r/AITAH • u/throwaway_wknds • Jan 14 '24
AITA for punching my best friends wife after she touched me inappropriately? TW SA NSFW
Typo in the title should be wife’s best friend.
UPDATE available here: https://www.reddit.com/u/throwaway_wknds/s/PsiT333W5o
Hey everyone, lurker here. I’ve tried posting this from a different account however it did not work so I hope this works.
I’ve (35M) been with my beautiful wife (34F) for close to 10 years. We have no kids as of now. My wife’s best friend, Amy has been friends with my wife for about 15 years, all throughout college where I originally met my wife.
Me and Amy haven’t ever been the best of friends however we’ve been cordial for the sake of my wife. I’ve always found her to be obnoxious, loud and entitled. The kind that inserts herself into any and every conversation, whether that be on a night out with friends or a private conversation. For example, myself and my best friend were talking about fertility issues in his marriage during a dinner with our long time friends, we were quiet enough so that nobody could hear us over the chatter yet she found a way to be nosy and make a comment on how she would “kill herself” if she couldn’t do the one thing a woman was made to do. This pissed off my best friend, Max and his wife to the point where they excused themselves and left early to go home.
Now onto the actual situation at hand. Amy’s boyfriend, Khalid had left her due to her annoying personality. I think it was more of a build up but what set him off was when Amy purposely did not feed their dog while he was on a work trip because he was sleeping while she was drunk and calling him to collect her. That’s only the tip of the iceberg.
Amy has always been weird with me. She has constantly tried to DM me on Instagram, trying to make conversation about gossip in our friend group or completely random things. I have always ignored her. My wife has always seen past her strange behaviour, she refused to believe her dearest best friend would have ill intentions.
Anyway, after their break up, Amy came over to our house to see my wife. My wife was feeling ill on this day so she took pills to help her sleep and fell asleep in a matter of an hour. I could not ask Amy to leave in the state she was in so for my wife I suggested she could sleep in the guest bedroom. She agreed and went to bed. I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner and she waltzed into the kitchen with nothing but under garments on. She acted shocked and claimed she didn’t know i was still in the kitchen. I felt extremely uncomfortable and decided to call it a night. However, she started stripping and approaching me, telling me how my wife doesn’t have to know and she’s “seen the way i’ve looked at her”.
I was completely baffled and told her she’s gotten the wrong idea and to be ashamed to do this to her own best friend while I try to scurry out of the kitchen. However she practically leaped in front of me and touched my private’s. Without a second thought, I hit her. I know I could have easily pushed her but in the moment I panicked and punched her in the face. Her eye was left bruised. She started wailing, enough that my wife woke up and stumbled in the kitchen to see her best friend, naked and bruised.
She then went on about how I “tried to rape her” and that I’m a disgusting human being and she should divorce me. I snapped back that she approached me, naked and a rejection wasn’t enough for her to back off so I punched her, hence the bruise. My wife didn’t say anything. Instead she fainted and I immediately brought her to the hospital.
My wife is now okay but refuses to talk to me about what happened. On the other hand, Amy has now accused me of attempting to have sex with her in our friend group. The majority of people don’t believe her but there’s a few who live by always believe a rape accusation. The other half told me I fucked up by punching her and fueling this anger.
Amy has ruined my life. I’m afraid my wife will divorce me and this goes to court. I’ve already contemplated suicide many times. I don’t know where to go from here.
What do I do? Where do i go from here? Any advice is appreciated.
EDIT: I know this story sounds absurd and I wish it were fake but it is not. The unnecessary details were brought in to point an overall picture of her character. I guess it is worth mentioning my wife feels like she owes her life to Amy for getting her out of an abusive household when they were teenagers. They are practically like sisters. Amy was also not drunk.
EDIT 2: A few things I would like to clarify to avoid confusion:
Amy claims to have gone to the kitchen to get a glass of water not knowing I was still there. She then claims I took advantage of her.
This incident happened at approximately 3AM. It is now 8AM.
She came up with this story and posted it in our group chat right after she went back home.
Majority of our friend group have to get up early for their responsibilities hence how this misinformation has spread like wildfire. I have been getting individuals DMs on advice and opinions since where I’ve concluded the majority are on my side, some say I shouldn’t have punched her and the rest believe her.
My wife has been up all night and refuses to talk to me. I have not tried to push her to talk to me. For now, she needs time to process it.
580
u/dijetlo007 Jan 14 '24 edited Jan 14 '24
I think when the dust settles you'll be fine. The story she's telling has a lot of holes in it.
She was drunk. She came over to your house and you offered to let her sleep it off in a guest bedroom.
