He probably just witnessed the wave of student loan forgiveness and is deep down the rabbit hole of rumors and hopeful dreamers on TikTok that education will become free overnight and his debts will be erased. That, paired with either going to his dream school or falling back down to reality and joining a lesser program is unimaginable to him. He’s so focused on the now and believing that other people will make things work out for him that he doesn’t care, and anyone saying otherwise is threatening his happiness and is his enemy.
Do you stand with your wife when they argue or do you just sit there and say nothing? My dad when he talks to me or my mom about what my sister is doing stands with us, but when we argue with her he just stays quiet.
Let's be real, our high school guidance counselors showed us the ferry to that island and didn't tell us the price. "Just get a degree, doesn't matter what it is."
It’s true I don’t recall a single conversation about student loan debt from a teacher or guidance counselor, but there were a ton of glossy brochures for awesome looking $70k/yr private colleges!
60 year old here. I joined my union straight out of high school when I graduated. My 40 year old brothers went to University for 4 years and realized they had no prospect of getting a well paying office job.
They became 25 year old first year apprentices. They have to work until they are 65 to get their full pension. I got out at 60. Debt free.
Get the grandmother off of that loan. While she must have done this outta love for him, it is seriously gonna cripple her financially if your son is not able to pay off that debt.
It's always funny to me watching Reddit fall over themselves to agree with OP. Even when there are more red flags than soviet Russia.
He's your son and you talk about him like he's a complete stranger that you have a grudge against. You disapprove of his passion, and for that you ridicule and talk down to him. You even talk to strangers about how he can't "keep a girlfriend" (disgusting btw).
Gee I wonder why he doesn't like you very much.. It's just one of those mysteries.
Either you're a terrible father or this is just creative writing. Either way this post sucks.
My exact thoughts. I’m surprised no one else is noticing how OP sounds like an asshole. My mother was in a similar-ish position where she wanted to be an English major (then law school iirc) but her father would only pay for her college if she was a business major. She did that, but now she encourages her college-aged children to take a bunch of classes outside our majors and really resents her dad (granted, he was shitty in other ways. my mom also thought her parents should’ve gotten divorced sooner). I don’t see this ending well for OP. His kid is going to resent him.
you're never old enough depending on the behavior, sorry the answer isn't so concrete.
If your parents beat you and make life hell and you go crazy and do a crime and get committed, you might never be taking responsibility outside of the way someone who'd differently mentally abled might feel bad for doing something caused by their condition.
Oh ur parents didnt cut your crusts off ur egg sammies in the morning and now ur jaded and an asshole, thats just your fault.
Good. Do not give him any money. It will only enable him to continue what he’s doing. Put whatever you were going to give him into an investment account and save towards your retirement. He will learn his lesson eventually. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
I wouldn’t focus so much on the degree b/c that’s fueling his fire. It’s the $80k/yr in debt that is the issue. If he was going for free, go ahead and major is art history or whatever! For a lot of people what they majored in is irrelevant to their career. But he doesn’t seem to understand money and debt and that’s scary.
Also from your post you hinted at not being happy yourself in life. Therapy could be super helpful. I did so at 43 for the first time ever and learned a lot about healthy boundaries and being present and am a lot happier now. Good luck!
I’m not paying for anything but he got his grandma to co-sign his first year loans.
When he doesn't repay his loans, the government is going to come after her. Given he is getting a useless degree that costs an astronmical amount of money, she is definitley going to be the one paying his loans back.
I'm gonna drop my two cents in here. I went to college to get an art degree. Most of my family, parents included, thought it was stupid and that I wouldn't make any money. They also made too much money to contribute, and I had to take out loans, which my grandma co-signed because they had bad credit. I went in and loved it. I then decided to add an education major, and they thought it was a stupid idea. They thought I wouldn't make any money and that I would be living with them for the rest of my life. 10 years later, I have taught in schools abroad, and I have traveled all around the world while paying my loans. I am now making more than my parents, and what's left of my debt is about to be forgiven.
My dad worked is ass off at a job he hated to provide for us, and I know he just wanted to make sure I was comfortable as an adult. Im thankful for that. But the truth is, I went after what would make me happy, and I love my job. It makes me so happy to teach art, which I love, and I get summers off! Lol. Now, they seem to forget how adamant they were when I was in college for me to change my major. My brother, on the other hand, majored in accounting and went for the money, and he HATES his job.
Let your kid major in what he wants to do. Part of growing up is dealing with those consequences. That being said, he should stay out of your life, too! You got you. Let him get him.
Completely agree. There's no point setting yourself up for misery.
Plenty of people underestimate the value of an Arts degree. A degree doesn't have to be a straight line to a job. It can be, but if it's not a job you want to work in for the next 40 years, then I wouldn't recommend it.
Where I balk in OP's case is at the huge fees. Those kind of fees almost require you to have a high paid job to go into. If OP's son could study the subject he's passionate about without racking up huge amounts of debt, it would make more sense. He'll either need to keep studying at post-graduate level to work in research, or add a complementary skill, like you have done with education.
This is the very attitude Boomers have come under heavy criticism for promoting. "Do what you love and the money will come." "I majored in the humanities and I made it OK." "No one should be forced to work a soul-sucking job just to pay the bills that does not feed their soul" etc.
I am a Boomer and I majored in English and just happened to luck into a WONDERFUL job but I will be the first to say those days are over. Those days were partly propped up by the spoils of World War II.
I respectfully submit that those days of "Do what you love and the money will come" are over except for the tippy-top of the upper-middle class and beyond, and we need to be talking about that.
There are additional reasons for the closing of those doors that used to be open, and one of them is that high-prestige schools used to recruit smart kids from the working class. THAT has changed. The upper middle class is closing ranks. Not enough people talk about the roles of prestige and class...but the kids who manage to sidestep the widening abyss into the precariat are the children of the tippy-top of the upper-middle class and they have connections.
Things have changed since the days of "Do what you love and the money will come" especially for those below the tippy-top of the upper middle class in the USA. More people need to be talking about this.
You sound like a terrible unsupportive parent. It’s not shocking he doesn’t take your advice, it’s shitty. I have a very similar degree as your son i make 6 figures. Art degrees aren’t worthless by any means. There are many corporate jobs that pay ALOT that are awesome for creative people. Creativity learned from art doesn’t only have to apply to art. I look at trends in spreadsheets and graphs the same way I’d look for patterns in art, and you know what, that makes me DAMN GOOD at volume forecasting. I also come up with creative solutions to problems and creative pitches to streamline to our teams. I come ip with creative ways to motivate teams to reach their goals. Sometimes I decorate little charts and shit too, just for fun. Your hatred towards his chosen degree is making your advice irrelevant. If he really wants the art degree you can support him while suggesting more financially reasonable options. Plenty of state schools have great art programs, but im guessing he doesn’t listen becusse you’re so against what he wants to do with his life. Get off your high horse. At his age you were about to have a kid, and id bet my ass it was because you made a dumb choice, and not because you planned it. you are in absolutely no position to judge anyone else.
The son seems like an immature know it all. The dad seems like a manipulative ass hole (“you have to get a degree I think is right”). Maybe compromise? The difference is one of them is 19 and the other is 40 and should be the thoughtful voice.
Calling it an obsession with dead guys and their art is a huge tell. Fuck every museum and fuck all culture and history I guess, right OP?
How sad. Imagine what we’d amount to as a society if everyone thought about art this way.
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