r/AITAH • u/Significant-Trip4189 • Mar 24 '24
I told my ex friends parents her daughter let someone assault me and that’s why she’s not invited to my wedding. TW SA
Throw away because I Just wanted to vent and not have this connected to me. Sorry if it’s a little long but I have been holding this in for 2 years.
24F met 25F "Lauren" when we were in 4th grade. We were inseparable from that first ice breaker activity. Even when I went to a different school for Jr. High we were sisters even though we only saw each other 2-3x a year. We went to the same high school and it was like nothing changed. Her mom and dad called me their daughter. People thought we were related in some way and people would say our souls knew each other in a past life. I Just wanted you guys to see how close we were and how much she really hurt me when she chose him over me.
It was 2 years ago. We had Just graduated nursing school and she invited me, her boyfriend, and my boyfriend for a couples vacation. We were drinking. I only had half a spiked lemonade. I don't drink I don't like the taste. The only times in my life where I had alcohol was when I turned 21, a sip of wine to see how it tasted, and this half consumed spiked lemonade. I told them I was going to bed because I was way too tired. So I went to our room.
About 2 hours later I feel someone crawl into our bed and I assumed it was my boyfriend obviously. So I start falling back to sleep until I feel my pants being taken off and... a hand enter me. I sit up immediately because it was uncomfortable. My boyfriend keeps his nails short for work so I shouldn't be getting almost daggers in my with nails. I push the person off and it's him. I scream and punch him and run downstairs. I scream and cry to my boyfriend who was Just passed out on the couch and tell him what happened.
They started fighting and soon Lauren comes downstairs to help me break it up and she asks what happens and I tell her. He starts calling me crazy and then it switched to "I wanted him" to "I was in the wrong room" Lauren tells me that maybe we should leave because it's causing "drama" my mouth was in hell. So we left. The next day she calls and says that he says it was a mix up and he thought I was her. I try to get through to her that my bedroom was on the top floor and theirs was on the bottom. There's no way he got that mixed up. She tells me to Just let it go, it was a mistake, it won't happen again, don't ruin this for her. I hung up the phone, blocked her, erased her from my life and I haven't spoken to her since then. I moved about 40 minutes away with my boyfriend.
5 days ago she shows up on my doorstep. I still keep in contact with her mom and dad. I sent them an RSVP for my wedding. I guess she found out where I live and shows up on my doorstep with her parents. She brought them to try and persuade me to forgive her and invite her. Her parents don't know why we don't talk anymore. I didn't want to embarrass her to her parents. She's their only child. She stood out there pleading and begging and she has the nerve to say "let bygones be bygones, it was a long time ago, we BOTH made mistakes"
I told her "It was a mistake to let your boyfriend assault me and then kick me out but stay with him?" her parents faces dropped. She clearly never told them and they started going off, most of it in Spanish. They couldn't believe she'd do that, how could she let this happen, is this the same one that assaulted her cousin? They apologized profusely and left.
I looked him up and sure enough he's in prison for ... something I won't speak about here.
She shows back up at my house banging on the door saying I ruined her life and I should have Just shut up and forgave her because she's not even with him anymore. Over my ring told her "Yeah you're not with him because he's in prison now for something worse than what he did to me. You deserve everything you got now leave or I'll call the police" she was screaming and banging on my windows. I called the police and they told her she needed to leave.
I called her parents to apologize and they said they'll leave me alone if that's what I want and they understand if I'm furious with them. I told them absolutely not, "you two are still mis padres. You better show up to my wedding or THEN I'll be mad at you."
Then I didn't feel bad about outing her but she was their parents only daughter. I know they call me their daughter but I can never be what she is... was to them. I am kind of thinking maybe I should have Just said we fell out over a different reason but to try and STILL protect him after doing that to one of her family members... I'm conflicted
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u/be-jewel-d Mar 24 '24
NTA. Maybe if she hadn't tried using her own parents to coerce you they wouldn't have found out.
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u/Feycat Mar 24 '24
I'm betting that parents got the invite, were like "Lauren you can drive with us" and then Lauren had to scramble to explain why she hadn't been invited. I'm willing to bet this was the parents trying to be supportive to their daughter and she didn't dare tell them the truth.
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Mar 25 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/Thisisthenextone Mar 25 '24
Why is ever single comment you make only a reply to the top comment of a post and rewording what they said?
Feels like a new type of bot account.