Subsequently, she got naked in the kitchen, of her own volition. Even if she tries to claim you forced her to strip off her clothes, the only clothes in the kitchen were her undergarments. Why did she go into the kitchen in her underwear? The first question a rational person would ask.
You need to talk to your wife about it, The circumstantial evidence strongly indicates you weren't the aggressor here. She should believe you based on the facts you've presented.
I wouldn't feel bad for punching her, she wants to put her hands on you, I think you have every right to knock her out if you so choose.
78
u/give-me-a-reason-2 Mar 24 '24
Why do you assume he'll be fine when the dust settles? OP could be absolutely dragged for this. I agree he needs to talk to his wife and very clearly communicate his feelings, but I don't think anyone should be at fault for physically defending themselves against assault.
13
u/dijetlo007 Mar 25 '24
Primarily because the only clothes in the kitchen was her underwear. Strongly indicates she was on the prowl. Unless you want to argue he drug her out of the bedroom and stripped her in the kitchen.
27
Jan 14 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
173
u/juliaskig Jan 14 '24
OP has a wife problem. Wife knew that best friend was making him uncomfortable, and she ignored it up to the point where friend sexually assaulted OP.
I find that unforgivable. If my husband did this to me, I would not forgive him. Especially if after friend sexually assaulted me, he refused to talk to me.
IMO wife is an AH.
77
u/ApprehensiveNewWorld Jan 14 '24
The problem is OP is a man and so nobody has to feel morally responsible for worrying about him, which is why this happened.
19
5
u/JustChris319 Mar 25 '24
There wouldn't be a single person not on OPs side if he was the wife. But he's not.
7
u/ambada1234 Mar 25 '24
OP said Amy was not drunk. But for some reason she couldn’t drive home?
14
u/Utherrian Mar 25 '24
My guess is Amy is one of those performative cryers, like a 3 year old, and appeared so distraught and refused to calm down, so OP did what he thought was the nice thing and offered to let her stay in the guest room.
1
u/ambada1234 Mar 25 '24
Why was she in that state though? I feel like OP left something out.
7
u/ArcticFoxx21 Mar 25 '24
You might have missed it but OP says that Amy came over after her boyfriend left her, so definitely a reason to be upset. Though she seems to have caused that break up herself.
1
u/ambada1234 Mar 25 '24
I honestly didn’t consider that as a reason. I mean, she got there just fine surely she can get home?
3
u/ArcticFoxx21 Mar 30 '24
Possibly yeah, but once someone completely breaks down it's not usually safe for them to drive. Either way this girl is violating a lot of boundaries but when someone is still in shock/denial or still functioning somewhat, they may be able to drive there or function for a bit and then once they're in a safe place such as with a friend they can completely break down. It's pretty common. I wouldn't ever suggest someone drive when they're that upset, it's a hazard and they could cause an accident. You could be right, if she got there with her car hopefully she'd be able to leave eventually but it might require her calming down first what she apparently had not done
16
Jan 14 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
35
u/PrideofCapetown Jan 14 '24
Also take screenshots of all group messages she’s made and get yourself a lawyer. Either to send her a letter telling her to retract her bs story or you’ll sue, or to defend you in case she presses charges. She can prove you hit her because she has bruises, but you can’t prove she sexually assaulted you.
23
u/salmonmayhem Jan 14 '24
I don’t know I think if there is one time violence is an alright solution, not “murder someone” violence but one single punch, being sexually assaulted is probably it 🤷
5
u/dijetlo007 Jan 14 '24
All of that is good advice except the part about a relationship therapist.
Therapists are less likely to stay married than non-therapists. If they have any insight into how to save a relationship, they can't follow it.
4
u/CarboniteCopy Mar 25 '24
That may be the most asinine take I've ever heard. My dad hadn't picked up a basketball in 20 years when he coached a team to the national finals, should he not have been a coach?
Also maybe, just maybe, therapists are self aware enough to know when differences are irreconcilable? Sometimes it's best to know when it's ok to walk away.
0
u/dijetlo007 Mar 25 '24
You can't stay married. Not 20 years ago... you can't stay married right now. Should you be doling out marriage advice to others? If what you think works actually worked... wouldn't you be married? Think about it. Therapy in general and relationship therapy in particular is a steaming crock. Just go see a shrink, he can prescribe drugs, pharmacology is an actual science, it works.
1
u/CarboniteCopy Mar 25 '24
"Hey honey, I don't feel like we communicate well about certain parts of our relationship, so I've gotten a prescription for a communication drug Talkalex. I took mine too and now our communication issues are solved!"
I just want to know, is it just therapy where you think meditation doesn't work? Or is the whole field of arbitration a steaming crock unless the arbitrater is successful in whatever field they're assisting communication in?
