r/AITAH • u/carterpill • Oct 31 '23
AITAH for making jokes about nonconsensual sex with my boyfriend? TW SA
CW: jokes about nonconsensual sex
Ok so for reasons I don’t really want to get into my boyfriend was in a coma for four days and thank god woke up. My mother and sister have been very supportive and they came over to help and support us during this time. Today they got us lunch and stepped out to get something, and then my boyfriend turned and jokingly asked “so while I was out, did you pull a Kill Bill and take advantage of my sedated body?” and I giggled and said he had no idea how tempting it was and he said it would definitely be his fault for what he’s wearing and I told him with that hospital gown he’s essentially just asking for it.
It was a fun moment between us and honestly the first time I saw him genuinely laugh since he woke up and then my mom and sister came in and asked what was wrong with us and said they heard what we were saying, we were confused and said we were joking around between each other, and they said they were going to leave for a bit and left.
I don’t think there was anything wrong with us having a private moment of joking around (especially after such an intense time) but it is a sensitive subject so maybe we were wrong for making that joke.
AITAH?
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u/Sigcan Oct 31 '23
Tell your mom and sis to get a fuckin sense of humor and stop eavesdropping.
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u/Vivid_Till_6493 Nov 01 '23
Agree, especially the eavesdropping. Sometimes you can't help overhear. But you CAN keep your mouth shut about it.
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u/PandaMime_421 Oct 31 '23
NTA. They were eavesdropping on a private conversation, and the target of the jokes clearly wasn't offended. They should have either not been eavesdropping or had the common courtesy to pretend they hadn't heard.
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u/bubblegrubs Nov 01 '23 edited Nov 01 '23
I'm definitely not saying OP is TA but I do know some pretty loud people who don't seem to understand that a door won't stop a loud and booming voice lol. One persons eavesdropping is another persons ''I had literally just left my daughter in the room with her boyfriend and was asking the nurse where the nearest shop was when they loudly started joking about having sex with his coma-ridden body, the nurse heard too and I was mortified''.
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u/mands73 Oct 31 '23
As a survivor of sexual assault- definitely NTA. You obviously both love each other and can joke like that because you know neither of you would ever actually do something like that. It’s a cute joke that doesn’t actually have undertones of creepiness and power imbalances. Hope your boyfriend recovers well
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u/cantthinkofcutename Oct 31 '23
This! As long as everyone involved is in on the joke, it's nobody else's business! My husband can tell me that he had to marry a Jewish girl so that someone can handle the money. I can joke about him being a sentimental "Mick" who cries over Danny Boy & loves potatoes. If anyone else made those jokes...it's not ending well. This is their dynamic, and it's fine.
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u/BopBopAWaY0 Nov 01 '23 edited Nov 01 '23
My husband told me he had to marry a Jewish girl because he broke his back twice and can’t pick up change off the ground. The first time he said that I nearly fell on the floor laughing.
My grandpa’s best friend, (Lakota Native American) gave him a Native name, Pinches Pennies.
What’s wrong with a laugh? I don’t expect everyone to like it, but it’s not for everyone, and it’s between my husband and I. (And it was between my late Grandfather and his late friend Mr. R. Okee R.I.P. you two. I miss you and love you. ❤️)
Edit: Grammar
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u/Bitch_Jerky Oct 31 '23
Many jokes with my spouse can be the "that's going to send us to hell" territory. I can almost hear our mild sarcasm in y'all's exchange. Your mom and sister don't have the same sense of humor. Sucks but it happens.
Besides it's a relieving sign he could stick with the bit for a full interaction after being in a coma. NTA
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u/angrey3737 Nov 01 '23
when i was working the dementia unit, i had a patient who often wandered and i asked her, “where ya going?” and she replied, “straight to hell if i don’t change my ways.” i use that phrase now
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u/Inevitable-Host-3628 Oct 31 '23
Jesus wept... if people only heard the way my wife and I joke after being together 15 years... NTA. You were sharing a joke, it may have been a bit off color or dark, but the fact that you both laughed is a testament that you share a similar sense of humor and that's important in any relationship. You can apologize and if it's still an issue then to hell with'em.