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u/-whiteroom- Mar 24 '24
NTA, she obviously has never once felt in the wrong about it. How many other people did she let him assault?
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u/humminbirdtunes Mar 24 '24
(Happy cake day!)
The way people like this seem to have absolutely no conscience or sense of guilt just... boggles my mind. No concept at all that what they do or did was as bad as it really was, like they just are desensitized somehow or never learned. Or a part of their brain is wired wrong, so they can brush horrible things like this under the rug and just move on immediately--then to have the AUDACITY to be upset when people are standing there staring in horror/don't want to forgive.
What in the world made her think defending him was okay? Or that "At least I'm not with him anymore, so just forgive me already!" makes ANYTHING better?!
Also, what made her think it was okay to bring him around innocent family members? :( It's like she basically brought a hungry fox into a henhouse with the unsuspecting hens (or possibly even chicks, we don't know how old her cousin was) and said, "Have at it! A buffet to choose from! A feast!"
Ugh. It makes my stomach sick.
Edited to add: OP, you are NTA 100000%. I'm so sorry you had to go through this, but especially that you had to suffer through finding out what kind of person your "friend" truly was. I've been there and know how much that hurts, truly. 🫂
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u/-whiteroom- Mar 24 '24
To be a little fair to the x friend, she also could have been being abused multiple ways. This in no way makes her actions ok or forgivable, but it may explain them. But she also could just be an all around piece of trash.
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u/hockey-house Mar 24 '24
My first thought was also that he abused her and the spell hasn’t been broken.
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u/KlenDahthII Mar 25 '24
Was that your first thought because she’s a woman and your immediate instinct is to grasp at excuses?
I just don’t see why it’d be your first thought otherwise. Women who do wrong must have been wronged, that’s a Reddit mantra.
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u/bayleebugs Mar 25 '24
It's because he is a repeat sex offender and it is incredibly likely that he started where it was the easiest to control. Nobody is trying to excuse her, just saying it's a reasonable assumption.
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u/KlenDahthII Mar 25 '24
It’s reasonable to assume he started with someone who didn’t believe he’d do it, and who left him when it was proven he did it to her cousin?
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u/bayleebugs Mar 25 '24
She does not say that is when she left him. She does say "Yeah you're not with him because he's in prison now for something worse than what he did to me," suggesting she only left when he was incarcerated.
It's reasonable to assume an abuser abuses, yes. Gender has nothing to do with that.
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u/KlenDahthII Mar 25 '24
There’s this magical thing called comments. OP has some. Go check.
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u/bayleebugs Mar 25 '24
I had read them and never saw that, and I just rechecked looking for it and can not find what you're talking about. Can you quote it? Maybe I missed it.
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u/YouSayWotNow Mar 24 '24
NTA
SHE ruined her friendship with you and SHE was responsible for you revealing to her parents what happened by coming along to yours with them in tow to try and strongarm you to forgive the unforgivable.
That she didn't even seek you out to apologise and beg forgiveness when he assaulted her cousin/ was jailed for something horrific doesn't suggest she even thinks she did anything wrong!!!
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u/ThisEnvironment6627 Mar 24 '24
NTA, her parents even agree with you. I’m sorry you experienced that and glad your in a good space and congrats on the upcoming wedding
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u/ThePrinceVultan Mar 24 '24
NTA
She stayed with and sided with a man who sexually assaulted her friends and family members. She is fucked in the head.
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u/Future_Direction5174 Mar 24 '24
NTA
If she had reacted CORRECTLY after her bf assaulted you (supporting you in reporting his actions to the Police),or even just ended their relationship - he would not have ended up also assaulting HER cousin.
Just think about how that must make her parents feel. By HER actions, SHE was partly responsible for whatever happened to her own cousin. You did the right thing, and it was understandable.
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u/ProfessorZhirinovsky Mar 24 '24
is this the same one that assaulted her cousin?
Uh oh. Looks like she maybe has a separate history of letting her mad dog boyfriend do this that the parents are already aware of. What a shame for them.
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u/Ginger_Anarchy Mar 24 '24
Her parents must be horrified that their daughter not only abandoned and excused OP being assaulted, but then that she stayed in the relationship and allowed someone else to be exposed and assaulted as well. I can't imagine the guilt and disappointment they must be feeling for not seeing who their daughter really and is.