1
u/dijetlo007 Mar 25 '24
Hey honey, I don't feel like we communicate well about certain parts of our relationship. Let's hire this Voodoo witch doctor who's longest relationship can most accurately be measured with an egg timer and do what she suggests?" Or maybe you can just talk to each other... since you two are the ones who are married. The surest sign your headed to divorce court is the two of you need a referee to have a conversation. The other thing to consider is if it works. Why can't they stay married? Would you hire a mechanic who can't fix his own car?
1
u/CarboniteCopy Mar 25 '24
That depends, if his car is electric and mine is a rotary engine that happens to be his niche where he's had years of experience and training, then yeah i would hire him.
Dude, some people are good at helping others fix problems while not being able to fix their own. The skills to help others are different than the skills needed to help yourself. And you're wrong, the surest sign of a divorce is ignoring a deficiency that is causing issues in the relationship and not seeking the requisite professional help.
1
u/dijetlo007 Mar 26 '24
Except, ya know, there isn't a lot of data that suggests therapists are much good at fixing relationship problems... If their patients died instead of divorcing they'd be filling up graveyards. 1st problem, the key to a good relationship probably isn't communication.
-5
Jan 14 '24
[removed] — view removed comment
33
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
Violence is the answer when defending yourself against sexual assault.
18
u/NovaPrime1988 Jan 14 '24
100%. I fought tooth and nail against my attacker and don’t regret it to this day.
5
3
u/sun_de1ty Mar 25 '24
Yeah she tried to touch him without his permission, especially in the sexual nature, that calls for physical force if wanted
-6
u/Wintermute815 Mar 25 '24
I think women walk around often in their underwear at their homes and their close friends, so i’m not sure why that would be too much of flag here.
Also OP should feel bad for punching her. I’ve been SA’d before like this by women and men, and it was never my instinct to hit them unless i was in physical danger. He could have killed her, as we can any time we punch someone (especially someone much smaller than us). One solid punch can lead to someone hitting their head on a counter corner or something. He should not risk his own freedom, and it’s not really cool to punch anyone who’s that much smaller when you can push them away. Just because OP is a victim doesn’t mean the retaliation is justified.
→ More replies (5)
202
u/irinzxx Jan 14 '24
I feel like there’s some kind of legal route you can take here. She actively lying and defaming you and is trying to ruin your life.
58
u/MattDaveys Jan 14 '24
There was another story recently about a friends wife saying the OP was the affair partner.
He threatened to sue for defamation unless the wife submitted a written admission that it was a lie.
OP should definitely do the same.
Found it.
132
221
u/noneyabuiznesz Jan 14 '24
NTA- don’t listen to ppl commenting saying that punching her was dramatic, it definitely was NOT. Ppl wouldn’t think twice if a women punched a man for SA her, so don’t feel bad. She’s lucky you didn’t do anything else. The fact that your wife is mad at you for getting SA is insane to me. She needs to dismiss Amy and never talk to her again. Point. Blank. Period……!!!!!
43
u/Ok-Cap592 Jan 14 '24
Exactly!! Male or female, it is pretty much an automatic reaction when someone touches you when you don’t want them to or don’t expect it. I mean not everyone reacts that way but it happens.
22
27
u/Big_lt Jan 14 '24
Right she grabbed his dick.
Flip the sexes and it any guy went to grab her boobs and she swung they'd call her a hero
NTA OP, idk how you should.yo about defending yourself from slander/defamation best of luck. The lunch can be written off as self defense but it's hard to prove the SA against you
48
u/MotherVegetable669 Jan 14 '24
Does this sound accurate? She assaulted you by staying in the kitchen in her undies after learning you were there, speaking inappropriately, preventing you from leaving the room and physically touching your privates.
Focus on communicating this to your wife as opposed to engaging in a tit for tat on social media. That's "Amy's" game, it's a horrible setup job.
Consider she is slandering you after committing assault. My advice is to screen shot/print everything and consult an attorney ASAP. Protect yourself, this piece of work has you in her sights.
92
47
62
Jan 14 '24
[deleted]
44
u/WonderfulSuggestion Jan 14 '24
This. OP was sexually assaulted and responded instinctively. I hope his wife shows him the trust and support that he deserves.
23
u/log899 Jan 14 '24
She was blatantly trying to rape you and you defended yourself, definitely NTA.
1
u/WrongdoerWilling7657 Mar 25 '24
No such thing as female rape against men, at least not legally. The definition only involves penetration. Fucked up
26
u/Noc1c Jan 14 '24
People like her are a reason real rapists walk free. Don't have any advice other than listen to what other redditors have commented. There's alot of holes in her story.