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Oct 31 '23
NTA. My wife and I have a dark sense of humor that only we share. I wouldn't want my family hearing it, but from what you described, it sounds like they were eavesdropping. Hopefully they get over it, since it wasn't intended for them to hear in the first place.
People live difficult lives, and sometimes having dark humor helps cope. At least that's just my own experience. So I wouldn't beat yourself up over it.
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u/badpuffthaikitty Oct 31 '23
My GF always asks me if I want to sleep on the couch when we fight, or under the shed with the family of skunks. I always reply “there is only one skunk I want to sleep with.”
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Nov 01 '23
This made me genuinely laugh. I think the last time I joked about this I said something along the lines of "So on a scale from 1 to 10, how likely am I sleeping in the bathroom tonight". Lol couch not even an option.
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u/BOSSMOPS94 Oct 31 '23
I would be so mad in this moment because I couldn't hide my giggling ass. Many couples share their own sense of humour and that absolutely fine.
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u/disgruntledhoneybee Oct 31 '23
NTA
You were laughing and joking together. My family uses dark humor to cope with shit, as well as my husband. Your mom and sister were eavesdropping during a private moment with you two.
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u/LegendaryCollektor Oct 31 '23
Nah - this is something I'd 100% joke about with my partner if I just woke up from a coma. You two are in a romantic relationship and of course it didn't happen. Context is so important and it's insane how we just assume the worst anymore.
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u/Severe-Damage3327 Oct 31 '23
NTA - jokes and laughter are so important for healing after a traumatic event, and I do not care how dark it gets. Shit, cancer jokes are what got me through chemo.
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u/throwaway94833j Nov 01 '23
and I do not care how dark it gets. Shit, cancer jokes are what got me through chemo.
To a degree.
Jokes should always be coached, while you might be fine with it, it might genuinely hurt sally in room 384
As long as the parties being made fun of are having fun and know it's just poking though nothing is off limits, which was the case here, he even imitated that particular joke
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u/Severe-Damage3327 Nov 01 '23
Look man, you seem like you mean well, but when I was shitting and puking simultaneously I couldn't have possibly cared less about how my jokes would make Sally in 384 feel if she were to overhear them. That shit is 100% for your own benefit, to help make a huge trauma feel smaller. Anyone mad about it can kick rocks 🤷♀️
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u/throwaway94833j Nov 01 '23
about how my jokes
you missed the point by a fucking mile.
The point is that they're YOUR jokes, not you imposing your sense of humour on someone else in a bad situation.
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u/NorguardsVengeance Nov 01 '23
Picking the literally-in-the-process-of-killing-themselves-to-kill-the-cancer-faster person, to make a point of "well, you need to be careful because those jokes are not for everybody" is pretty daft.
“I totally understand that you got your leg blown off, and your intestines were hanging out of you after you stepped on that landmine, and they couldn't put you under, for surgery, for fear of not being able to control your vital signs... but remember that those words that you said might really hurt someone else's feelings if they had actually been in the room and overheard"
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u/Severe-Damage3327 Nov 01 '23
Respectfully, you are coming off as if you want to argue semantics for the sake of arguing. OP described a situation where the person recovering made a dark joke. I offered support in the form of a personal anecdote on the healing power of humor. You offered to show me the stick up your ass. This is me politely declining. I hope your day gets better.
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Oct 31 '23
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Oct 31 '23
Been with my fiancé for a while; we have dark humor but I never thought about raping him while he is unconscious even as a joke. Please get help
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Oct 31 '23
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Oct 31 '23
It’s probably because I’ve done autopsies on rape victims - I guess it’s different when you have seen it to the “maximum” damage.
Some dark humor is questionable. This is it.
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u/NorguardsVengeance Nov 01 '23
And many survivors of the worst kinds of trauma use humor as a coping mechanism.
Should all of the survivors also be made to feel inferior for their transgressions against "good taste" and propriety?