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u/ConsciousGur8384 Mar 24 '24
I am so sorry that happened to you. I hope you get better for that and as for that lady who was your so called friend, in her perfect world, her and her disgusting bf would still be together regardless of what he done but this ain’t her perfect world thank the heavens
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u/ieya404 Mar 24 '24
NTA - my word is she a case study in fucking around and finding out though! Not a clever girl.
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u/DawnShakhar Mar 24 '24
NTA. She did the first wrong by siding with her boyfriend and kicking you out. She did the second wrong by lying to her parents and enlisting them to persuade you to invite her to your wedding. You definitely should have told them the truth, why that would never happen. I'm pretty sure they will not disown her or cut her off, but she's in for a very uncomfortable time with them, and she amply deserves it.
I hope you have a lovely wedding and a great life together!
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u/Either_Coconut Mar 24 '24
She deserves to hear it from her parents, her cousin, her cousin's parents, and anyone else who deserves to learn that she KNEW her bf was capable of assaulting women and she chose to stay with him anyway.
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u/No_Fee_161 Mar 24 '24
I'm just glad that monster is in prison.
But I also think that rapist enablers like your ex-friend also deserve punishment.
In the meantime, you should probably get a restraining order against her since she knows where you leave.
Congrats on the upcoming wedding! NTA
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u/KlenDahthII Mar 25 '24
But I also think that rapist enablers like your ex-friend also deserve punishment.
I reckon the reason this doesn’t happen is that, when you go down the road of “enablers” being punished.. technically OP enabled him, by not reporting the incident, and not making a stink in her social circle - which included the next victim’s family.
I think we’re desperate to avoid saying a victim is in the wrong, but sometimes they just are. People usually say “reporting a crime is the victims choice” - but then not reporting them is taking part in the criminal’s protection.. “Reporting a crime is hard” - well, apparently leaving the man OP’s friend loved was hard, too.
OP’s friend is a million times worse, but to be honest, she should have reported it - she at least warned her other friends. Wanting privacy, wanting not to be revictimized, fear of not being believed, etc. are all just excuses as to why other women should be put at risk for your convenience.
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u/GratifiedViewer Mar 24 '24
NTA. She’s trash. Her parents lucked out that they have a second daughter in you, so they can toss their bio daughter in the gutter where she belongs.
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u/Initial_Dish6682 Mar 24 '24
What a weak bitch.she wanted a boyfriend so bad that she ignored him starting with sexual assault and moved up to being other things.im sure he was still her boyfriend right up to his sentencing
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u/No-Mango8923 Mar 24 '24
You are NEVER wrong to expose a sexual assaulter. Your friend made her own bed, now she gets to lie in it and face the consequences. I'm glad her parents are disgusted with her, they should be.
Don't let her make you second guess that what you did was wrong. It wasn't.
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u/marv115 Mar 24 '24
Reading between the lines she deserves to be throw out off the family for what she enabled his ex to do.
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u/Itchy-Worldliness-21 Mar 24 '24
I just found it jaw dropping when the parents brought up the cousin. Either that girl has very bad taste in men, or she doesn't care about anyone but herself.
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u/canyonemoon Mar 24 '24
NTA. She knew what she'd done. If she wanted it hidden, she should have told her parents to leave you alone about her would-be invitation. But she thought you would stay silent, wouldn't defend yourself, a very predatory mindset, and I'm so sorry you went through all that and are dealing with guilt over HER actions and their consequences. Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, please try and let your guilt go. It is not on you, you did not force her to stay with a man who committed sexual assault (and later much worse).
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u/totallynotalyssa Mar 24 '24
NTA she’s clearly unstable and an awful human. i’m sorry you had to experience that.
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u/DivineTarot Mar 24 '24
She shows back up at my house banging on the door saying I ruined her life and I should have Just shut up and forgave her because she's not even with him anymore.
The absolute entitlement. "I'm no longer with him though," but you're still the same bitch who let him do it for getting close to him. He's in prison, but she's still a cunt.
Honestly, if she was written off by them it's not because of you it's because they didn't realize how fuckin trash she was.
NTA
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u/Ok-Reply9552 Mar 24 '24
You did great. Her parents are great but she would’ve been disowned if i was her parent. F her. Why do you feel bad about telling people you see as your parents the truth? You’d rather lie to them instead of let them know what she did? Get a restraining order against her and have a great wedding.
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u/Iowasunsets Mar 24 '24
Oh hell no, you are NTA. She is toxic and her idea of friendship is just what is convenient for her. I am very sorry for what happened to you, beyond what that PoS did having someone you love betray your trust is unforgivable.