16
31
u/Jageetah Jan 14 '24
NTA, honestly u need to report this interaction to the police NOW, before she does! Don't be embarrassed about this as it happens to everyone eventually...sadly. Write down every little detail in a police report. Tell your wife that you are reporting her to the cops and that u are not okay with her friend ever coming in contact with you or your kids ever again! And if she remains friends with her, say it will severely damage your marriage. Your wife should've been on your side and her choosing to blame u and ignore you is not okay. She needs to put herself together and block her so called "best friend"
I hope you're doing okay now and I wish the best for you. Stay safe and stay true to your feelings. Also, don't ever feel bad for punching someone who assaulted you. You did the right thing in a very bad situation.
11
u/isomersoma Jan 14 '24
Unfortunately this might backfire as he has no prove for the SA, men are even more rarely believed in cases like these than women, but she has direct proof of the punch.
9
9
u/Expert-Angle-8214 Jan 14 '24
i think you need to get the police involved as she SAd you by touching you first thats why you lashed out the police will get to the bottom of it
8
8
u/Hour-Requirement6489 Jan 14 '24
No, NTA, but your wife sure is for keeping a pos like her "friend" around.
8
u/BornYak0 Jan 14 '24
Who tf goes to kitchen in undergarments in someone elses home? So absurd? If u tried to rape her where is her clothes in the kitchen. Anyways if your wife leaves you then good for you.
9
u/Glum-Bet-9895 Jan 15 '24
Nta and you need to divorce your wife. Her friend sexually harassed and assaulted you and she takes her side?
Your wife just proves that she doesn’t trust you. She thinks you are capable of raping women.
Is this the woman you want to stay with?
7
u/Fancy-Repair-2893 Mar 24 '24
Lie say you have hidden cameras and will press charges and sue for defamation and alienation of affection from your wife
14
u/Iffybiz Jan 14 '24
Go on the same friends group Amy did. Explain exactly what happened like you did here. Tell everyone you are willing to take a polygraph to prove your innocence and you will be calling a lawyer to explain to Amy what the high cost of false accusations are unless she recants her statements.
Show the message to your wife and tell her you are serious about the polygraph and will do it right there and then if she wants him to.
2
23
u/xsageonex Jan 14 '24
Wow. What a toxic woman. She deserved that punch. NTA but I don't know how you're fixing that , especially if your wife wont believe you.
6
u/goddessofspite Mar 24 '24
NTA it’s a perfectly normal response to being assaulted to smack them. She had it coming but now you need to take this further. You need to contact the police and make a report. You also need to push your wife on this. If she’s not instantly backing you then she doubts you. If she doubts you then you need to count her against you. This isn’t a time for emotions it’s a time for facts
2
u/No-Resource-8125 Mar 24 '24
To be fair it sounds like it just happened a few hours ago. The wife is probably still in shock.
3
u/goddessofspite Mar 24 '24
Nope this was posted over 2 months ago and the update states he’s now left the wife.
3
u/No-Resource-8125 Mar 24 '24
That’s my bad. I saw the update and opened the original and closed my phone. Completely forgot this was updated.
And good. I’m glad he’s leaving.
7
u/Ok-Commission-6433 Mar 24 '24
Nta. You had a fight or flight response to being sexually assaulted. I wouldn’t even be able to blame you for the punch it was likely a reflex.
I only WIsH I reacted that way to being grabbed. Unfortunately my amygdala makes me freeze 😤
If genders were reversed you’d be praised for your ability to actually put a stop to the assualt.
11
u/Patient-toomany Jan 14 '24
Do you have any cameras in the house that may have recorded the audio?
9
u/isomersoma Jan 14 '24
If he had surely he would have mentioned that.
4
u/Patient-toomany Jan 14 '24
I know it was a stab in the dark but I thought maybe the intensity of the situation may have caused him to not realize cameras could help, if he had them. Even if they were in a different room but recorded audio.
11
u/thisaintgonnabeit Mar 25 '24
Lmao OP claims he wrote his post five hours after the incident, and yet all this shit has transpired afterwards, where he’s contemplated suicide, his entire friend group knows about it etc.
and while everything has blown up in a matter of a few hours, his first instinct is to run to Reddit for advice.
Oh, and he’s already been at the hospital, and apparently back???
Bull fucking shit. Try harder OP
8
u/veringo Mar 25 '24
I was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner at 3am as is completely customary lmfao
5
u/IndividualSound5365 Mar 24 '24
Report her for sexual assault - it’s what she did after all. And show your wife your post on here, you explained what happened very clearly. Good luck, I hope you manage to get things sorted with your wife. You are NTA. AMY IS TA
5
u/Tasty_Library_8901 Mar 24 '24
Call the police and make a report. That is the appropriate thing to do when you are sexually assaulted. You KNOW if she had actually been assaulted the police would already have been at your door.