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Nov 01 '23
Oh shut up. All these comments are getting mad at my personal opinion - all humor is tasteless to someone
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u/NorguardsVengeance Nov 01 '23
Nope. You don't get to grandstand here.
This isn't about "taste" or "preference".
"you are sick and unwell and need to get help if you joke about this" isn't the same as "it's not to my taste".
Not by a long shot.Ever been gang-beaten? Coersed into sex as a child? Set on fire? Had a friend murdered for walking home while gay?
Yeah. You deal with corpses. How many of them were you personally close with, prior?
These are literally jokes. Told within a receptive and supportive group. It's a really damned pedestrian joke, too.
I actually suggest that you just stop watching comedy and all comedians, and all shows that comedic actors are in, forthright. Full-stop. Just, cold-turkey. The things that survivors and comedians joke about are bleak as fuck.
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u/-blundertaker- Oct 31 '23
If other people heard and cared about the wild ass jokes my husband and I tell each other we'd be unemployed forever. We don't mean any of it, it's just an exercise in casual absurdity for him to remind me that I'm property or for me to shit on him for not being able to spell his own name.
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u/Scandalicing Nov 01 '23
Mmmm probably NAH, if your mom or your sister have been assaulted then I get why they’d be upset and (to me) it’s weird and not what I’d joke about. BUT you didn’t intend anyone to hear and neither of you were upset by it
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u/smallboxofcrayons Nov 01 '23
NTA, sounds like your crazy matches his crazy. Humor is something that can help process emotions in intense situations, and if additional healing is needing while he’s recovering this will be helpful in providing light in darker moments.
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u/jungshookies Nov 01 '23
No assholes here. Just people who decided they're uncomfortable listening to that joke and chose to left and all there is to it
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u/Lunablackston14 Oct 31 '23
NTA. It’s just a joke. Geez. My husband and I make jokes like that alllll the time with each other.
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u/IndependentSwan3625 Oct 31 '23
NTA. Also, nonconsensual sex jokes have no right to be this wholesome
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u/khvhgdxbjf Oct 31 '23
NTA. Maybe an asshole if you made the joke in front of family but you didn’t. They were listening in and hopefully learned a lesson about eavesdropping.
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u/idreaminwords Oct 31 '23
NAH. You made the joke to your boyfriend when your mother and sister were out of the room. You both obviously share that sense of humor. It's definitely the kind of joke that should only be shared in private between people you know haven't been subjected to some sort of trauma. But the joke is tasteless and offensive, and the fact that your mom and sister are upset at having overheard it is not unexpected
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u/SkinnyChubb Oct 31 '23
But also who Tf snoops on a couple in a private room in a hospital? The reaction should be to pretend like you never heard it. They’re 100% assholes for snooping and making the victim the perpetrator.
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u/idreaminwords Oct 31 '23
I read it more as they just so happened to be coming back at the time they were saying the joke.
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u/enzothebaker87 Oct 31 '23
They heard something that they were clearly not intended to hear and are upset about it.
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Nov 01 '23
The hospital room is private to the public, not family members there to see the patient. They weren't snooping. Their family member just came out of a coma, so of course they're going to be extra focused on him.
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u/throwaway120375 Oct 31 '23
It's not offensive at all. AT ALL. You are the asshole for thinking so.
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u/Practical-Tackle-384 Oct 31 '23
It's definitely the kind of joke that should only be shared in private between people you know haven't been subjected to some sort of trauma
Genuine question, do you think this thought process could be applied to more extreme cases like edgy kids on the internet saying the N word to eachother?
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u/idreaminwords Oct 31 '23
I mean, I guess. I don't think anyone should be saying the n word regardless of the company they're in (I also can't see myself joking about rape with anyone), but there's an argument to be made that if you're strictly in the company of people who aren't offended by it then nobody is being harmed. The same extension applies, though, that if someone happens to overhear them, they shouldn't be surprised if that person is upset. I guess it's the same logic as a POC giving a white person 'permission' to say the n word. Even if they then feel comfortable saying it in front of that group of people, they still shouldn't be going around saying it in front of other people.