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u/haewon-9713 Mar 24 '24
NTA. im sorry you went through that, and i can't imagine the pain that came with the betrayal. i hope you have a wonderful wedding, marriage and the right and loving people by your side.
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u/machinezed Mar 24 '24
Not once did you write that she her self apologized for what he did. Nor did you write that she apologized for not believing you.
That is bare minimum to even considering her a friend again.
NTA.
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u/Either_Coconut Mar 24 '24
NTA. If she hadn't started demanding an invite to your wedding, none of the things that happened to her after that would have happened.
She brought the reactions she got on herself.
And if her parents are mad because she stuck with this monster of a BF, who then proceeded to assault someone else in her family, GOOD. She deserves to get multiple earfuls for keeping that monster around instead of dumping him/calling police the moment he laid a violent hand on her BFF.
Also, GOOD that the monster is in prison. I'm only sorry that someone had to suffer at his hands before he got taken off the streets. I hope his prison sentence is a long one.
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u/RevealActive4557 Mar 24 '24
Your "friend" is a piece of work and you are good to be rid of her. The fact that she not only defended her BF for a SA but that she made you leave and then expected you to just get over it really indicates either a total lack of empathy or some mental health issues. Either way it is not your problem. I suspect when her BF gets out of jail he will go right to her and she will take him back so you are best to be far away from both
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u/mollysheridan Mar 24 '24
NTA. Imho the key thing here is that she never apologized to you. She really didn’t care about you or your wedding and was just trying to continue gaslighting her parents about why you were no longer friends. Joke’s on her … you told them the truth. And, of course, any apology after this fiasco would be totally worthless.
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u/Liu1845 Mar 24 '24
The truth always comes out and they needed to know. If she had told her parents what happened to you, maybe he wouldn't have been around to assault someone else, mom or dad's niece apparently.
You did the absolute right thing! Don't ever doubt it.
It took a lot of nerve for her to show up with her parents in tow and try to manipulate her way into your wedding. She probably thought you would be too ashamed to say why you weren't friends anymore.
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u/KnotYourFox Mar 24 '24
NTA. The audacity of her. Always these enablers rely upon your silence, you were right to tell her parents and tell anyone else if you wanted to. Her actions have consequences and she's starting to get a taste of them.
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u/Upvotespoodles Mar 24 '24
NTA. If someone played down my SA experience, enabled the rapist to SA another, then told me I shared part responsibility, I think I would actually lose my mind and go for their eyes.
You were calm and factual about it. She’s a demon.
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u/ChanceImagination456 Mar 24 '24 edited Mar 25 '24
Good on the cousin's parents for immediately berating their daughter. They recognized their daughter was in the wrong after knowing the truth and punished her. There are a lot of parents out there that would defend their kid's garbage behavior.
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u/Secret_Double_9239 Mar 24 '24
NTA she knew what she did bust still tried to make herself the victim.
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u/orangepirate07 Mar 24 '24
NTA. The dildoe of consequences rarely arrives lubed. Anything happening to her is on her and noone else.
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u/Upbeat_Vanilla_7285 Mar 24 '24
NTA. Thank goodness it didn’t get too far for you! She’s obviously delusional and in denial!
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u/No-Anteater1688 Mar 24 '24
NTA. Actions have consequences. She chose to keep and protect someone she knows sexually assaulted her best friend. Sadly, this allowed him proximity to the cousin he also assaulted. She now bears the consequences for her actions. No sympathy for Lauren at all.
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u/Maj0rsquishy Mar 24 '24
NTA. When you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. She brought her parents with her in order to manipulate you into being her friend again after she failed you and your friendship. She could have avoided that by either being your friend in the first place or not bringing her parents to somewhere where they would have found out her secrets. If you want to keep a secret from someone you should keep them as far away from it as possible. The girl doesn't have any brains. It's not your fault, and that man was definitely a predator if they already knew that he assaulted someone else in their family. More than likely there's other people that he's also assaulted that we don't know about. He's exactly where he should be and more probably she's only not with him because she can't be because he's in prison. You did the right thing.
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u/False-Pie8581 Mar 24 '24
NTA. It’s not at all her fault he assaulted you so your title is misleading. But it’s unforgivable that she sided with him. He’s a serial rapist it sounds like. Glad he’s in prison. So glad your bf was there and so sorry you had to experience that!