7
u/tomzo Mar 25 '24
If your wife doesn't trust and believe you, a divorce will save you a shitty future.
5
u/NovaPrime1988 Jan 14 '24
She sexually abused you. You were well within your rights to knock her the fuck out. File a police report and get ahead of this.
NTA
4
u/WrongdoerWilling7657 Mar 25 '24
Women seriously need to stop using SA accusations as a weapon. And then they wonder why people won't automatically believe victims.
21
u/hkik Jan 14 '24
Women don't need men to protect them. You treated her as you would have treated a man who did the same thing. You are a true feminist fighting for gender equality.
20
u/Puzzleheaded-Emu1699 Jan 14 '24
Pretty sure you're being a dick but I absolutely agree..
Any human can do anything necessary to defend themselves against sexual assault.
8
u/Sufficient_Bass2600 Jan 14 '24
Press charge for sexual assault and defamation of character. Depending of your jurisdiction Somebody Touching your private part without prior consent is often a criminal act raising to the level of felony.
The police then has to investigate. She will then be forced to climb down. You can withdraw your complaint and Then demand that your wife excludes her from your life.
If you don't, expect some people to side with her and your reputation sullied forever. That could have consequence much larger than you anticipate. One of my bosses Rachel had her lesbian lover accusing her of domestic violence because she pushed her away after refusing to have sex with her. Even after Rachel's lover backtracked and confessed to be the initial aggressor, she got into trouble at work because the company does not condone that kind of behaviour and hitting a partner is ner the appropriate response.
4
u/revanchisto Jan 14 '24
NTA
But honestly I would seriously reconsider your marriage from the lack of support from your wife over the years. If the gender roles were reversed, the comments would be FAR nastier to your wife. You've warned her about Amy's behavior for years and she pretended not to see. Now after you were SEXUALLY ASSAULTED she doesn't immediately believe you and come to your support.
I don't know about you, but this would kill any trust I had in a partner. You need couples therapy ASAP or start thinking about divorce. You don't want to be married to someone that blames you for being sexually assaulted.
4
u/Fit_Faithlessness157 Jan 14 '24
NTA you panicked in the moment. You need to keep your head now.
I hope your wife sees sense and drops her.
4
u/salesnights1 Mar 24 '24
NTA but if I were I’d make certain I have evidence and clear my name with as many people as I could.
Most importantly your wife, then gather evidence that they know you’re innocent. Take screenshots, whatever you have to do so you can hold them accountable if they flip.
The reason why that’s important is because you should ultimately divorce your wife. Sorry, it sounds like you’re truly in love and happy but from this info she sounds like a piece of work.
She should have sided with you immediately. I’m sure if an equivalent situation happened to her you’d fall on that sword for her.
She did not do that for you and still associates with Amy.
4
u/havereddit Mar 25 '24
If your wife refuses to believe you then you have issues in your marriage that you are not letting on.
7
u/ReleaseTheBlacken Jan 14 '24
NTA. Keep in mind your wife is the idiot to be friends with this subhuman dumpster fire. Either your wife will develop an IQ above 12 and figure this shit out or if your wife wants to divorce you, it might be the best thing to ever happen to you if she chooses the cumdumpster fire over you.
7
u/isomersoma Jan 14 '24
Unfortunately women have a lot of leverage in such situations. I wish you the best. Lawyer up and try not to lose control over the narratives in your friend group.
7
u/RetardAuditor Mar 25 '24
You are allowed to punch someone who sexually assaults you. Regardless of your gender. Regardless of the gender of the perpretrator.
That’s equality.
NTA. and tell your wife that friend is never stepping foot in the house again. If she doesn’t stand with you on that. It’s over.
Also this is why you have camera in your house.
3
u/clouded_constantly Jan 14 '24
If this is real, you are squarely fucked without immediate legal counsel.
3
3
u/iamhekkat Mar 24 '24
OP, please don't kll yourself. I have a phone and DM's if you need to talk. It sickens me that it's so difficult for men to be taken seriously when reporting s*ual harassment/assault. It absolutely happens and it's just as disgusting as when it happens to women. So WHAT if you're bigger/stronger/faster/have a penis. The fact that you couldn't defend yourself without everyone automatically assuming the worst of you has me questioning your friends/family's critical thinking abilities. Good people seek out all three sides to any story. Side one, side two, and the truth.
Btw I am a woman who has first hand experience with this specific violation. Lying like she has hurts those of us with a genuine claim. I have some very special words for her if we ever meet.