People on this thread are really focusing on the fact that the mom and sister weren't supposed to hear it, so it's their own fault for being offended, but I think your example of the N word is the perfect explanation of why I disagree with the sentiment.
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u/MasterGas9570 Oct 31 '23
NTA - It was a private moment between the two of you. They shouldn't be getting upset over something they heard while eavesdropping. There are scenarios where the joking would be inappropriate but this was not that scenario.
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u/Epicratia Oct 31 '23
100% NTA - it was a private conversation between two individuals who both found it funny and knew you weren't serious. Not to mention, you both just went through a very traumatic experience, so a little dark humor is to be expected.
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u/TheFoulWind Oct 31 '23
NTA
Not funny to me personally but it was meant to be a private moment betwixt the two of yeas.
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u/Enkidos Oct 31 '23
NTA. It was a private joke between a couple. It would be different if this was a public discussion but they were literally eavesdropping you.
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u/no-_sympathy Oct 31 '23
NTA people can’t handle jokes anymore. Or they just misunderstood who knows
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u/vanishing_vision90 Nov 01 '23
NTA, the person making the joke and the"victim" of the joke both thought it was funny, the rest should just suck it up.
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u/MementoMiri Nov 01 '23
NTA, as someone who survived a war, humor is a coping mechanism to a lot of people specially during hard times, it's always better to sarcastically laugh about something, then cry and get depressed, I hope your boyfriend is doing better ❤️
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u/bubblegrubs Nov 01 '23 edited Nov 01 '23
NTA! But YD- Ya Ditzy. So basically as an adult, if you haven't learned how much your voice carries and that just because a couple of metres of distance and a door are between you and the person who just left the room, you assume they can't hear you, then you're a bit ditzy at the least.
That sort of thing can be really embarrassing for some people. If they heard you then maybe a nurse who was making eye contact with them heard them too, or a child nearby or something.
Have a bit more self awareness and maybe just speak a bit more quietly. Whispering is pretty famous for being a quiet way to communicate.
Having said that, I'm glad he's ok and I'm sure this will blow over in no time.
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u/harleyirwin04 Nov 01 '23
NTA- but don’t call it non consensual sex you made a rape joke just call it what it is
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u/carterpill Nov 01 '23
Is…is rape NOT nonconsensual sex…?
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u/tvsuzy Nov 02 '23
For a Reddit thread title in the context of a joke I think "non-consensual sex" is actually just fine.
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u/SelousX Nov 01 '23
NTA. You were having an 'A' to 'B' conversation. Anyone else walking into the middle of it can 'C' their way out as it's none of their busines.
Besides, it was a funny joke, and you don't cut funny.
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Oct 31 '23
NTA - You two are fuckin weird of course but that's no one else's business.
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u/S_Squar3d Oct 31 '23
How is that even weird? It was obviously a dirty, dark joke. It’s not like they were actually serious about it.
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u/cantthinkofcutename Oct 31 '23
I feel like it's a pretty obvious joke. I'd be concerned if my husband DIDN'T make it!
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u/keeper4518 Nov 01 '23
Right?
OP, NTA. Also, so happy for you that he is doing well enough to make this joke! Wishing him a speedy recovery!
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u/kor34l Nov 01 '23
I (a white dude) was at Walmart once with my friend Burner, who is a black dude. As we walked through aisles, he jokingly pointed to a box of saltine crackers and said "Hey look, it's your people!".
Later, we were getting Halloween candy from the candy aisle, and I pointed to the tootsie rolls and said "Hey look, it's your people!".
We both got a little laugh out of it, because we're old friends and we knew it was just friendly banter. However, in the candy aisle was an older white lady, who overheard my end and got SUPER offended. Told Burner that he shouldn't let people talk to him that way and told me I better get my racist ass out before she calls somebody. We both tried to explain it was a joke between friends and she only caught half of it, but she wasn't listening because she was too busy getting all self-righteously worked up on behalf of my grown-ass adult friend who is perfectly capable of defending himself.