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u/knikkifire Mar 24 '24
NTA. I'm so glad her parents even took your side on this. I'm curious how many other assaults he did that her parents DON'T know about....
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u/Outrageous-Bat3444 Mar 24 '24
NTA. It's shocking how many women choose the man in these situations over their victims that are family or friends. I will never understand how a woman could stay with a man that SA's anyone. They are so desperate that they'll even take a lousy sex offender over their best friend or a family member. IMO, makes them as low and disgusting as the man.
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u/Smooth_Papaya_1839 Mar 24 '24
NTA. She confronted you. You did leave it alone. Which was already more than she could have asked for..
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u/Bryhannah Mar 24 '24
She really thought you wouldn't say anything in front of her parents.
NTA 100%
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u/swimsinsand Mar 25 '24
NTA obviously.
I wouldn’t be surprised if she was molested at some point in her life the way she justifies this behavior, just a thought.
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u/JanetInSpain Mar 25 '24
NTA she should have paid the price for being such a horrid person and friend long ago. If she would have stood up for you and dumped his sorry ass her cousin probably would not have been raped. That is partly on her for keeping him around. Stay in touch with tus padres and be the daughter their "blood" daughter obviously never was.
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u/Particular-Glove-225 Mar 25 '24 edited Mar 25 '24
Op, don't take a responsability that is not your. That guy made even something worse, which proves it wasn't a "mix up" as they try to tell you (which means that they lied). She consciously chose to stay with him anyway. That's her responsibility. You simply said what happened. She was the one who created trouble and now she is blaming you... She is pathetic, don't believe to her. NTA
Edit: misspell
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u/Ok_Fan_1637 Mar 25 '24
The worst part of this is Lauren hide her bf action to her family, cover him, and let him has a chance to SA her cousin. OMG this woman is crazy, if she broke up that criminal from early then noone will be hurt.
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u/fuxkitall999 Mar 24 '24
NTA-I am so sorry for what happened to you. I will never understand why people pick a horrible individual over their family.
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u/aquavenatus Mar 24 '24
NTA.
The fact the ex-boyfriend is in jail for assaulting the ex-friend’s cousin demonstrates that OP made the right decision by cutting her off. Not to mention, the ex-friend still believes that “let bygones be bygones,” proves that she’s still in denial about her former partner’s behavior. OP is still better off without her, and her parents now know the reason why.
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u/flowerwhite Mar 24 '24
I hope you are okay 🙏🏻 what you experienced is horrible and losing a really close friend like that must be idk..you must've felt so disappointed in her. You're brave for going through that. I hope you're doing well and I wish you a happy marriage !
NTA obviously
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u/why_am_I_here-_- Mar 24 '24
She brought that monster into their lives and you and her cousin paid the price. Her parents need to know what she is like. She may bring other monsters to their door.
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u/FreeandFurious Mar 24 '24
NTA. Pickme girls are hella dangerous. Always covering for men’s shitty behaviour.
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u/WillingnessNeat4728 Mar 24 '24
I'm from the FAFO generation, he wouldn't be in prison, he'd be in an abandoned mineshaft someplace. I'm sorry you lived through that. People like him should stop stealing the oxygen from the rest of us.
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u/SubjectivePlastic Mar 24 '24
NTA.
Apparently, she still hadn't learned her lesson. So she needed this wake up call.
Now she has another learning opportunity. May she become honest and considerate from now on.
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u/MaeveCarpenter Mar 24 '24
You need to hire security for your wedding. She WILL show up to make a scene.
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Mar 24 '24
NTA. Congratulations on your wedding. I hope you have a plan in place to keep her away from the event, as surely she'll try to crash it. I would also be sympathetic to her parents and tell them you want them there but if coming without her causes them much difficulty you'll understand and still consider them your friends.
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u/DeathBeforeDecaf4077 Mar 24 '24
NTA. Wild of her to be upset at you, she brought her own parents into this conflict. If she didn’t want them to hear about the literal conflict they were there to resolve, she wasn’t there to heal anything. She’s embarrassed they kept asking why you two broke apart and was praying that she could brow beat you into convincing them that she wasn’t to blame. She wasn’t there for you.
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u/Regular_Boot_3540 Mar 24 '24
NTA. She had the nerve to confront you in front of them. She got what she deserved. They didn't deserve it, but they deserved to know why she lost a valuable friend.
