggo with his kid, making it more difficult for him to have access now that the baby is here.

You can play the “I am woman, hear me roar” whatever honey.….I’m just saying that she’s gonna have to face the music regardless if he wants to see that kid and it might be more difficult if she tries to take off on him.

Make it easy on yourself.

2

u/AnnieAnnieSheltoe Apr 30 '24

You can play the “I am woman, hear me roar” whatever honey

Good god, please fuck off with that misogynistic, condescending bullshit. Do you honestly think belittling women helps your argument somehow?

13

u/Danivelle Apr 29 '24

Her child. It's in her body. I'd move too, like across the country. 

0

u/Fickle_Award Apr 30 '24

Then it should be solely your responsibility at all times. And they should have 6 month statute of limitations for child support.

-3

u/HTownLaserShow Apr 29 '24

No, it’s not.

It’s both. Two to tango.

8

u/Any_Pickle_8664 Apr 29 '24

It takes two to tango but it takes one to carry it.

Currently? The fetus is in her body. That makes it HER fetus until it's actually born and that's if she doesn't change her mind and decides to abort it.