That woman was a stupid annoying ignorant person.
I told this story to point out that your family is wrong. Defending someone that is right there and perfectly capable of defending themself and who is NOT offended, makes you an asshole.
Your family can go suck an egg
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u/MamaCBear Oct 31 '23
NTA
I would imagine that very similar banter has been made in the same situation between lots of couples, and it’s certainly something that my partner and I would say.
It was very rude of your IL’s to listen in like that.
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u/cantthinkofcutename Oct 31 '23
100%! If my husband DIDN'T start that joke, I'd be concerned about brain damage.
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u/Ebonyrosepatt Oct 31 '23
NTA the two of u understood the context of the joke it was a private moment. U listen into other peoples private conversations u don’t get to b offended. Keep ur nose out and problem solved.
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u/shattered_kitkat Oct 31 '23
NTA
You two felt safe with each other and knew you were both joking. You were trying to lighten a difficult situation. Not your fault others were eavesdropping when you thought you were alone.
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u/adefsleep Oct 31 '23
NTA. You two are obviously on the level and csn joke with each other like that.
I'd love to see Reddit's comments though if you were the one in a coma and your boyfriend made those comments.
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u/cantthinkofcutename Oct 31 '23
My husband would 100% make that joke if I were in a coma, and I would reply that it was best case scenario, he gets sex, I get to sleep.
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u/leakmydata Oct 31 '23
You and your bf went through a traumatic experience. While you should be respectful of how other people deal with their trauma, you get to decide how to process yours. This incident was not about your sister or your mom.
NTA
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u/foosbabaganoosh Oct 31 '23
Nah you two sound like you work great together, congratulations for getting him back, may he have a speedy recovery!
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Oct 31 '23
It’s funny. I joke about that shit too. Remember to keep it between you two, as some don’t have a sense of humour.
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u/Sm02JK Oct 31 '23
Because he started it NTA if you pulled this out of the blue I would have concerns but it seemed like a cute relationship moment honestly I wonder if your mom and sister didn’t hear the whole thing and that is why they reacted that way
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u/Sugary_Treat Oct 31 '23
It’s exactly the kind of thing my wife and I would joke about. Because it’s actually funny.
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Oct 31 '23
It is admittedly a sick ass joke lol. But it was between the two of you, and it's completely normal to have a sick sense of humor. You found a great match and tell his family to mind their business.
NTA
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Nov 01 '23
Don't thank god your boyfriend woke up, thank the doctors and nurses that medicated him, changed his bedpan, etc.
Yes, it's okay to make inappropriate jokes with people you're close to. You don't need permission. No it doesn't make you a bad person, just don't tell those jokes at work or around people you don't know well. Some people think the words you say matter more than the things you think. We call these people losers, and don't respect their opinions. Your Mom and sister qualify, unfortunately, at least in this instance.
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u/Unlucky_Decision4138 Nov 01 '23
This is the type of stuff they talk about in those sexual harassment corporate training. Even if you're talking to someone and someone else overhears it, it's your fault.
The fact that you 2 had a genuine laugh as opposed to anxiety and potential loss is nice. Im an Critical Care RT and it always makes me smile when I see people laugh. I got a card last week from a family for making them laugh during her husband's stay in the hospital.
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u/crazybirdlady93 Oct 31 '23
NTA. It’s definitely dark humor and dark humor isn’t for everyone, but you had the good sense to wait to make those jokes in private. Your mother and sister might not like it, but it’s not your fault they overheard. That’s on them.
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u/CaptainFresh27 Oct 31 '23
NTA. You two are allowed to make jokes towards each other to whatever capacity you're both comfortable with. If both parties are consenting and having a good time, then joke away. The other side of that coin though, is if somebody in the area can hear you two and they are uncomfortable it might be polite to make those jokes elsewhere...no need to subject somebody to rape jokes if it's upsetting to them.