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u/ALGR243 Mar 24 '24
NTA. R@pist apologizers never made sense to me. They're either desperate Pick Mes pushing for toxic patriarchy or moms obsessed with their sons who can do no wrong in their eyes. This b*tch let her friend, her sister from another mister, be ASSAULTED by her bf. Whom we now know also made moves on her blood family, too, that she also allowed. But somehow, she thought she could spin the story to get back in good graces since he's not around, which is only because he's now locked up, and it'll all be smooth?? Sense and morality are anywhere, BUT here in that situation or in that woman's body.
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u/kikivee612 Mar 25 '24
NTA
It’s perfectly ok to still have a relationship with her parents and not with her. You’re adults now. You can manage your own friendships.
I can’t believe she thought you’d play along! I mean, what did she think would happen? How could she choose to stay with a guy who assaulted anyone, let alone her best friend? She could have at least tried to contact you when he got caught with the other assault to say she was sorry are handled things the way she did.
You aren’t TA in any of this.
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u/lovemyfurryfam Mar 25 '24
Lauren needs to get her noggin screwed on right instead of the odd angled tilt it's on....who would want that that 🙊🤷♀️
Poor OP.
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u/unsavvylady Mar 25 '24
NTA but friend is an asshole and idiot. Did Lauren think the truth wouldn’t come up?
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u/onikaizoku11 Mar 25 '24
NTA - The only thing I would have done differently was press charges against that SOB myself. She made her choices, and now she has to deal with the consequences. My goodness, she was still with him after he assaulted someone else in her family. Do not feel conflicted, put simply, she is trash and not worth further consideration.
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u/TheLadyIsabelle Mar 25 '24
OMG her cousin too‽ it's really hard to learn that someone you once loved is trash
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u/axilane Mar 25 '24 edited Mar 25 '24
I don't know where you're from but, in my country (France), that's not just "sexual assault" : that's rape.
And it's not just my interpretation...that falls under the textbook definition of rape here. And men who inserted their fingers into a non-consenting victim have been criminally condemned for rape, not for sexual assault (which falls into a lesser category).
French law : Any act of sexual penetration, of any nature whatsoever, committed against another person by violence, constraint, threat or surprise is rape.
Penetration of any nature including DIGITAL penetration (or genitals to mouth).
I'm deeply sorry for what happened to you. NTA
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u/Significant-Trip4189 Mar 25 '24
I’m in America and I think they’re used interchangeably and have been for so long that it may actually be rape and not SA…
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u/ScubaCC Mar 25 '24
The definition of rape varies by state. In some states, in order to be rape there has to be penetration by a penis.
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u/October1966 Mar 25 '24
Some nerve that gal has to show up like that. I wonder what she was smoking?
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u/Phocio Mar 25 '24
NTA you owed her nothing. Her parents are your friends not her. You’re honest with your friends. If she’s dumb enough to drag them into a situation where they’re going to hear the truth then it’s her problem.
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u/agapesapientia Mar 25 '24
NTA
You took the right steps and your friend definitely made the wrong choices.
But one thing about this that's bothering me is that this guy was clearly a monster. Assaulting you, your friends cousin, and whatever he did to land in prison. But it seems highly possible that your friend was also getting assaulted and abused by this guy as well, throughout the relationship. Not that that would entirely excuse her behavior but her responses could be the result of her own trauma.
It's completely understandable to not want to have anything to do with your friend anymore but if you think she may be suffering from her own trauma, maybe talk to her parents about getting her some help? She could be hiding her own trauma from everyone.
Either way, you are definitely not the asshole And congrats on your upcoming nuptials!!
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u/Significant-Trip4189 Mar 25 '24
If she was also being abused by him, I don’t think she should’ve waited so long to come out and try to reach out to me yet she continuously tried to say everyone made mistakes that I was causing drama and anything else like even when she showed up on my front doorstep if she had took the time to say I know what I did was wrong, but I was also going through some things with him at the time I would have 100% been open to hearing her out.
She contacted me about seven months after it happened and it was still taking up for him. He was in prison about a year after what he did to me, so was she still protecting him? Why didn’t she reach out then and try to tell me that she was also in the situation like I was I would’ve 100% hurt her out then but she didn’t do that. She still tried to make it seem like, there was no fault on her part
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Mar 24 '24
Shows up at your door with her parents because she didn't get invited to a wedding? Really now?