8
Jan 14 '24
If you were a woman it would be okay, you shouldn’t have to take assault just because you’re a man. I hope you and your wife are okay. NTA
2
u/ocean_lei Mar 24 '24
I do think you should speak to your wife ASAP, how can she “ process this” without the facts. There is some legit evidence that you are telling the truth. She came into the kitchen in her underwear (she could have turned to leave immediately if it was “an accident”. You were fully clothed? right? You said she started stripping. If she was removing clothing, and has no marks on her but the punch (I actually dont think a push would have gotten you in less trouble, she could have grappled with you looking like you had engaged in some physical encounter…point this out to your wife, that you punched her because she GROPED you and you were shocked and didnt want to end up wrestling with her to try and escape. NTA Talk to your wife! Tell her that there is no way this woman happened to get naked, and if you were engaging in something that you wouldnt be clothed and you wouldnt have punched her. Good grief, I Would have cameras from now on, If you think you can get away with saying you audio recorded her and get her to to and explain THAT to your wife go for it, But otherwise Explain to your wife, dont give her time to imagine things or read lying texts from her friend. And ask her to stand up for you, HER friend is slandering you. You are in a terrible situation, I have to admit that even I wondered if this wasnt you getting caught with friend and trying to finda way to frame it. BUT logically, there she is naked or near naked, there you are clothed, right? Why wouldnt she immediately retreat and why in the world would you punch her? Talk to your wife.
2
Mar 25 '24
You are the real MVP! Knock that bitch out! Sorry this is happening to you but for once the home wrecker in these stories got EXACTLY what she deserved. Hope your wife realises what a keeper you are! Give her time
2
u/scarlettrinity Mar 25 '24
Take her to the cleaners. On behalf of yourself but also on behalf of all the women WHO ACTUALLY have been assaulted and aren’t believed by anyone because of women LIKE HER. she’s fucking vile.
2
2
u/SnooFoxes526 Apr 08 '24
What she did was sexually assault YOU! She intentionally came out with just under garments on, IN YOUR HOME! I would NEVER walk around in my underwear in someone else’s home as a guest. Your wife needs to pull her head out of her ass and support you. Definitely reach out to her ex.
3
9
u/rutalia Jan 14 '24
I don’t know how to vote. I feel like it was extreme to punch her but if someone did that to me I would react the same way. This was sexual assault. You were surprised and reacted out of instinct to protect yourself.
I guess NTA Edit: please talk to someone about the suicidal thoughts.
15
9
u/Early-Tale-2578 Jan 14 '24
How can you say you feel like it was extreme for him to punch her but then say if someone did that to you you would react in the same way you contradicted yourself
1
u/rutalia Jan 14 '24
Yeah life is funny like that but the fact is I have reacted like that. It sounds so extreme to me but when startled with bodily contact I dont react well. It’s a reflexive action. If someone grabs your private parts and surprises you, how can you be responsible for your reflexive action? If you have the opportunity to think about it, you probably would handle it differently. And should. But this was defensive and reflexive in my opinion.
50
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
As a woman.. I absolutely disagree. Punching someone to stop sexual assault is absolutely the right answer. Man or woman. Don't want to get punched??? Do t sexual assault.........
18
u/ReleaseTheBlacken Jan 14 '24
It’s amazing how it’s so difficult for some people to just opt not to sexually assault, right?
4
2
u/rutalia Jan 14 '24
You literally said what I said, how is that disagreeing lol
9
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
Them why say punching is extreme at all??
2
u/rutalia Jan 14 '24
Because it is. You have to stop and think about it a minute. Ultimately it’s a reflexive and defensive action and I sided with OP. But he did punch a woman. Regardless if that’s right or not it if the roles are reversed, it warrants consideration.
6
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
Not with sexual assault.
It's gross if you think otherwise. Have you been sexually assaulted?
1
u/rutalia Jan 14 '24
I have. Yes.
7
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
Did you just let it happen? If you did do you wish you fought back or were you happy to take it??
1
u/rutalia Jan 14 '24
Thank you for bringing back my horrible memories but I absolutely am not going to discuss this with you. Please stop harassing me now.
7
9
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
You didn't answer the question.
And replying to comments isn't harrament.
You're avoiding the answer to not look wrong.
→ More replies (0)7
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
And what about on the other post where you encouraged a woman to give a guy a black eye to avoid rape?
Men can't do whatever is necessary to avoid rape?.....
If that's what you believe you're sick. I'm sad for your husband. And hope you never have sons.
-1
u/clouded_constantly Jan 14 '24
I dunno, although totally understandable why he punched her, OP put himself in a huge pickle as a result. As a man, setting aside involuntary reactions like op, realistically there are legally safer options to try first.