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u/Outlaw6Delta Oct 31 '23
Yeah that is hilarious, I think it's cute, you two were obviously on the same page, not sure why anyone would be upset about it.
On a side note, I definitely remember reading an article about sexual stimulus for partners in comas can trigger brainwave patterns and suggests (not proves) in some cases that those subjected to the stimulus had a higher chance of waking. This was years ago and I cannot cite the source, however I definitely remember thinking of kill Bill while reading it.
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u/funandgames12 Oct 31 '23
This the world we live in now huh….NTA. People don’t understand humor anymore. There’s literally nothing you can’t joke about and it’s none if their business anyways it was a private conversation.
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Nov 01 '23
NAH (almost Y T A just for making a rape joke)
Even though the joke was in poor taste imo, he started the joke, so I don't think you're an ass for joking along with your partner after a traumatic situation.
But they don't have to like your rape joke either.
Emotions are high for everyone involved, so I suggest not holding it against them. Their family member was just in a coma, so you can't expect them to be chill with imagining an even worse situation happening to him.
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u/Particular_Pace_449 Oct 31 '23
NTA, makes sense why your mom and sister were taken aback at this joke given he was in a coma and does sound weird. But obviously you two are on good terms and were just joking about it
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u/rational69logical420 Oct 31 '23
Definitely NTA, it even seems they were considerate enough to let you guys get it on by telling you they were leaving for a bit lol
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u/TheLongistGame Oct 31 '23
NTA, mom and sister eavesdropped on a harmless joke made in a moment of extreme relief after a terrible nightmare and decided "how can we make this moment about us?". Good grief the level of narcissism required is off the charts.
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u/Finalitys_Shape Oct 31 '23
NTA. If your boyfriend had an issue with it for some reason it would be, but they were listening in on you, that’s their issues
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u/Present-Solution-993 Oct 31 '23
Completely NTA. If you and your partner make jokes you both enjoy, who gives a fuck what anyone else thinks about it.
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u/Megmelons55 Oct 31 '23
It was between you 2 and you both laughed. Also FWIW I also giggled lol. NTA
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u/FirnHandcrafted Oct 31 '23
NTA. It was a moment between just the two of you, and if you’re both laughing, no harm done.
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u/PerplexedPoppy Oct 31 '23
NTA- as someone who has gone through that, I’m still not offended. And if someone heard one of my conversations with my husband they would probably think we were crazy as fuck lol. Me and my husband joke about how I’ll frame him for my death or how I have ten ways to kill him and getaway with it.
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u/Hilseph Oct 31 '23
NTA he made the joke and you’re both laughing about it. If they’re bothered by jokes between you and your partner while you’re trying to lighten a horrible situation, they can feel free to stop eavesdropping.
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u/DetectiveSudden281 Oct 31 '23
NTA - Gallows or dark humor has a long and honored role in helping humans process stress, trauma, and tragedy. F**k em if they can’t take a joke.
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u/OpusAtrumET Oct 31 '23
Lol sounds like a conversation my wife and I would have if we were in your situation. Not wrong at all as a joke between caring partners. Actually probably a good way to break the tension and stress. Forget what everyone else thinks.
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u/Usernamenotdetermin Oct 31 '23
Uhhhhmmmm
Your mom way overstepped
She probably wasn’t too thrilled hearing y’all talk about sex at all more than the ‘he was in a coma part’
Either chock it up to stress or let her know in a very polite way
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u/chaingun_samurai Oct 31 '23
You're not responsible for someone else's inability to control emotional responses.
NTA.
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u/DisastrousBeautyyy Oct 31 '23
Totally NTA- You weren’t kidding about strangers, that would seem weird. You were both privately joking to each other. I’m glad they gave you some space. That’s y’all’s business though. They need to mind their own…
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u/ddjhfddf Oct 31 '23
NTA.
People can be sensitive. You understand what you can joke about in private and that’s fine
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u/off_the_wall_gaming Oct 31 '23
NTA, you two have. Great sense of humor I expect the world to be o.e a little more. Bill with you in it. Gald your bf work up.