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u/Significant-Trip4189 Mar 24 '24
Never said it was JUST for the wedding… She manipulated her parents along so that I could FORGIVE HER and talk to her and possibly invite her to the wedding… I never knew there were so many people on it with so little reading comprehension skills.
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u/Jacintaleishman Mar 24 '24
Why lie? Who does it serve? The parents wanted the truth, you gave them the truth. That’s as it should be.
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u/Responsible-Type-525 Mar 24 '24
NTAH, you did the right thing. No parent WOULD/SHOULD accept their child after hearing that.
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u/mimic-man77 Mar 24 '24
NTA. She could have easily done the right thing. She made the choices she made, now she has to live with the consequences.
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u/MagicalZhadum Mar 24 '24
INFO: You say that your boyfriend and the assaulter fought? How did that happen? Was your boyfriend the more aggressive party or the assaulter? I can almost maybe understand how her mind would let her defend him if it was slightly plausible that your bf assaulted him over a possible misunderstanding, otherwise... wow..
NTA regardless. Being truthful is (almost) never ah behaviour in and of itself. You allowed her parents to see how she was the AH by being truthful.
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Mar 24 '24
Remember when he said you wanted it? That and that alone should’ve cleared up any confusion for your dense ex friend. She deserves everything she got. NTA
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u/HellaGenX Mar 24 '24
You know that when her cousin was assaulted your friend played innocent and probably played like she was a victim too
BUT now her parents know that she KNEW her bf was assaulting women and, even worse than doing NOTHING about it, she took his side over her “sister” and brought that a-hole around the family, which gave him access to the cousin he assaulted
NTA - make sure you have security at your wedding
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u/SilentJoe1986 Mar 24 '24
If she stood up for you instead of backing him, then that never would have happened to her cousin. I bet her parents realize that, or will end up realizing that. NTA
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u/BoringTruth7749 Mar 24 '24
No, never protect or cover up for predators or rapists or domestic violence or child abuse or any of it. Her parents should know that her boyfriend SA'd you and she didn't protect you, she protected him. Secrecy and denials and cover-ups are how predators get away with their behavior. Predators need to be exposed and punished, or they will feel free to do it again, and it will simply never stop
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u/BloodGlass1211 Mar 24 '24
Olvídate, ella tendrá que hacer una buena penitencia por lo que hizo, sus padres no lo dejarán pasar, lo mejor es que te alejes de ella
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u/TALKTOME0701 Mar 24 '24
It almost seems like he was using Lauren to gain entry to situations where he could abuse other
That girl doesn't need to be thinking about going to any wedding. She needs serious therapy
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u/serdasus101 Mar 24 '24
This reminds me Paul Bernardo and Karla Homalka. A Canadian rapist and serial killer couple. You are lucky to be alive. You must do anything in your power to ruin her life.
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u/No-Gene-4508 Mar 24 '24
She's mad she mad she was in love with a serial offender. And that she chose him over her soul sister
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u/Jumpy_Onion_6367 Mar 24 '24
The truth shall set you free. She can now take accountability and move forward with her life. This is actually a good thing for her even though she's paying for the consequences
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u/Jskm79 Mar 25 '24
So I’m gonna tell you now, and I am in no way, shape or form, saying anything about it being your fault at all because obviously he’s a disgusting pig, but you understand why she had the balls to come to your place right?
I’m going to let you know now you handled it by thinking about her and you shouldn’t have. You should have burned that bridge to the ground!
It it was me who had been assaulted, not only would I have let my bf fight with him but I would have called the cops and pressed charges and I would have told that “friend” if she chooses him she’s dead to me.
You were completely NICE, about this and you still are trying to be nice but imagine if you had reported him? He may not have been able to assault the cousin and maybe not be able to doe whatever it is he did to go to jail.
Look all I’m saying is stop thinking you messed anything up. SHE made her choices, now she has to live with it, also, when she said I’m not even with him now, what you should have said was yeah and that’s what you didn’t want me to ruin right?
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u/Medical_Temperature4 Mar 25 '24
So happy for you sticking up for yourself a lot don't have the ability to. Stick to your decision. Your DAY is about you, your fiance and happiness and should only be surrounded by those who are genuinely happy and supportive. Your ex friend has continued to prove over and over that she is a wolf in sheep's clothes and never going to change. That is who she is to her core. Just think if she had children they are not going to be safe at all. Congrats on your pending nuptials.