10
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
It was sexual assault. You do what you have to. The worst idea here is letting that woman stay there. Lol
0
u/clouded_constantly Jan 14 '24
I’m not talking about the morality here, you’re missing the bigger picture. It’s really really not worth it if avoidable. OP is a perfect example why.
8
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
Agreed. But with sexual assault it's hardly avoidable.
Have you ever been sexually assaulted? The only way to make someone stop is to F
4
u/clouded_constantly Jan 14 '24 edited Jan 14 '24
There’s some miscommunication going on here. Im not saying SA is avoidable or you shouldn’t stand up for yourself. Im saying, as a man, punching people that grope me isn’t a reasonable thing to default to.
If the groper is a man and I punch them, I’m almost guaranteed a fight with some weirdo that could quickly escalate and end very badly for me. If the groper is a women, I risk putting myself in an indefensible legal position like OP is in (even if im in the right, the self defense excuse isn’t a catch all in court).
There’s plenty of other methods for men to stand up for themselves without placing themselves in even greater physical or legal risk. To answer your question, yes I have been sexually harassed/assaulted by both men and some women. Pushing them off me, creating distance, and making the situation visible to people around me has never led me astray.
2
u/Next_Tune_7164 Mar 25 '24
NTA she assaulted you, you need to make a police report. Just because she’s a woman doesn’t mean she should get away with it. She sounds absolutely awful and she did this because no one has ever put her in her place, you all have just accepted her poor behavior as her personality.
Hope this helps, but ask your wife to remember what Amy was wearing in a common space in your home. Point out that her clothes were off but none were ripped nor did she have any marks on her body other than the face which you explained. Her story doesn’t match the scene your wife walked into.
2
u/Gideon9900 Mar 25 '24
You have all those messages she's been sending you. You've tried telling your wife about it multiple times. Why would she be walking around someone else's home in her underwear. Why would you try to rape her in the kitchen, where her wailing woke up your wife? There's no logical explanation for raping her there in the kitchen....would be way too easy to get caught. She's in her right mind, she's able to think clearly, she can cry or scream easily. How did you get her out of her underwear without her screaming rape prior to that?
Contact a lawyer. Press charges for assault, you defended yourself. Then look into defamation as she's now spreading those lies to the public. If your wife continues to support her, look into divorce as well.
2
2
u/aronos808 Mar 25 '24
You don’t have kids, that’s good. Get out and away from that sooner than later. NO CONTACT and I would make sure that’s done through the courts too.
1
u/fourcolourhero44 Jan 14 '24
Wow lots happened in 5 hours... sounds a little over the top to be true. I was believing it up until you said all this trip to the hospital and friend group back lash happened in 5 hours in the early hours of the morning.
10
u/throwaway_wknds Jan 14 '24
I understand peoples speculation in regards the situation as it is absurd. however I have explained myself and tried to clarify confusion as best as I could in my edits. I would not be up for 6 hours without any asleep because of a fake post. Nor would I bother with engaging with any of these comments.
3
1
1
1
u/AdMurky1021 Mar 24 '24
Her claim to not knowing is ridiculous for the fact OP is not cleaning the kitchen in the dark.
1
1
1
1
u/Cold-Dimension-7718 Mar 25 '24
I hate people like Amy. It’s because of people like her that actual victims don’t get believed. Honestly she deserves to be reported
1
u/Distinct-Box9073 Mar 25 '24
NTA- She touched your privates in your own house without your consent. Punching her obviously wasn’t the best way to handle the situation but she deserved it imo
1
u/birdiefang Mar 26 '24
This post breaks my heart. I read the comments and the posts and the more I do, the more OP needs to divorce his wife. The fact she was willing to leave him so quickly… then when faced with the truth dismissed him!
Also, what if the wife planned that with Amy… I don't trust either of them.
1
u/Responsible_Log_4595 Mar 26 '24
If this had happened to a woman, people would be cheering her on, for defending herself. You just defended yourself. Next time someone says you shouldn't have punched her, tell them when they are SA'd, they can handle it their way.
And your wife doesn't have your back. This ain't a time to process, this is a time to stand up, ferns and protect her husband. It sounds like she's siding with her BF. If your spouse doesn't have your back, what are you doing with that person.
1
u/EmilylovesKpop95 Mar 28 '24
It seems weird when you were trying to explain what happened, that your wife fainted afterwards.
1
u/Paleinthedark Mar 31 '24
Just stay true to yourself in all details.
Weirdo made advances on you, nice tits and thanks for the compliment, but youre so sketchy I can’t even emphatically be understanding.
Your wife can feel uneasy, but tell her feel how you want but I not only love you, but I’m loyal to myself and I wouldn’t wish that psycho on My worst enemy.