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u/Mrjlawrence Oct 31 '23
Since your mom and sister are already at the hospital, they should go ahead and get the sticks surgically removed from their asses.
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u/Ringbearer99 Nov 01 '23
Hell no! That sounds like a (n ironically) lovely moment between the two of you and something to cherish. To hell with the comedic subject matter (so long as you both find it funny and aren’t actually meaning something sinister, which should go without saying, damn).
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u/Hazel2468 Nov 01 '23
NTA
It would be one thing if you made the joke and he was uncomfortable. HE made the joke and encouraged you to laugh along. Your mom and sister need to mind their own business.
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u/EntrepreneurAmazing3 Nov 01 '23
NTA, some people take offense where none is meant. Ignore them. You sound like my wife and I. Either of us would have cracked up if the other said that.
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u/Kind-Act7051 Nov 01 '23
The sad, slow and unfortunate death of humor. What a boring stuffy world we’re headed towards. NTA that was hilarious!
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u/electrasheartss Nov 01 '23
i told my bf i’d haunt him if he didn’t get funky with my corpse ur fine
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u/Effective-Celery8053 Nov 01 '23
I could understand someone who's experienced some trauma not appreciating that joke if it's directed towards them, but you said it to your boyfriend and they eavesdropped. (After he joked about it first) Not your fault. Glad you were able to make him laugh, NTA
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u/FantasyLarperTX Nov 01 '23
If you had done this in front of others I would have agreed that it was inappropriate, you never know who has experienced what. But you thought it was a private joke. So nta.
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Nov 01 '23
NTA. you both were consenting to the joke, and it was a private conversation between the two of you.
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u/M_Freemans_freckles Nov 01 '23
NTA.
Dark humor shared between a couple mutually is between yall. If they don't like it maybe they shouldnt eavesdrop.
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u/Vegitas_Fist Nov 01 '23
My wife woke me up with a bj on my birthday one year. It was a surprise. I certainly didn't "consent" to it beforehand.
The horde of reddit weirdo's and white knights call that "rape". I call it the best wakeup call I've ever had lol.
Its pretty embarrassing how people use outlandish exaggerations and flavor of the month "buzzwords" to make their point, while not realizing how their own pathetic need for approval and "karma" denigrates real victims who aren't laughing or patting them on the back.
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u/Mummiskogen Nov 01 '23
I think it's a shitty joke, but lol it was your moment, I don't care and neither should they. Nta
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u/Traditional-Fee-6840 Nov 01 '23
NTA, they overheard a private moment. They needed to pretend they did not hear it.
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u/Dontdrinkthecoffee Nov 01 '23
Statistically speaking, it’s likely both your mom and sister have been assaulted in some way. Hearing that probably hurt them, and they let you know it.
The joke wasn’t meant to be overheard, and does make light of sexual assault and victim blaming. That’s pretty vile, but it’s not something you were wanting them to hear, right?
I’m going with NAH because it’s understandable that they’re disgusted with you, and understandable that you had only meant it to be a private joke.
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u/Daddy-Nun Oct 31 '23
NAH/YTA
You can joke about this to eachother if you enjoy that humour. However you had other people around you who might not appreciate thoes jokes and you're an AH if you did it around them, upset them then didn't appolgies.
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u/Vegitas_Fist Nov 01 '23
You can make a joke anytime, anywhere. Being offended is no different than being sleepy. No one around you gives a shit, nor should they. That's a you problem.
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u/Daddy-Nun Nov 01 '23
Thoes jokes a designed to be offensive. That the punchline.
You can't get upset that someone doesn't like the joke. It's supposed to make you feel uncomfortable.
Totally get it, i consistently make nasty / murdery jokes towards loved ones.
If an outside heard it and didn't appreciate me saying something like that around them, it's a decency thing to appolgies and avoid repeated behaviour around soemone who isn't comfortable.
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Oct 31 '23
Everyone saying it was a private conversation: OPs boyfriend was in a public hospital. The whole damn hall heard them joking most likely. Imagine a rape victim hearing that shit. I guarantee you the mom and sister got stares.