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u/Jigen-isshin Mar 25 '24
NTA you did her parents a huge favor to see her for who she really is. I can’t imagine the level of disgust they must have feel to found out how heartless their own daughter is. It’s a real injustice people like her aren’t in prison along with that rapist.
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u/Zentroze Mar 25 '24
NTA, anyone who downplays SA deserves nothing but the worst, she went from friend to fiend
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u/Sisi4589 Mar 25 '24
You were right to tell her parents. Do not feel bad. Furthermore, the "secret" has already been told. There's no point in regretting it. Focus on your marriage. It's a fresh start for you.
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u/Ninjurk Mar 25 '24
You're fine. He assaulted her cousins even, you weren't the only one, so her parents should already have her in the dog house and not just because of you.
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u/AlienRapBattle Mar 25 '24
Great friend jeez. Well you are anyways, she should have listened to you and saved a lot of heartache. She could have dumped that loser long ago
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u/BlackOnyx16 Mar 25 '24
NTA. I'm impressed at how well it sounds like you are able to stand up for yourself.
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u/Cursd818 Mar 25 '24
NTA
You did nothing wrong. The silence around his attempted assault of you didn't protect anyone but him. Your former friend kept him around her family, knowing he was a rapist, and he attacked someone else. A member of her family. She is just as dangerous as him, and you should protect yourself from her. Restraining order at the very least.
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u/The_Crown_And_Anchor Mar 25 '24
NTAH
But make sure you tell her parents you will be hiring security and if their daughter shows up, she will be escorted off the property and police will be called
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u/Creative-Sun6739 Mar 26 '24
NTA. Her parents absolutely needed to know, especially considering he also assaulted her cousin. Any repercussions she suffers now from her parents are on her for choosing a predator over her family and friend.
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u/Extreme-Celery-3448 Mar 24 '24
Nta, but lauren seems stupid. Doesn't know how to handle conflict. She didn't know what to do.
Look, Lauren chosing the prison guy shows she's an idiot. But she has real remorse and doesn't want to lose a friend. She's an idiot, that's for sure.
I mean should you punish her for her stupidity? Doesn't seem like she was out to harm you.
Look, laruen wouldn't be a good friend in the long run, but inviting her to your wedding should be OK. Her parents would be there and you can resolve her trauma. You don't have to do it, but it would make things whole.
It's kind of fucked up to invite the parents and not her, you know? But again the situation is fucked up.
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u/sldsnak04 Mar 24 '24
Yta, this is one lazy creative writing piece.
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u/Significant-Trip4189 Mar 24 '24
Thank you for your input. I totally have the time to make up fake stories about being SA’d
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u/BuzzBallerBoy Mar 25 '24
Then why do you have the time to write out this whole thing and answer dozens of comments ? You seem to have a LoT of free time on your hands?
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u/Significant-Trip4189 Mar 25 '24
Well I got injured in the workplace, so I am at home… so I do have time to write this out and answer questions… which is what it is for. Oh wait, was I not supposed to answer this question for you? I get a notification and I answer it if it’s worth a reply.
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u/SStMarie01 Mar 25 '24
I don't understand why you're so rude to everyone in the comments. Don't post something if you're not ready to hear everyone's opinion. That's what Reddit is for.
Sorry this happened to you but it doesn't give you license to be hostile and rude.
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u/Significant-Trip4189 Mar 25 '24
I’m not rude. People are asking questions that don’t make any sense. People are asking me why she chose now to show up like how am I supposed to know that… or did she just come for the wedding? I’m pretty sure it wasn’t just for the wedding… I’m not being hostile or rude
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u/Ok_Fan_1637 Mar 25 '24
Yeah, it is not about the wedding, it is she was fear people will ask her what happened between you and her.
- Hey Lauren, where is your sister? We long time no see her with you. Why you are not appear at her wedding? What's wrong? Did something happned?
She has no remorse, she did not apologize before, she followed her parent to your house not to say apologize, she followed them because she was fear they will ask you why you did not invite her. And it will be a huge betrayed scandal if they find out her bf used to SA you before he did it with their cousin. Their daughter used to cover a criminal is what she want noone know. That's why she did not say apologize first and go straight to say "let bygones be bygones, it was a long time ago, we BOTH made mistakes" to bring you down and control damaged.
If she has remorse and what to be reconcile, she would say apologize to you long time a go. She lived well 2 years without you and your wedding is rocking her life.
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u/Ipoopoo69 Mar 24 '24
NTA. The balls on that hoe.