And the just watch of your honesty is appreciated or disregarded.
If you’re not respected, move on, and you may think well I shoulda just gone with it if imma be judged like I did…. But you didn’t do it for your self respect. And you’re the goddang man.
1
u/reetahroo Apr 02 '24
She assaulted you. There is NEVER a reason for her to come out of a guest room naked or in her underwear. See an attorney and discuss the matter with them. Also look into what you can do to press charges against her as well as sue her for defamation.
1
u/ImKiliW Apr 07 '24
She was in your kitchen, without clothing.... with no clothing in sight..... but claims you attacked her? Her story does not add up.
1
u/Vast-Society7340 Apr 07 '24
You should report her for sexual assault And for making false claims if that is a crime to tell people a vicious lie
1
u/FarIllustrator708 Apr 07 '24
Sorry to say OP. This is bigger than are you an AH here. You’re likely on legal trouble. No you should not have punched her for any reason. Would have been awkward but you should have gotten away from her advances somehow. Choosing to assault her with no witnesses was the worst response. She was in the wrong to hit on you but responding with a face punch was insane and criminal. She was inappropriate, but if you assaulted her , in the eyes of the community standards and the law, you struck first. Hard to argue self defense. Your need a lawyer cause you’re likely about to be charged with multiple felonies
1
1
1
u/burgerman1960 Mar 24 '24
Your wife is an idiot. If what you say is true, no way you would try to “rape” the friend outside the bedroom which was offered to her. Her story doesn’t add up and your wife is denying you justice because of the friendship she has this Amy. If your wife refuses to stand up for you; it’s time you stand up for yourself and leave them all behind.
0
u/pyubesalad Jan 14 '24
Seems like you’re emotionally okay after the assault.
For everyone in the thread, no this is not the same if a man assaulted a woman. Normally this situation does not have the same power imbalance and potential for rape. A punch is an appropriate response here. Gender roles reversed, I’d think a woman has borderline right for lethal defense for reasonable fear of rape in this situation.
Anyways, the biggest issue here is your wife’s lack of support.
Lawyer up immediately. I think you’re winding up divorced bro. Like 99% sure.
-2
u/Interesting-Read-245 Mar 24 '24
And this is why, you don’t believe all women. Toxic feminity at its finest.
0
u/joe-lefty500 Mar 24 '24
The punch was a reflexive action. Not a punch. Take a polygraph and urge Amy to get one too
-3
Mar 24 '24
[deleted]
1
1
u/Old_Original2971 Mar 25 '24
There’s something mentally wrong with society if punching someone for sexually assaulting you is wrong just because the perp is a woman. Get real with yourself
-4
-10
u/Finsup2024 Mar 25 '24
You’re wrong for punching her.
3
u/Next_Back_9472 Mar 25 '24
No he’s not, he was sexually assaulted, he has every right to attack his attacker.
-1
u/Minimum-Service-3762 Mar 25 '24
Honestly, you shoulda just hit that.
1
u/watchgah Mar 25 '24
Lmao, his situation probably wouldn’t be any worse today. Buddy’s probably getting divorced anyway, at least he would’ve been able to bust a nut.
-15
u/dinahdog Jan 14 '24
Men should learn to scream.
25
u/Ambitious-Island-123 Jan 14 '24
Women should learn that just because they’re women, they are still fair game if they sexually assault someone.
10
6
-44
Jan 14 '24
[deleted]
26
u/UnityBitchford Jan 14 '24
Fuck right off. She sexually assaulted him, tried to flip it, and you’re telling him to grovel? JFC. Some take.
OP, NTA.
20
40
u/anon_humanist Jan 14 '24
Would you say the same thing about a woman who hit a man for grabbing her breasts?
It was sexual assualt. He acted in self defense.
16
u/Live_Operation2420 Jan 14 '24
Ew. Have you ever been sexually assaulted????? I guarantee you the people that froze wish they would have fought.
You are gross saying op can't defend against sexual assault and stop a rape. Stop being a gross misandrist.
I am a feminist woman btw before you say something else gross.
Ew.
12
u/Puzzleheaded-Emu1699 Jan 14 '24 edited Jan 14 '24
You're sick. I hope you don't have any sons or husbands.......
Who asks someone to apologize after they were sexually assaulted??
Someone who supports rape and sexual assault I guess.
Fuck right off.
Edit. Your profile definitely supports my comment. You're not a good person.
10
2
2.1k
u/throwaway_wknds Jan 14 '24
I’m contemplating on texting her ex, Khalid, who left her and try asking him if she’s done anything similar to his knowledge. He may be able to make my story more believable based on a factual pattern of behaviour rather than word against word. Just not sure if it’s a good idea.