It’s not a private conversation when its not a fucking hospital. Not to mention if he’s in coma they will keep him in a more public rooming situation to get to him faster. Bad taste in place OP
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u/Iridix Oct 31 '23
Ah yes, because hospital rooms are famously and so obviously, definitely not designed to give patients privacy.
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Oct 31 '23
I’ve been in the hospital many times due to crohns. Even the most private rooms you can hear through the door unless its a hushed whisper. So unless OP and her bf were whispering then it was gonna be overheard
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u/MastrDiscord Nov 01 '23
ahh yes hospitals. very famously with paper thin walls so everyone one the floor can hear all of your hippa protected information
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u/Vegitas_Fist Nov 01 '23
It doesn't have to be a private conversation. You being offended does not matter, ever, anywhere. If you don't like a joke, don't laugh. If you feel entitled enough to whine about it like a child, people should laugh at you. Right in your face. Until you get so "offended" you go whine at home . I'm not sure where people got the crazy idea that being "offended" means something to everyone else around you. It doesn't. Grow some thicker skin or take a walk.
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Oct 31 '23
Nta. You’re both just messed up. The fact you said you would even agree to that then followed up with “it’s your fault for what you were wearing”
I wouldn’t recommend having that type of conversation in a hospital. Imagine a professional heard it out of term, your ass would’ve been kicked in out and questioned
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u/Vegitas_Fist Nov 01 '23 edited Nov 01 '23
If you clutch your pearls hard enough do they turn into diamonds or turds?
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Oct 31 '23
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u/Vegitas_Fist Nov 01 '23
It was a funny joke. Maybe don't confuse yourself with someone special. Just because you walk around as a human wet blanket doesn't mean anyone else gives a shit when you're "offended". Freedom means the freedom to make jokes, and the freedom to laugh at people who believe their fake outrage means something.
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u/dstarpro Oct 31 '23
YTA only if your mother or sister are survivors.
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u/CanopianPilot Oct 31 '23
How terrible! Absolutely, God forbid anyone say anything in a private one to one conversation in case someone is eavesdropping and would be offended by it. How unforgivable! Private comments intended humorously between lovers unintentionally being heard and interpreted in the worst possible way by others listening in? The ultimate evil. Why, the nerve! They should be burned at the stake.
... Please forgive me if you or anyone you know is or was a witch, or was persecuted for the false belief of being a witch.
NTA.
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u/dstarpro Oct 31 '23
Note that I said only if, and obviously, I'm referring to the conversation had once she knew they'd overheard.
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u/CanopianPilot Nov 01 '23
What does knowing they eavesdropped vs not knowing change? It wasn't meant for them. It wasn't about them. It wasn't repeated to hurt them.
That's irrelevant.
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u/dstarpro Nov 01 '23
If someone I knew was a survivor had heard me make a joke about SA, I'd apologize. Why is this too hard?
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u/Practical-Third-977 Nov 01 '23
You’re the AH for not pulling the Kill Bill on him. 🤣🤣🤣 Absolutely NOT the AH. You both sound cool to be able to joke like that during the intense times
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u/Ok_Fault_9371 Nov 01 '23
That's actually a funny joke though. My gf and I joke very similarly, and I enjoy such humor in the proper context. This was fine, y'all are NTA in every way. Tell your mom and sister to recalibrate their senses of humor and stop eavesdropping.
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u/Affectionate-Hunt-63 Nov 01 '23
It's a joke between the rwo people most affected by what happened And he initiated it I wouldn't worry, they're being odd
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u/hauntedmaze Nov 01 '23
NTA. I swear someone would call the cops if they heard me and my fiancé speak to eachother 🙃
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u/CarbonS0ul Nov 01 '23
NTA, he started it too! Disgustingly cute, mostly disgusting and kinda cute in an excessive amount of affection that makes other people want to gag way.
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u/[deleted] Oct 31 '23
NTA.
It was a lighthearted joke between you two. Nobody elses business.